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High society

Page 35

by Ben Elton


  THE PAGET HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  The scale of the disaster that had fallen upon Cathy Paget’s life was almost too huge for her to understand.

  Almost, but not quite. She was far too intelligent and astute an individual not to realize the implications of her own personal disgrace.

  In a matter of minutes she had been transformed from the nation’s favourite teenager, the brightest spark in the land, quite literally the girl most likely to succeed, to Public Enemy Number Two. A wicked, immoral, lying little minx who happily blackened other women’s names in support of her father’s corrupt ambitions and sexual adventuring.

  She was branded for ever and she knew it.

  Til never go into politics now, Mum,’ she said in a voice that no longer sang. ‘Or run the BBC or write important novels and plays. I’ll never do anything at all. All my life, for ever and ever, I shall be first and foremost the girl who lied through her teeth to the nation, the girl who rewrote her diary. No one will ever trust me again.’

  ‘It’ll pass, darling. These things always do.’

  ‘No, they don’t, not when they’re this big. What about Profumo? Archer? Aitken? Aitken’s daughter, for Christ’s sake. None of them will ever get out from under the shame of what they did! People will never forget. And I’m one of them now. I lied publicly and to the police! Christ, I might even be charged yet! I’m defined by my crime and I always will be. I can’t go back to school, they’re already giving me hell by text and email. They were so jealous before and now it’s all coming out. Suzie can’t go back either so her life’s fucked too, how could it not be? She’s my sister, she was on that doorstep, next to me, the girl now clearly recognized as a disgusting, lying bitch. If I apply for college or try to get a job it will always be Cathy Paget, the smart-alec, smug, deceitful, scheming little cow who’s applying, trying to sneak her way back into society.’

  Cathy closed the suitcase she had been packing. Suzie appeared at the door. She had also packed a case.

  ‘But all that doesn’t matter, as it happens, not now. It will soon, but not now. Nothing really matters except that Dad completely and utterly lied to us and I’ll hate him for ever. You lied to us too, Mum.’

  T know, darling, and all I can say is that he told me he’d had sex with the girl and that was all. He swore it was a moment or two of madness, nothing more, and I believed him. I trusted him too, Cathy, when he said there was no romance, that the drug accusations were rubbish. I believed him…And then suddenly the newspapers are hurling receipts for champagne and body jewellery at me…doorstepping us…‘ Angela Paget broke down in tears and then all three of them began crying. Together they gathered up their cases and went downstairs.

  Peter Paget was sitting alone in the living room, staring into space. His family passed by the open door behind him in silence.

  ‘Goodbye, my darlings. Goodbye,’ he said.

  They did not reply.

  OUTSIDE STARNSTEAD PRISON

  Tommy sat in the back of the long stretch limo. In his hands he held a letter he had received from a member of the Starnstead Prison Narcotics Anonymous Group. The letter had given him certain information for which Tommy had gladly paid generously. Now he could only wait and hope.

  The door of the prison opened and a number of women emerged. One of them was Jessie, more beautiful to Tommy than he remembered her. A little fuller of face, certainly, but the same elfin bones. And those eyes, dark, flashing, angry eyes set in milk white skin.

  Tommy’s heart felt as if it would burst. He had found her.

  Most of the other women who were leaving the prison had loved ones to meet them and they soon dispersed in excited little family groups, but Jessie was alone. She had no one. As she turned and walked away up the street Tommy instructed Tony to drive up alongside her.

  Tommy wound down the window and spoke to her. ‘Hello, Jessie.’

  ‘Fuck off.’ She spoke without looking round.

  ‘It’s me, Jessie.’

  ‘Ah said fuck off, mate, all right? Ah’m not for hire any more.’ Still she did not look.

  ‘Jessie, please…I want to give you something.’

  Jessie swung round in fury, blazing eyes, snarling mouth. ‘Listen, you dirty little cunt! Ah said — ’

  Tommy spoke quickly. ‘I want to give you Point Three! Point Three of the Great Plan! The holiday…The sunshine…I want to give you the sunshine. All-day sunshine, sunshine everywhere! Dappling the ground, rippling in your clothes, getting caught up in your hair…like havin’ a bath in it…’

  Tony had stopped the car. For what seemed like an age Jessie stared at Tommy through the open window. ‘Have we met before?’

