“That’s pretty cool. I admire people who can face their demons and overcome them.”
“Yeah, especially when the world around you is always changing.”
Raven tilted her head, giving me a quizzical look. “You okay? You seem… off. Did Maggie do something?”
“No, it’s nothing like that,” I said, wincing at the thought of my ex. “It’s a good thing, actually. Brannon and Sophie are having a kid.”
He eyes widened. “Intentionally?”
“Yeah, very intentional.”
“Huh… Are they getting married?”
“Who knows? Maybe. Sophie would be perfectly happy to just be together without ever being married. She already goes by his last name.”
“Yeah, I guess. In her mind, they already are, more or less.”
“Her biological clock, on the other hand, is like a ticking time bomb. She started getting that look in her eyes when Felicity got knocked up, and then she saw Max…” I smiled at the memory. “Hit her like a fucking lightning bolt.”
“Oh, jeez,” Raven giggled leaning up against my desk.
“No shit… they were over at the Mofo house for a barbecue when Cody brought Ilsa and Max. Sophie took one look at him and was struck with baby fever. Her and Brannon immediately disappeared into the music room.”
She began to laugh even harder.
“Justin and I just sat there drunk and horrified,” I smiled with a shake of my head.
“So your biological clocks aren’t ticking away.”
“Justin? Fuck, no,” I laughed. “As for me, I never even really…" I trailed off, then cleared my throat. “When I was with Maggie, I never even thought about having kids.”
Raven’s smile faded a little. “Doesn’t surprise me much. She doesn’t strike me as the motherly type.”
I gave a hoarse, bitter chuckle. “She hated kids. It wasn’t a big deal to me at the time, so I just figured it wouldn’t happen.” I looked up at Raven, still a little awed by the expression on Brannon’s face earlier. “It just… Brannon looked so fucking happy. Joining the ranks with Denny and Cody. All my friends are turning into family men.”
Raven wrinkled her nose. “Family is overrated.”
“Not every family is as bad as yours. Not even my family was as bad as yours.”
“But it wasn’t all that great, was it?”
“It wasn’t bad, though. Just kinda lonely, I guess.”
“Lonely? Lonely how?”
“I was an oops kid,” I shrugged.
“A what?”
“My parents were pretty much done with kids and then, surprise.”
“Oh… oops,” she softly nodded.
“Yeah, oops. They weren’t bad parents, just tired. Older. Serious. They both had pretty demanding jobs and worked a lot. They didn’t have much time to spare. My brother and sister were already in high school when I was born, and they babysat a lot when I was little, so I was hardly neglected. They kinda doted on me, but then they grew up and moved out, going off to college and shit.”
“Leaving you behind,” Raven empathized.
“To get into trouble,” I smiled back. “Drinking. Smoking pot. Running wild. If it hadn’t been for the guitar, I’d have been a lot worse.”
“What made you start playing?”
“My dad played a long time ago, I guess, way before I was born. I don’t ever remember him touching the thing, but he had a sweet Fender up in the attic. I found it one day when I was bored. I didn’t even know it was his, but I thought it was awesome, so I brought it down and started pretending that I was playing. I rocked it.”
“I’m sure you did,” she softly said with a sad little tilt to her lips.
“My dad came in and saw me. He gave me the weirdest look… almost proud. It was the first time he really showed much interest in me. So I got them to get me lessons. I guess I wanted more of that attention, so I practiced every day. I even became a band geek at school, looking for places I could perform. Anything I could do in hopes of one day seeing my dad in the audience.”
“Did he ever come?”
“Once,” I nodded. “Not long before he died. He had a heart attack a few months later.”
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “Kind of explains why you wanted to be on stage so bad.”
“Maybe.” I was quiet for a minute, turning that over in my mind. I shrugged and pushed that sour feeling back down where it didn’t bother me anymore. “What about you? What sort of dreams did little Miss Ravenna Pelletier have as a kid?”
