by H. J. Bellus
It took the efforts of all three of us and the better part of six months to officially adopt Ridley. He never spent another night with Carly since our first cupcake adventure. Carly was more than happy to sign her rights away. He still packs my old yellow iPhone everywhere with him and gorges himself on my buttercream frosting. It took several months for him to settle into a new routine with us. His old habits haunted him on a daily basis, from having several accidents, to hiding food and having consistent meltdowns at his new preschool.
Ridley called me his “Mi-Mi” for months, but instantly called Miles his dad. I loved his name for me. He could have called me Willow, and I would have been just as proud. And of course, Wynnie was no longer Wynnie, she was officially the nana of the family.
I’ll never forget the day I heard the word that changed my life forever. I was out on our newly finished porch that Miles built, painting a picture on my new art easel when Ridley started screaming bloody murder from his sandbox. I bolted from the porch and found him running towards me, yelling, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!” Ridley had found his first frog, and was not impressed at all by the slimy creature.
The only remnant from the first day I met Ridley are his piercing blue eyes. Everything else about him is different. His confidence. His habits. His speech. Ridley talks non-stop about everything and everyone. The boy is infatuated with Legos and building structures. At times, we can’t keep enough objects in front of him to keep him entertained.
We’re starting to face the hard questions from him. The other night at dinner, he raised his shirt and asked what his scars were. Wynnie joins us every night for dinner, and she explained them to him while Miles and I remained speechless. I couldn’t help but cry as she told him the whole truth.
Ridley climbed up into my lap at the dinner table and announced, “Don’t cry, Momma. You saved me from them bad men. You’re my hero forever.” Then he kisses me. And that’s the magic of Ridley, always stealing my heart and brightening my life.
Miles grabs my hand, kisses my wedding ring, pulling me from my thoughts. Looking over, I see Ridley has passed out, holding his Fox that’s flashing one of his games on it.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks.
“Nothing. Just remembering how perfect our year has been together.”
“You probably need to sleep, baby. You’re going to need your rest to handle what’s coming,” he whispers, and hands me his hoodie that I still sleep with.
Miles hasn’t stopped taking care of me. Not one day passes that I don’t feel his love tingle my toes. He’s in the process of opening his own mechanic shop, but makes time for me and our family daily. Closing my eyes, I remember the day he proposed. And I’m sure you guessed it right, it wasn’t the typical proposal. It was the phone call of a lifetime.
One night while cooking dinner, Miles took Ridley outside. I was a little suspicious, but overwhelmed at that point with completing Ridley’s adoption. My phone went off several times before I finally answered it, after pulling the roast out of the oven. When I went to tap the answer bar, I noticed the background picture was a huge chocolate cupcake with a diamond ring placed in the center. The contact info read, “Be My Wife, Willow.” I immediately slapped my hand over my mouth, and then heard Ridley’s little voice. He was standing in the cutest dress shirt with a TMNT tie holding the most perfect chocolate cupcake he made with a diamond ring in the center. Miles was on his knee next to him in a dress shirt with a matching tie, as well. He repeated the words, “Be my wife, Willow.”
We married on the beach with Ridley, Wynnie, Lance, Tommy, and Luke present. It was simple, sweet, and all mine. I wore my momma’s wedding dress and Wynnie’s favorite set of pearls. Instead of exchanging vows, we shared from our notebook some of our favorite memories and promises to each other. On the way home from the beach, we stopped at the local pet shelter and adopted two puppies—one bulldog mix and a Chihuahua. We finally got our Dan and Annie.
A sudden jolt snaps me from my daydream.
“It’s okay, baby. We’re getting ready to land,” Miles assures me.
“Do they have McDonalds in Colorado?” Ridley asks him.
We both look at each other and beg with the other to lie. The Golden Arches can piss off in my book, I’m so sick of that place. But about the time we lie, our Ridley will spot one and then the twenty questions will begin.
“I think so,” Miles brushes him off, “but there’s a train at this airport and we might get to ride it.”
“Yes!” he exclaims and fist pumps the air.
Lance, Luke and Tommy really aren’t the best role models for a five year old.
***
I step into the waiting room at the hospital with Miles in front of me and little Ridley holding my hand. I want to die when I see my family. My body instantly seizes with panic and pain at the reminder of my loss.
“Momma, you okay?”
I look down to see a very confused Ridley. He can sense all my tension and discomfort. We explained as much as we could to him about the situation. I refused to leave him for even a matter of hours, let alone days. I scoop up my boy and kiss him on the forehead.
All at once the shit storm starts up. Cree leaps from his chair on the defense and Tripp stops him at once, positioning himself right in front of Cree.
“I called her. She’s my sister and I need her here. So does Annie, and you know it. You’ve told me how much you need Willow back. Cut the tough boy act,” Tripp hisses.
The room falls silent with Tripp’s words. They were whispered in Cree’s face, but the whole room heard them loud and clear. My eyes fall from Cree’s and track around the room. Not much has changed. Milly and Lacey are huddled together on a couch while Mac and Rose play in the corner with a bunch of toys. Lacey’s belly is swollen. I knew they were expecting a set of twin boys in three months’ time. Milly’s swollen belly, however, takes me by complete surprise.
