Ever, Sarah

by Hansen, C. E.

  He took me into his arms and I could feel the air leave his lungs as he exhaled slowly. Then he lifted me onto his lap.

  “Shhhh. Don’t worry. You don’t have to remember. You don’t have to worry about anything. I’ll take care of you. We’ll start over. I’ll take it as slow as you want. I will give you anything you want, just give me the chance to show you how much I love you. Give me the chance to win you back.”

  He seemed so desolate, so alone. We both were. I wiped my face on my sleeve and his shoulder and reached up turning his face to mine. Tears ran freely down the side of his face. I pushed them aside with the pad of my thumbs and brought his lips to mine. Without thinking, without anything but desperate need, I kissed him. I kissed him with all the confusion and hurt I felt inside. I kissed him with such abandon I amazed myself.

  I wasn’t surprised or put off when he kissed me back. I had to admit the sadness and longing we shared at this moment did a great deal to spur me on. I wanted more. I needed more. I needed to feel loved, like I belonged.

  My fingers moved frantically down from his face and I started unbuttoning his shirt. I didn’t even realize that he had lifted me up into his arms and was carrying me up the stairs. He turned down the hall and walked us into a bedroom. He placed me gently on the bed and pulled his shirt over his head. Lowering his pants he slowly stepped out of them.

  I lay back as he pulled my sweatpants off me along with the panties I had on underneath. The heat of his fingers brushed against my oversensitive skin, sending sparks to my fingertips and toes. Bradley pushed my tee shirt up, his hands eagerly roaming over the surface of my skin. I moaned as I closed my eyes, feeling his fingers graze lightly over my hardening nipples, feeling them tighten into taut peaks.

  My breathing was becoming increasingly erratic. It was as if I couldn’t catch my breath. He placed arms on either side of me and I could feel the bed dip with his weight. I opened my eyes to see his perfect face looming over mine. Smiling that breathtaking smile, his eyes half closed with passion.

  He slowly lowered his mouth onto mine. The taste of him on my lips excited me more than I ever thought possible. It was a mix of sweet, citrus, and mint. I licked his bottom lip, gliding my tongue back and forth. I was lost in the feel of his fingers rolling over the tips of my swollen breasts as he gently massaged them.

  I slowly, awkwardly spread my legs apart, affording him a space between them. Bradley moved down the bed without taking his mouth off of my body, slowly dragging his tongue from the valley between my breasts to my belly button slowly, tasting me. I felt goose bumps rise in quick succession, and I moved my hips under him. He moaned when I lifted my body up and rubbed the soft mound, where my legs met, along his heated chest. His tongue moved further down my body, which at this point was craving the feel of him. I was at the point of no return.

  “Are you sure?” I heard him ask.

  I ran my fingers through his silky hair and moaned an emphatic, “yes.”

  His mouth opened and his tongue flicked out sweeping over that overly sensitive area and I felt my body jerk. His tongue licked my clit, darting and sweeping, and I writhed under his hands and searching mouth. I clutched handfuls of the coverlet in my tightening grasp, using every bit of my strength, to stay put as his tongue dipped deeply into me.

  He licked me greedily, savoring me.

  I released the coverlet and ran my fingers into his hair shocked at its softness.

  He growled deep in his chest and I lost it. Before I knew what was happening, I felt an unstoppable pull flow from my toes to behind my eyes, sending sparks of electricity shooting through my extremities. I cried out as wave after wave of fierce relief washed over me.

  With my fingers still entangled in his hair, I held his head in place, pushing him to me as I lifted my body up to his mouth.

  “Don’t stop… don’t stop.” I was moaning like a whore and I never felt more like a woman…at least not that I could remember.

  I felt him smile against my throbbing skin and heard the relief in his quiet laughter as he kissed his way back up to my breasts where he flicked his tongue over the tips, exacerbating the intense craving building inside me again. I moved like a woman possessed.

  He knelt in front of me, and the sight alone, of his perfect form, nearly sent me back over that edge. His erection, hard and thick, was food for my starving eyes. The skin tightly stretched out in front of him. I stared at it like I’d never seen anything more beautiful before… and at that moment, I never wanted anything more in my life than I wanted him.

  “Bradley, please.” My stomach rose and fell with each deep breath I took. I was trembling from the anticipation. My eagerness showed. “I want you inside me, please…” Yes, I heard my voice. I heard myself begging.

  Who was that woman?

