She was watching Kim Possible episodes on her TV, smiling at the memories that were attached to her role model at a young age.
Out of nowhere, perhaps heavenly luck struck, and an angel sent a strike down on Earth, she watched the bluish light of her phone screen light up.
Her fingers wrapped around the device as she stared at it.
Three simple words were written on the screen from the number she'd messaged a week ago. Her heart rate skyrocketed almost instantaneously and pulsated I'm her chest as she stared. She couldn't contain the happiness it brought her even if the words could potentially lead to more hurt.
She was willing to deal with pain of happiness came along with it.
She felt giddy and in need to reply and tell him of all the early-mid-life crisis' she was encountering. Her realization that it was okay to be kind, that it was okay to love unconditionally.
As scenarios played in her mind, they put her to sleep with the three words to comfort her for the night.
Who is this?
Chapter 36: I am Fire
After a long day, Adam went home with Laci, leaving the office a bit early as the weekend was about to begin. He was exhausted as he walked into her home with a broad smile on his face. They'd decided to cook dinner together- his personal favorite was salmon and rice and he was excited for that tonight.
They scrambled to cook it together, a strange wanting filling the room. They refused to touch each other until the cooking was done.
"I.... uh... saw this bird earlier today- you know- the scooter. Some kid crashed it into my front desk somehow," Laci chuckled, pouring herself a plate of rice and placing the salmon above it. "But the weird thing is that I gave the kid a lollipop instead of yelling at them. Isn't that weird of me, Adam, I have a grown kid a lollipop after they dented my desk with a scooter."
Adam shrugged, "when you're happy, you spread the wealth, you probably made that kid's day."
Today was an odd day for Adam. It was Eleanor's Birthday... he felt odd being with Laci and wanting Laci over Eleanor at this moment. He had to desperately keep reminding himself that they were no longer together.
His mind rolled back to their month in Oklahoma- they struggled so much to speak to each other- they couldn't forgive each other. And then some jerk who knew she'd been a warm-blooded killer ratted her out.
"I suppose." Laci continued, taking a last bite of her salmon and standing up to place her plate in the dish washer. She washed her hands and sat beside Adam once again. His mind was far from the living room at this point, puzzling at the world.
Who had actually known about Eleanor? Zac. It had to be Zac. He was the only other person on the planet who knew.
"Laci, I need to make a few phone calls tonight, can we.... reschedule?"
"And here I was thinking I had your undivided attention," she laughed.
"Laci, baby you do.... I just.... need to call my PI."
"What are you investigating?"
"I can't... I can't tell you that now, but I promise it'll all make sense later on."
"I'm sure it'll make sense to you, but Adam, you're half-committed to spending time together and getting to know me. I don't know what's always on your mind, but I really want it damn well gone. It's not fair to me to have half a heart from you when I'm trying to put my full heart on the line." She said, it felt like a repeat of her previous relationship. She wasn't the kind to forgive, most definitely not forget. She grabbed her purse, "Look Adam, I..." she took a deep breath.
"Laci, today is my ex-wife's birthday, I haven't spoken to her in months and before that I thought she was dead. I thought she'd committed suicide over something idiotic my father and I had done. I'm not proud of that, but please don't walk out on me. I like spending time with you Lace, you make me smile more than I have in months. I..." Adam stood up and walked over to her, he tucked a hair behind her ear as he stood between her seated body. She looked up at his intense brown gaze.
"Can I be honest with you Adam," she said, with a hitch in her breath that she'd hoped would be disguised.
"Of course, always." He leaned down and sat on his knees, his torso between her legs and her cheeks aflame.
"I do like you Adam and we do have a lot of fun together... but I've been down this road before and I know it ends in a cliff that I'm not sure I want to keep falling and climbing back up to. It's been fun but it's not the right time for me. I'm sorry."
"So that's it then?" Adam's voice was strained as he moved a hand from her waist to her cheek, she leaned into his touch.
"Yes, I need to find someone who is all for me, and I don't feel that here." She stood up, "goodbye Adam."
Picking up her purse, she walked back over to Adam, placing a soft kiss on his cheek before heading for the door.
"Laci... please wait... I..."
"I understand Adam, when the time comes, things will work out." She gave him a close-mouthed smile before heading out, pain filling her eyes rapidly as she rushed to her car. Tears piled in as she gasped loudly, thinking of what she'd just done.
"Why am I like this?!" She shouted at nothing in particular, "this self-deprecating behavior needs to stop." She wiped her eyes after a few minutes in her car.
Instead of walking back inside Adam's home to fix things, she pulled out the driveway and drove home. It was dark out and the world was hazy. She parked in front of her apartment building. It was more of an expensive condo, but nobody in this building spoke to each other. She headed up to the fourth floor, the first three were auditoriums for guests, and entered apartment 2G. It was across from apartment 2C where she knew a famous model lived.
She'd never met her or even seen her face; it was just muttered once in the elevator.
She headed into her apartment and set her stuff down, walking into the kitchen to grab some water. She didn't even change afterwards, simply shutting her eyes and sleeping on the couch.
