My heart raced as I looked back at Aleksander, my breath catching in my throat when he gazed back at me, the corners of his mouth turning up into a smile. I smiled back at him as we stared at each other for a long moment, neither of us wanting to be the first to look away.
"He doesn't know," I said. "He doesn't think relationships between Síofra and Caomhnóir are appropriate. He thinks it's cheating."
"Ah, he's one of those," she sighed. "Such a shame because I'd bet my last jar of Nutella that he's into you."
"Doesn't matter if he is or isn't," I argued, tearing my gaze away and lying back on the grass, trying to ignore the way my heart stopped beating at the thought that he might return my feelings. "He's right. What I do or don't feel for him shouldn't factor into my choice. Something this big has to be about me and me alone. Not whether or not I like him."
"Who says it isn't?" she questions, rolling onto her back next to me. "To my way of thinking, it adds a balance. You have people you love in the real world. That doesn't mean that having people you love here is bad or tips the scales one way or the other. It balances things out a bit more. Not that I'm suggesting that we could replace your family and friends, because I'm not. I think maybe caring about people in both places will make you focus more on if you want it for yourself, not if you should or shouldn't want it because it could hurt someone else."
"Maybe," I murmured.
Was she right? The way I felt about him was growing stronger every time I was with him. I couldn't stand the thought of being away from my family, but every night that passed found me more reluctant to leave Aleksander too. Maybe in a way they canceled each other out and allowed me to make the best choice for me instead of the best choice for everyone else.
"Cassie," Aleksander called.
I sat up and saw him speaking with Jackson, an angry look on his face. Erik didn't look much happier. I tapped Caroline’s shoulder and we climbed to our feet, making our way to their sides.
"What's going on?" I asked, my eyes swinging from Aleksander's eyes, which were clouded with fury, to Jackson's blank stare.
"Niall is here," he frowned.
My heart pounded and my breathing stopped. Niall had been responsible for my bout with the piskies and the days of pain that had followed. I knew Aleksander was itching to get his hands on him ,but I didn't want to be anywhere near him ever again.
"What? Here? Where?" My voice came out as a high-pitched squeak and I knew my face was betraying every ounce of fear I felt. I hated that just the sound of his name could send me into a panic, so I added that to the list of reasons to despise him right along with his overly perfect hair and his creepy eyes.
Aleksander snaked his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side, trying to comfort me, and it worked for about two seconds.
"Close," Erik said with a frown. "He's here as a messenger from Mab, so he’s at Court right now." He gestured to a grand building at the far edge of town, its red-spired rooftops rising above the others in the distance.
"And we have been summoned," Jackson said. “Queen Titania would like to see both of you, Erik and Aleksander. She's called all of the Caomhnóir to Court to hear what he has to say."
My stomach twisted with anxiety at the thought of seeing Niall again, even at Court next to Aleksander. I cast a glance at Caroline, wondering if she would be okay with hiding in the woods somewhere with me and keeping me entertained while I pretended I wasn’t being a coward. She looked as pale as I did. She was well aware of the nasty trick he had played and how little care he held for the vulnerable Síofra.
"Erik?" she asked, turning toward him, and he immediately wrapped his arms around her, leaning down to rest his forehead against hers.
"Don't worry," he said to her. "You haven't been summoned. Oberon made it clear that we were not to bring the Síofra, but I promise I'll tell you everything if I can."
I inhaled deeply, feeling a sense of relief.
"So we'll stay here then?" I asked, grateful that I wouldn't have to face him again.
"No," Aleksander argued, his voice low. "I don't want to run the risk that he could see you here and antagonize you further. You and Caroline should go to the Pool of Dreams. Niall would never go there. The Unseelie hate anything to do with mortals, and that’s as close as you can get here."
The erratic beating of my heart began again in earnest. Aleksander, sensing my fear, wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest and resting his chin on my head.
"You will be safe this time, Cassie," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I swear it. Wait there for me and I will come as soon as I can."