  ‘Yes. Once. I’ve been looking for you ever since.’

  ‘Who are you?’

  ‘Like I told you last time, I’m Tommy Hanson.’

  THE OLD BAILEY

  Peter Paget was convicted on witness evidence of using a Grade A drug. Laura, Kurt and Samantha testified against him in exchange for immunity from prosecution regarding the fact that they had taken the drugs also.

  ‘Peter Paget,’ the judge’s voice was charged with withering contempt, ‘your crime is far far worse than that of any unfortunate teenaged drug-taker who has appeared before me. You held a position of unique trust and responsibility, you were privileged to have been elevated to amongst the highest in the land. Of all people in this country you had a duty to set an example to others and yet instead you chose to indulge your loathsome appetites for sex and drugs to the full, preying on young innocent girls and using your powerful position to force sex and drugs upon them. What is more, once the evidence of your immoral and criminal tastes emerged, you sought to mislead the entire nation in whose service you were employed. You lied to Parliament, you lied to the police, you lied to your family and you lied to the people. Can ever a sorrier catalogue of mendacity have been brought before a court? I doubt it. I sincerely doubt it. Peter Paget, it is my solemn duty to sentence you to four years in prison with a recommendation that you serve at least two. Take him down.’

  BANGKOK WOMEN’S PRISON

  Sonia rocked back and forth in her seat. She spoke only one word during her interview and that was kharuna, Thai for ‘please’. This she repeated many times. She was dirty and unkempt and appeared to have little awareness of herself or her surroundings.

  She had recognized her mother, though, and had wept.

  ‘I’m so sorry to have to inform you both,’ the Consulate representative explained, ‘but his Royal Highness has declined to exercise clemency in Sonia’s case. He had as you know been giving serious consideration to Peter Paget’s request for an early release for Sonia, but in the light of revelations concerning Paget’s own drug-taking the King is no longer in any mood to do Britain favours. Attitudes in Asia have hardened considerably towards Western double standards and special pleading.’

  Sonia’s mother had known. From the moment she had read in the papers of Peter Paget’s disgrace she had known what must follow. Nonetheless the blow was almost too much to bear.

  ‘All I can say,’ the official continued, ‘is that in the light of Sonia’s deteriorating mental condition we will continue to pursue the appeals process on medical grounds.’

  ‘Kharuna,’ said Sonia.

  AN ISLAND FAR AWAY

  The beach was long and empty, just as she had imagined it, with glistening white sand so bright in the sun it hurt the eyes. Sand like talcum powder, with a warm turquoise ocean lapping against it. And there she sat, day after day after day, all alone, basking in the sun. With nobody bothering her at all.

  WORMWOOD SCRUBS

  Peter Paget sat in his cell on his bunkbed. The letter he had been reading had fallen from his hands and now lay on the floor between his feet. Angela Paget always wrote in longhand, with a fountain pen, and now Peter’s tears smudged the ink as they fell onto the paper below.

  ‘Cathy wants us to go abroad, perhaps to France, although such was the size of y
our celebrity that we’re scarcely less notorious there. I don’t know, perhaps we’ll go overseas. I know that we can’t stay in London. Nobody really wants to know us here any more, not even our friends. At best we’re an embarrassment and at worst, well, we’ve all been shouted at in the street, and spat at too. Suzie has gone very quiet; she hates her name and refuses to use it, and says that she’ll change it by deed poll the moment she’s old enough. I’m afraid to say that both of them have begun to take drugs. I know this because they’re quite open about it. There’s a terrible fatalism about the girls now, as if nothing really matters. Perhaps it doesn’t. They mainly smoke marijuana. You probably saw that Cathy was sold some by an undercover journalist and was back on the front pages briefly. She almost seemed to revel in it. It’s obviously a way of getting at you.

  Now I must come to my own position, Peter. I’m divorcing you. You have destroyed all of our lives, we’ll never get them back and I don’t think any of us will ever forgive you. I can’t bring myself to love you any more or even feel pity for you. I feel nothing beyond a sort of dull weary anger. If only you’d told the truth I would have stood by you, I’m sure I would. But you didn’t, you lied and then you kept lying, and it’s all finished now.

