by Dinah McLeod
“You can choose to disobey and disrespect your husband,” my father added. “And you will have to accept the consequences of that. It might be a spanking, or it might be that the two of you grow apart. If you choose to behave like that, you have to accept how your behavior affects your relationship.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I knew in my heart that he was right. If I was honest with myself, I knew he was right about everything. He had been right to help Ethan. Maybe I didn’t like the way he did it, and I did wish Ethan had come to me first, but now that I thought back on it I could see that he did try. He tried to tell me that he felt like I was getting short with him, and not doing the things I’d promised I would. He tried to tell me we needed to stop ordering out, and save money, but I’d wanted my own way, so I’d pretended it was OK and ignored his wishes.
“But what am I going to do?” I asked finally. “He isn’t…things have gone back to the way they were, before he talked to you.”
“You don’t seem any happier for it,” he observed.
“I don’t understand,” I admitted. “I am so confused. I thought this is what I wanted. But things are different between us. I miss the way things used to be.”
“You should talk to your husband,” my dad said again.
“I’ve tried! At least, I…”
“Have you talked to him, or have you been trying to show him with your actions how you feel?” I guess he knew by my silence what the answer was, because he plunged ahead. “Because if you’ve been picking fights to get his attention, if you’re trying to test him, he might not get the message.”
“It’s his stupid idea,” I muttered. “I shouldn’t have to help him.”
“Sara!” My mom exclaimed, shocked. “Do you want your marriage to be over?”
“Of course not,” I whispered. Just the thought made me heartsick.
“Then you need to go home, honey. You need to tell Ethan that you’re sorry, and that you want to fix things between you.”
“What if it’s too late?” I whispered. “I said some awful things to him, and I haven’t been very loving lately. Why would he even want me?”
“It’s not like the man didn’t know what he was getting into!” My father said with his familiar booming laugh. “He knew you were difficult, he just didn’t know what to do about it! He loves you, Sara. The two of you can figure this out. You just need to have an honest conversation about what you both want, and what’s best for you as a couple.”
“How can you be so sure that will work?”
“He wouldn’t have tried to discipline you if he didn’t want to be in for the long haul. You need to trust him to lead your family. You need to be willing to apologize and follow him. And not just when it suits you, young lady. If you tell him you want him to be the head of your relationship, you need to mean it.”
“But…it isn’t exactly normal, is it?”
“Normal?” My mom was smiling at me now, too. “If you want ‘normal’ then go ahead and file for divorce. That’s what ‘normal’ seems to mean these days. If you want a marriage that lasts, maybe you ought to try something a little abnormal.”
“I never thought about it like that,” I said, hugging her spontaneously. I knew I would feel better after seeing her. Admittedly, this conversation hadn’t gone at all like I’d planned, but I felt like my eyes had been opened. Maybe they were right. Maybe there was still hope.
“Glad we could help. Now, I suggest you wash your face and go home to your husband.” My father’s voice was gruff, and I was suddenly reminded of how mean I’d been to him. I silently vowed to make it up to him somehow. I quickly pecked my mother on the cheek and stood up. The knees of my jeans were brown with dirt, but I squelched my disdain. It had been well worth it.
“Bye, Daddy,” I said meekly. He patted me on the shoulder as I walked by, and after exchanging smiles, I was on my way. I felt equal parts excitement and fear as I got into the car and turned the key in the ignition. It had become so chilly between Ethan and me—mostly on my part— in the last few weeks that I wondered how he would react when I told him I’d changed my mind, that I was ready to try things his way.
Would he even be home? Or would he be out with friends? Would he believe me? What if it was too late? What if he decided I was not the woman he wanted to be with after all? I had acted pretty horribly ever since this whole thing begun. It certainly wasn’t the right way to start a marriage.
As all of these thoughts whirled around in my head, and conflicting emotions ran through my body I was barely paying attention to what I was doing. All I could think about is seeing my husband, and hoping that he would be glad to see me. Suddenly, I heard the sound of sirens behind me, and my heart lodged into my throat.
I checked the rearview mirror, and sure enough, there were blue lights flashing behind me.
“Oh, no!” I groaned. My pulse was beating double time as I pulled over to the side of the road. I watched in the mirror and saw the cop car slide in behind me. My hands were shaking as I put the car in park and turned off the ignition. I knew I was going to be here for a while. I reached for the glove box to pull out the registration and proof of insurance, silently berating myself. Why hadn’t I been keeping track of the speedometer?
Several long moments that felt like hours went by as I waited for the inevitable approach to my window. When I finally saw a figure heading toward my car door I felt relieved and panicked at the same time.
The cop taped on my window, and I reached over to roll it down. With surprise I saw that the officer was a woman and she looked only a little older than I was. She smiled a bit when I rolled down the window.
“Hi. Do you um, know why I pulled you over?”
“No,” I whispered. When she cocked her head to the side, I realize she probably hadn’t understood me. “No,” I repeated louder.
“Oh, OK. Well, I pulled you over because you were going sixty-two in a forty mile per hour zone.”
