Mad Love (Guns & Ink Book 1)

by Shana Vanterpool

  I gave him mine. “No problem. If it helps, Mad, I’ll do it. I’ll see you out.”

  When we got to the hall, he nodded at Cat. “Is that Catherine?”

  “Yeah …” She was looking at him, all love-struck moron. I knew a bad choice when I saw one. This guy didn’t look the type to hook up with a tattoo artist with balls just as big as his. “You want to talk to her?” I guessed.

  “Yes. I would. We can do so in your office if you don’t mind?”

  Didn’t he get it yet? Madi came first. I let Cat know that the goon wanted to talk to her, and she was all too willing to oblige. When they came out, Cat’s smile was gone, and Brando looked all business. He nodded at me and then left my shop, taking the stench of cop with him.

  “Seriously,” she whispered, hugging me. “I’m going to marry that bastard.”

  I chuckled, resting my chin on her head. “He’s not your type. He’s a cop. Have fun, if you want. But I’d keep it there.”

  “Whatever.” She pulled away and looked at me. “Wanna go out and get wasted? We’re off for the next two days.”

  “I was thinking of driving down to see Madison.” I couldn’t stand the knowing look in her eyes. “Bring her the rest of her things.” Snatch her and run away. Whatever I felt at the moment. “So no can do.”

  “Well, can I stay at your place then?”

  I groaned. I must’ve missed the signs. “You breakup?” Why had I bothered asking? “You can have my place. Now get to work.”

  By the time I locked the front door, I was physically drained. I wasn’t as willing to go immediately upstairs, though. The nothingness I usually craved would only taunt me. I cleaned up the shop, mopped the floors, tidied up the counters and wiped down the tattoo chairs with a sterile wash. I restocked the breakroom and then sank down at my desk, rubbing a tired hand down my face. The quiet in my shop felt loud. It was the empty space in my bed that had me burning inside.

  I was screwed. I’d never felt this bothered over someone before. I kept the world at a safe distance. No one could come in, and no one could come out—there was no one inside. That’s how I wanted it. I’d let one person in, and now she was wreaking havoc on me. And strangely enough, it didn’t bother me as much as I thought. Anger felt weak in comparison to the emptiness in my chest.

  Something was … missing.

  After a late dinner of leftover takeout, I crawled into bed and rolled over, staring at her empty spot. It was alarming how quickly she came into my life and kicked my bland existence around. Now parts of me were scattered, and the hollow spaces were confused. The deep ache in my gut begged me to fix this, but I wasn’t sure I could.

  In the morning, I rolled over and buried my face in her pillow, inhaling the remnants of her shampoo. I couldn’t fucking take it anymore. I showered, got dressed, and then grabbed my keys, stopping at McDonald’s on my way into Boulder.

  When I got to her place, the street was unchanged. Quiet, peaceful, not a thing out of order. I parked across the street in the same spot I’d chosen last time, and watched her house. The brick façade looked like blood in the sun. A pit started to form in my stomach. It had been a few days since I last saw her. I didn’t know who I’d be getting. The perfect Madison who donned those sexy panties, or the woman who’d trusted me enough to taste her.

  I wanted to taste her right now. Spread her thighs and suckle her clit until she convulsed. I adjusted my hard cock in my pants, forcing the thoughts from my mind. I thought what I wanted most, however, was her trust. I went to her front door and knocked, unable to help feeling like a teenager. After half a minute, the door opened. On the other side stood a little boy.

  He stared up at me and me down at him. He was an identical replica of Madison. He glanced at my tattoos, his eyes widening like saucers.

  “Are you in a motorcycle gang?”

  I smirked. “If I were, would I be knocking on your door?”

  He considered it. “No,” he decided. “You’d probably kick it open with those boots.” He pointed at my black boots. “Are you Klayton?” he guessed, giving me another look. Bright, adoring, open.

  I didn’t like it. “Yes …”

  He ran at me, wrapping his arms around my legs. I froze. Hugging Mad and Cat was one thing. I patted his head awkwardly. I had no experience with kids whatsoever.

