Secrets and Solace

by Jana Richards

  “Are you okay? What’s wrong? I thought you were staying in the city tonight.”

  “I’m fine. I wanted to get home.” She grabbed his arms, her face lighting up in excitement. “I got a booking. I got a booking! The bride just called me. Isn’t that wonderful?”

  Her smile robbed him of breath and for a moment he couldn’t speak, only feel. Her face lit with a glow of happiness that made her so beautiful his chest ached with longing.

  He cleared his throat. “That’s great.”

  She laughed. “Great? Are you kidding me? It’s freaking awesome!”

  She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. He held her tight, his body responding with lightning speed to the feel of her in his arms.

  She leaned back a little to look into his face, her blue eyes shining in the half-light. “We’re going to make it, Cameron. We’re really going to make it.”

  The hope and joy and utter elation he saw dancing in her eyes made him do the only thing he was capable of in that moment. He kissed her.

  For a second, she went completely still. But then she sighed against him and kissed him back, as if she’d been waiting for this. As if this kiss was as special to her as it was to him.

  With a little sound of pleasure that went straight to his groin, she wound her arms around his neck and pressed herself against him. She opened her mouth to him and touched her tongue to his.

  Cam lost it. He lost control, lost all sense of time, lost his mind. His pulse pounded through his brain, every beat telling him he needed to get closer to her, needed her. Scarlet held back nothing, meeting the thrusts of his tongue with wild parries of her own. Her hands roamed his body and when they snaked beneath his t-shirt to caress his overheated skin, he began to move her toward the shelter of the trees, needing to strip off her incredibly sexy power suit and sink himself into her. He needed to touch her, smell her, feel her soft, smooth skin, hear her cry out with her orgasm.

  His cell phone rang. Cam ignored it, and it stopped. He cupped one perfect, luscious breast through the soft silk of her blouse, the weight of it filling his hand as if it had been made for him. Her scent, something floral with notes of spice, intoxicated him in a way that coke and Crown had never achieved.

  His phone rang again. Through his passion-fogged brain, he recognized the ringtone. Laura. The ringtone he’d be sure to answer since she only ever called about Tessa.

  Reluctantly, he ended the kiss and rested his forehead against Scarlet’s as the phone rang for the third time. She whimpered, her breath as ragged as his. He kissed her forehead. “I have to take this.”

  Scarlet stared into his eyes, her hands pressed against his chest. Taking a deep breath to slow his heartbeat, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and hit the talk button. “What’s up?”

  “What took you so long to answer?” As usual, Laura sounded pissed with him.

  “What do you want, Laura?”

  “When are you coming to pick up Tessa? I’m leaving first thing in the morning, and I need you to pick her up before her bedtime.”

  His brain still wasn’t firing on all pistons. He put some distance between himself and Scarlet and turned his back on her, unable to think with her hands on him. “Wait. Where are you going? Why is this the first I’ve heard about this?”

  She gave an impatient huff. “I told you I was taking a vacation.”

  Cam was pretty sure she hadn’t mentioned going anywhere. He would have remembered something so important that affected his daughter. But it wasn’t worth starting an argument about. “And you’re going where?”

  “California. A little vacation.”

  “How long are you going to be gone?”

  “A couple of weeks.”

  “Don’t you have to work?”

  “I quit the job at the grocery store. It was nothing but a dead end. And before you give me a lecture, save it. I’ve heard enough from my folks.”

  “Fine.” Cam grit his teeth. Laura’s parents were salt of the earth and as baffled by their daughter’s behavior as he often was. But she was their only child, and they’d indulged and spoiled her since the day she was born. They provided free rent and babysitting services and gave her money whenever she asked. Which was often.

  “Are your mom and dad going to be able to sit with Tessa while I’m at work?”

  “My folks left today for Rochester. My grandma had a heart attack or something, and my mom wants to stay with her for a while.” He heard the impatience in her voice. “So, are you picking her up or not?”

