Honestly, I wasn’t even sure I believed in that one nonsense. The idea that there was one and only one person in the world that I could love seemed preposterous to me. It seemed rather more likely that a person met the one and fell in love when they were at a point in their life when they were ready to settle down.
Except that didn’t make sense either because I had a slew of buddies that weren’t looking for anything more than a roll in the hay and they were now happily – for the most part – married.
It was beginning to dawn on me that I didn’t know shit about love. Or women. For a guy that had always prided himself on being savvy about romance, this was a startling conclusion. I might know a great deal about serial monogamy but I didn’t know anything about a lasting relationship.
Supposing I wanted one of those, which I wasn’t sure that I did.
My life was good. I didn’t need a woman to be happy. I just needed my work, my family, and my friends. I was a lucky bastard to have so many terrific people in my life.
An image of Mia flashed briefly through my mind. It would good to remember what category she was in. Friend. Mia was a great friend.
I’d do well not to forget that.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Mia
I met Emmy after work on Wednesday for dinner. As an event planner, the middle of the week was usually pretty dead for her and the best time to meet and catch up. We were going casual tonight, sitting in a booth at our favorite Italian restaurant. It was old, rundown, and a little cheesy with its red plastic tablecloths that perfectly matched the plastic flowers on the table. But the food was fantastic and the prices from the 1990s. Heavenly aromas wafted from the kitchen – tomato, garlic, and oregano – making my stomach growl loudly.
“I finished reading Shelby’s book last night,” I announced after the waitress dropped off our iced teas. “I have to say I’m impressed. No way could I ever write a book.”
“I wouldn’t have the patience. Or the time.”
Emmy was a successful event planner who did weddings, anniversaries, bar mitzvahs, and the like. Since she was incredibly good at it, she was always in demand and booked up far in advance. It was only in the last year or so that she’d become rather picky as to what clients she’d take on. Otherwise, she’d be working a ninety-hour week or more. A bout of pneumonia where she’d ended up in the hospital had finally set her on a path to work-life balance. Last I heard, Shelby was trying to teach her to meditate.
A pretty brunette, Emmy always seemed poised and in control. Her life was planned down to the last second and she left very little to chance. She carried one of those tablet computers in her purse and that computer stored every detail about her life. Not that it needed to. Emmy had an amazing memory for details.
“So how was it?” she asked. “Just the usual stuff about loving yourself and sending positive vibes out into the universe?”
I hadn’t been kidding when I told my sister that Emmy would have a cow when she read the book. Now that I’d read the book in its entirety I’d realized that only parts of it were…old-fashioned.
I couldn’t think of a better word to describe it.
“It’s a bit more practical than that. Actually, I was really scandalized at some of the earlier parts of the book. I told Shelby it sounded like advice from our grandmother.”
Emmy rolled her eyes and sighed. “Let me guess. Don’t call him, wait for him to call you. Don’t be too eager. Don’t be better than him at anything. Don’t act too successful or too happy with yourself. Have I got it right?”
I had to laugh at my friend’s cynical tone. “It kind of started out that way but then it took a turn I wasn’t expecting.”
Emmy’s expression was dubious. “I’m listening. Go on.”
I took a drink of my tea to give me time to gather my thoughts. I’d been thinking about the book all day whenever I had a moment or two to myself.
“I saw…a lot of myself in some of Shelby’s cautionary tales. I’m guessing that I’m the inspiration for her bad examples. Anyway, she doesn’t say not to call a man because it’s not ladylike. She says not to call him – and only in the beginning of a relationship – because we as women do too much of the work when we’re dating someone. That we let men get away with murder. They don’t have to lift a finger. She pushes the idea that we need to hold men to a higher standard, and if a man can’t take one minute to send you a text or call you then he’s not the kind of guy that you want.”
I didn’t mention the whole bathroom wall thing that Shelby had said. Her words still haunted me days later. Was I such a wuss when in a relationship? Apparently, my sister thought I was.
“I completely agree,” Emmy said with a definite nod of approval. “Women let men get away with all sorts of shit when we really should be making them put in a little damn effort.”
“According to Shelby if being easy on men were a crime, I’d be doing twenty-five to life.”
Wrinkling her nose, Emmy’s front teeth sunk into her lower lip. “Well…you do tend to make excuses for them. Not that we all don’t do that from time to time, but that does seem to be your habit. Most of the men you’ve dated weren’t worth a pile of spit, to be honest. You deserve better.”
I did deserve better. Funny how a near death experience puts a hell of a whole lot into perspective. I wanted a man who was as invested in the relationship as I was. I wanted him to love me as much as I loved him.
It wasn’t too much to ask.
“I deserve better,” I echoed, smacking the table with my hand to emphasize my point. “And I will get better. You know, from now on, I’m not going to take any shit from a guy. If he says he’ll call the next day, he better do it. In fact, he better do everything he says he’s going to do. Because that’s what decent human beings do, right? They keep their word.”
