We ate in silence for a bit, and I enjoyed the smooth creamy cheese. The base was shades of gray, but the food definitely didn't match the atmosphere. Marcel, our chef, worked wonders with the army rations he was given.
I don't think of you as just a friend," I said. Fuck, it was difficult for me to open up. "I don't know what I think of you as."
She kept eating and looked out of the window.
"It's more than just -"
"You've been hurt in the past and I'm an easy target. I get it," she said. "I get that you just want physical stuff. That's fine."
"What?"
"It's fine," she said, and gestured with her fork. A bit of macaroni plopped off and landed back in her bowl. "I like the physical stuff too. I don't know what you think of me. Like, you know how I feel about Meek Springs and I don't want you thinking I see you as some weird, pseudo-way out of this place. That's not it at all."
"You're making a whole lot of assumptions. I'm struggling to keep up," I said.
"I'm just not interested in drama, I guess. I get enough of that at home." She ate more of her lunch, then grabbed her water and glugged that back. "I have to make this project a success."
"I know. I'm not going to get in the way of that."
She shrugged.
Was that what she thought? That I'd ruin this opportunity for her? I wasn't that guy. I wasn't any kind of guy at the moment. Just one who'd gone too far with a woman who threatened my entire sense of self. Oh fucking well, right?
"I'm going to need to get more stuff from town," she said. "Shit, I feel really bad about it. I know we went in the other day but I didn't think."
"It's no problem. Jack's going to have to do a supply run tomorrow, anyway. I 'll go along and get what you need. What is it?"
"Just some stuff from the store. I left a few of my portfolios there and I know there's a few fabric swatches in there that might suit what I have planned for this place. I'm thinking teals and greens, perhaps. Cream too."
"Interesting."
"Anything but gray, right."
"Anything but gray," I confirmed. Anything to make my soldier's lives easier, happier, more efficient. "Well, I'll head in tomorrow. Just give me a list of the things you need from the store and I'll collect it for you."
"Ugh, my mom has the key."
"I'll collect that too," I said.
"Are you sure? She's a piece of work."
"I'm sure I've encountered worse," I replied. It would take more than an overbearing parent to scare me off. All that scared me were the inappropriate questions and stares from the woman, and that was more mild discomfort than actual fear.
We finished our meal in silence, and I took hers through to the tray drop off, then returned to the table. "There's choc pudding."
"Nah, I'm pretty full. I have to get back to the office." She rose and I followed her out of the mess hall and down the corridor.
This time the quiet was awkward. I was a puppy dog following behind her. Man, when had I become this pathetic? I was a Lieutenant Commander with people beneath me, but I couldn't get this nineteen year old out of my head.
We halted in front of her door, and she cleared her throat, checking her watch.
"So, remember to email me that list. Or heck, write it down and give it to me," I said.
"Yeah, I will do."
"I - uh, yeah." I stuck my hands in my pockets and looked both ways up and down the hall. Fuck, why was this so weird?
"You didn't have to walk me back," she said, and licked her lips. "I'm not completely hopeless, you know."
"Wouldn't want you to get lost. I know what it's like, first time on a big base, lots of corridors and not that many signs."
"Yeah, well, the mess hall is right around the corner." She unlocked her office door and entered. "I think I would've found it on my own."
"Sue me. I wanted to spend a little time with you." And now, I'd become the master of cheese. I didn't know how to handle this situation. It was either be gruff and detached, or be too much and obsequious. I didn't like either.
I couldn't find a way to be myself again.
"Just stop, Ryan. It's okay."
I moved quickly. Grasped the back of her head. Pulled her into a kiss and parted her lips. Tasted her mouth.
She collapsed against me, put her hands to my chest and pushed back. "I don't want to be confused anymore," she said, her lips glistening. "If it's just physical, say so."
She wanted me to say it was physical and only that. Maybe, she needed a way out too. I'd given her plenty of mixed messages because I couldn't handle my shit around her. It was time to give her some clarity.