  “I’ll pick her up.” He didn’t have to think twice about it. Tessa was his first priority.

  “Make it fast,” she snapped.

  The line went dead. Nice talking to you, too, Laura. For the thousandth time, he wondered what he’d ever seen in her. Though, if he was being honest with himself, he hadn’t been thinking with his brain when he’d first met her.

  But their union had resulted in Tessa and for her sake, he’d deal with Laura.

  He turned back to Scarlet. Unsmiling, she gazed at him with watchful eyes, her arms hugging herself. He wished they could pick up where they left off, but he had to go to Tessa.

  Judging by her body language, kissing her again was off the table anyway.

  “I have to go.”

  “I heard.”

  He couldn’t leave her like this. He stepped toward her. “Scarlet—”

  She held up her hand in a stopping motion. “Don’t. I was excited about getting a booking and we got carried away, that’s all. You should go.”

  It stung to hear her call the passion they’d shared “getting carried away”. It was more than that. Way more.

  He didn’t have time to analyze her feelings, or his. With a last nod at her, he sprinted back to his truck and hit the gas. When he glanced in his rear-view mirror, she was still standing on the road, watching him leave.

  Scarlet sat at the kitchen island and nursed her coffee. It was past nine and she’d only managed to drag herself out of bed a few minutes ago. Maggie had already baked a few dozen different kinds of cookies and the sweet scents of chocolate and butter and sugar filled their cottage.

  She sipped her coffee. She’d need a gallon of the stuff to make it through the day. Last night she’d tossed and turned, reliving Cameron’s kiss over and over. She’d never experienced a kiss so wild, so elemental, so completely sexual. And yet, it was so much more than sex. All his needs, his passions, every heartache and triumph, communicated themselves to her through his kiss. How could such a physical act be so emotional?

  She straightened her back, at the same time stiffening her resolve. It didn’t matter. Nothing could come of the kiss. Nothing had really happened aside from sharing some saliva with a handsome man.

  She inwardly winced at her crude assessment. And, she had to admit their kiss had meant much more than that. Maybe that’s why it scared her so much.

  She’d made so many mistakes in the past, and she didn’t want Cameron Hainstock to be another, especially when he came as a package deal. If they started something and she, as usual, ruined it…If he started drinking again…Scarlet couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him or Tessa.

  No matter how amazing their kiss last night had been, that was as far as it went. For the next few months, she had to keep her distance. For both their sakes.

  Maggie refilled her coffee cup. “You look like you had a bad night.”

  She reached for the sugar. “Couldn’t sleep. I guess I was too wired after the weekend.”

  “Why don’t you take it easy today? Have a nap this afternoon. You deserve it.”

  Despite her fatigue, she didn’t think she’d be able to fall asleep. “I wish I could, but I’ve got a lot of work to do.”

  “Is everything, okay? I know you’re tired, but you seem really off this morning. Did something happen this weekend to upset you?”

  Maggie’s dark eyes were full of compassion. Scarlet wished she could unburden herself to her sister,
but what she’d shared with Cameron was too private. Besides, if she started talking now, the dominos would begin falling. If she tried to explain why his kiss had frightened her so much, the path would lead straight to her two failed engagements. She didn’t want to go there.

  Scarlet forced a smile. “I’m fine. Just tired.”

  Maggie held her gaze. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m always here for you.”

  She blinked to keep her tears at bay, embarrassed at feeling suddenly weepy. “I know.”

  As if her thoughts had conjured him from thin air, Cameron knocked on the door before opening it. Tessa bounced into the cottage in front of him. Despite warning herself to keep a safe distance from both of them, Scarlet’s fatigue lessened and her heart expanded at the sight of the little girl. “Hey, Tessa. What are you doing here this morning?”

  She climbed up onto the stool next to Scarlet’s and grinned at her. “I’m staying with my Daddy for a whole two weeks!”

  “That sounds like fun.” She glanced at Cameron, but couldn’t get a read on him. His face was carefully wiped of emotion, though he couldn’t quite hide the tension in his jaw.