“Good for you. Go get ’em, girl. Show them who is the boss.” She was about to take a drink of her tea and then stopped. “You are, in case that wasn’t really clear.”
“Damn right I am. I’m not the same person who walked into that convenience store. I’m a strong woman who doesn’t need a man in my life to be happy.”
Emmy’s brows shot up in surprise. “So if Josh doesn’t man up and act right, you’d end the relationship?”
“We don’t have a relationship.”
“But if you did,” she persisted. “Would you end it? If he didn’t keep his word? If he acted like a jerk?”
The one thing the book had shown me was that love without trust and respect wasn’t much of a prize. If the only way I could have Josh was to be his doormat…
I’d pass.
“I would end it.” I could hear Emmy’s sharp intake of breath. “If Josh can’t be a decent boyfriend then he doesn’t deserve me.”
“I’m proud of you.”
I was proud of me, too.
“I can’t keep making the same mistakes and expecting a different outcome. If Josh is the type of guy who only takes and never gives, then yes, I’d kick him to the curb.”
Sadly, I didn’t think I was ever going to have to make that call, though.
* * *
Josh
On Saturday I didn’t go to the office, instead heading to my parents’ home to help my dad with repainting the back porch and steps. It was just one item on my father’s to do list for winterizing the lawn and house. At his age, he didn’t need to be out there all day working when Luke and I were around to help him. Except that my brother was nowhere to be seen.
“Where is Luke?”
My dad stacked the paint cans on the porch. “He called to say he had to go into the office. It’s just you and me.”
“Bullshit, I’m the boss and there’s no reason he needs to work today. He just doesn’t want to paint.”
My dad just shrugged, an act he wouldn’t have done twenty years ago. He’d been one hard ass about household chores and no one in our family got to skip them because they had other things to do.
“There’s plenty of work to be done. He can do the house lights for the holidays.”
That was a crappy job, cold and sometimes snowy, too. Luke could climb up on the roof and risk his neck hanging lights and putting the Santa by the chimney.
We worked side by side for a while just talking about all the other items on Dad’s list. It was never-ending from what I’d seen but I liked the fact that he’d always been proud of the way our home looked. Every year he had two lists of projects – one for summer and one for winter. Light bulbs barely even had a chance to burn out in our house before he had them replaced.
After we finished the first coat of light blue, we retreated to the garage where Dad put on the small space heater and then grabbed two beers from the refrigerator. He handed one to me before settling into a lawn chair. I took the one next to his facing the street so we could watch the comings and goings of the neighborhood. Dad had left up the garage door and this was one of his favorite things to do in between chores. He said people didn’t care about their neighbors anymore. They only thought about themselves and their phones.
Hell, he was probably right. He was most of the time anyway.
“Dad…can I ask you a question?”
I’d been debating the wisdom of asking this question since we’d started painting and had come to the conclusion that it was a stupid idea, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. My conversations with Luke and Rachel had me all twisted around. Then Mia getting caught in that robbery… I barely knew which way was up anymore. All I knew was that I had more questions than answers in my life.
“You know you can always ask me a question, son. It sounds like you’re bothered by something.”
That pretty much summed it up. Something. What I didn’t know.
“How did you know Mom was the one? I mean…how did you know that you wanted to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her?”
If my dad thought the question was strange or unexpected he didn’t act like it. In fact, he didn’t even hesitate to answer as if he’d been waiting for the moment I’d finally ask.
“I know this isn’t want you want to hear but you just know. When not being in the same room with her brings on an actual physical pain, you know. When you admire her and want to brag to all your friends about her, you know. When you don’t care if her hair isn’t washed or if she’s wearing makeup, you know. When she’s the first person you want to see in the morning, you know. When she makes your life better by just being in it, you know.”
That’s it? That’s the entirety of my father’s wisdom on love and women. I would just know?
Shit.
“No offense, Dad, but that sounds like a load of bull.”
Luckily, he didn’t take offense, simply laughing at my statement and taking another gulp of his beer.
“I told you it wasn’t what you wanted to hear. What did you think I was going to tell you? That you’d hear music like in the movies? That’d be nice but I doubt it’s going to happen. Why are you asking? Do you think you’ve met someone?”
“No, but Luke said I wouldn’t recognize the right woman if she came up and slapped my face. Rachel says that I keep breaking up with them because I have to do it first. I don’t like being dumped.”
I didn’t mention the whole Mia situation. Suddenly finding her sexually attractive didn’t have anything to do with this problem. That was a problem all on its own.
“No one likes being hurt, although you may have gone out of your way to avoid it. You won’t be able to forever, though. No one can. Eventually you’ll get your heart broke just like the rest of us mortals.” Dad sat straighter in his chair and turned his gaze to me. It was that look he’d given me when he was dropping me off at college. That you’re a man now look and I’m about to lay some wisdom on your ass, so listen up. “You’re a good son, Josh. Funny, smart, and a hard worker. No one could be more proud of you than your mother and I.”
There was a “but” coming… I could feel it.
“But…” I prompted.
Dad laughed and shook his head. “There is no but. You’ve grown into a fine man. Your mom and I did a damn good job.”
