A warning: There are many commercially available vaginal lubricants, from K-Y jelly to products you can buy from catalogs. They work well and even come in assorted flavors, which can also enhance oral sex. Use one of those products— not anything else—for vaginal lubrication. Vaseline, baby oil, mineral oil, and other types of petroleum-based products can clog pores and lead to vaginal irritation and infection. Also, these lubricants can break down the latex in a condom, causing a complete elimination of their usefulness as a disease barrier at just the wrong time.
A few years after being told I was not able to conceive anymore, I went to my gynecologist, and to relieve my hot flashes and help with my cholesterol problem, she suggested hormone-replacement therapy. Now I take my pills every morning and my body lubricates the way it always did. But this is not what’s making the sex better, by the way.
Taking synthetic female hormones is recommended by most doctors for most women, but it’s not for everyone. In my case, it completely eliminated my awful hot flashes, and once my doctor and I found the proper dosage, I have all the advantages of natural hormones, but I no longer get my period. Ain’t science grand!
Another subtle problem for the postmenopausal woman is that the clitoral hood, the tissue that covers the clitoris, becomes thinner as the years pass. This can mean that stimulation that used to be exciting is now irritating, almost painful. This thinning happens so slowly that many woman think it’s always been that way and neglect to discuss the problem with their partners. Mentioning that a lighter touch would be more enjoyable can completely alleviate this difficulty.
For men, the problems of aging can be more subtle and, in some ways, even more insidious. An erect penis is an indication of manliness. A “limp dick” is a symbol of failure for a man. You’re not a “stud” anymore, so you should be put out to pasture with the old horses who can’t impregnate the young mares any longer. More horse pucky.
It is certainly true that for an older man, erections happen more slowly, aren’t as firm, and don’t last as long. It’s not the end of everything, and it won’t be unless you let it. It does mean that it may take a hand or even a mouth on the penis to get it sufficiently erect for penetration. Frankly, I don’t see that as a drawback, but a pleasure.
By the way, I’ve had enough lovers to make the following statement: For me, and I believe for most women, once a penis is inside my vagina, I could care less how big it was when it went in. My body easily accommodates to both larger and smaller men, and the physical sensation is really no different. The “hung like a horse” myth is just that. As a matter of fact, I was once with a man who was exceedingly “well hung.” Unfortunately, he was a lousy lover and depended on his size to make up for a lack of communication and caring. And, a day later, I was so sore that I ended up at my doctor’s. I never made love with him again.
Also, from the woman’s point of view, once a man’s penis is inside, she has no significant change in sensation because it is rock-hard or slightly softer. I can tell you that I particularly enjoy placing my partner’s penis inside of me while it is still soft and then telling a story or using a few selected erotic images and feeling it get harder as he gets more excited. In this case, I can feel the change, and it’s wonderful. Although the harder penis doesn’t change my pleasure, it indicates my partner’s arousal.
Slower erections in older men are an added benefit for those who once suffered from premature ejaculation. This problem is almost eliminated because of the physical changes due to aging. It takes longer for an older man to get sufficiently stimulated to ejaculate. This added time may give you and your partner an opportunity to enjoy some of the long make-out sessions that gave you problems earlier in your sexual life.
Men often find that they climax less often and that it takes longer from the height of sexual tension to orgasm. In addition, the time between erections also gets longer. When you were twenty, you could probably get a second erection within a few minutes of ejaculation. As the years passed, that refractory period got longer and longer. These timing shifts are a result of the physiological changes that happen with age. But most men assume that this time lag will get longer and longer, until climax just doesn’t happen anymore. Or they worry that eventually they will not be able to “get it up.” Still more horse pucky. As long as you’re healthy, intercourse can and will still happen if you want it to, and ejaculations will occur naturally, when your body is ready.
Men, keep something in mind. One of the differences women bemoan is that men seem to get hot almost instantly, while women may take fifteen to thirty minutes to become fully aroused. Many women complain that they frequently aren’t totally aroused by the time the man enters and climaxes. This becomes less and less of a problem as the years pass, since a man’s timing and a woman’s become more in sync.
If you are beginning to focus on that lengthening time span before intercourse, you are missing an entire segment of sexual enjoyment. It’s the trip that’s the pleasure, not the destination. Make a mental effort to enjoy the play, the eroticism of the journey you and your partner are taking through sexuality each time you make love, and try not to concentrate so completely on the orgasm at the other end. I find there are times that I don’t climax, not because something goes wrong, but because there is so much pleasure in the experience itself that an orgasm isn’t necessary.
Impotence due solely to age is infrequent in men. Let me say that again, louder. Impotence due solely to age is infrequent in men. However, there are other causes of lack of sexual function.
A frequent cause of temporary impotence is medication. Many doctors don’t inform patients that cardiac drugs, for example, can inhibit a man’s penis from becoming erect. Unfortunately, too often the patient is so embarrassed by his impotence that he doesn’t mention it on future visits. Men, talk to your doctor. He or she may be able to adjust your medication to minimize or completely eliminate this problem. I know it’s difficult, but isn’t a lifetime of continued good sex worth a few minutes of awkwardness?