We find a seat on an empty leather couch and allow the awkward silence take over. Neither Milly nor Cree say another word to us. Ridley settles down in Miles’ lap and waves at Tripp.
“Hi, Tripp,” he squeaks.
“Get over here, Ridley,” Tripp booms as he holds out his arms.
Tripp and Ridley know each other very well from our Skype sessions. I wasn’t sure how Ridley would react to him in real life. Tripp looks tiny on Skype. Ridley doesn’t let Tripp’s overbearing size scare him off as he leaps into his arms.
“Nice to finally meet ya in person, kiddo,” Tripp says as he kisses Ridley’s forehead. “Let’s see what Rose and Mac have going on down here.”
Tripp kneels down by the two playing kids. It takes everything in me to not leap off the couch and grab both those babies. I want to hold and kiss them so bad it hurts. Miles senses my tension and grabs my hand.
“Just hold my hand,” I whisper.
Milly leaps from the couch and grabs Mac from the floor, along with all of his toys, leaving Rose and Ridley scattered in baby dolls. I watch as she makes a complete ass out of my son, degrading him.
I stand, and start to speak. “Is there something wrong, Milly?”
“I don’t want my son around him,” she says, pointing to Ridley.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me, Willow. I don’t know him. I don’t where he came from. You chose Miles over us and left. I don’t want my son or my family around anything that resembles my past.”
I turn to Miles. “Will you please take our son back to the hotel? Ridley doesn’t deserve to be treated like this by Milly.”
“Are you sure?” Miles ask.
“Absolutely.”
I walk over to Ridley and grab his hand.
“Tell Tripp it was nice to meet him. You and Daddy get to go back to the hotel and swim until dinner, okay?”
Ridley shakes Tripp’s hand and waves to the rest of the assholes as if he was running for president. I walk them right outside the glass viewing doors, and shower Ridley with all kinds of our s
pecial kisses.
“I don’t like this, Willow,” Miles says as he hugs me.
“I’m fine. Tripp is here.”
“You can bet that’s the only reason I’m leaving. Just remember stress isn’t good for you right now, okay?”
“Got it, Daddy.” I smirk and pepper Miles with all kinds of special kisses.
Another two hours pass before we hear anything from the doctors. Tripp entertains me with pictures from his cell phone and random stories. Lacey eventually warms up, too, moving in closer, and then she finally loses her will to be quiet.
“This is fucking ridiculous,” she finally exclaims.
“Not now, Lacey,” Cree says.
“Fuck you, Cree. Yes, it’s happening now. I lost a damn good friend over a year ago because I stood by your side, Milly. Rose lost an aunt and Tripp lost his only sister because of your selfishness. And I just sat here and watched you bully an innocent child from your blind hatred. I’m done. You either accept your past, Milly, and get over it, or live a very lonely life with Cree. It’s your choice,” Lacey finishes, as the door opens and the doctor enters.
“Surgery is over, and Annie is in recovery right now. It was her appendix. She has a severe infection right now that we’re treating with an aggressive antibiotic. We have to keep an eye out for some other complications, but it looks like your little slugger will be out on the ball field before too long.”
The whole room breathes a collective sigh of relief. Annie had a severe attack of pain while at baseball practice. Tripp immediately rushed her to the hospital, but her appendix ruptured before he could get her there. Not being with Annie has been the most difficult part about leaving home. Miles bought me a new notebook to write specifically to her, and I did on a daily basis. I tried contacting her several times, but was stopped by Cree and Milly. They ripped out my heart each time.
“Any questions?” the surgeon asks.
His words pull me out of my trance, and I spot a drop of blood on the tip of his shoe. I lose it. I have not been able to touch, hear, or talk to my Annie in over a year. My brother held my love prisoner because of his selfish need to protect Annie. And he’s not going to let me see her now, and that thought absolutely destroys me. I hold back the tears as long as I can before they spill over and take control of my body.
Cree asks the surgeon several questions while I cry. I can’t focus on any words, just my own pain, and I regret sending Miles away now, but I would never want Ridley to see me in this state. I keep my head buried and continue to cry. A hand grabs mine and I look up into Cree’s eyes.
“Let’s go, sis,” he says.
“Don’t make me leave, Cree. I need to see her, please, and then I’ll leave,” I beg through my tears.
He tugs on my hand, pulling me up from the couch, and then leads me through the glass doors leading to the recovery area. When we enter the sterile room, it’s empty. A nurse lets us know that Annie will be back in about five minutes. We take a seat on each side of her bed.
Cree scrubs his face and starts to speak. “Willow, I’m sorry. This situation is fucked up. We attempted to contact you over the last few months. Milly and I are in counseling and working through shit with her childhood.”
Silence.
“Say something,” he pleas.
“I’m not apologizing for falling in love. Miles and I did nothing wrong.”
“Every time I see him or think about him, I want to punch his face in. He stole you from me, from us.”
“You’re wrong,” I correct him. “You chased us off.”
“Can we ever fix this?”
“I don’t see how, when your wife won’t even allow my son to sit next to your son.”