  “Mommy’s going on a holiday,” Tessa said happily.

  This time when Scarlet’s gaze collided with Cameron’s, he blinked and looked away. She turned back to Tessa with a smile. “It’ll be fun having you here with us. You can help Maggie and me make cookies. Well, mostly Maggie.”

  “I’m trying to find a babysitter for her in town for the next two weeks,” Cameron said.

  “She’ll be okay here with us.” Scarlet ran her hand over Tessa’s baby soft curls. “Between the five of us, she’ll be well looked after.”

  “She’s my responsibility. I’ll look after her.”

  She looked up sharply, stunned by the anger she heard in his voice. “Of course, you will. I just thought you could use a little help.”

  “You’re not Tessa’s mother, so quit acting like you are.”

  Scarlet drew in a sharp breath at his cutting words. If he’d meant to inflict pain, he was doing a damn fine job. Cameron turned away and went to stand in front of the fireplace. He leaned one hand against the mantle, his head bowed.

  Maggie lifted Tessa from the stool. “Sweetie, why don’t you come with me for a walk? We can see what Uncle Ethan and Auntie Harper are doing. And then later, you can help me bring cookies and coffee to the crew.”

  With a worried glance at her father, Tessa put her arms around Maggie’s neck. Maggie carried her outside and closed the door softly behind them.

  Cameron ran a hand through his hair. “I shouldn’t have said that.” He began pacing in front of the fireplace. “Especially in front of Tessa. Damn.”

  She wasn’t ready to let him off the hook quite so easily. “No, you shouldn’t have said that. I care for Tessa, we all do. But I don’t have some kind of mommy complex, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “I know. It’s just that—” He stopped and shook his head.

  “What?”

  “Something’s going on with Laura.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He shrugged and looked away. “It’s a feeling I got. Nothing’s ever what it seems with her.”

  “It never was. One minute she could be your friend and the next she’d stab you in the back. Sounds like things haven’t changed.”

  He turned sharply to face her. “You know Laura?”

  Scarlet shrugged. “We grew up here in Minnewasta, remember? Laura and I went to school together.”

  He nodded, his expression bleak. “I never know where I stand with her.”

  Confusion made her head ache. Was he upset because Laura was going away? Was he worried she had someone new in her life? Was he still in love with her? The thoughts curdled the coffee in her empty stomach.

  “About last night,” he said, his face grim. “I took that kiss too far. It won’t happen again.”

  His words were like a slap to the face. She hated how much they stung, how much they mattered. Obviously, she’d been affected far more by their kiss than he had. “Forget about it. We both got carried away.” She swallowed and walked to the coffee pot to pour herself a cup she didn’t want, her hand shaking slightly.

  “I meant what I said about Tessa.” She added sugar to her coffee and kept her gaze averted from his. “We can look after her here. She seemed excited to be spending time with you. Of course, if you’d rather find a babysitter in town, that’s your prerogative.”

  Cameron slid onto one of the stools and folded his arms on the counter. “I would like to keep her close by. You’re sure you can help?”

  “Of course. Not by myself, but I know my sisters will be happy to spend time with Tessa. So will I.”

  He nodded. “All right. If Maggie and Harper are okay with the idea, I’ll bring her to work with me.”

  “Okay.”

  Cameron ran his hand through his hair again, the gesture full of weariness. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who’d lost sleep. “I’d better get to the job site. I didn’t have the heart to wake Tessa this morning. She was so tired…”

  Scarlet clearly read the worry in his voice. He was concerned about Tessa, though she seemed happy enough this morning and not bothered by her mother leaving. Tessa had reacted more to Cameron’s simmering anger. She wasn’t about to tell him that, though.

  And she didn’t know the whole story. He was her father and knew her best. She had to trust that he would do what was best for his daughter.

