by Dan Verner
“Has a British Red Cross worker named Alice been here?”
“Oh, your girlfriend? Yes, she’s been here every waking moment that she could. She has helped with your care. She’ll come in this afternoon after your crew. I sent her home to get some sleep. She’s quite stricken with you.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Now get some rest. That’s an order.”
“Yes, ma’am, I will.” Otto lay back on the pillow and drifted off into sleep again.
Chapter 35
Conversations—April 8, 1944
“Lieutenant? Lieutenant Kerchner?”
Otto felt like he was at the controls of the Mata Maria. They must be in a cloud bank because all he could see was white around him. He reached for his throat mike but felt a soft material. He pressed it anyway. “Identify yourself by position, crew.”
There was a moment’s hesitation and then he felt a hand on his shoulder. “Lieutenant, it’s me. Bob. Bob Donovan, your co-pilot.”
The fog bank cleared, and he saw Donovan’s face looking at him, and, standing behind him, the rest of the crew, looking young and afraid. “How are you, sir?”
“I’m doing as well as expected. How are all of you?”
They greeted him with a chorus of “Fine…never better…doing great…”
“So,” Otto said, “How do I look?”
“Like a mummy,” Riley piped up. “We’re glad you’re alive, sir, don’t cha know?”
Robinson elbowed Riley. “Actually, sir, we came by when you were out and you had those white pads over your eyes. We said you looked like Little Orphan Annie.”
“Well,’ leapin’ lizards,’ Robinson.” He turned sober. “It must have been a pretty bad crash.”
“It was,” Detwiler said, holding his hat in his hands. “We saw pictures of what was left of the wreck. There wasn’t much. It was all burned up.”
“Sir,” Riley offered, “We want to thank you for what you did.”
“What did I do?”
“You held the aircraft up so we could jump out. We were all picked up and on boats within ten minutes. If you hadn’t stayed with the ship, who knows what would have happened. We’re sorry you were injured.”
Otto grimaced. “Just a little bad luck and some so not so good pilotage. And a contribution from battle damage. I think it was a good landing because I was able to walk away from it. Or, more accurately, be carried away.”
Donovan regarded him gravely. “You’re getting the Distinguished Flying Cross for what you did. The colonel is coming in tomorrow to give it to you. We all got commendations, but you’re the real hero. We were just doing our jobs.”
“So was I,” Otto returned. He felt a wave of weakness come over him and closed his eyes for how long he didn’t know.
He opened them again. “You’ll have to excuse me, fellas. I need to rest. Thanks for coming by.”
The crew looked at the floor and shuffled off, murmuring good-byes and promises to return.
Nurse Robinson came in and increased his drip. Whiteness overtook him again.
***
“Otto? Otto? Wake up, my darling.” The voice was soft and melodious and in his state, Otto thought it the voice of an angel.
He felt the soft pressure of a body leaning over his and the warmth of a face close to his bandaged head. Lithe fingers removed the pads from his eyes.
Alice. It was lovely Alice come to see him. Tears filled his eyes. His eyes came into focus and there she was, smiling at him while tears ran down her cheeks.
“Alice, is it really you?”
She looked at him with those deep blue eyes. “Yes, Otto, it’s me. I’ve been here before, but you were asleep. How are you feeling, darling?”
“Well, I’ve been having a lot of pain, but right now I feel great. Sit beside me and just let me look at you.”
She pulled up a chair and sat beside the bed, holding his bandaged hand. “You’re quite the hero, you know.”
“I don’t know why. I lost the ship.”
“But you saved your crew. Aircraft can be replaced.”
“Alice, will you tell me something.”
“Anything, my love.”
“How do I look? I know I have to be scarred, but how bad is it?”
“I haven’t seen, Otto. I can ask to be here when your bandages are changed. I’m sure you’re handsome as ever.”
“They tell me I will have to have several surgeries to cut away the dead skin.”
“Don’t worry about that now. I’ll be here. I promise.”
“Thank you, Alice. I love you.”
“And I love you.” She stood up and bent over to kiss the bandages on his face. “You need to rest, dear Otto. I’ll be back.” Her hand lingered on his chest for a moment and then she was gone. He could not hear her footsteps. Ah, a goddess floats above the ground, he thought. Once again unconsciousness overtook him.
***
The next morning, Otto was lying back, staring at the ceiling. Doreen came in. “You have some special visitors,” she smiled.
Otto sat up. He recognized the general from picture in Stars and Stripes. He gulped. It was General Arnold. He was followed by an entourage of officers, including Colonel Rackham. Otto’s crew brought up the rear, looking cowed with so much brass around.
Arnold stopped by the bed and saluted. Otto belatedly returned the salute. “Pardon me for not getting up, General,” he said.
Arnold smiled. “Rest easy, son. The normal protocols are off here.”
He turned to an aide, who opened a wooden box and held it for him. Arnold took a medal out of the box. Facing Otto, he intoned, “For meritorious service and incomparable airmanship, I am pleased to award you the Distinguished Flying Cross.” He reached over and pinned the medal to Otto’s pajamas. “And there’s something else.”