“Willow, he’s not your son—”
Getting to my feet and leaning over the bed, I get right in Cree’s face. “Don’t you ever say that again. Ridley is mine. He’s just as much mine as Annie is Milly’s.”
“See, I can’t make this work. Nothing I say helps the situation.”
“Then shut up, because I came to see Annie, not you.”
Two nurses wheel a sleeping Annie into the room and transfer her to the new bed. I gasp when I see her sleeping face and instantly reach to touch her. She has grown into a beautiful young lady. Her sprinkle of freckles still cover her nose. I’m unable to take my hands off her. Brushing back her hair, I start to talk to her, telling her everything about my life—all about Wynnie, Ridley, my dogs, Dan and Annie, and my paintings. I tell her all about my wedding day and our trips to the ocean. She sleeps through it all but I can’t shut up.
I look up and see Milly standing next to Cree. My time is about to be cut short, so I start kissing her sweet sleeping face, trying to memorize it for life. Milly reaches over and grabs my hand. I look up at her. As my tears spill, hers do, too.
“Uncle,” she whispers.
“Uncle,” I whisper, and continue to cry the hurt and pain away.
“I’m done allowing my past to control my decisions,” Milly says.
“Thank you,” I whisper back.
“Aunt Wils, am I dreaming?” croaks a small voice.
“Oh my God. Annie. Annie, it’s me, baby girl.”
The little shit throws her arms up in the air, and I climb in her bed to hold her.
“Oh, I love you, Annie. Not one day has passed that I haven’t thought about you. I love you so much.”
“I know, silly. Mom and Dad told me that you love me grande and always will, but sometimes life changes, but your love never would.”
In true Annie fashion, she stuns me into silence. She reaches down and rubs my belly. “You’re having a baby?” she asks.
I nod my head yes. “You’re the first one to notice. Nobody else did.”
“Well, not to be rude, but your belly is bigger than a house. I bet you can’t even fit in our favorite booth at Granny’s Diner.”
“You’re probably right, squirt.”
“Where’s Miles?”
“He’s at the hotel with our little boy. We adopted him. His name is Ridley and you’ll love him. He’s five years old.”
“Tell me more about him,” Annie begs.
Annie and I talk until her little eyes can no longer stay open.
Willow: I’m staying the night here. She’s awake…Cree let me see her.
Miles: How’s everything else?
Willow: Maybe with time…
Miles: Milly owes my son an apology.
Willow: Yes, she does. I love you.
Miles. Night. Love you grande, Crazy Girl.
Cree lets me sleep in Annie’s room with her through the night. It was the first night since going back to California that I was not with Ridley or Miles. A wave of panic gripped at my heart all night, and I tried my best to ignore it. This time with Annie means the world to me, and I don’t plan on wasting one single second of it.
My neck is severely kinked from sleeping in the chair. Being six months pregnant doesn’t help sleeping matters. As Annie so sweetly pointed out, I am as big as a house. On a daily basis, I have random strangers coming up to me and asking if I’m expecting twins. One day at the park, a stranger asked if I was having triplets. I told her to suck it, and was completely busted that night at the dinner table when Ridley asked Miles what suck it meant.
Remembering that evening makes me really miss my boys, so I FaceTime them. My two super heroes with severe cases of bed head appear on the other end, and I remember exactly why my journey has been so important. Not one thing would I change. Not even being disowned by Cree and being thrown out of The Shop that day. Those events drove me to my future. They inspired me to achieve my dreams, follow my heart with Miles, and start my own life. I could hate my brother and Milly forever, but the only person that would destroy is me, and then eventually it would begin to poison my little family. I vow to never let anything touch my family.
“We need to talk,” Cree says as he enters and hands me a cup of coffee.
“Thanks.”
“How’d she sleep?”
“Like a log. Didn’t wake, even when the nurses checked her all night.”
“This has been hard on her, you know.”
“It was your choice, Cree.”
“We need to talk about it,” Cree states again.
“Then talk. I’ve done nothing I regret. Not one thing. I regret nothing. Can you say the same thing, Cree?”
“No,” he whispers.
“We’ll talk tonight, but with Milly and Miles, too.”
“My house at seven.”
“No, the hotel at seven, and Milly owes my son an apology. He will never be treated like trash again.”
“Understood. Do you want to stay here with Annie today?”
“Yes. Can Miles and Ridley come see her?”
“Jesus, Willow. You really have to put me in this spot?”
“Yes, I’d love to see them,” squeaks a little voice. “Daddy, you’ve always said a coward sits back and watches the wrong things happen, but real heroes step up and make a change. I’m stepping up.”
Cree bows his head. “You’re right, Annie. Yes, they can come.”
I hung out with Annie for the remainder of the day. We scheduled a family meeting at seven at the hotel. Cree so lovingly assumed we would meet at his house, but I can’t go back to the farm right now. Annie’s dance teacher volunteered to sit with her at the hospital while we take care of business. To say this meeting has me tied up in knots is the understatement of the century. I’m beyond ready to put this whole mess behind me and begin to mend my shattered relationship with my whole family.