  “Thank you for bringing Madison home.” He squeezed me harder and then let me go, gazing up at me with that damn look.

  “I didn’t—Yeah, kid. You’re welcome.” I didn’t want to crush it for him. He’d probably been through hell at his age for the past few months. “Are your parent’s home?”

  He stepped aside so I could come in. “They’re gardening. Madi too.” He closed the door and locked it. “Want me to take you to them?”

  “Please.”

  He gave me his little hand, eager naïve eyes expectant.

  Groaning inwardly, I gave him mine. He wrapped his small fingers around my hand and led me through their house, past the kitchen, and to a glass back door. He pulled me onto the deck and then pointed in the distance to a large patch of turned dirt. Madison was on her hands and knees digging holes for the dozens of what looked like calla lilies. A lot of women like getting them tattooed. These were lush and vibrant. The petals were sweeping and white, pristine and unblemished.

  I watched her, the missing parts she’d took from me desperately tracing her every feature. I took a deep, relieved breath at the sight of her. She sat back on her heels and wiped her hair away from her face. She bit down on her tongue ring. It caught the sun, glimmering as she tore her gloves off and glanced at her parents. They were into it. Digging, planting, moving on their hands and knees. I chuckled at the disgruntled look on Mad’s face.

  The kid pulled on my hand. “Can I get a tattoo?”

  I looked down in shock. “Are you eighteen?”

  He bit his lip. “Not exactly.” He let my hand go and traced the bird on my inner wrist. “They look so cool, though. I’m not cool. Maybe if I were, I wouldn’t get picked on so much. Did you get picked on?”

  Being a kid was hard. You had all these emotions, but no one cared because you were a child. They didn’t take your sadness seriously. So, it grew, it came out some other ways. And it wasn’t always positive. “Yes,” I admitted. “I used to pretend I was Iron Man, though, and they were lucky I didn’t kick all their asses.”

  That made him laugh. He held his belly and giggled, making me smile too. The commotion garnered the response of the Harts.

  “Klayton?” The longing and hope in Mad’s voice made my heart squeeze.

  I turned around to find her running at me. “Oomph,” I grunted when her arms came around my neck. “Hi, baby,” I breathed, bending so she could reach me better. The moment she was in my arms, I knew I would suffer later. She smelled like peaches and fresh dirt, this rich, intoxicating aroma that made my mouth water and the blood rush to my groin.

  “Klayton.” She shoved her face in my neck, pressing a kiss to my pulse.

  Someone cleared their throat behind us. “Ahem.”

  “Let go,” I whispered, but she shook her head and put her little white shoes on top of my boots. I turned us around so I could see her parents. “Morning, Mr. and Mrs. Hart.”

  Her mother smiled indulgently and gave her daughter’s back a pat as I tried to keep the mortification off my face. Obviously, Madison wasn’t afraid of what they thought anymore. She held me to the point of asphyxiation as her father gave me a disgruntled look.

  “Morning, son.” Joanna laughed lightly, giving her husband a wide amused smile.

  “He can’t breathe, Madison,” her little brother said.

  “I don’t care,” she whispered.

  Unable to stand the audience another second, I turned us around and headed for the back door. When we were alone, I bent down and scooped her up, holding her, so her feet dangled in the air. I pressed my own face into the crook of her neck and breathed in the smell of her. She wrapped her le
gs around my waist. And in one second, a match was struck. I found her pulse and ran my tongue along it, letting my piercing catch her here and there, earning a moan each time the barbell snagged her flesh. Her thighs quivered around me.

  “I missed you so much.” I slid my hands down to grab two handfuls of her cute little ass.

  Her fingers twisted in my hair and she pulled back, eyes glistening. “I’m so happy to see you.” She fell forward on my lips, kissing me in a way that only stroked the blood in my groin, gorging me.

  “Can we go upstairs?” I needed her on a bed right now.

  She nodded against my lips, sliding her piercing over the tip of my tongue. With a groan, I took off for the stairs, running up them with her jiggling in my arms. I found her room and kicked the door shut.

  “He has a key,” she mumbled, biting my bottom lip.

