‘Of course I like you!’ Elizabeth said at once, aware of her own mendacity. ‘And I admire you, too. Many people in your position would indeed moan constantly about themselves, and look for pity, but you don’t. And I certainly don’t pity you, though I do think it’s sad that you’ve never been able to—well, take your loneliness and past sadness out to look at it, to come to terms with it. If you could do that, you know, you would be so much happier. It isn’t wise to bury feelings, Sister Cramm, is it? Bring them out into the light of day, and they shrivel to a more manageable size——’
Josephine nodded eagerly. ‘I know just what you mean, now. Since last night, I mean. Oh, Matron, I lay there in bed, and I thought and thought. And I’m so grateful to you, really I am. For the first time, I feel there’s someone I can turn to when I need help, or advice, or anything, and there’s never been anyone like that for me. Not Miss Biggs—well, she was very nice, I suppose, but she didn’t have your—understanding. It was that—well, last night, I decided. I’d come and see you, and I’d tell you how I was really going to try to listen to you, and let you guide me and everything, and try not to be so strict, and try to help the nurses to be happier and all, the way you said that first time when you told us about the discussions——’ She stopped for breath. ‘And I wanted to tell you you could always count on me. Anything I can do to help you, in any way, well, I’m ready, really I am——’ She faltered and stopped. ‘Not that I can be much help to anyone really, the way I am, I suppose——’
Elizabeth accepted her cue, and said heartily. ‘Of course you can. Of course you can! You have a great deal to offer other people, Sister, more than you realise. And——’ She smiled very kindly, and leaned across the desk to briefly touch the other woman’s arm. ‘You’ve made me very happy. I too spent some time in thought last night, and I was afraid I had failed in what I was trying to do. You encourage me to persist in my efforts, indeed you do.’
Josephine looked earnestly at her, her eyes swimming, so that Elizabeth, sharply embarrassed, suddenly wanted to look away. ‘Oh, I am glad you feel like that, Matron! If these discussions can help people as much as last night helped me, they’re a wonderful idea. And I’ve told them all, at breakfast I told them, and it was really so nice. I mean, Sister Arthur, she said she was sorry, and she helped Sister McLeod to see I really meant it when I apologised, and we were all—I don’t know—better people in a way, when we’d sorted it all out——’
‘Then I’m very relieved.’ Elizabeth stood up, and smiled again at Josephine, who also stood up, and pulled her uniform straight. ‘We’ll have another discussion as planned, then, and I hope the next one will be less painful at the time, but just as successful in its aftermath. Now, Sister, here’s my key. You just go along to my flat, and wash your face, and relax for a while before you go back to your ward, hmm? You can leave the key with Miss Baker afterwards——’
She watched Sister Cramm scuttle away, acknowledging the brilliant and grateful smile she produced at the door with a gentle smile of her own, and sat down with what was almost a gasp of relief.
It’s too absurd, she thought. Absurd. I thought she’d want to run away, and what I’ve got is a doggish devotion. The stupid creature would lie down and die for me now. It’s too ridiculous. I’ll have to be careful, or she’ll go trailing after me waving her crush for all the world to see.
She laughed aloud then, a small soft laughter that relieved her very real embarrassment. I’m slipping. I should have foreseen she’d feel like that, I really should have expected it. If she starts sending me flowers or something of that sort, I’ll be in one hell of a corner. It might have been better if she had resigned at that. Oh, damn the bloody woman! I wish I could have watched them at breakfast. It must have been like a glycerine bath. They’re all bloody women, every one of them. Except Swinton, perhaps. She’s got real possibilities. And East. I wonder how she saw it all? I wish I knew——
Dolly, busily chivvying the nurses in the Casualty department was in a happier frame of mind than she had been for many weeks. She too had thought a good deal about the discussion and what had emerged from it, and it had come up to all her expectations. McLeod’s hour of whining complaint afterwards had been hard to tolerate, but even that had been worthwhile. Dolly had persuaded her to come to the next discussion, even after what had happened, pointing out that it was safer to be there and hear what they were all saying than to stay away and risk being talked about in her absence. And Dolly was most anxious that there should be more discussions. What had emerged about Cramm had been innocuous enough, but there were others with more to reveal than a little quiet food stealing, Dolly thought. And that’s what matters.