A suggestion: Since levels of testosterone (the male hormone) are at their highest in the morning, it may make erection and ejaculation easier. Have a quick cup of coffee, if you must, and then go back to bed. Making love in the daylight can be very enjoyable, particularly for those who have always made love at night, in the dark. Try having her lie in the bed with her naked pussy in a shaft of warm sun. That’s an area of a woman’s body that may never have felt anything like that before. It’s truly delicious—and I speak from experience.
Diseases can also play havoc with erections, either temporarily or permanently. If your impotence is a permanent result of an uncorrectable condition, there are other strategies that can be used to allow you to continue to satisfy both your partner and, more importantly, yourself. Talk to your doctor, or consult a specialist on male reproductive function. From implants to drugs, there are more and more products entering the market every year. And they work.
For both sexes, changes in nerve and circulatory function alter the way things feel on our bodies. For many aging partners, areas that used to be erogenous are no longer special. Sensations seem to be numbed. I find that, due to decades of bras and a decrease in blood flow, my nipples are less sensitive and become erect far more slowly. These changes in both men and women are often misinterpreted, overlooked, or ignored, allowing them eventually to dominate the relationship.
Some suggestions: Since sexual patterns so thoroughly ingrained are difficult to break, try something as simple as swapping sides of the bed. It gives things a whole new perspective. Or try a hand or foot massage or a long session brushing your partner’s hair. These simple sensual pleasures are often overlooked and can lend a new depth of feeling to a relationship.
Maybe now is the time to map your partner’s body. Place your partner out on the bed, naked, and begin with a light massage. A light stroking massage can be done without messy oils or creams. Check the backs of knees, insides of ankles, and elbows. Try the nape of
the neck or the skin just behind the ear. Find the ticklish places and caress them if your partner likes, or avoid them entirely. I, for one, hate to be tickled. Touch all over and make new mental notes of what causes your partner to shiver or moan, and what places are no longer as sensitive as they used to be.
Once you know his or her body, try some different sensations, a feather, a leaf, a cotton ball, a furry glove, a rose petal, or a piece of silk. Then switch to a piece of rough fabric or even fine sandpaper. Try a bag filled with warm water or an ice cube. Try the lightest touch of your finger or a scratch with a fingernail. Try everything and use the information for future lovemaking sessions. Then turn your partner over and begin again.
• • •
An old bull and a young bull stood on a hill overlooking a herd of cows. “Let’s run down the hill and fuck a cow,” the young bull said.
The old bull sighed. “Let’s walk down the hill,” he said, “and fuck them all.”
TRY SOMETHING NEW:
STORYTELLING
Reading erotica aloud can be a wonderful way to begin an evening. Hearing about the exploits of others indulging their every sexual whim can lead to new heights of sensual play. As you already know, there are dozens of stories in this book that you can read to your partner, or ask him or her to read to you. Since some people have difficulty saying specific words or discussing explicit sex, you can “force” or “dare” your partner to read aloud. You may be most pleasantly surprised by the results.
Telling stories in the dark is a variation, another delicious prelude to lovemaking. Creating erotic situations and “what if” scenarios allows you to delve into realms forbidden in ordinary activity. You can be in absolute control, or totally give up control. You can make love with an audience, in the weightlessness of space, in a hot tub or a snowbank. Anything’s possible.
You can also talk about activities that you’ve always dreamt about, and if your partner’s radar is functioning, maybe he or she will hear your request for a new, off-center activity.
You can always make up your own story, of course, but in case you’re not feeling creative, I’ve included some story starters, setups of familiar themes that you can use to begin your midnight tale of erotic pleasure. And, of course, you can lead these stories into areas that you want to explore. Be very aware of your partner’s reaction to a new sexual situation. You may be surprised at what’s dwelling in the dark recesses of his or her fantasy world. You can help to bring those fantasies into the light and maybe make some of them come true.
So here are some stories. I’ll start them and you and your loved one can finish them.
The Detective
“So you need me to find your stolen jewels before your son-in-law finds out they’re missing,” the tall, lean, casually dressed man in his mid-fifties said. “Have I got that right so far?”
“Yes, Mr. Cooper,” Meredith said. “I must have them back before the family party this weekend.” Behind her back, she crossed her fingers in an unconscious gesture. There was so much at stake, and Cooper had come well recommended. She had found out that he had done work for her company before. This, however, was personal.
“And how much are you prepared to pay me?” The detective lounged behind his desk, his easygoing manner in direct contrast to the sexual charge he was sending out.
“I’ll pay you a thousand dollars now and another thousand when you find the jewels. That’s everything I can spare.” She had to convince him to help. He was her last hope.
“What about the jewels? They must be worth a fortune.”
“They are, but they’re not mine. They were part of my mother’s estate, left in my care but in trust for my daughter. My son-in-law is threatening to take me to court if I don’t hand them over. It’s not the court that bothers me, but he also says he won’t let me see my grandchildren, and my daughter will go along with him.”
“I gather you don’t like him much.”
“Let’s just say that he’s not my favorite person. And I don’t really trust him, either.”