  Peter wrung his hands and sobbed.

  In the bunk above one of his cellmates stirred. ‘If you don’t shut the fuck up I’ll personally fucking break your fingers, Paget.’

  AN ISLAND FAR AWAY

  Jessie sat watching the ocean, running the sand through her fingers and toes and listening to music on her brand-new, state of-the-art Sorry Discman. Jogproof, light as a feather. Beautifully rounded and smooth to touch.

  A little further up the beach sat Tommy. He did not try to speak to her. In fact, he didn’t bother her at all. He was quite content.

  They both had their music, and books to read. Their own private thoughts.

  Perhaps one day she would share hers with him.

  Tommy was happy to wait.

  THE END

  Table of Contents

  ST HILDA’S CHURCH HALL, SOHO

  THE PAGET HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  AN AMUSEMENT ARCADE, PICCADILLY, LONDON

  ST HILDA’S CHURCH HALL, SOHO

  A HOUSE IN CHORLTONCUM-HARDY

  THE PAGET HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  THE HILTON HOTEL, BANGKOK

  THE HOUSE OF COMMONS, WESTMINSTER

  THE HOUSE OF COMMONS LOBBY, WESTMINSTER

  THE HOUSE OF COMMONS, WESTMINSTER

  THE LEMAN HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  THE HOUSE OF COMMONS, WESTMINSTER

  ST HILDA’S CHURCH HALL, SOHO

  SAMANTHA’S FLAT, ISLINGTON

  THE DOG AND DUCK, SOHO

  ST HILDA’S CHURCH HALL, SOHO

  HOUSE OF COMMONS TERRACE

  THE GROUCHO CLUB, SOHO

  ST HILDA’S CHURCH HALL, SOHO

  A COUNCIL FLAT, LAMBETH

  A FEMALE DETENTION CENTRE, BANGKOK

  A COUNCIL FLAT, LAMBETH

  NEW SCOTLAND YARD

  THE LEMAN HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  SAMANTHA’S FLAT, ISLINGTON

  ST HILDA’S CHURCH HALL, SOHO

  THE BRIT AWARDS, DOCKLANDS ARENA

  ST HILDA’S CHURCH HALL, SOHO

  THE BRIT AWARDS, DOCKLANDS ARENA

  ST HILDA’S CHURCH HALL, SOHO

  A FEMALE DETENTION CENTRE, BANGKOK

  THE BRIT AWARDS, DOCKLANDS ARENA

  ST HILDA’S CHURCH HALL, SOHO

  THE BRIT AWARDS, DOCKLANDS ARENA

  ST HILDA’S CHURCH HALL, SOHO

  A SQUAT, SALFORD

  ST HILDA’S CHURCH HALL, SOHO

  THE LEMAN HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  THE BRIT AWARDS, DOCKLANDS ARENA

  A DROP-IN CENTRE, KING’S CROSS

  THE PAGET HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  THE PRIORY CLINIC

  A WAREHOUSE PARTY, BRIXTON

  THE PRIORY CLINIC

  A DROP-IN CENTRE, KING’S CROSS

  BANGKOK WOMEN’S PRISON

  SAMANTHA’S FLAT, ISLINGTON

  THE PRIORY CLINIC

  A WAREHOUSE PARTY, BRIXTON

  THE PRIORY CLINIC

  BRIXTON HIGH ROAD

  THE PRIORY CLINIC

  BRIXTON HOSPITAL

  DALSTON POLICE STATION

  VICTORIA COACH STATION

  ST HILDA’S CHURCH HALL, SOHO

  SAMANTHA’S FLAT, ISLINGTON

  BROWN’S HOTEL, LONDON

  ST HILDA’S CHURCH HALL, SOHO

  THE PAGET HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  DALSTON POLICE STATION

  THE PAGET HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  THE M1 MOTORWAY

  THE GROUCHO CLUB, SOHO

  THE LANGHAM HOTEL, W1

  AN OXFAM SHOP, WEST BROMWICH

  STARBUCKS, SOHO

  FALLOIVFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  TOMMY’S HOUSE, NOTTING HILL GATE

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  NOMAD STUDIOS, WESTBOURNE GROVE