  “I’ll see you later.” Cameron slid off the stool and headed for the door. He stopped with his hand on the knob, his head bowed. “Sometimes, when I’m upset, things come out of my mouth that I don’t mean. Cruel things. You’ve been nothing but kind to Tessa, and you didn’t deserve any abuse from me. I’m sorry, Scarlet.”

  He opened the door and walked out without looking back. Scarlet wrapped her hands around her cup, trying to absorb its warmth into her cold skin. Keeping her distance, physically and emotionally, was going to be far harder than she’d ever imagined.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  “Scarlet, look at all the little fish!”

  Tessa stretched out on her stomach and peered over the side of the dock, her ponytail hanging mere inches above the water. Scarlet grasped the child’s small waist to keep her from toppling in. “Yes, there’s lots of minnows in the lake. They’re babies now, but someday they’ll be big.”

  “Just like me!” Tessa pulled herself up to a sitting position. Her sunny face never failed to lighten Scarlet’s heart.

  “You mean, you’re going to grow up to be a fish?”

  “No, silly. Little girls can’t be fish. I’m going to grow up to be a lady.”

  “Oh, so that’s how it works,” she teased.

  “You’re so silly, Scarlet,” Tessa said with a grin. She grasped her hand. “Can we walk on the beach again?”

  “Sure. Come on.”

  For the last several days, Tessa had been coming to the lodge with Cameron every morning. While he worked, Scarlet and her sisters looked after her. Scarlet usually spent the mornings with her. In the afternoons, when she went to Cameron’s house to use his laptop and Internet connection, Maggie and Harper took turns staying with Tessa.

  It didn’t feel like babysitting to Scarlet. Mornings with Tessa had quickly become the best part of her day.

  Together, she and Tessa explored the forest surrounding the lodge, and Scarlet showed her places she’d known well as a child. Like the rocks on a hill overlooking the lake where she’d watched many sunsets and wondered if her parents were somewhere behind the brilliant colors.

  Tessa’s favorite thing to do was walking on the beach. She searched for pretty rocks and threw the ones she deemed as less pretty into the water. On hot mornings, they put on their suits and splashed around in the lake. With Tessa, she was a kid again, a happy kid free of worry. A kid who didn’t realize how cruel life could be.

  That’s what she want
ed for Tessa – to never experience the cruelty of life. It was impossible to shelter her completely, but as much as it was in her power, she would try.

  They walked hand in hand along the edge of the lake, down the sandy beach until it disappeared into a mass of reeds. Then, they tramped down a well-worn deer path through the forest that circled back toward the cottages and the lodge.

  “Do you want to go back to the cottage and see if Maggie has any cookies left?”

  “Okay.”

  Tessa skipped on ahead of her, humming a little tune to herself. When they got to the cottage, Maggie was gone, but she’d left a plate with some cookies and a note that said there was fresh milk in the fridge. Scarlet lifted Tessa onto one of the stools and then brought two glasses from the cupboard. She filled both with milk. Clinking her glass against Tessa’s, she said, “Enjoy your cookie, sweetie.”

  “You enjoy yours, too.” Tessa lightly clinked her glass against hers. “I love you, Scarlet.”

  Her unexpected words stole Scarlet’s breath. For a moment, she could only stare at the child. Tessa calmly ate her cookie and hummed to herself, totally unaware of the emotional bombshell she’d dropped.

  Scarlet didn’t know what to do with love. Love was scary because it was too easily taken away. Even her sisters’ love couldn’t be taken for granted. She’d spent most of her life looking for love, then running away from it when it was within her reach. Her two ex-fiancés could attest to that.

  But Tessa was different. She was a child, and she gave away her love without expecting anything back. Except maybe to be loved in return.

  Scarlet wanted so much to be worthy of her love. She didn’t want to be afraid anymore. But in a few months, she would go back to her old life in Chicago. If she let this bond between them grow, Tessa would be disappointed and hurt when she left. Then, Cameron would be angry with her. She needed to sever this emotional tie before it was too late.

  The thought of no longer having these golden mornings with Tessa caused an ache in her chest. There was no way she could give them up.