He took something else out of the box and pinned it to Otto’s shoulders. Otto couldn’t see what it was, but when Arnold straightened up, he held out his hand. “Congratulations, Captain Kerchner!”
Otto was stunned. He was nowhere due for a promotion. His crew clapped and whistled but quickly fell quiet when Arnold and his entourage turned to walk out of the ward. The nine men crowded around his bed.
They started to clap him on his shoulder, but stopped in mid-gesture, mindful of the pain he felt. “Way to go, Skip!” Riley exclaimed.
“Thank you, Riley. And thank you all for being here! You earned this as much as I did.”
Just then Doreen came up to the bed. “Gentlemen, you’ll have to leave. It’s time to change dressings. You can come back tomorrow.”
“We have a mission tomorrow,” Donovan said.
“Really?” Otto queried. “I thought you were on leave.”
“We were,” Donovan said, “but it was up last week. We flew number 24 then and this is 25. We go home after this one.”
“That’s great, fellas. I’m going home, too. Eventually”
“We’ll be sure to stop by and see you before we ship out.”
“Thanks, guys.”
Each member of the crew shook his hand, offering congratulations and wishing him good luck.
Doreen had a basin of water with her, a sponge and a roll of gauze. She wet down each section of the bandages, unrolling each one carefully. When she got to the bottom layer, it stuck to the healing skin. Otto winced as the bandage pulled off pieces of scar tissue. Doreen rewrapped each section, working from his feet up. She unwrapped his head, taking her time since the skin there was the most sensitive. Otto’s head was completely exposed, and she gently patted it with a wet sponge.
The curtains around the bed rustled and Alice came in. She stood there, wide-eyed, staring at Otto.
Doreen froze. Alice was able to get in because of her Red Cross uniform, but generally no one witnessed the bandage change. Otto couldn’t even have a mirror until he had time to grow used to the idea of his appearance.
Alice’s hand flew to her mouth. Tears rolled down her cheeks
. Otto saw horror in her eyes, and worse, pity.
“Oh, no,” she choked out. “Oh, no.” She turned to go. “I can’t take it. I’m so sorry. I just can’t take it.” And she was gone.
Otto and Doreen stayed in their positions for a long moment. Doreen finally spoke. “I was afraid of that.”
It seemed to Otto that she was speaking from a long way off. He didn’t understand. Was he so hideous that Alice, gentle sweet Alice, couldn’t stand to look at him? What would happen? He raised his eyes to Doreen’s face. Tears ran down his cheeks. “You were afraid of what, Doreen?”
“Of her reaction. I’ve seen it happen when friends and relatives of burn victims see the damage for the first time.”
“But we were more than friends. We were—”
“Yes, I know. I’m sorry.” There was a long pause. “Let me finish this.”
She quickly rewrapped Otto’s head. He wanted to disappear, to never come back here, to go far away. His mind was filled with a thousand despairing thoughts.
Doreen gathered up the old dressing and her basin and sponge. “She’ll be back, Otto. I just know she will. You’ll see.”
Otto turned away from her. He heard the rapid click of her heels as she walked away. He lay still and then darkness overtook him.
***
“Captain Kerchner? Captain? Wake up. It’s time for your pills.”
Otto lay still and kept his eyes closed. He didn’t want medicine. He didn’t want company. He didn’t want to wake up. He wanted whoever it was to go away.
Someone touched him on the shoulder. A ring of pain formed around the touch. “Ow!” he exclaimed. “Jesus! That hurt! Don’t touch me!” His eyes flickered open and he saw it was Doreen. “What you do want?”
“To give you your medication. You have a debridement surgery this morning and I need to get you ready.”
“I’m not having the surgery.”
“You have to, Otto. If you don’t you’ll get a skin infection and die of it.”
“Good. I want to die.”
“No you don’t. Now take these pills.”
“Go to hell.”
Doreen paused. “I know you’re hurt now, but you’ve got to think of yourself and your family. If nothing else, get well for them. These things happen. It happened to me last year.”
Otto looked at her. “You? As good-looking as you are?”
Doreen blushed. “Well, it wasn’t the same. I was engaged to a captain in the infantry who was killed in a training accident. I was a mess for months. I’m still sad, but life goes on. This is war, after all.”
Otto reconsidered. “I’m sorry, Doreen. Give me the pills.” He took them and swallowed them with the water she offered from a glass. “I thought Alice and I had something going on. I guess we didn’t.”
“She’ll be back, Otto. I just know it.”
“I don’t think so, Doreen. I don’t think so.”
***
The next day, an officer showed up at Otto’s bedside. Otto could tell he was a chaplain. He didn’t want to talk to him. He quickly closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.
“Captain Kerchner?” The man’s voice was sonorous and deep. Otto wondered idly which denomination he was. Probably not German Lutheran. Not that it mattered. Not that anything mattered.
