This latest flashback pretty well shattered any fantasy he might have had about bringing Paula Olsen up here. All she had to do was witness one and it would shock the hell out of her. After last night’s fiasco of a phone conversation, the best thing to do where she was concerned was go cold turkey and never see her again.
While he was at war with his emotions, he heard a noise. One of the shutters on the other bedroom window was banging. The wind must have pried it loose. He got dressed and lit a lantern while he hunted for some tools. Then he went outside to take a look at the damage.
The storm had baptized the earth. Right after it rained, the smell of lupines and baby blue eyes was particularly strong. As he breathed in the fragrance, family memories assailed him from the most heartwarming to the most bittersweet, bringing his thoughts full circle to that black moment when the legs had been cut out from under him.
Just the possibility that Walker’s father had been unfaithful to his mother had been so incomprehensible to him, so shattering, he’d been driven to leave the ranch. The instinctive need to lose himself had prompted him to join the military.
Jesse had begged him not to go, but he didn’t understand the agony Walker had been in, and Walker couldn’t tell him. He couldn’t tell anybody. Jesse had assumed Troy’s death had been at the root of his unrest, and Walker had let him think it.
The disappointment in his father if the rumor were true had created a demon that had gotten a stranglehold on him. It was the same demon that had worked on him during the war. Hearing the truth from his mother had torn him up all over again.
Using more force than necessary to make certain the hinge on the shutter was secure, he drilled some holes and drove in new screws, then he went back in the cabin for a shower and shave. After Walker got dressed in clean jeans and a T-shirt, he made himself some Tang. It was tolerable. He couldn’t see it becoming a habit, but for now it would do.
Dr. Bader had spoken the truth. If you went home and dwelled on the things you couldn’t change, you could plan to die emotionally. It was your choice if you wanted to live in the here and now.
For Walker to do that, he had to figure out where to start. Getting back to the rodeo was something familiar. It would feel good to get on a horse and see if he still had what it took to throw a steer, but that couldn’t be the whole of it.
Remembering an idea he’d had in college that had caused him to switch from mining to natural-gas engineering, he got in his truck at sunup and took a drive to the other side of the ranch. When he reached the gas wells, he parked off road and got out to walk around.
The Cody family depended to a great extent on the revenue from these wells. They’d been doing their efficient job for a long time, but he’d done measurements with an expert as part of his senior-year project and learned that one day soon, the supply of natural gas in this field would be exhausted.
When that time came, their family needed to have plan B already in the works if they hoped to continue the lifestyle to which they’d become accustomed.
His brain teeming with ideas his father wouldn’t find of value, Walker eventually got back in the truck and drove the length of the field to the untouched rangeland beyond. He sat there for a long time gazing out at the landscape, wondering what lay beneath it. Eventually hunger broke his concentration, forcing him to drive back to the cabin.
One good thing: his appetite had returned. Dr. Bader’s list of dos and don’ts was working. The only thing it didn’t have on the don’t side Walker had already figured out for himself.
Don’t let Paula Olsen into your life.
“LOOK AT ME, CLAY,” the photographer called out, dangling a cute little duck in his hand. “Give me a smile.”
Clay wouldn’t look up even when the man made it quack. Paula groaned. When she and Angie had decided to meet at Wal-Mart after work to get pictures taken of the kids, she’d thought it was a good idea, but the place was crowded and Clay refused to cooperate. It was a shame because he looked so adorable in his new turquoise-and-white shirt and shorts with the fish on them.
She shot Angie a vexed glance. “How come Danice was an absolute angel through the whole shoot?” Other mothers were standing in line with their toddlers, anxious to get their pictures taken.
Her friend laughed. “They sure pick their days.”
“Well this one has already done me in.” She kissed Clay. “Come on, sweetheart. Just a little smile for me?”
“I have an idea,” the photographer said. “Hold him while I get something out of the back room. This usually does the trick when all else fails.”