"It's just physical," I lied. "Let's keep it that way."
"Good," she replied, and the tension seeped from her. She was relieved it was just physical.
I kicked the office door shut, reached back and locked it. We stared at each other, heat building between us, swirling, threatening to break me. Just that long, hot stare and I'd already cultivated a boner.
Chanel looked down at my pants, a tiny smirk torturing me. She undid my belt, then unzipped my pants, reached inside and brought out my dick.
"If it's just physical..." She dropped to her knees in front of me.
"No - wait. I don't want you to do anything you don't -"
She closed her mouth around the head of my dick and my eyes rolled back. Fuck, that was amazing. How could I say 'no' to this? If it was what she really wanted, then why should I?
Chanel flicked her tongue across that sweet, sensitive spot beneath my tip, and made an appreciative slurping noise. She moaned, then sat back. "Good?"
I brushed my fingers through her hair. "Unbelievable."
She grinned at me, then spat into her hand and wrapped it around my shaft. She took me into the warmth of her mouth again, and worked my dick.
I pumped with her movements, and clutched a handful of her hair.
She gagged, then giggled around my cock, and continued slurping, licking, building my pleasure.
I'd lose control if this continued, pound into her mouth and release everything I had. Maybe she wanted that too. "Fuck," I said.
She pulled back. "Good idea." Chanel lay back on the carpet and hiked up her skirt, exposing her wet, swollen lips to me. "I forgot to pack underwear," she said, and laughed. "Guess, that comes in handy now."
"Good God, you're beautiful," I said, and tracked my gaze over her body. Partially clothed and she had me begging for more. I sank to my knees in front of her, my dick bounced, hungry for more of her, dripping now with pre-cum rather than her spit.
She reached between her legs, collected her own juices and moved them over her clit. "Oh yeah," she hissed, and circled it. She bucked upward and squeezed her eyes shut.
I was mesmerized by her. The soft gasps, hip movements, her breasts heaving, and that moist center, desperate for my touch. I could give her what she needed. What she needed was me.
"Please," she whimpered.
"I love it when you say that."
"Please," she repeated. "I need to feel you. Give me what I want, Ryan."
I shifted her hand out of the way and crawled up her body, pausing to nuzzle her breasts. She didn't have a bra on either and I sucked her nipples through the silk of her blouse. The taste of fabric and the hardness of that nub in my mouth took me to fucking nirvana.
Chanel took me by the chin and tugged. "Up here."
I followed her order - doing that was what I did best - and met her gaze. Desire rolled from her tight, little body. I angled myself so that my dick pressed against her slick entrance.
"I'm going to make the front of your pants wet," she whispered.
"Good." I kissed her then, and massaged her tongue with mine. She tasted like heaven, and I groaned into her mouth.
Chanel wrapped her legs around my waist and slapped her hands onto my ass. She applied pressure. "Give it to me," she demanded, petulant, breathing against my lips. "Now."
I entered her in one shar
p thrust, all the way in, stretching her tightness, spearing myself into her body. I trembled and barely kept from crying out.
Chanel bit her lip hard. We couldn't make too much noise with everyone indoors within hearing range.
I stroked her hair from her face, kissed her forehead, then the tip of her nose, her eyes. I moved inside her, slow and steady now, deep pumps that made us both crazy.
Chanel placed her hands on my shoulders, then nudged me. I rolled onto my back with her on top, and she sat down hard on my dick, and let out a tiny moan.
"Shh," I whispered.
A sneaky smile and she circled her hips. She rode me fast, her hands on her breasts and her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth. "Oh my God," she whispered.
I placed my hands on her hips and lifted her up, then down again. Up and down, working her on my dick and bringing myself closer to climax.
She played with her clit, stealing our fluids and lubricating herself. "Gonna come," she muttered. "You're so fucking thick."
I plunged into her, rammed her down on my dick. "Fuck yes."
Chanel closed around me, tightening up, a sudden moment of relaxation and then her pulsing orgasm began. She massaged my dick, and that familiar heat built in my core. I held her in place and came inside her, gripping the flesh on her hips, unable to speak. My mouth dropped open and I moaned again.