“I’d like to talk to you, Captain. May I sit down? “
Otto gestured with his hand to the chair beside the bed, keeping his eyes closed. “Suit yourself.”
“Lieutenant Robinson thought it might be helpful if I stopped by and we talked some. How are you feeling?”
“To be honest, padre, I feel like hell. How else should I feel?”
“I’m Chaplain Higgins. Well, it’s certainly understandable you would feel like that. You’ve had a couple of rough blows recently, and I’m sorry I have to add to your troubles. We received word that your father passed away.”
Otto sighed. “I know.”
Higgins looked puzzled. “Did someone else tell you? How---”
Otto waved his left hand. “I just know, Chaplain.”
Higgins put his hand on Otto’s shoulder. “He contracted pneumonia and died before anything could be done. I’m sorry. This is so difficult. Is there anything I can do for you?”
“You can give me new skin and bring my girlfriend back.”
The chaplain smiled sadly. “I wish I could, Captain, but I can’t.”
“When did my dad die?”
“It was about the time of your accident. It takes a while for notifications to get to us.”
Otto nodded silently. Higgins sat there for a while.
“Are you religious?” Higgins asked. “You’re listed as German Lutheran.”
“That’s the church my parents belonged to. I went as a kid but I haven’t gone much since I went into the service.”
“Would you like for me to have a prayer with you?”
“I’m not much on praying, Chaplain. You’ll have to excuse me if I don’t want to talk to God right now.”
“I understand, son. So what do you see happening to you?”
“I guess I’ll ship stateside and spend some time in a hospital and then go back to the farm and help my sister. No one will be around to see me but her, my mother and the cows. It will be ideal,” he added sardonically.
“May I share some scripture with you, Otto?”
Otto waved one hand in resignation. “Be my guest. That’s what chaplains do, isn’t it?”
Higgins took out a small Bible and opened to a place near the middle. He cleared his throat and announced, “From Psalm 139, a psalm of David. I think this has a lot to do with your situation.
O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.
Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether.
Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
He closed the Bible and stood up. “You are in a dark place, now, Otto, but God is light and God is with you. Bless you, my son. I will be praying for you.”
Otto lifted a hand. He didn’t want any more religious talk, but he thought of a question as the chaplain turned to go.
“Chaplain?”
Higgins turned back to him. “Yes, Otto?”
“Why is God punishing me? Have I done something terribly wrong?”
Higgins looked down for a moment. “I don’t think God is punishing you, Otto, and you probably haven’t done anything worse than the rest of us. These things happen to the best people, but even through the valley of the shadow of death, God is with us. I hope you can find a way to believe that.”
With that, he turned and was gone. Otto lay in the bed for a long time, thinking.
***
Doreen came in the next morning with his pills and some water. “This is my last day here, Otto. I’m being transferred to the Italian campaign. There’s heavy fighting and a lot of casualties.”
Otto felt a pang. “I’m sorry to see you go, Doreen. You’ve been very kind to me.”
She laid a hand on his arm. “You’re going to be fine, Otto. I just know it.”
“I wish I were as convinced as y
ou are.”
“Some nice lady is going to snap you up, you big war hero.”
Otto said nothing. Tears formed in the corner of his eyes as he thought of Alice.
Doreen leaned over and kissed him on his bandages on the top of his head. “Good-bye, Otto. I will miss you.” And she was gone.
***
Doreen’s replacement was a short, stocky woman who was all business. She was competent, but had no time for extraneous conversations. That was all right with Otto. He didn’t feel much like talking.
Otto was sitting in the sun room looking out over the grounds of the estate that was being used as a hospital. His burns still pained him and parts of his body itched terribly. He looked up from his book to see Riley coming toward him.
“Captain OK!” Riley called as he got nearer, a broad smile plastered on his face.
“Hi, Riley.” Otto said absently.
“How are you, sir?”
“I’m here, Riley.”
“Well, everyone has to be somewhere, Captain. Listen, the other fellows told me to come by. They’re getting ready to ship home and do bond drives. Since I only have four missions, I’ve been assigned to another crew to finish out, don’t cha know?”
Otto could not help feeling that now his crew was deserting him. Still, they were a good crew and had earned their way home.
“We heard about your girl and your father, Captain.” Great, Otto thought. Everyone knows all about me.
“Yeah, it stinks, Riley.”
“I’m sorry, sir. I had something similar happen to me. In basic I got a ’Dear John’ letter from my girl back home in Boston. My brother later wrote me that she was steppin’ out with every 4-F in sight. So good riddance to that bitch. Before I got the letter from my brother I went AWOL on a three-day drunk. I was busted back to private. The captain said he wished he could create a lower rank because being a private was too good for me. The next week I got word my dad had died, so I did it again. I spent a week in the brig for that one.”
“Humph,” Otto grunted.
“Anyhow, what I’m trying to say, sir, is that I got over that, and I’m sure you’ll get another dame. They’re everywhere. And you’ll remember the good times with your dad. Did he take you hunting and fishing?”