I nodded against his chest, taking a deep breath and trying to steady my nerves before I could shame myself by crying. I felt the urge to stay there, with his arms wrapped around me and his voice in my ear. His arms felt like safety to me, like home, and that thought upset me more than it comforted me. He shouldn’t feel like home. Home was supposed to feel like home. So much for balance.
Releasing me, he held my face between his hands and tilted it up so I had no other choice but to stare into his beautiful green eyes, eyes that were dark with some indefinable emotion.
"Stay with Caroline," he said firmly. "Stay with her until I can come for you."
"Okay," I said, unable to tear my gaze from his as he leaned in and pressed a kiss against my forehead. I felt my face flush as he abruptly dropped his hands and walked away, Erik and Jackson following him. I took a shaky breath and looked away, ignoring my racing heart. Although now I was no longer sure if it was racing from fear of Niall or because I could still feel the heat of Aleksander's lips against my skin.
"Well," Caroline said as she tucked her arm through mine and all but dragged me from the spot. "I guess that answers the 'how does Aleksander feel about you' question."
I nodded as she led me quickly to the edge of town. It didn’t answer everything, but now I was sure that there was something there, just under the surface. And the more I thought about it, the heat of my emotions thawed the cold panic that had been spreading through my body.
Caroline chattered at me most of the way, reminding me of the singing birds that fluttered about in the trees above us. I knew she was trying to distract me, and it was working perfectly. I would miss her if I gave up my life there. It was odd how I had known her such a short time but she was already so important to me. I wondered if Queen Titania had counted on that too.
When we pushed through the undergrowth and saw the quiet serenity of the Pool before us, I felt my fear begin to fade. Aleksander was a Fae. He couldn't lie to me. If he said that Niall would never come here, then I believed him. I felt as if an invisible weight had lifted from my shoulders, and I was able to sit next to Caroline on the rock and talk to her about the things she would miss the most when she left the mortal world for good.
"Do you think it's going to hurt?" I asked her, my voice soft.
"Nah," she assured me with a grin. "Why would it? It doesn't hurt when we come here. It'll be like falling asleep. That will be nice too."
"What will?" I questioned, confused as I watch the lights changing in the waters and more images appearing before us.
"Sleeping again. Like actually sleeping. Erik said Fae can't go into the Dreaming, but I don’t think I’ll mind so much as long as I get some periods of time where my mind isn't going twenty-four seven, you know? I feel so tired all the time even though I'm getting enough rest. I feel stretched too thin."
I nodded. "I know exactly what you're saying. After I got attacked by those freaking piskies, I would have given anything to sleep but I couldn't. Of all the things that I never thought I would miss, sleep is right up there on the list."
Caroline grinned and opened her mouth to say something but no sound came out. My brows knit together in a frown.
"Are you okay?" I asked, feeling uneasy as she seemed to be fading in front of me. She grinned at me and flashed me a thumbs up before she blinked out of sight, like someone had flipped of
f a projector. "Caroline!"
I frowned until I realized that she must have woken up. It was the first time I had ever seen a soul transition back to the real world, and it was weird to see someone turn invisible and disappear. That would have been nice to have a warning about.
I felt my sense of unease return. I didn’t like being alone in the woods when I knew Niall was prowling around, but what was I going to do when Aleksander had asked me to stay there? Forcing my mind off of my fears, I turned my attention to the Pool and watched the dreams with a sadness and a longing that surprised me. Caroline might not miss dreaming, but I knew I would. Before the nightmares had come to plague me, I had had the most amazing and vivid dreams. I missed them already.
Chapter Eighteen
The water lit a dark, dusky purple and a wasteland appeared before me. The land was barren and dry, the earth cracked and crumbling and stretched out in the distance as far as I could see. The sky was a toxic orange, pale and shimmering with heat, making the land blister beneath it. In the middle of the dead earth stood a lone figure. Dressed in a ripped t-shirt and jeans with tears in the fabric, she was ill prepared for the environment she had created for herself. Tears streaked down her dirty face, leaving a jagged path where they had cleansed the skin, and her hands were fisted in her long, tangled black hair as her mouth stretched in a scream.