Chanel's orgasm finally ended and she lay down on my chest, breathing hard. "Thank you," she said.
"Thank you." I wrapped my arms around her, but she sat up, and then stood. The moment had passed, apparently. She was determined to keep things as strictly physical as I'd said they were.
She tugged down her skirt. "I'm going to have to go back to my quarters and clean up."
"Me too," I said, and tucked myself away, zipping up. Not that I could move much at this point.
Chanel smiled at me, but folded her arms. "And then I have to work."
"Yeah. I'll - uh, I'll catch up with you later." I pushed myself into a sitting position. I wanted to say something more, but what was there to say? Telling her I felt something would defeat the purpose of this.
I couldn't rid myself of the disappointment that she hadn't wanted to hug or kiss after. Since when had I become this soft? I smiled at her, straightened my shirt, then headed out.
Chapter 15
Chanel
I sat on my bed and took the nail file out of my overnight bag. It’d already been several nights and I didn’t have enough of what I needed to stay here in a relative state of comfort. The confrontation with my mother had cut short any hopes of packing at the house, and now, Ryan would probably meet up with Henrietta Scott and have a similar encounter.
It embarrassed me to the core. It didn’t help that I couldn’t get him out of my thoughts. Today’s session didn’t help me keep things strictly physical for the state of my sanity.
If anything, I wanted more of him. I needed to know him.
“Ugh,” I muttered. I pushed off from the bed and walked to the door, then nudged it shut. I had to talk to somebody about all of this, and I hadn’t caught up with Paula since I’d come to the base. She’d probably chew me out for it.
A risk I’d take for a chance to talk about everything that was happening.
I fetched my cell from the boring-as-hell steel desk in the corner, then swiped to unlock and scrolled through to Paula’s number. I hit dial, then pressed the phone to my ear.
I walked to my window and looked out on the quiet night. Distant clouds on the horizon, moonlight parting the dark, and stars peeking down at the world.
“About fucking time,” Paula answered.
“And hello to you too,” I said.
“Oh, no, no, no you don’t, bish. You left me hanging for like, days?”
“I texted you,” I said. Though, that wouldn’t be any excuse in her book.
“You texted me. That’s like giving your mom a fat slap instead of flowers on mother’s day,” Paula said. “Okay, okay, bad example. I’m not saying your mother deserves a fat slap but -”
“Anyone ever tell you that you should be a comedian?”
“Only in sarcasm,” she said, in a mock monotone. I could tell from the timbre of her voice that she was psyched to hear from me, and the same excitement bubbled just below my diaphragm.
Paula was the one girl I could trust. The one person who’d always be there for me and show me the understanding that my mother couldn’t.
“I miss you,” I said. “Like for real, though.” Millennial slang was our choice of communication most of the time.
“Baby girl, I miss you too. Like for real, though.”
“What’s happening in Meek Springs?” I asked. “No, wait, first let me ask you this, did you sleep with that other soldier guy? Jack?”
“Jack Stick Up His Butt Whitmore?” Paula asked. “No. I didn’t. I thought he was super cute when we first started talking. Granted, that might’ve been the haze in the bar, but yeah, turns out not so much.”
“Why? What happened?”
“He grabbed my ass. Like full on grabbed it,” she said.
“That sounds like a Thursday night for you.”
“No, honey, you’re mistaken. I don’t mean he grabbed my butt and gave it a squeeze. He literally reached into my jeans, under my panties, and grabbed my bare cheek. Gave me the fucking chills. I’ll tell ya, that’s a good way to lose a hand,” she said.
My suspicions about the creeper were instantly confirmed. “What happened then?”
“I slapped him.” Her grin came down the line. I could picture it. “Naturally, he didn’t feel much like grabassery after that. There was a minute there where I swear he wanted to slap me back.”
“What?!”
“For real. His eyes changed. Like, they went darker, I swear to God.”