She shot me a dirty look. “Bite me, Andrew,” she mocked.
“That’s not my name,” I said, even though it totally was.
“It’s not?” Her scowl had immediately disappeared.
“Nope.”
“What is your name then? Just Drew?”
Her wide eyes were so lovely, her mouth open in the prettiest little “o” that I couldn’t help but laugh and tell her the truth. “Okay, I lied. It is Andrew.”
She pressed her lips together and narrowed her eyes dramatically. “How about I just call you fucker?”
I laughed and settled my hands at her hips, guiding her to sit on the desk in front of me. “Sorry, I just never really liked Andrew.”
“Well, I don’t like Ravenna,” she replied, looking down at her hands.
“It doesn’t really fit you, not like Raven does. Raven is dark and mysterious. Ravenna is… not so much.”
She bit at her lower lip, catching the purple gemstones of her spider bite piercing and toying with them a bit. “My mother always hated that I shortened it.”
“From what I know about your mom, I can see her having a little beef with that.”
“She did, which just made me push it a little more to piss her off. She’d complain about how they had named me after such an incredible place, and I had to go ruin it.”
“She named you after a place?”
“Ravenna is a city on the northeast coast of Italy. It’s one of the places her and my dad went on their massive honeymoon.”
I nodded. “I remember you saying something about that.”
“I think they just named us after these places so they could talk about their extravagant trip. My sister is named after Alessandria, which is on the opposite side of the boot.” She rolled her eyes and huffed a little. “Of course, she never shortened her name. That would have been so uncouth.”
“I suppose.”
“And she was always so perfect,” Raven continued. “Now she’s got her own perfect husband and perfect kids. They live in a perfect house on a perfect street. I keep hoping one of her kids will turn out like me, just to fuck with her a little, but then I feel bad wishing that on some poor child.”
“Maybe it would be a little rough with your sister for a mother, especially if she’s anything like your mother,” I began. “But, Rave, I think being like you would be a great thing for any kid.”
She shook her head. “I think normal would be a better lot in life.”
“What the fuck is normal? Who’s actually normal?” I asked. “Nobody, that’s who. There’s no such thing.” She lifted her foot up to set it on the chair alongside my thigh, and my fingers grazed the bare skin of her calf. “But you’re strong. You’re kind. You’re a beautiful person, inside and out.”
Raven narrowed her eyes at me. “We need to change the subject.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to talk about this. That’s not what we do.”
I watched her for a minute, studied the struggle that seemed to be tumbling through her head. A pang of uneasiness settled in my chest.
“So what do we do, Rave?” I finally asked.
She traced the lines of ink down my arm. “We have fun.”
I gave her a long look, but she kept her eyes down for an uncomfortably long time. Finally, she glanced up at me.
“What?” she asked innocently, and then rolled her eyes when I didn’t reply. “Let’s not complicate thi
s.” She scooted a little closer to me, tucking her arms over my shoulders and clasping her hands behind my head. “Let’s just enjoy it. Aren’t you having fun?”
“Well, yeah, but… So you’re still going with this whole we’re-just-fucking-thing?”
“Yes, I am, because we are.” She looked at me warily. The tension she suddenly emanated unsettled me.
I realized that I really didn’t want to believe her, to believe that she actually felt this way. I wanted so badly all of a sudden to see something less remote in her eyes.
“Raven, you saw where I was a few weeks ago. You’ve worked a miracle with me, you know.”
“I’ve distracted you with sex,” she argued.
“Really fucking good sex. The best sex I’ve ever had, and I’ve had a lot of fucking sex, so I consider myself a pretty good authority on the subject. I’ve slept with more women than I can count, thanks to Maggie.”
“Well, that’s good, then. It makes it that much easier to get to a place where you can move on.”
“Move on?” I felt a little nauseous all of a sudden.
“Right.” She swallowed hard. “To go off and find love and live happily ever after.”
“And what about you?”
“I’m not really a happily ever after kind of girl.”
