X
After talking and talking, he tried to get his mother to come out and look at the windeye.
“Window, you mean,” she said, voice rising.
“No,” he said, beginning to grow hysterical as well. “Not window. Windeye.” And then he had her by the hand and was tugging her to the door. But no, that was wrong too, because no matter what window he pointed at she could tell him where it was in the house. The windeye, just like his sister, was no longer there.
But he kept insisting it had been there, kept insisting too that he had a sister.
And that was when the trouble really started.
5.
Over the years there were moments when he was almost convinced, moments when he almost began to think—and perhaps even did think for weeks or months at a time—that he never had a sister. It would have been easier to think this than to think she had been alive and then, perhaps partly because of him, not alive. Being not alive wasn’t like being dead, he felt: it was much, much worse. There were years too when he simply didn’t choose, when he saw her as both real and make believe and sometimes neither of those things. But in the end what made him keep believing in her—despite the line of doctors that visited him as a child, despite the rift it made between him and his mother, despite years of forced treatment and various drugs that made him feel like his head had been filled with wet sand, despite years of having to pretend to be cured—was simply this: he was the only one who believed his sister was real. If he stopped believing, what hope would there be for her?
X
Thus he found himself, even when his mother was dead and gone and he himself was old and alone, brooding on his sister, wondering what had become of her. He wondered too if one day she would simply reappear, young as ever, ready to continue with the games they had played. Maybe she would simply suddenly be there again, her tiny fingers worked up behind a cedar shingle, staring expectantly at him, waiting for him to tell her what she was feeling, to make up words for what was pressed there between the house and its skin, lying in wait.
“What is it?” he would say in a hoarse voice, leaning on his cane.
“I feel something,” she would say. “What am I feeling?”
And he would set about describing it. Does it feel red? Does it feel warm-blooded or cold? Is it round? Is it smooth like glass? All the while, he knew, he would be thinking not about what he was saying but about the wind at his back. If he turned around, he would be wondering, would he find the wind’s strange, baleful eye staring at him?
That wasn’t much, but it was the best he could hope for. Chances were he wouldn’t get even that. Chances were there would be no sister, no wind. Chances were that he’d be stuck with the life he was living now, just as it was, until the day when he was either dead or not living himself.
Brian Evenson
is the author of twelve books of fiction, most recently the story collection Windeye and the novel Immobility, both of which were finalists for the Shirley Jackson Award. His novel Last Days won the American Library Association’s award for Best Horror Novel of 2009. His novel The Open Curtain (Coffee House Press) was a finalist for an Edgar Award and an IHG Award. He is the recipient of three O. Henry Prizes. Other books include The Wavering Knife (which won the IHG Award for best story collection), Dark Property, and Altmann’s Tongue. His work has been translated into French, Italian, Spanish, Japanese and Slovenian. He lives and works in Providence, Rhode Island, at the school that served as the basis for Lovecraft’s Miskatonic University.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
“FATHER, SON, HOLY RABBIT” BY STEPHEN GRAHAM JONES. FIRST PUBLISHED IN CEMETERY DANCE #57, 2007. COPYRIGHT © 2007 BY STEPHEN GRAHAM JONES. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “IT’S AGAINST THE LAW TO FEED THE DUCKS” BY PAUL TREMBLAY. FIRST PUBLISHED IN FANTASY MAGAZINE, 2006. COPYRIGHT © 2006 BY PAUL TREMBLAY. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “THAT BABY” BY LINDSAY HUNTER. FIRST PUBLISHED IN EVERYDAY GENIUS, 2010. COPYRIGHT © 2010 BY LINDSAY HUNTER. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF FEATHERPROOF BOOKS. “THE TRUTH AND ALL ITS UGLY” BY KYLE MINOR. FIRST PUBLISHED IN SURREAL SOUTH 2007, 2007. COPYRIGHT © 2007 BY KYLE MINOR. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF SARABANDE BOOKS. “ACT OF CONTRITION” BY CRAIG CLEVENGER. FIRST PUBLISHED IN WARMED AND BOUND, 2011. COPYRIGHT © 2011 BY CRAIG CLEVENGER. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “THE FAMILIARS” BY MICAELA MORRISSETTE. FIRST PUBLISHED IN CONJUNCTIONS #52, 2009. COPYRIGHT © 2009 BY MICAELA MORRISSETTE. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “DIAL TONE” BY BENJAMIN PERCY. FIRST PUBLISHED IN THE MISSOURI REVIEW, VOLUME 30, NUMBER 2, 2007. COPYRIGHT © 2007 BY BENJAMIN PERCY. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “HOW” BY ROXANE GAY. FIRST PUBLISHED IN ANNALEMMA #6, 2010. COPYRIGHT © 2010 BY ROXANE GAY. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “INSTITUTO” BY ROY KESEY. FIRST PUBLISHED IN THE IOWA REVIEW, VOLUME 34, NUMBER 3, 2005. COPYRIGHT © 2005 BY ROY KESEY. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “RUST AND BONE” BY CRAIG DAVIDSON. FIRST PUBLISHED IN the fiddlehead #219 AS “28 BONES.” COPYRIGHT © 2004 BY CRAIG DAVIDSON. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF W.W. NORTON. “BLUE HAWAII” BY REBECCA JONES-HOWE. FIRST PUBLISHED IN NOVA PARADE, 2012. COPYRIGHT © 2012 BY REBECCA JONES-HOWE. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “CHILDREN ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT BLUSH” BY JOE MENO. FIRST PUBLISHED IN ONE STORY #122, 2009. COPYRIGHT © 2009 BY JOE MENO. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS” BY VANESSA VESELKA. FIRST PUBLISHED IN ZYZZYVA WINTER ISSUE, 2012. COPYRIGHT © 2012 BY VANESSA VESELKA. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “DOLLHOUSE” BY CRAIG WALLWORK. FIRST PUBLISHED IN ATTIC TOYS, 2012. COPYRIGHT © 2012 BY CRAIG WALLWORK. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “HIS FOOTSTEPS ARE MADE OF SOOT” BY NIK KORPON. FIRST PUBLISHED IN TROUBADOUR 21, 2009. COPYRIGHT © 2009 BY NIK KORPON. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “THE ETIQUETTE OF HOMICIDE” BY TARA LASKOWSKI. FIRST PUBLISHED IN BARRELHOUSE #10, 2012. COPYRIGHT © 2012 BY TARA LASKOWSKI. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “DREDGE” BY MATT BELL. FIRST PUBLISHED IN HAYDEN’S FERRY REVIEW #50, 2009. COPYRIGHT © 2009 BY MATT BELL. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “SUNSHINE FOR ADRIENNE” BY ANTONIA CRANE. FIRST PUBLISHED IN THE HEROIN CHRONICLES, 2013. COPYRIGHT © 2013 BY ANTONIA CRANE. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. “FUZZYLAND” BY RICHARD LANGE. FIRST PUBLISHED IN THE GEORGIA REVIEW, VOLUME 56, NUMBER 3, 2002. COPYRIGHT © 2002 BY RICHARD LANGE. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF LITTLE, BROWN AND COMPANY. “WINDEYE” BY BRIAN EVENSON. FIRST PUBLISHED IN pen america #11, 2009. COPYRIGHT © 2009 BY BRIAN EVENSON. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF COFFEE HOUSE PRESS.
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