I felt my heart tug in sympathy, dragging me from my thoughts of self-pity. The despair on her face was so acute that I could feel it building in me as well. She fell to her knees, her sobbing intensifying as she wrapped her arms around herself and lay on the ground, preparing to give up.
"No!" I yelled at her. "Get up! Get up! Don't give up!"
She couldn't hear me despite my frantic cries on her behalf. Her shoulders shook with the strength of her grief as the darkness crept over the edges of the wasteland, devouring it and leaving only emptiness in its wake. Soon the darkness would be upon her if she couldn't bring herself to move.
I wildly looked around the trees, searching for somebody—anybody—to help her.
"Aleksander!" I screamed helplessly. But he was too far away to be able to hear me, still at Court, where he had been summoned.
The darkness stole closer as I realized the gravity of the situation.
I had to save her. There was nobody else.
The dark devoured more of the land, stealing ever closer to the girl while she continued to sob in her despair. If I didn't save her, she would never get herself out of the nightmare before hurting herself. She didn't look like she had much fight left in her.
I was a Fae. Or I could be. This was my purpose in life, what I was meant to be, and I knew I was ready for the challenge.
Making up my mind, I thrust my hand into the water, letting the cold semi solidity of the barrier swallow my hand until I felt the sucking pop that let me know I was through. The air around my hand was cold and throbbing with the girl's intense fear. I closed my eyes and thought of my mother. Of her arms around my shoulders as she told me she loved me.
I felt a sizzle in my hand and opened my eyes to see the small ball of light. Concentrating on the light, I fed it more emotion, thinking of my father and the feel of his beard tickling my cheek when he would kiss me goodnight. I thought of Elliott and Brittany and how much I loved them. I thought of Becca and Miguel, their eyes warm and full of love. I poured everything I had into the ball of light, urging it to grow.
It complied, straining as it slowly increased in size as if it were fighting against heavier gravity. Then it stopped. I felt the first notes of panic begin to build in my chest and willed the light to grow, sweat beading on my brow with the effort.
It shrank.
I felt despair in my gut as the light sputtered and started to fade. The darkness was moving faster now, sprinting across and enveloping the landscape, taking the girl with it.
"No!" I screamed, stretching my hand toward her, feeling the darkness pulling at my hand, my arm, sucking it in through the barrier. Tears clouded my vision and I reached further into the dream, desperate to find her and pull her through if I had to. I had to save her. I had to save myself.
I was teetering dangerously over the edge of the stone, my arm up to my shoulder through the barrier. My heart thudded loudly in my chest, and I felt the girl’s terror overtake me, my breath catching in the building hysteria. I started to shake with the effort.
"No! No!" I sobbed, my eyes shut tight against the darkness as I reached wildly into the nothingness. I couldn't find her. She was gone. I had failed her. I had waited too long and the darkness had taken her. Just like it was taking me.
I felt it seeping into my mind, the bitter cold freezing my thoughts, making it impossible to remember why my eyes were shut tight, why my arm was thrust so far into the Pool. It spoke to me, told me that I should give myself over to it, over to the terror, and I wanted to. I wanted so much to give up. I was so tired of fighting. I could lie there and stop fighting and it would all be over. I wouldn’t have to feel this darkness in my soul anymore. I couldn’t disappoint my friends and family anymore. I couldn’t hurt Dom. All I had to do was just let go.
"Cassie, No!"
I heard the shout in the distance, but it sounded weird. As if my head were under the water too. I struggled to open my eyes but found that I was so tired, I couldn’t pry them open.
"Cassie, hold on. Listen to my voice and come back to me."
I felt myself being lifted and moved onto my back. I was so very tired. All I wanted was to rest. The darkness clutched tight inside my chest, roughly squeezing my heart as I cried harder. I wanted the fear and the anger to stop.