I felt my insides clench. Oh, no. Please, God. The last thing I needed right now was a ticket.
“Also, you ran a stop sign two blocks back.”
Suddenly pain shot through my stomach like a knife twisting. “I…I’m sorry.”
Biting her lip, the cop surveyed me slowly. “Ma’am, have you been drinking?”
“No. I mean, yes, but I’m not drunk…”
“Your eyes are red, and I smell alcohol on your breath. I’m going to need you to take a Breathalyzer test. Please step out of the car.”
I knew that I wasn’t drunk, but I couldn’t find the words to defend myself. I unsnapped my seatbelt and let myself out of the car. As I walked over to her police car, my movements felt jerky and forced. I breathed on the instrument she held out toward me, and her eyes widened slightly at the results.
“I’m afraid you’re going to have to come downtown with me.”
Suddenly, I got a good look at her. She had reddish blond hair kept back neatly in a ponytail, and fair skin sprinkled with freckles. She was shorter than me, and probably around the same age. I felt like I could outrun her in a police chase, but the tears that came to my eyes were blinding me, and I was already exhausted from my earlier cry. Too exhausted to try it.
“OK. Can I just…would it be OK if I called my husband first? I need to let him know where I am.”
She thought it over for a moment, surveying me thoughtfully before she nodded. “OK. Make it quick, please. You’re going to need to ride with me. Make sure you lock up your car.”
I nodded at her before walking on rubbery legs to my blue Focus and sliding in. I was fighting back sobs as I fumbled in my purse trying to find my phone. With each unsuccessful grab, I was getting closer and closer to letting the tears fall. Finally, my fingers closed around the hard black case. Swallowing hard over the lump in my throat, I hit the 1 on my speed dial and put the phone on speaker.
Please, I prayed silently. Please pick up. The phone was on its fourth ring, and I was ab
out to hang up when I heard him on the other end.
“Hello?”
Hearing his husky sweet voice did it, and suddenly, I was sobbing for the second time in less than an hour.
“Hello? Sara?”
“Ethan,” I choked out. “I need your help.”
“OK. What’s going on, Sara? Where are you?”
“I…I was on the w-way home. I got pulled over.”
“Pulled over?” I heard him suck in his breath, and I could tell he was shocked.
“Please don’t be mad, baby. I need you to come and get me.”
“Get you from where? What happened, Sara?”
“I got pulled over for speeding. And r-running a stop sign. And…I think I might be over the limit.”
“The limit?” His voice was deadly calm, and I knew that meant that he was feeling anything but.
“The officer had me take a Breathalyzer test. And s-she wants me to come to the station with her, Ethan.” There was nothing but dead silence on the other line for so long that I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked to make sure he hadn’t hung up. “Are you still there?”
“Yeah. I’m here. Have you been drinking, Sara?”
“Yes, sir,” I replied, and it was the first time I’d called him that in weeks. I was hoping it would inspire leniency, but he didn’t even acknowledge it.
“Are you alright?”
“I…I’m scared.”
“I’m sure you are, little girl. You have a lot to be scared of. You could lose your license over this, did you think about that?”
“No.” I whimpered. “I was trying to get home to you, I—”
“I will be right there,” he cut me off, and I shuddered at the hardness I heard in his voice. “And you better believe we will have a long, long talk about this. I doubt you’ll find it very pleasant.” He didn’t even say I love you before he hung up.
When I looked up, I saw the officer standing a few feet from the door, writing on her clipboard as she stole glances at me. When I opened the car door, she dropped the clipboard to her side and nodded.
“Ready?” She asked. I nodded wordlessly in response. “OK, let’s go then.”
Every step I took toward the police car felt impossible. This couldn’t really be happening to me. I was a good girl, things like this didn’t happen to me. Despite that reasoning, the officer was waiting for me as I approached the car.
“Turn around, please.”
I gaped at her. “What for?”
“I have to, um, I’m going to have to cuff you.”
The blood drained from my face. “But are you sure? It really isn’t necessary. I won’t be going anywhere, I promise. I already told my husband to come get me…” I trailed off, because I knew my words weren’t going to change anything. She had to do her job. Sending up a prayer for strength, I turned my back to her and put my hands behind my back.
She seemed to hesitate for an instant before she clamped the cool steel bracelets onto my wrists. “Come with me.” Taking my arm she led me to the door and opened it for me. I ducked my head and climbed in.
I was looking out the window in disbelief as she walked around the car to the driver’s side. When she got in she turned on the flashing lights, promptly making me slouch down as far as I could. I wished I could melt into a puddle and sink in the black mats on the floor. I wished I were anywhere but there. I knew Ethan was coming for me, but rather than comforting me, it made me feel worse. There was a tone in his voice that left me feeling unsettled.
Now you’ve done it, I berated myself. Just when you were on the path of getting things fixed between you two, you go and ruin it by pulling something like this! Lowering my head to my chest, I tried to take deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself. My heart was racing, and not because I could be going to jail. It was because I might have done the one thing that would push Ethan over the edge, and prove to him once and for all that he deserved better than me.