“Why is it that I keep getting mixed up with girls I have no future with?” I sighed. I didn’t really mean to say it out loud. It was a thought that went through my head, but somehow came out of my mouth.
Raven gave a wry twist to her lips. “Do me a favor and don’t lump me in with Maggie.”
“I’m sorry,” I said with a shake of my head. “I didn’t really mean to say that. She was pretty unique.”
I belatedly realized how that had come out. Almost admirable and still a bit raw. I’d gotten to where the dull melancholy didn’t seep into my voice so much. It didn’t jumble my thoughts as chaotically as before. Yet my words made me sound as though I was still completely lovesick.
The truth was, the emotion in my voice stemmed from the girl leaning against my desk before me, not the girl that had torn me apart before her.
Just as I opened my mouth to talk, to clarify that Maggie’s uniqueness wasn’t necessarily a good thing, the bells on the front door rang. Without saying another word, Raven slipped out of my grasp to head up front.
I followed her out of the office and through the hall to see Cody’s fiancée standing up by the front counter. She looked a little nervous, but Ilsa kind of had that way about her on a daily basis, so it wasn’t really out of the ordinary.
“Ilsa?” Raven said. “Are you looking for Cody? He hasn’t been here.”
Ilsa smiled shyly and took a deep breath. “Actually, I came to talk to you,” she replied.
Raven stopped short and looked at her. “Like for a piercing or something? An appointment?”
“No, I, um… well, I was wondering. You know Cody and I are getting married in just a little over a week. It’s not like a huge thing, but Sophie and Felicity are going to be bridesmaids, and I was wondering if you wanted to be one, too.”
“What?” Raven asked in shock.
“Would you?”
“Why me?” Her voice sounded so strange. Small and thick.
“Because, well, Drew is one of the groomsmen and since you and he are… sorta… well, together.”
“We’re not together, Ilsa.”
“Yeah, we’re just fuckin’, remember?” I added, unable to keep the sour tone out of my voice.
I instantly regretted the way that came out. Ilsa’s hopeful expression suddenly became an uncomfortable one, and I felt Raven glance up at me watchfully.
Raven waded carefully into the awkward silence that followed. “Are you sure you want me?” she asked with a faint shake of her head. “I mean… I’m not really…”
“I don’t know a lot of people in the area, or at all really,” Ilsa said. “Cody grew up around here and has family and stuff. I don’t really have many friends, but I’d like to think of you as one of them.”
“Why?” Raven soundly astonished.
“You’re fun to be around, and you’ve always been super nice.”
You could almost see the wheels turning in Raven’s head, trying to figure out just exactly how to get out of this.
Ilsa apparently saw the turmoil, too, because she pressed on.
“I’m also outnumbered. Even with a small wedding, he’s going to have more people up there than me. Really, you’d be doing me a huge favor by making sure I don’t look lame. So will you?”
“Okay,” Raven replied in a small voice, “I guess.”
Ilsa smiled wide and exhaled loudly. “Oh, good. Thank you.”
“Thank you for asking me. I’m honored.” Suddenly, Raven’s eyes opened wide with concern. “What do I wear? Do you have something picked out?”
Ilsa grabbed a sticky note from the pad on the counter and scribbled something on it. “There’s this place in Butte where Sophie and Felicity are getting dresses. They’re wearing the same color, but different styles. If you have time, maybe you could go look? Something you want in the same color.”
Raven looked down at the note Ilsa handed her. “I have an appointment late this afternoon, but maybe I could go tomorrow. I should be done earlier.”
“I could meet you here at about three if you wanted to go together. I’ll see if the other two want to go, too. Might be fun.”
Still seeming a bit off guard, Raven nodded. She seemed almost terrified at the prospect, but managed a weak smile at Ilsa. “Yeah, okay. Sounds good.”
“Great, I'll meet you here at three then. Bye!” Ilsa turned towards the door, smiling back at us, then headed out into the cold, wintry day.