For a brief while, when Casualty went through one of its unexpected lulls, and there were no patients about, giving her time to stop and think more deeply, she did wonder if the course she was planning might be a dangerous one.
McLeod had threatened to leave, she told herself, and perhaps some of the others will if I really do manage to get a discussion going on them. If too many sisters go, perhaps the Royal might suffer? But she dismissed the thought. The place was more important than the people in it, and the hospital would stay the same, no matter who left. And when I’m Matron, I’ll get more sisters, better sisters, and make the Royal what it deserves to be——
She slid into an agreeable fantasy in which she interviewed extremely able and suitable people for the posts in her gift as Matron. I’ll be a good Matron, she promised herself. Much better than this meddling idiot.
Over their customary morning coffee in out-patients, Daphne and Susan giggled with enormous enjoyment about the discussion.
‘Honestly, I thought I’d choke this morning!’ Daphne said. ‘Old Cramm pouring out her soul all over McLeod and begging forgiveness, and even Arthur all overcome with shame. I’d never have thought she’d give a damn about what she said, one way or the other, did you? But she really was bothered over what she’d done last night, wasn’t she?’
‘Well, it was a bit much,’ Susan said. ‘“Got you in one, Cramm”—ooh, Daph, poor old Cramm’s face! And the chocolates and all! I could have died!’
‘And Mary—did you see Mary! She’s got so much of the milk of human kindness in her, she could bloody nearly feed one of those babies of hers herself! The way she——’
‘Don’t, Daph!’ Susan made a sharp grimace. ‘That sounds downright sickening——’
‘But it’s true, you know! She’s such a sloppy thing, Mary. All sweetness and light.’
‘Seriously, though, Daph, don’t you think it was quite interesting last night? It took a while to get going, but it was interesting the way Matron saw Cramm so straight. It makes you wonder how much she’s worked out about us, doesn’t it?’
‘What’s to work out? Compared with Cramm, Pip, my love, we’re as simple a pair of souls as ever breathed.’
‘Still, I’m looking forward to the next session. Who do you suppose’ll lead it then?’
‘Shall I offer? I’ll suggest we talk about Men. That’ll get Arthur going a treat, and we’ll make mincemeat of her.’
Susan shrugged distastefully. ‘Arthur! She’s just a bore. She’s got nothing in her head but men, and all she’d do would be to talk about this night out, and that patient’s husband, till we all fell asleep from sheer boredom.’
‘I’m not so sure. There may be more to her than meets the eye. Listen, let me do a Manton!’ Daphne jumped up, and struck a pose. ‘Sister Arthur! The trouble with you is that you are a leetle cheeild at heart. You loved your Daddy dearly, and when he ran off with the woman next door on your third birthday, you felt abandoned. And ever since you’ve behaved like the abandoned old bag you are because you are searching for dear Daddy. It’s got nothing to do with you at all! You’re just a product of a sad, sad childhood! How’s that?’
‘Marvellous! Now try me!’
‘Not on your nelly! I know too much about you, don’t I? It wouldn’t work.’
<
br /> ‘I s’pose you do. Not much to dig out, is there? Happy childhood, loving parents and a good home! Which reminds me—look, Daph, let’s go home next week-end, shall we? Mummy said in her last letter I haven’t been home for more than six weeks, and it would be nice. If the weather stays good, we might even manage a swim at the lake. Shall we?’
And they settled to a happy planning of a trip to Susan’s family in Surrey.
‘Are you going to the next session, Arthur?’
Swinton had arrived early for lunch, to find only Ruth ahead of her, already drinking her soup.
‘I suppose I’ll have to, after last night. It’d look pretty rotten if I slid out when I really started all that fuss about Jo, wouldn’t it?’