She and Angie exchanged amused glances while Clay kept pressing kisses to her face. Within seconds the man returned with a black bear bigger than her son, the kind sold in every tourist trap throughout the state.
“Here we go! With Mommy’s help you can ride him.”
Clay took one look at it and let out a terrified shriek. Suddenly he was hysterical and tried to bury his face in her neck. His little heart was beating triple time. He clutched her so hard she didn’t think the skin on her shoulder beneath her blouse would ever be the same.
“Sorry,” the photographer muttered, looking helpless.
By now everyone in the store assumed she was abusing her child. “It’s not your fault.” She turned to Angie in panic. “I’m taking him home.”
“As soon as I pay for Danice’s picture, I’ll see you back at the apartment.” Paula nodded.
“It’s all right, sweetheart. It’s all right,” she murmured as she hurried down the aisle to the entrance with her screaming child. Once outside, she practically ran through the parking lot toward her car. She had some treats and a bottle in her baby bag.
Footsteps were gaining on her. “Paula? What can I do to help?”
Her heart gave a loud thump. Walker? What were the chances of him showing up in time for another crisis with Clay?
“If you would open the passenger door for me, I’ll let him sit with me for a minute until I can get him calmed down.”
As soon as she sat with her jean-clad legs still outside the car, Walker hunkered down in front of her and removed the gold chain from his neck. Without saying a word to Clay, he swung the jade piece back and forth until he captured her son’s attention.
In another minute the tears stopped gushing down his blotchy red cheeks. It was like a miracle. His breath caught several times and pretty soon his little hand let go of her upper arm and he reached for it.
“You like that?” The second Walker asked the question in a velvety voice, Clay put it to his mouth and bit on it. A deep chuckle rose from Walker’s throat. It resonated to every cell of Paula’s body.
She looked at him in awe. “I’m impressed.”
His sober gaze flicked to hers. “I don’t know much about children, but I’ve been around horses all my life. When something frightens them, the only thing you can do is distract them until they forget why they’re nervous.”
She bit her lip. “I took him in to get his photograph taken, but he wouldn’t look at the camera, so the man—”
“I saw the whole thing,” Walker interrupted her quietly. “I happened to be at the camera counter picking up some special pictures I had made up for my mother. When he brought out the bear, I was afraid Clay might associate it with the black Lab.”
Paula blinked. “Of course—”
“It reminded me of the first time my father made me sit on the back of a horse. I was probably Clay’s age. It was huge to me. Unpredictable. It took me years to get over my fear of horses, but I had to hide my terror in front of my father because he wouldn’t tolerate cowardice.”
“Walker—” Her throat had almost closed from the emotions that had been building. “To think you ended up becoming a champion steer wrestler.”
“Yup.” He stared at her. “It boggles the mind, especially since I saw myself in Clay just now. Sure enough, he took one look at the bear and terror caused him to burst into tears.”
His gaze slid back
to Clay’s. He tousled his blond curls. To her surprise a sweet smile broke out on her son’s face, softening the look in Walker’s eyes. “You’re just like me, aren’t you, sport? You have to be gentled first.”
Without knowing it, Walker had just handed her a key to his very complex soul. “Thanks again for your help,” she whispered. After the way their phone conversation had ended the other night, she couldn’t have imagined a moment like this.
“You’re welcome.” The second he stood up and kissed Clay’s forehead, she knew he was going to leave. “Be a good boy for your mother.”
“Just a minute and I’ll give you back the jade, but first I have to convince Clay to let me have it.”
“I’m afraid I don’t have time. As it is I’m going to be late meeting up with my brother. Let him keep it. Maybe it will bring him luck.”
Meaning what? That the jade piece hadn’t worked for Walker after all? Was there a tinge of despair she’d heard in his voice? He walked away. Twice now he’d said goodbye to her and meant it. She got it.