  AN OXFAM SHOP, WEST BROMWICH

  A BROTHEL, BIRMINGHAM

  AN OXFAM SHOP, WEST BROMWICH

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  SOHO SQUARE

  BEHIND THE ASTORIA THEATRE, SOHO SQUARE

  AN OXFAM SHOP, WEST BROMWICH

  BEHIND THE ASTORIA THEATRE, SOHO

  SOHO SQUARE

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  BBC NEWS DESK

  UNIVERSITY COLLEGE HOSPITAL, W1

  BBC NEWS DESK

  THE HOUSE OF COMMONS BAR

  THE GROUCHO CLUB, SOHO

  EAST LONDON CEMETERY

  AN OXFAM SHOP, WEST BROMWICH

  THE LEMAN HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  AN OXFAM SHOP, WEST BROMWICH

  THE FIFTH FLOOR RESTAURANT, HARVEY NICHOLS

  THE HOUSE OF COMMONS, WESTMINSTER

  A BROTHEL, BIRMINGHAM

  PARKINSON, BBC TELEVISION CENTRE

  SAMANTHA’S FLAT, ISLINGTON

  A BROTHEL, BIRMINGHAM

  AN OXFAM SHOP, WEST BROMWICH

  THE THOMPSON HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  AN OXFAM SHOP, WEST BROMWICH

  THE LEMAN HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  AN OXFAM SHOP, WEST BROMWICH

  NEWSPAPER LIBRARY, COLINDALE

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  HOUSE OF COMMONS

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  TEN DOWNING STREET

  THE PAGET HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  NATIONAL EXHIBITION CENTRE, BIRMINGHAM

  THE HYATT REGENCY, BIRMINGHAM

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY CENTRE, MANCHESTER

  LATE-NIGHT TATTOO AND PIERCING PARLOUR, BIRMINGHAM

  PADSTOW HOLIDAY COTTAGES, CORNWALL

  THE EEEZY CLUB, BIRMINGHAM

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  THE BULL RING CENTRE, BIRMINGHAM

  THE HYATT REGENCY, BIRMINGHAM

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  DEAN STREET, SOHO

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  BIRMINGHAM CITY CENTRE

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  BIRMINGHAM CITY CENTRE

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  KFC, THE BULL RING, BIRMINGHAM

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  KFC, THE BULL RING, BIRMINGHAM

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  THE BULL RING, BIRMINGHAM

  THE HYATT REGENCY, BIRMINGHAM

  THE BULL RING, BIRMINGHAM

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  THE BULL RING, BIRMINGHAM

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  CHEQUERS

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  A QUIET STREET, BIRMINGHAM

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  A BROTHEL, BIRMINGHAM

  THE P
AGET HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  PADSTOW HOLIDAY COTTAGES, CORNWALL

  A BROTHEL, BIRMINGHAM

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  A BROTHEL, BIRMINGHAM

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  THE EDITOR’S OFFICE, A NATIONAL NEWSPAPER

  THE PAGET HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  TEN DOWNING STREET

  THE PAGET HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  A FLAT, WEST HAMPSTEAD

  BIRMINGHAM CENTRAL HOSPITAL

  PARKINSON, BBC TV CENTRE

  A BROTHEL, BIRMINGHAM

  CAMBRIDGE TECHNICAL COLLEGE

  THE EDITOR’S OFFICE, A NATIONAL NEWSPAPER

  POP GOES THE WEEKEND, BBC TV CENTRE

  FALLOWFIELD COMMUNITY HALL, MANCHESTER

  SAMANTHA’S FLAT, ISLINGTON

  A BROTHEL, BIRMINGHAM

  THE HOUSE OF COMMONS, WESTMINSTER

  SIMPSON’S RESTAURANT

  SAMANTHA’S FLAT, ISLINGTON

  THE CABINET ROOM, TEN DOWNING STREET

  STARNSTEAD PRISON

  THE PAGET HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  THE HOUSE OF COMMONS

  THE PAGET HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

  OUTSIDE STARNSTEAD PRISON

  THE OLD BAILEY

  BANGKOK WOMEN’S PRISON

  AN ISLAND FAR AWAY

  WORMWOOD SCRUBS

  AN ISLAND FAR AWAY

 

 

 


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