‘Don’t give yourself credit for that. It was Miss Manton who started it, and if you ask me, she knew what she was doing. All you did was open the boil she’d been so busily bringing to a head.’
‘How do you mean, knew what she was doing?’
Swinton laughed. ‘You’re just as bad as everyone else! Don’t you give the woman credit for anything? There sits Cramm, almost bursting out of her uniform, with a box of chocolates on her lap, and you think Manton couldn’t see what was Jo’s problem? She didn’t get to be Matron because of her pretty blue eyes, you know! She’s got more intelligence than most of us put together.’
‘Except you, of course!’
‘Except me, perhaps,’ Swinton said equably. ‘Anyway, are you definitely going to the next one?’
‘I said I was, didn’t I?’
‘Aren’t you worried, after last night? Maybe someone will have a go at you—analyse your obsession.’
Ruth laughed fatly. ‘Men, you mean? Why should I worry? So I am obsessed with men—I don’t deny it. I like ’em——’
‘Do you? I’m not so sure. I’m not even sure that it’s men you’re obsessed with——’
Ruth looked sharply at her, but Swinton was drinking soup calmly, and seemed unaware of Ruth’s glance.
‘Of course I am! I don’t deny it, that’s all. We’ve all got obsessions—even you. Yours is secrecy, if you ask me. You never talk to anyone about yourself, and if that isn’t odd, I don’t know what is.’
‘Maybe I’m obsessed with myself, like you, Arthur. Hello, Jo. Try the soup. It’s better than usual—they only washed dishes in it and left out the dishcloths.’
Josephine smiled sweetly, and helped herself to salad with some ostentation.
‘No, thanks. I’m dieting. Hello, Ruth. Salad for you? No? What are you doing this evening? Something special?’
But for once, Ruth merely shook her head, and sat silent for the rest of the meal, watching Swinton with a faint frown on her face, puzzled and a little worried. Swinton was getting a bit too sharp altogether.
Elizabeth’s dinner party got off to a bad start from the beginning. She had felt it would be impolitic to ask any of the consultants to make up the fourth James French had asked her to provide for Jennifer, and had been reduced to asking a woman friend from her training days, Margaret Salisbury. The only men she knew well in London were married, and during the years she had spent at Colston, she had lost touch with those unattached ones who might have been suitable.
It was maddening to have to show James that there was no man among her acquaintance at present to whom she could issue an invitation. It piqued what little vanity of this sort that she had: it would have been far more agreeable to show him he was not the only pebble on her beach. But she accepted the fact as best she could.
Over drinks, while Margaret pinned Jennifer in a corner and talked boringly about her job as a district midwife, Elizabeth told James smoothly that she had deliberately chosen to invite another woman as a fourth.
‘In my experience, a man with a pretty wife is—perturbed when unattached men are introduced to her. So, I hope you don’t feel outweighed by feminine company.’
James smiled back with equal smoothness.
‘Elizabeth, you really hurt me, you know! Do you really think I need worry about Jennifer? I hope I can allow her to enjoy the company of other men without fearing for my own security.’
‘Oh, I’m not underestimating you, James! I was merely trying not to underestimate the men I might have asked. Those I did consider might have been less trustworthy than Jennifer.’
‘Then you underestimate yourself! If I were unattached, and invited to a party where there was one married woman, and the unmarried one was yourself, I’m sure I would not feel it necessary to pay court to the married one. Even one as pretty as Jennifer. She is pretty, isn’t she?’ He looked across the room at Jennifer, who looked very ornamental in deep red silk, and then at Elizabeth’s own elegant black dress. ‘And you too look charming tonight.’
‘Thank you,’ she said, trying to keep her voice light and even, despite her awareness of the almost cruel way he had seen through her. He knows there’s no one else I could have asked, and he means me to know. But she could not disguise from herself the fact that this cruel streak in him added to his attraction for her. Had he been less sharp, and more ingratiating, it would have diminished his maleness and therefore his value in her eyes.