It was nice that they could congratulate themselves.
“It sounded like there was a but in that sentence.”
“I just wish that perhaps you would have had to work harder for some things. Women being one of them. It’s come far too easy for you. You don’t appreciate what you have and you think it will always be that way. If you had had to struggle a little more you might not act like this, breaking up with them before they break up with you. You could avoid heartache because there was always another woman to take their place. I’m sure you’ve had fun but I don’t think it’s done you much good as a person.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. My father had rarely spoke so open and honestly with me about love and relationships.
“You think I’ve had it easy? That I don’t appreciate the women in my life?”
For a moment I thought he was going to deny it but then he nodded. “Yes, I do.”
Wow, I was floored, barely able to take a breath. I couldn’t blame Dad, though. I had asked and he’d answered.
I didn’t know what else to say but once again my dad was right there for me.
“The question, son, isn’t how you know when you’ve met the right woman. That’s not the important point here. The question is…what kind of man do you want to be with a woman? Any woman, not just the one. That’s the real issue, and only you can answer that.”
I didn’t have an answer. I wasn’t even sure what he meant exactly.
“I want to be like you.”
Shaking his head, my dad took another drink of his beer. “No, son. That’s not how this works. You can’t be an imitation of me. You have to be a genuine you. You’ve been so busy working on what you wanted to be you haven’t given a moment of thought to who you wanted to be. Maybe now’s the time.”
I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to do less. I had a good life and this discontent was just a phase. Tomorrow or the next day I’d forget all about it. Everything was fine and I didn’t need to find some mythical woman of my dreams. I was letting other people get into my head and mess with my brain when I should be focused on what was important. The work.
For once, Dad was wrong. I knew who I was.
And I wasn’t about to change for some female.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Mia
The dress I was wearing cost way too much money but Shelby had assured me that the expenditure was worth it. She’d also told me that she and Brad were going to pick up the tab for the bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen’s tuxedos. When I’d heard that I almost passed out in relief. One item off of my “to be paid for” list.
The sleeveless dress was a soft gold silk that fell just above my knees. It was a clever design that made it look like a skirt with a top but it was actually one piece and very comfortable. My favorite part was the pearls around the neckline that seem to glow under the lights. I’d paired the dress with gold sandals and jewelry, even putting a small butterfly clip in my updo.
I didn’t often feel confident or beautiful but when I’d looked into the mirror tonight I’d been happy with the reflection that stared back at me. I felt sophisticated and a little glamorous, which was a far cry from my usual workday attire.
I’d enjoyed the admiration that I’d seen in my date’s eyes tonight. Trent Aldridge was everything Shelby had said he would be – so far, anyway. He was handsome and successful, a full partner in his family’s law firm. He was tall and knew how to wear a suit, too. He was unnaturally tan for this time of year, his golden skin showing off his dark blond hair and blue eyes. From our brief conversation it sounded like he’d just come back from vacation at a tropical destination.
“I’ll get us a drink,” he offered when we arrived at the fancy hotel that was hosting the engagement party. Normally Emmy would be working feverishly to make sure everything went off without a hitch b
ut Shelby had insisted that their friend turn all responsibilities over to her assistant Jana. “What would you like?”
It was a special occasion and that called for a special drink.
“Thank you. Champagne would be lovely.”
“I’ll be right back.”
Trent strode across the room to the bar area. No, he strutted. That was definitely a strut. I could see from his expression that he was enjoying the eyes on him. Interesting. I’d already figured out that he had more than his share of self-esteem. I’d also found out that he didn’t have much of a sense of humor. I’d sort of been joking around and all I got in response was a frown. It wasn’t about religion or politics, so I hoped I didn’t upset him but dammit, it was funny. He should have laughed.
Josh would have laughed.
Josh isn’t your escort this evening. Get over it.
My gaze instantly sought out the man that I was supposed to hunting…or trapping…or whatever. Tonight was about him seeing me in a different light, a romantic one. Trent was a good sport to play the part of the besotted suitor but I still couldn’t shake the idea that there was something really wrong with him if a good-looking guy with oodles of money couldn’t get a date. It didn’t seem plausible. Shelby had said that he just broke up with a girl so there might be an excellent explanation.
Josh.
He was wearing a dark blue suit with a matching silk tie. As sexy as Josh was, he never seemed quite comfortable all dressed up. He was more of a jeans and t-shirt kind of a guy but he did look good. Unfortunately, he didn’t look thrilled to be dressed in his Sunday best and his shoes shined to a mirror-like finish. Even his curly hair had been tamed tonight with a smattering of gel.
Our gazes clashed across the dance floor and for a moment I thought he was going to come speak to me but then Trent showed up at my elbow again bearing a fluted glass of golden liquid. After seeing Josh, I needed a drink. My knees were trembling and I was having trouble catching my breath. I accepted the glass from Trent and took a generous sip, allowing the cool elixir to run down my suddenly parched throat. It wasn’t fair that one man had this sort of effect on me.
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