Adam's fingers grazed the small diamonds surrounding the largest one on the ring that Magdalene reluctantly gave back to him.
He thought of Eleanor once again, at this point, he'd felt they were merely star-crossed lovers. He kissed the ring, hoping it could somehow put back the pieces of their fallen hearts. Poetic, he laughed at the thought.
He needed closure or he needed Eleanor, there was no in between. He needed to find her and have a grown-up conversation. He needed to tell her that he was not the one to alert the police, and mostly he needed to tell her he still loved her. Take it or leave it, Laci's departure left a sore spot on him as he shut his eyes and went to bed.
Chapter 37: Melt
Every day she left at 7 in the morning and came back home at 10. Laci had watched Eleanor day in and day out, curious why the model needed such specific hours.
And then one day, she didn't come home. And then the very next morning, she walked into her apartment with messy hair and stained lips. Laci was curious, but nevertheless, continued to go on with life.
That was, until Eleanor accidentally tried to enter her home one day. She'd ignored it, avoiding the blonde drunk diva.
And then came the boys. Day in and day out she'd bring in a new man.
Until one day, that man was Adam. And Laci became more than confused. Except Adam wasn't a one-time thing, he was recurring, he was driving her mad as she watched them, and he didn't even know it yet.
Chapter 38: Warmth
What's funny is the most dangerous things give the most warmth. A fireplace, for example, is more dangerous than you will ever know. It emits a deadly gas and the fire could potentially burn the house down. But we still keep them around- why? Because they provide warmth.
That text Adam sent had opened doors for the girl with the blonde hair. She, with her blonde hair, grinned warmly after her breath-taking gaze into his eyes. Nodding her gaze at his touch, leaning into his palm. He was not Adam, but he felt so much like Adam.
She had done this too often now. Sent a risky text, then went out to pretend another man was the m
an she could not get over, or under to say the least.
It came down to it. And now her messages had drawn her to the wilderness. Unable to withstand the tightening in her chest each time she thought of him and wondered why he waited so long to reply with every message. Every light stroke of the keypad of his cell phone was indicated by three little gray dots which would disappear as instantly as her happiness. Everything felt bland and she couldn't shake that feeling.
Adam
Who is this?
Eleanor
Eleanor. If this is Adam, I forgive you and I hope you can find it in your heart to do the same.
She was going to add, "I love you," but thought against it. This was the most unstable communication she'd ever dealt with, she felt like she was dealing with a reactive solution that would explode if it encountered a breath of air. A feather would be a blow to the stability of their current relationship.
It took him nearly a month before the thoughts of replying to her drowned out his proper judgment and he decided to reply. He grew anxious and once it was done, he blew out air that he hadn't felt.
He had nothing going on in his life anymore. No Laci, no Magdalene, nothing interesting at work. His mother rarely spoke to him and his sister was off doing boring things in her life. After Eleanor there was no beginning or end for him, she'd ruined him, and he wasn't prepared for the destruction and the scars she'd imprinted on his soul.
Everything felt gray and boring like there was nothing never an end or a beginning to a thing in the world. It became hard waking up each morning and even harder staying awake. It was as though an avalanche had drowned him out and he wasn't having any of this.
He forced himself to wake up- to go to work. He forced himself to work hard and talk to his employees. And yet, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shake that burning feeling that he should reply, that he should try harder to cement things. There was nothing to stop them anymore. No evil forced working against them but their minds.
And they'd been through a ton. More than a ton had happened, an earthquake couldn't shake as much trauma even if it split the world in half. It seemed unfixable, like global warming and the dying polar bears. She didn't know what to do anymore.
He was unreachable, and if he was reachable, he was ungraspable. It was as though reaching for him pushed him further and as soon as she laid a claim on a single thread of his shirt, she would be tossed back into a horizon that could only swing her into a wilderness.
Adam was patient. Adam was kind. Adam deserved to be treated like a damn king. Yet day in and day out, he could feel like nothing more than a pauper.
And Eleanor's nerves were on edge. She struggled to cope with the lack of Adam.
Chapter 39: Dangerous
"Hey," she wistfully said from across the room, her heart pounding inside her chest. It could be heard from miles away as the loud from the restraint faded. It was chilly, but a nice cold that filled the room with a clean feel.
He was at a table alone, his fingers playing with the corner of the menu. He was unsure what to do, unsure if he should leave. So much had happened, so damn much had caused him pain.
The room was dimmed with faint music playing in the background and soaking into his ears.
He hadn't heard her, there were too many people. But he felt her presence and turned.
Madison stood with bright eyes, her nerves on edge as she smiled at him. She wasn't ugly, he just couldn't get the picture of Eleanor out of his mind once he was met with her blonde hair. The same wispy color that caused him to stand up and approach her. The whimsical texture that seemed to fly with each passing step.
They'd been only married for a year and yet he couldn't shake the feeling that he lost something valuable and wasn't getting it back.
He had a thing for blondes which didn't exist before he met Eleanor. And he hated himself for talking to Madison for the sole reason of the color of her hair. She could be as boring as a plank of wood, but he'd still want to talk to her, just to look at her hair.
Was that weird?