“Were you sneaking booze on the side again?” I asked.
“Whatevs.”
I sighed. “No, I can actually believe you about this. I’m on the base, now, and I’ve got my own office. He came in the other day to lecture me about Ryan and how he’s not ready for anything emotional.” It still ate at me that he did that, and shared private information about his friend. But he was probably right about Ryan’s capability for commitment.
“No way.”
“Way,” I said. Okay, that wasn’t so much millennial talk as it was 90s talk. “Anyway, it kind of sucked to hear it.”
“Speaking of the hunky soldier man,” Paula said, “what’s happening there?”
“Not much,” I said, and choked on the lie.
“Oh come on, I know you better than that. You had a one night stand, which is so not you. You can’t tell me you’ve been able to resist his charms this long.”
“I could tell you that, but it wouldn’t be convincing.” I took a deep breath, then filled her in on the details, the secret trysts on base, my deep desire for him and his apparent one for me.
“That’s amazing,” Paula said.
“Uh-huh.” I focused on the scene outside. Nothing moved, and the lights on base ruined the peaceful appearance of the mountain in silhouette. There wasn’t much beauty in concrete, gas, rubber, and steel.
“What is it? What’s bothering you?”
“The stuff Whitmore told me, I guess. I don’t want to get emotionally involved with someone who’s this unavailable. I was an army brat, Paula. I moved around loads when I was a kid, and then I eventually lost my father and got stuck in this God forsaken town. I know what this life is about.”
“And you don’t want that for you?”
“No. I don’t know. I didn’t think so until this happened, but it’s a moot point now. He’s not that type of man,” I said.
“And that disappoints you,” she replied.
“Yes. God dammit, I shouldn’t feel ashamed to admit that, but I do.”
“You don’t need to be ashamed. I mean, he’s gorgeous, and he seemed eligible, if a bit rude, and you slept with him. You’re not used to jus
t sleeping with a guy and there being no follow up.”
She had a point. “Maybe I’m out of my depth here.”
“Just don’t overthink it,” Paula said. “You’re there to do a job and if you have some fun along the way, what’s the harm?”
“I don’t want to get hurt.”
A strange scratching sound drew my attention and I turned from the window and scanned my room, frowning. Nothing. That was weird.
“You can’t protect yourself forever,” Paula said, “but hey, it sounds to me like you’re on the right track. You’re keeping your distance and enjoying the physical aspects of it, ya know?”
“I guess.” That scratching and then a strange click. Was that coming from the door? I narrowed my eyes at it, but nothing moved or changed.
“Are you kidding? Think of this as your break from reality. You get to do what you love while you’re doing someone else,” Paula said, and giggled.
“Hilarious.”
“And when you come back, you’ll have your options waiting for you.”
“Wait, what? What options?” Did Paula know something I didn’t?
“You know what I mean.”
“I honestly don’t. Are you trying to tell me there’s a way out of Meek Springs I don’t know about? A secret job offer on the table?”
“What? No,” she said, and laughed. “You’re so weirdly focused on your goals.”
“Yeah, that is weird. Much better to be focused on dick, right?”
She guffawed. “Aw, come on, you know what I mean. Anyways, that wasn’t what I was talking about. So, apparently, you’ve got a not-so-secret admirer.”
“Who?” It couldn’t be Ryan, which naturally sucked. And I couldn’t work up excitement at the prospect of anyone else.
“Duh, the most eligible bachelor in Meek Springs! Timothy.”
“Timothy? Timothy likes me? I mean, he asked me out the other day but I didn’t take it seriously. I thought it was just one of his moves, you know. Like he pulls on all the girls?” I shook my head. Timothy was what other women considered hunky, but he did nothing for me.
“All the girls? Sheesh, how many girls do you think he’s been with?”
“Uh? I know for a fact Rebecca dated him for like a week. And then Cheryl. And then Lillian,” I said. “Gosh, who hasn’t been with him? He just wants me as another notch on his belt.”
Protecting Her Heart Page 51