"Just let me go. I just want to go," I moaned, my voice catching with the building sobs.
"No! Hang on, Cassie. I've got you. I won't let the darkness have you too."
I pulled my eyes open with great effort and saw Aleksander hovering over me, his eyes filled with fear as he brushed the tears off my face.
“Don’t you dare give up! Hold on." He held his palm out over my chest and let his light build.
I felt ashamed that my own light had failed me. That my love hadn’t been strong enough to save the girl. It wasn't strong enough to save myself. The harder I cried, the brighter his light became until it hovered in his palm, as bright as the sun.
"I need you to trust me, Cassie. Can you do that? Can you trust me?" His eyes burned with intensity.
I nodded weakly. I trusted Aleksander. It was myself I had no faith in.
"Trust me," he said as he pressed the light down, forcing it into my chest. It burned, the strength of it overwhelming me, frightening me. And as suddenly as it had begun, it changed.
I felt a peace wrap itself around me like a blanket, comforting me and soothing my terrified heart. It was the most amazing sensation as the darkness retreated, helpless before the strength of Aleksander's light, and I gasped at the intensity of his emotions as they filled me, driving away the despair.
His eyes searched mine, desperate to know that I was okay. He raised his fingers to my face, tenderly wiping my tears away.
"What were you thinking," he asked, his voice raw with emotion. "Why would you enter a nightmare by yourself? Haven't I told you how dangerous that is? You could have been lost in the darkness if I hadn't found you when I did."
"I'm okay. I'm so sorry I tried to do it on my own. But I'm okay." I bit my lip and turned my face away, regretting that my actions had caused him even a moment of anxiety.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, struggling to find the words to address my stupidity. I watched him, wishing I could give him back some of the calm that he had given me with his light. Instead, I sat up and reached out to him, cupping his face in the palm of my hand, willing him to be calm, to feel what I was feeling in that moment. He covered my hand with his own, turning his face and pressing a kiss into my palm. My breath caught as my heart fluttered wildly.
He took a ragged breath and wrapped his arms around me, crushing me to his ch
est. I inhaled sharply and stared up into his eyes. I could see emotions warring in their depths, and he moved without warning, capturing my mouth with his.
My eyes fluttered shut as his lips moved over mine, the light in my chest growing and stretching, reaching through my body as it filled every pore, every cell, until I was certain I had to be glowing like a ball of light myself. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into me, and poured all of the emotion he had given me into that kiss, showing him how scared I had been, how grateful I was that he had rescued me, telling him with my kiss how conflicted I had been. I told him how I felt about him, explaining everything in the space of that single moment in his arms.
He groaned and moved me back down to the rock, settling himself over me as his hands moved to my face. Cupping my cheek before moving around and grasping the back of my head firmly, he tilted it up closer as he ran his lips over my face, my jaw, and my ear, his teeth nipping gently at the flesh there. I gasped at the contact and arched into him, the terror and hopelessness of the dark all but forgotten as he rained kisses over my cheeks and my lips.
"What are you doing to me?" he whispered sharply against my lips. "I am trying so hard to do the right thing, to let you choose without influencing you. But I can't lose you too, Cassie. Promise me you won't do that again. Promise me you won't go into the nightmares anymore."
I shook my head, pulling myself away and trying hard to rein in my emotions.
"I can't do that, Aleksander. I can't watch the nightmares take somebody without trying to help. That girl… She was so helpless. I had to do something. I couldn't leave her there."
He sighed and sat up next to me, his eyes clouding over. "You have to. You can’t go into nightmares unprepared, Cassie. It is not safe for a Síofra. You have nothing to tie you to either world, and if the darkness takes you, you could wind up lost in the Dreaming forever. You think you’re ready for this, but you are not. That was foolish of you. And selfish. You can’t charge off and play the hero and not think about the consequences."
The Changeling (Book One of The Síofra Chronicles) Page 14