But while she moved to put Clay in his car seat, she was aware of an inexplicable sense of loss. In spite of her determination to put Walker in her dead-end file, feelings for him insisted on growing beneath her surface attraction to him. They grew stronger as she watched his truck pull out of the parking lot onto the highway and disappear.
Chapter Five
May 12
Good old reliable Jesse was waiting for Walker when he pulled up in the parking area at the side of the new ranch house Wednesday evening. They’d dressed alike in jeans and checked, long-sleeved shirts; Jesse’s in brown-and-white, Walker’s in blue-and-white. He was still breaking in his new cowboy boots, but he’d left the hat at home.
The family would have to stare at their underweight prodigal son with his Marine cut. Though he’d put on five pounds since getting out of the hospital, and his hair was getting longer, he by no means resembled the man who’d left home six years ago. That man with the overly long black hair had needed a sturdier horse to carry his weight.
Jesse walked over to him as he climbed down from the cab. “You look a damn sight better than you did at the motel.” They hugged. “Mom’s been biting her nails that you might not show.”
That was a joke between them because their mother had never done such a thing and never would, but they could always tell how nervous she was if she started humming off-key while she worked.
“So she’s been humming up a storm?”
“Yup, and it’s driven everyone crazy.”
Walker laughed. He couldn’t help it. Jesse was like a dose of something savory after a steady diet of the inedible.
“Walk around the back of the house with me. Elly and the twins are in the pool. Mom’s in the kitchen. She set up a barbecue on the deck. Steaks, ribs. The works.”
“Nice.” It was a warm, beautiful night for it. “Where’s Dad?”
Jesse’s brows lifted. “Probably upstairs getting showered and dressed, and nervous as hell.”
“Don’t you mean angry?”
His brother had no answer for that. Walker couldn’t wait to get this reunion over with. As they made the tour around back, his hand went to his throat before he realized the jade piece was no longer resting against his chest beneath the shirt. He felt naked and vulnerable without it. In truth he longed to feel the touch of Paula’s hands on his skin one more time as she fastened it around his neck.… “Walker!”
Elly squealed in delight the second she saw him and launched herself out of the pool wearing a bright red bikini. He could see right away his tallish sister was no longer a tomboy. With her blond hair braided on top of her head, she’d turned into a real beauty.
He hurried across the deck and swung her around before giving her a hug.
“Elly…you’re a sight for sore eyes.”
Hers, a mixture of green and blue, were tear-filled as she examined him. “So are you. I’m so glad you’re home,” she cried in a broken voice and wrapped her arms around his chest again. “Sorry I’m getting you wet.”
“Do you think I care?”
“I prayed for you every night.”
“I heard them,” he said for her ears alone.
“Hey, you guys. Is this a private club or what?”
“Dusty…” Walker swung around to embrace his brother, who looked like an improved version of Brad Pitt. “How are the ladies treating you these days?” With that dimple of his, he’d always been dynamite with the opposite sex.
“I’m not complaining.” His blue eyes danced as they teased. “It’s a good thing you’re finally home so we can put some meat on your bones. It’s been a long time.”
“Too long,” Walker admitted, finding it difficult to swallow because of the emotions tearing him up one side and down the other. He had no quarrel with his siblings. That’s what was killing him.
Behind Dusty he could see Dex sitting at the edge of the pool waiting his turn. Being fraternal twins, they both had their own good looks and unique mannerisms. Dex had always been the quiet one. Walker reached down and gave him a hand to pull him up. His dark blond brother responded with a bone-crushing squeeze. He wasn’t a team roper for nothing. When he let go, more scrutiny took place.
“Is that another scar under your chin?” Walker asked.
Dex grinned. “It’s the same one from before, but it’s a little raw from getting dragged around the practice arena the other day. You look taller, you know that? If that’s what the Marines do for you, maybe I’ll join. I always wanted a few more inches like you.”
Whatever Walker might have answered was lost when he heard, “Welcome home, son.”