The meal was unexciting, for Elizabeth did not include a gift for cooking among her accomplishments, and had left the choice of the menu and the preparation of it to the hospital kitchens. But the wine was good and the very ordinariness of the meal, combined with the effects of the wine, made Jennifer gay and relaxed. She felt that her own domestic gifts were shown in high relief, and that this dull party would increase her virtues in her husband’s eyes.
After dinner, as they went from the tiny dining room of the Matron’s flat to the pleasant little sitting room, Jennifer said to Elizabeth, ‘Miss Manton, may I ask an odd favour of you?’
‘Please do.’
‘I suppose it sounds silly, but you know, I’ve often wondered what a hospital is like at night. Oh, I’ve been here on special occasions, you know, but I’ve never really seen the place James spends so much time in, have I darling? I’d love to look round properly, now, when all the patients are asleep. I mean, during the day, it must all be too harrowing for words—all those poor ill people, suffering so——’ She shuddered prettily. ‘But now it must be rather different. May I?’
‘By all means.’ Elizabeth managed to sound only politely interested in Jennifer’s request.
‘I’ll ask Night Sister to do the honours, rather than take you myself, if you don’t mind. Margaret will tell you how jealous nurses can be of their privileges, won’t you, Margaret? And at night, the hospital is very much Night Sister’s domain. I would be rather foolish to step on her toes! Would you too be interested to see the Royal, Margaret? It’s rather different to the old Central. We trained together there, Mrs. French.’
‘Love to,’ Margaret said heartily. ‘Nothing like nosing about other people’s corners, eh, Liz? I’ll let you know if I spot anything wrong, I promise you that!’
When Elizabeth had returned from Night Sister’s office, to which she had taken her guests to meet their guide, she offered James brandy.
‘I helped myself.’ He watched her fill her own glass, and come to sit opposite him.
‘Jennifer did that rather well, don’t you think?’
She frowned sharply. ‘You surely didn’t ask her to, did you?’
‘Oh, yes. She knows that you can help me in the matter of the bed allocations, and she rather thinks you need to be buttered up in order to persuade you to do so. So——’
‘And she doesn’t mind? She sees no possible—hazard in your application of butter?’
‘I’m very much afraid she doesn’t, Elizabeth. Does that hurt you? She’s a simple soul, my Jennifer. The only feminine charms she might fear would be the obvious ones. She regards her own as rather more obvious than yours.’
‘She’s justified.’ Elizabeth spoke almost absently. While she was prepared to enjoy the seeking for advantage, the jockeying for position, the careful ver
bal fencing that was involved in the effort she was making to gain this man as a lover as part of a game, enjoyable in itself, the pleasure in the game was lost if he played it according to private rules of his own, as he was clearly doing.
What is he trying to do? she wondered, watching him over the rim of her glass. Force me into a position where I must assure him of my help in the committee next month, and then withdraw from me as a person? But he must surely be more farsighted than that. He must know that there will be other times in the future when I will be able to help him. Is he pushing me into making some sort of declaration, direct declaration, in order to set me down again?
He was looking at her now, waiting for her to make the next move, his eyebrows slightly raised, and with some acerbity she set her glass down beside her and said crisply, ‘Well, James, interested as I am in this discussion of your marital relationship, we really mustn’t waste this opportunity Jennifer has so carefully given us. Now, shall I tell you my opinion of the nursing response to a psychiatric unit here first, or will you tell me a little more about your plans for such a unit? If you get it.’
‘Have you sampled opinion already, then?’
‘Not directly. But we have had the first of our group discussions and on the basis of that, I might be able to make an inspired guess.’
‘Even though you refused to do that at the committee meeting?’
‘What I tell you privately is not necessarily for committee consumption. If you feel it should be, then perhaps I had better say nothing.’
‘No, of course you can tell me, in camera. I won’t tell a soul without your permission.’
‘Well, then. The first discussion was—interesting. I nearly scuttled the whole thing, because I jumped in with both feet when I should have been more patient. I was afraid I’d gone too far, but as it happened, I was lucky. I think it worked very well, and that some of the sisters at least have an inkling of what I’d like to do, and approve of it——’
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