  I tossed her on the bed. Then I looked around her room wildly. She had a desk, but no chair to block her door. And she was tempting me, resting on her elbows, in those little jean shorts. Dirt smeared on her knee. Eyes electric and laden with lust. “You need to get your own place.”

  She patted the space beside her. She didn’t want me on top of her. I had to remember that through the want flowing through my veins. I lay on my side and found her lips. The taste of her had me groaning. The scent of her skin after so long without it made me want to smell every single inch of her bare. There was a shared desperation between us; admitting that want and fear didn’t create this strange, new feeling. Something else did. Something damaging and life-altering that I wasn’t sure we could have, let alone should entertain. But we did, tasting the other’s tongue.

  There was a knock on her door, followed by a reproachable, “Madison. You know the rules.”

  She sat up and glared at the door, breathing hard. “I’m not a kid,” she mumbled petulantly. Then she looked at me. “I’m not a kid, Klayton.”

  “I know. But you’re their daughter. You just came back. Cut them some slack.”

  Her father opened her door, casting furtive glances my way. “Klayton, from man to man, I don’t want you alone with my daughter.”

  “That’s probably a good idea, sir.” I sat up, holding in my humor. “I’ll go.”

  “No!” Mad exploded. “You just got here. Don’t leave yet.” She grabbed my hand, gripping my fingers to the point of pain. “Dad, please. You’re humiliating me.” She seethed at her father. Then she turned to me. “Let’s go.” She sat up, pulling me along after her.

  “Madison. It’s not safe for you to be out there. Reporters, dangerous people.”

  “We’ll hang out here.” I stopped her, giving her a look that denied argument. “Let’s go. You can show me your flowers.” Her father grunted behind us as we left her room. I had to admit the entire exchange was a cock-block. They were everywhere these days. I left my hand in hers as she led me downstairs and into the backyard. “Madison,” I hissed when she continued to pull me down the stairs that led off the deck. “What’s your problem?”

  She didn’t say anything to me as we headed to an old playground. It was covered in cobwebs, and the wooden support beams were split and worn, but I could tell it had gotten some good use out of it once. She sank onto a swing, leaving one free for me.

  “I haven’t been on a swing since grade school.” I felt like an idiot.

  She didn’t say anything for a second, and then she sighed. “I can’t breathe here, Klay.”

  “They miss you.”

  “Stop making excuses,” she snapped, jaw set. “I’ll be twenty-one in August. I can’t even lock my own damn door in my bedroom. I just want to breathe, you know? If I don’t want to get out of bed, why does it matter? Why do I have to be productive? Aren’t I allowed to feel like shit? Because I do.” She turned to me, eyes tearing. “I feel like nothing all day and all night. I just exist. And I barely want that.”

  She was depressed. She didn’t mean that. “Have you spoken to a therapist?”

  “I’m meeting with one tomorrow.” She seemed to brighten suddenly, like a flower reaching for the sun. “Dad’s supposed to take me, but maybe you can?”

  I opened my mouth to deny her, but I didn’t know exactly what I was denying. She needed help; she was getting help. I wouldn’t mind the excuse to see her again either. “I’d love to take you.”

  Her entire body sagged in relief. She swung close and pressed her lips to mine, making me feel like a fourteen-year-old boy making out on the swing. I’d never made out on a swing at fourteen. I’d had my hand up skirts since they let me. And making out was for guys like Leigh. But the taste of her sweet tongue had me reaching across her childhood toy, wanting to show her how strong she was.

  “I want you so bad,” I moaned, tasting her sweet fucking tongue.

  “Rules, Madison!”

  She ignored her father’s shouted threat, standing up to rest between my legs. She placed her hands on my shoulders and threw herself into our kiss. I held her little waist, wanting to peel her shirt off and pull her hard, pink nipple into my mouth. I reached for her breasts then stopped myself, choosing to cup her face instead.

  “I have to get out of here,” she said, kissing my top lip desperately, eyes pinched shut. “I want to feel what I want when I want, even if it isn’t good for me. I think I always have, but this is different. I want to run, Klayton, so far no one can ever hold me down again.” She moved to grasp my face too, holding onto me tightly. “Let’s go. You and me.”