Chapter 7
Ethan
When I’d hung up the phone from talking to my wife only minutes ago, I could tell she was scared. Sara had never gotten so much as a parking ticket before, so I was sure she was thinking she would be locked away for the next ten years. It would be a little funny, if I weren’t so mad at her right now.
I don’t know what I’m going to do with that woman, I thought to myself as I pulled out of the driveway. Well, actually, I knew exactly what I was going to do to her. I was going to spank her butt until she couldn’t sit down long enough to drive! That seemed to be what she needed. Tickets for speeding, running a red light and driving while under the influence proved that.
I clenched my jaw just thinking about the mess she’d gotten herself into. I’d known she was in need of a spanking for a while now, but if I had known this was where she was headed I would have taken care of it days ago! I had been trying to stay out of her way and give her the space she seemed to need to think things through. She hadn’t seemed happy with the way things had been going, so I figured giving her some time might help.
Apparently, I never should have stopped. In fact, I probably should have stepped the number of swats, if her behavior was any indication. I slammed on the brakes as the light in front of me turned red, and began tapping my hand on the steering wheel in frustration. At the rate I was going, I might get there faster if I jogged. At the moment, I was wishing for the ability to fly, or teleport, whatever would get me there faster. Thinking of Sara alone and scared, probably crying made my heart hurt. She needed me right now, and I wanted to be her white knight, riding to her rescue. The problem with my wife was that so often the one she needed rescuing from was herself.
Sure, I was furious with her right now, but I was even madder at myself. That was what I hated about being the Head of the family. I had to question everything, and I never knew if I was doing the right thing. Most of the time I just had to take it on faith that she would learn her lesson and be the good girl I knew she could be.
Sara never seemed to have to try to be a good girl. She was an honor student in high school, and never got a single demerit, much less an actual detention. In college she’d been on the Dean’s list every semester. No one ever would have suspected that she possessed the headstrong defiance that lurked beneath that innocent looking exterior.
Maybe she should have been paddled occasionally, or served a detention, I mused grimly. Just because she was basically a good girl didn’t mean she didn’t need the discipline. That had never been more true, I suspected, than in the case of my bratty bride.
Watching the cars pass as I waited for the light to change, my mind wandered back to the day that we first met: Sara was working at Brown Bear elementary school, teaching the third graders how to draw. I was there to pick up my little sister to take her out to lunch. I found myself immediately struck dumb by this beautiful, vivacious teacher. Mandy, bless her, introduced us before we left to go to lunch. My tongue had felt flat and useless in my mouth. Still, I’d at least gotten my name out.
I’d spent the entirety of lunch trying stealthily to work Sara’s name into the conversation. Unfortunately, Mandy didn’t know much about her, so there wasn’t much to pry out of her. Apparently Sara was volunteering as a student from the local community college while the regular teacher was recovering from surgery.
“She’s nice,” Mandy had offered as she dipped one of her French fries into her milkshake. “And pretty,” she added, giving me a sly look as she took a bite of her Vanilla coated fry.
I’d shrugged at her, trying to play it cool, but she’d just giggled. After I drove her back to school, I couldn’t seem to make myself leave. I knew that I needed to get back to work, and my phone kept buzzing in my pocket as a constant reminder but I couldn’t tear myself away before I at least talked to her. Sara didn’t even seem to take notice of my presence, and all but ignored me as she busied herself around the room, checking each kid’s paper and making suggestions and offering encouraging comments.
E
ach time she glanced my way, I found the corners of my mouth inexplicably drawn up into a goofy smile. I was perfectly aware that I probably looked like an idiot, grinning at her like a clown. My sister had even shot me a mortified look, and I could see her eyes begging me to leave, but I just couldn’t help myself. Just having her eyes on me seemed to bring out the village idiot lurking deep down inside.
The clock on the wall told me that my lunch break had ended fifteen minutes ago, but I couldn’t just leave. What if the regular teacher came back tomorrow, and I hadn’t talked to her? Not that I was sure I would be able to work up the nerve to talk to her. I was very shy in those days, and I didn’t have any clue how I should act, or how to grab her attention. With each passing minute that I watched her, the urge to get closer to her got stronger. She obviously loved what she was doing, and the kids clearly adored her.
I was beginning to get a strong suspicion that I looked like an idiot standing there and doing nothing. Or a creepy stalker. Or both. I had just made up my mind to make a silent, hasty exit when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her walking toward me.
“Hey,” she grinned, giving me a little wave. “You stayed.” Her voice sounded like soft, soothing music. When she smiled, her entire face came alive, transforming her from another pretty girl into the most beautiful woman I’d ever met.
“I…well, yeah. You’re um…well, I mean, my sister asked—” I broke off abruptly, and ran my hands through my hair, silently cursing myself. What was wrong with me? Why was I always putting my foot in my mouth? Being a mute would be better than making such an idiot of myself!
Sara had a knowing gleam in her eye as she let her eyes travel up and down my body unabashedly. She was still smiling when she met my eyes again. “Yes, well, it’s nice to have another adult in the room. Especially—” she smirked at me, with laughter in her eyes, “since your sister asked you to.”