He braced himself before turning around. J.W. looked fit as he stood beneath the overhang of the deck in a tan Western shirt and jeans. There were more steel threads in his black hair, but all in all, he didn’t seemed changed. From the distance between them he felt his father’s glittering gaze.
Though Walker was the tallest in the family, his father had always appeared bigger than life to him. The cane only seemed to add to his aura of unquestioned authority.
His father didn’t move toward him. It was up to Walker, who felt as though he was moving through quicksand to reach him. “You look like you’re doing well. It’s good to see you, Dad.”
Walker meant it. It was good to see the man who’d given him life, who’d taught him everything he thought he should know, who’d provided a lifestyle for his children any son would thank God for.
J.W. didn’t say anything, but Walker noticed the throb at his temple, denoting his tension. They shook hands, adding to the awkwardness he felt in front of his siblings, who’d gone so quiet it was unnatural. Did his father know that he knew his secret?
He’d seen his mother come out on the patio, but she paused when she saw what was happening and stood at a distance. Hell—
“Mom says to come and get it,” his older brother blurted from the banquet table laden with enough food for a small army. Jesse, Jesse. Once again, he’d ridden into the fort at the last moment bringing fresh troops.
Walker was first at the table. He hugged his mother and they talked for a minute, then he started piling the food on his plate. Everyone clamored cheerfully to be heard, and a good deal of bantering went on before they found deck chairs placed near each other.
Anything to do with rodeo standings proved the safest topic of conversation. He questioned each of them about their latest triumphs and defeats. They reminisced about past championships, including his. There was more talk about future competitions. His father weighed in on the subject of the new Corriente bulls trucked in from Mexico after being in quarantine.
Walker noticed they all stayed away from asking him questions about Iraq, no doubt Jesse’s doing. His mother wanted to know if he was comfortable at the cabin. That prompted him to turn to Dex.
“If I come down to the practice arena one of these mornings, will you be there to help me get my feet wet again? I need to do it as
part of my therapy.”
His brother glanced at everyone in stunned surprise before he said, “You just name the day, Walker.”
“That would be terrific. Thanks, Dex.”
After a big serving of strawberry shortcake, one of Walker’s favorite desserts, Elly said, “As soon as the food has digested, let’s have a game of water polo. I want to see if Walker can still whomp everybody.”
Unless the family was prepared to see his scars, Walker figured it wouldn’t be a good idea. Jesse picked up on his anxiety. “Maybe later, Elly. In the meantime I’ll show Walker the new horse barn. It’s not that far from here. You’re going to be impressed, bro.”
“Let’s go, then.”
“I’ll walk over there with you,” their father said.
Walker sensed what was coming, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He gave his mom a peck on the cheek, then started around the side of the house with Jesse and his dad.
Well out of earshot of the others, his father stopped mid-stride and looked over at him. “I’m glad to hear you want to get back on a horse again, son. The ranch could use your help. Ask Jesse and he’ll tell you. Any time you say, you can be in charge of the bulls we’re working with right now. Jesse will set you up. When you’re settled in, you can start flying down to Mexico and take charge of that end of the operation.”
“I know there isn’t anything Jesse wouldn’t do for me, but I’m not looking for a job. Right now I’m just trying to focus on getting better both mentally and physically.” Of course until Walker got on a horse and went through the motions, he didn’t know if he had what it took to even compete anymore.
His father got that look on his face that meant he’d dug in his heels. “How long do you expect to go on like this?” he demanded. The lid was coming off.
“I wish I knew, but I don’t.”
“Well, you sure as hell better find out fast.” Suddenly it was just the two of them. “What do you mean you don’t know?” he asked.
“I’m at a crossroads trying to figure out my life.” J.W. frowned. “What’s there to figure out? You’re home with your family now. You could have your pick of any job on the ranch you want.”
Walker: The Rodeo Legend Page 7