“I see. You think there’s something else going on here?”
“Yes.” Meredith sighed and tried to relax her gritted teeth. “He saw me wearing them at a formal business dinner we attended together recently. He’s a vice president of my late husband’s firm. I spent the night in the hotel after the dinner and now the necklace, bracelet, and ring are gone.”
“Well, well, well,” Cooper said. “It seems you are in a bit of trouble.” He opened the bottom drawer of his desk and indolently propped his feet on top. “Two thousand doesn’t really seem enough to compensate me for my trouble.”
Meredith shifted in the uncomfortable chair and rubbed the palms of her hands down her tailored black slacks. She stared at her knees, then gazed back at the attractive man. He had made himself quite clear and she had nowhere else to go. “I might be able to go to three thousand. I’m not a wealthy woman, Mr. Cooper.”
He didn’t move, just raised an eyebrow.
She sighed and stood up. “I’m sorry I bothered you.”
“Don’t be in such a hurry to leave,” Cooper said, his eyes roaming her shapely body. “Maybe we can make other arrangements.”
Meredith slowly lowered herself back into the chair and raked her long fingers through her short, curly salt-and-pepper hair. “Like?” She had a feeling she knew exactly what he was referring to, but she would wait and hear it from his sensualmouth.
“Like you. You’re a very sexy lady and I find that you excite me. I’ll forgo my fee and find your jewels if you agree to spend a weekend with me when this is all over. I won’t force you into my bed, although that’s where you’ll end up, I hope. I just want enough time to convince you that you and I can make your body sing with pleasure, the likes of which you’ve never experienced before.”
Meredith took a deep, shuddering breath. Cooper was gazing at her with piercing blue eyes that seemed to see into her soul. She felt wetness begin between her legs and her nipples tingled. She looked at his sandy blond hair and wondered how it would feel between her fingers. She stared at his brushy mustache and could almost feel it scraping her breasts. She took another deep breath and nodded. “All right, I agree,” she whispered. “I agree.”
The Telepath
“I can see that you’re new here,” the man said, taking the seat next to Serena in the shuttle station.
“Yes, I am,” Serena said. “I’m waiting for the dispatcher to get me a flitter-car to take me to my hotel.”
“Have you ever been off-world before?” the man asked.
“No,” Serena said, breathless with the excitement of new adventure. “This is my first trip. I’ve saved for months to get here. I have wanted to visit Panar since I came of age.” She took in the man’s slightly greenish skin and sixth finger. “You’re a Panaran,” she said, awed.
The man smiled. “Rolt is my name, and yes, I’m a Panaran. And you’re Terran.”
“My name’s Serena.” She extended her hand. “It’s very nice to meet you.”
Rather than taking her hand, the man said, “How much do you know about Panarans, and particularly those of the Russss class?” The word hissed from his mouth softly, like the sound of a beautiful but terribly dangerous snake.
Serena snatched her hand back. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize you were Russss. You’re a telepath.”
“Only by touch.” He fixed her with his eyes. “But if I was to touch you, I would know every thought, every desire. It makes us very useful as business negotiators, and as lovers.”
Serena blushed to the roots of her hair. She had read about these Russss classers and the stories had drawn her to this planet like a magnet. She hadn’t expected to meet one so quickly, however. “That’s very interesting,” she said, hands trembling.
“I don’t have to be a telepath to know it’s much more than interesting to you. I have my personal flittercar outside. I could buy you a drink and you could learn a bit more about Russss
classers like me.”
She was more tempted than she had ever been. She was experienced in love, as everyone was expected to be in this day and age, but there were so many erotic pleasures she longed to experience. And Russss classers were the most skilled of lovers.
“Your flitter-car, Miss,” the dispatcher said, lights on his panel blinking. “May I take your luggage?”
Rolt extended his hand toward her. “Should he take your luggage, or should I?”
Serena gazed into Rolt’s fathomless almost-black eyes. She reached out and touched his hand lightly. She turned to the dispatcher. “Thank you,” she said, “but I won’t be needing that flitter-car after all.” She tightened her grip on Rolt’s hand and together they walked toward his flitter-car.
The Next-Door Neighbor
“Well, Adam,” Lisa said, “it’s good to see you back for the summer.”
“It’s good to be back,” Adam said, admiring the way his next-door neighbor seemed to get more beautiful each year. Although she was at least forty, she had been the center of his most graphic sexual fantasies for most of his teenaged years.
Adam watched Lisa’s eyes roam over his body. He straightened his back and was suddenly glad he had spent all those hours in the weight room at college. He also realized that he had selected the particularly becoming light blue polo shirt and white shorts because he thought he might be seeing her today.
“How did your junior year go?” she asked, sitting back down on her lawn chair, her long, shapely legs stretched out enticingly.
Her one-piece bathing suit both concealed and revealed, and Adam swallowed hard as he imagined the breasts and belly and velvety flesh beneath. “It went well,” Adam said, swinging his tennis racket. “Got my overall grade point average up to a three point one.”
Now and Forever--Let's Make Love Page 18