He'd had endless nights of sleepless nightmares. It all ran down to the center of the issue.
Eleanor has died, Eleanor did not actually die, Eleanor came back and committed a crime, Eleanor disappeared, Eleanor reappeared, Eleanor was alive.
***
"Eleanor, you look like shit! Take the day off." Stephanie, of Demeter Modeling company, called as soon as she walked into work that morning. Truth was, Eleanor was exhausted and if the dark bags under her eyes didn't show it, then the slow movements she made probably did.
Between her nightly activities and her daily job at Demeter, it was as though she had no time to relax or breathe even.
"You know Steph," Eleanor approached the older woman, a joking smile on her face as she put her elbow on the woman's shoulder and leaned, " I think I will."
Stephanie simply shrugged Eleanor's arm off and headed for the stairs.
And with that, Eleanor turned around and headed through the door. She decided what better way to spend the day than walking around New Jersey enjoying the cool air. She hadn't actually been out and about on these streets for months.
It felt like so much time had gone by and nothing came from it but boredom and lots and lots of sleeping around with strangers.
Eleanor roamed the streets, feeling bubbly as she crossed the street with the sun spraying her with warmth. She missed this- this feeling of being surrounded by nature and getting the chance to have the rays of sunlight dance on her skin.
She approached a nearby shop, looking at the delicate clothes inside and entering. She hadn't bought clothes for herself in months, she hadn't chosen what to wear for months.
It was as though the world had moved onto another beginning and she was ready for the old story to end.
She understood now what it meant. To hurt someone so badly and so often that whatever pain you wanted to do to cause more pain couldn't hurt them anymore. They became immune.
She walked around for a few minutes until she found a cute pink top that was elegant in all its simplicity. She went to the cashier and purchased it, putting it over her white tank top and matching her short black skirt.
Her flats were pink, and it was as though that shirt was made to match.
She exited the shop, the nice breeze picking up giving her a beach feel. It felt so right, and so she decided to call a taxi and go to the beach.
***
The cafe, the bar, the next drink stop was fine, but Adam hadn't actually had a genuine meal in a while. He'd had a ton to drink and that might've been why he was feeling weird.
He took Madison out to a restaurant. And the truth was, she was as boring as a rock. He sat and listened to her talk for about thirty minutes while he ate.
Bored out of his mind, he excused himself to use the restroom and left out the front door. He could feel her simmering gaze on his muscles back but didn't turn around. He needed some air.
Embarrassed, Madison looked around to ensure nobody was watching and stood from her seat. She headed for the bathroom.
She stood staring at the mirror for a few moments before deciding she was better than some random guy she'd just met and exited the bathroom and the restaurant.
By the time she was outside, she could no longer search for the cute brown hair of Adam Carnegie because he was gone.
She straightened out her dress and headed toward her car.
***
I saw her. That had to be her. Adam thought, staring at the blonde from the distance. He walked toward the blonde hair of the thin girl in blue jeans. But, when he approached, he saw her face and it wasn't the one he'd been looking for.
Eleanor has a face that was fit for magazines and she was indeed on magazines. He couldn't help but think that sometimes someone's entry into his life can so easily take him by surprise and take his heart so rapidly.
He looked at the stranger, who instantly recognized him and smiled.
"Mr. Carnegie!"
She said, approaching him, "I've heard all about you! I'm Bree." She held her hand up for him to shake.
"Hi Bree, nice to meet you." He amended her courage of approaching him.
"You look just as good in person." She giggled, "if not better."
"Thank... you?" He said, almost a question.
"Oh, you're very welcome! I was following the entire case since your marriage to Eleanor! It's insane and wild and kind of unbelievable! Like what a plot twist!" She beamed and Adam smiled, he didn't feel uncomfortable with the memories. In fact, he felt rather reminiscent.
He stood there while the girl spoke.
"Mr. Carnegie? Did you hear me?" She asked, waving her hand in front of his face.
"I'm sorry, what did you say? I really need to get going, it was nice to meet you." He backed away just as the girl opened her mouth again.
She rushed beside him, "I was just wondering if you and Eleanor are going to get back together. It would be the highlight of my century!" She smiled, walking besides Adam. It wasn't long before he ended up on the pier besides the neighboring beach. The cafe was about half a mile from here where he had left the dull girl.
"Well, I guess you'll just have to wait to find out." Adam looked at the girl and she gave him a broad smile, feeling hopeful and confused all at once.
"I'm rooting for you two." The girl laughed, walking towards the arcade and leaving Adam alone.
He felt strange here, like he was being lured into the beach, but he didn't leave the boardwalk. There were crowds of people laughing and the sun was shining.
It was a beautiful day. He took off his shoes and began walking by the water. He got strange looks from people for stepping onto the sand wearing his work suit but continued to walk regardless. People’s opinions of him were the last thing on his mind.
It smelled like the beach. In fact, it was the ocean and the salty breeze that had him take off his suit jacket and fold up his sleeves. He felt a sense of freedom walking on that beach. He felt inspired and happy. He reached the farthest point from the boardwalk and turned around to walk back to the boardwalk.
The Girl that Fled (Bliss Book 3) Page 19