Neither Raven nor I really said anything after she left. I think we were both a little shocked by Ilsa’s request. By her wanting to include Raven in her wedding day. Part of me wondered if the girls were trying to do some matchmaking. Trying to force the issue since they knew I obviously had some interest in Raven. Christ, they all heard me fucking her up against the bathroom door at the Copperline.
They just didn’t realize that it was a bit tenuous. By pushing Raven and I together, they might make Raven bolt, and I really didn’t want that.
Really really.
My customer came in not long after Ilsa had left, so I had to get to work. The whole time I did the tat, I worried about how she’d react to this once the surprise wore off. Especially on the heels of a rather tense conversation where I was trying to make something out of nothing. Raven seemed pretty sure it was nothing, anyway.
Friends.
Fuck buddies.
Fun.
That’s what it was.
Somehow, her certainty nagged at me, bringing about a sense of melancholy that latched on. After the client left, I sat back in the quiet of in my office trying to figure out why it should even bother me. Free and easy should be just that. Free and easy.
Justin did it all the time. I used to a long time ago, back before Maggie. Brannon used to before Sophie, as did Denny before Felicity. About the only one of us who wasn’t a total manwhore in the past was Cody. He was always kinda waiting for just the right one to come along. Not that he hadn’t slept around before Ilsa, he just did it with more of a conscience than the rest of us.
Free and easy just didn’t seem like enough all of a sudden. Not that I’d ever had anything similar with Maggie, but I was starting to envy the closeness my friends had with their women. I felt a little cold, like I’d always be on the outside looking in.
While I sat there lost in my own little conundrum, Raven came in. She sat on my lap and kissed me. Her tender touch pulled me out of my head and, next thing I knew, we were naked on the couch.
Raven was back to being, well… Raven. The same Raven she always had been, as though that terse conversation had never even happened.
She had distracted me with sex. Again. She was really fucking good at that. At one point in the
midst of it, though, I heard the faintest catch in her breathing. A slight sob as she wrapped her arms around me.
It made me wonder if, maybe, she was distracting herself a little bit, too.
Brannon seemed nervous, checking his watch for the eight-millionth time. He sighed loudly, then began to pace back and forth, pulling at his collar.
“Where the fuck is he?” he groused.
Cody, on the other hand, was totally calm, sprawled out in a chair with Max who lay curled up with the empty ring bearer pillow as he snoozed away in Cody’s arms. They were the epitome of laid back, a veritable paradox of relaxation mixed with the semi-formality of their clothes. Both were dressed in suit jackets over charcoal grey dress shirts and black ties like Brannon, Denny, and I. All looking sort of GQ, aside from the black jeans.
Thank fuck Ilsa had decided on us wearing jeans. It was cold as a witch’s tit outside, which meant freezing cold junk in dress pants, especially when you had hardware like my apa in it.
We were all decked out, though, aside from the jeans. Ready to rock. All a little tense and apprehensive. Well, all of us except Cody.
Cody was mellow as only Cody could ever be. Chill, as though it wasn’t even his wedding day. As if there wasn’t a massive snowstorm blowing down out of the mountains that threatened to snow us all in and cut the power to the little stone church on the outskirts of Ophir. As though Justin wasn’t running late, which wouldn’t be such a bad thing if he hadn’t gotten ordained online to officiate.
I envied Cody sometimes. He had an ability to just let the troubles of life roll off his back. He had his own shit to deal with, just like everyone else, but he rarely got upset about things. He just went with the flow.
“Why the fuck did we let Justin to do the ceremony anyway?” Brannon huffed to himself. “Justin of all people… why Justin?”
Across the room, Denny walked back and forth across the room holding Eoghan, who was also completely crashed against his shoulder. Everyone was speaking in hushed whispers in an attempt to let boys get their naps in before the ceremony. The plan was to have it short and sweet, but even then, it would all run so much smoother if the little guys were well-rested.
Evanescent Ink (Copperline Book 4) Page 12