  Was this a different kind of breakdown? “I can’t just take off. The shop needs me.”

  “Oh, yeah,” she mumbled, deflated in seconds. She sank to the lawn in front of me, legs bent, heart twisted around her body like a contortionist looking for a way out that didn’t exist.

  She looked lost, as if being here only made her aware of everything that was wrong before her abduction. Coupled with the nightmares in her head, and I could only imagine what being trapped both mentally and physically were doing to her. “Don’t do anything stupid, Mad.” I pointed at her. “Do you hear me?”

  She flinched at my growl, shrinking away from me. “Klayton.”

  “Do you hear me?” I sank to the ground too, meeting her wounded guilty eyes. “If you step one foot out of that door and take off I’d better be aware of it. You’re not to do stupid shit that could get you hurt again. Damn it, Madison!” I punched the ground, digging my nails into the lawn, so I didn’t do something worse, like make love to her in the grass. My fear and emotions were as tangled and twisted as hers. “I can barely live as it is without you. I can’t do it and worry about where you are. If you’re safe. If you’re alive.”

  “Then don’t live without me.” She met my eyes boldly, exuding emotions I’d never seen in her eyes. “I don’t know why you have the idea that we can’t be two people in the same room, sharing the same breath or the taste of our lips. I want that, Klayton. I can’t give you what a normal woman could, but I can give you what I have.”

  She had to be kidding me. Why didn’t she just take my heart and brandish it? Rip it from my chest and show the world its weaknesses? She’d just found every single one.

  “I don’t know why you have the idea that we can do those things. There’s so much wrong with this.” I touched her thigh, watching my hand trace the flesh close to the seam on her shorts.

  She put her hand over mine, rubbing my thumb as my thumb rubbed her. “I think you’re used to pushing people away. It makes sense not to have anyone around. I get that, Klay. I’m doing it too. But I’m not going to push you away. So you can’t push me away either.” She slid closer, burning a line straight to my doubt with those electric blue eyes. “Don’t push me away.”

  I nodded impulsively, falling victim to her kiss. “Mad,” I begged. I wasn’t sure she was connecting the right dots. Her feelings were as Brando said. “You’re her hero.” She saw me as some kind of false support. I could deny my feelings, but that would only piss me off. My feelings had nothing to do with anything
complex. There was a chance that she’d connect the dots one day soon and leave me where she found me. In an empty house, in an empty bed, with an empty everything. If I gave in to her right now, I could give up later. I felt trapped in my truth. It was on the tip of my tongue, but it wouldn’t make sense to her. “What do you want?” I asked instead.

  “To be the woman I am when we’re together.” She bit her lip, thinking her thoughts, emotions—her insides—through. “I want you. This.” She kissed me. “I feel solid when we’re together. More in control. I want to be in control.”

  “Mad. I’m not what you need. You need something from you. Something you had before. You can’t rely on me to give you that.”

  She closed her eyes in regret … or defiance. “I only want you. That’s what I know.”

  She simplified it in a way I could understand. I only wanted her. That’s what I knew. “Then that’s what you get.” Even though I didn’t understand why. Even if she didn’t want me later.

  Her relieved breath made me smile despite my unease about this arrangement. It sounded a lot like friends with benefits. I didn’t want to put the idea in her head, because she hadn’t gotten there yet. But she would.

  “Madison!” someone shouted.

  Not in anger. In fear.

  We both looked over to find her father waving her on. She and I looked at each other a moment before we heard car doors slamming out front and tires screeching.

  “Get inside! Reporters found out!”

  “Shit.” I pushed to my feet and ran with her to the deck, slipping inside and into the kitchen.

  “Stay away from the windows. We’ll put the black-out curtains back up. Looks like you’re stuck here,” Austin warned, giving me a disapproving look.

  Stuck with his daughter was more like it.

  “Can you help?” he asked, patting my shoulder.

  “Yeah, of course.” I let Mad’s hand go as she stood there, eyes uneasy.