  I lifted my hips up trying to connect us, but the pain in my hip shot through me like lightning. I quickly turned my head to the side, avoiding eye contact. He would stop if he’d seen it and it was the last thing I wanted.

  “Sarah, I love you so much. I need you…” The desire in his voice nearly made me come.

  “Bradley, stop talking and fuck me.” I begged…again.

  “If we do this too soon, if you feel like I pushed you…you’ll hold it against me.”

  I reached over and grabbed his white-hot erection.

  “If you don’t do this soon, I will hurt you.”

  I think I actually meant it.

  I literally pulled him to me and tried to lift my ass again. But before I could, he lowered himself and slid effortlessly into me, filling me, greedily claiming what was now his.

  If anything could make me feel like I was home, it would be this…being filled, being loved, cherished, comforted and held close. If anything made me feel like I was me again, it was sex with this man. Everything about this most intimate act, made me feel whole. I could wonder at my brazenness, especially now, but when he started moving inside me the earth moved with him and a very familiar feeling built deep inside sending wave after wave of pleasure coursing through my body. I guess you can say he filled my mind, body and soul…and right now it was what I needed.

  Chapter Seven

  My body tingled and my hip ached and my head pounded and I still wasn’t any closer to finding out who I was, or how to get my life back. But I knew one thing for sure.

  I needed that.

  Afterwards, we lay together, our bodies molded tightly as one. I turned onto my good hip and Bradley curved his body along mine. I tensed for a moment as he put his arm over me and pulled me to him, but I quickly admonished myself as I settled myself against him, after all he was my fiancé. I fell asleep with his warmth permeating my body, encompassing me like a blanket.

  I don’t know how long I was out for but I felt the bed dip and my eyes shot open.

  “Sarah.” I heard Bradley whisper close to my ear.

  I jumped.

  “Hey babe, it’s only me.”

  “Sorry, you startled me.”

  “I apologize.”

  Opening my eyes, I quickly adjusted to the semi darkness of the room.

  “Hungry?”

  “Yeeessssss!” I sat right up. “I am. I could definitely eat.”

  He chuckled.

  “Don’t you dare laugh or call me corny.”

  “After that,” he rubbed his hand along my midsection and I quivered. I felt the heat rise in my face. I was blushing. At least I had the decency to blush after acting as wantonly as I had. “I will never call you corny again.”

  “That’s so sweet.” I said as I smacked him playfully on his shoulder, suddenly shy. “I can always eat.”

  I must have had a strange look on my face.

  “What?”

  “What what?”

  “Why do you look like that?”

  “Because…well, because I…can’t really talk about it right now.” I didn’t know the words to use to describe what I was feeling and I could feel my face burning.

 
; “Listen, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about what…about us. This situation.” He looked at me and pulled my chin up with his long fingers until our eyes met. “This is your room. I will be down the hall in the guest room. If you want that to happen again, I’m your man.” He smiled sheepishly, “but if you want to take your time until we get to know each other again…I’m fine with that too. Like I already told you…I want you to give me the opportunity to make you fall in love with me all over again.”

  “Sounds so weird to me.”

  “Not to me. I have the upper hand.”

  “How so?”

  “I did it once before. You are still Sarah…I’ve got the moves down. It’s a cakewalk.” He laughed.

  “Mister cakewalk, how ‘bout you get me down those stairs for some Shepherd’s Pie?” It didn’t show, at least I hope it didn’t, but the relief I felt when he said what he just said was enormous. I grabbed the sweatpants and underwear and slid them both over my feet, pulling them up. Then I yanked the t-shirt that I discarded at the end of the bed over my head.

  “As you wish.”

  Flash.

  I remembered something about that…as you wish…as you wish. I shook my head and crawled to the edge of the large bed. I stood up and limped over to the closet where I opened a door, reached in and grabbed a sweater. As I walked back to where Bradley was standing I pulled it over my shoulders.

  “I’m ready.” I announced.

  “Did you…never mind, come here.” He held his arms out and I walked over to him and stopped just short of his reach. I turned and looked back at the closet, then back at Bradley.

  “I did…I did. I remembered where this sweater was.” I must have had an odd look on my face, “It is my sweater isn’t it?”

  “It is.”

  I walked closer and he encircled his arm around my waist.

  “Shall we?”

  I nodded vigorously, “I’m hungry.”

  We walked down the long hall and turned around the bend. I saw the great room below us. It was my first real look since I came home. I stopped at the railing and noticed the huge full-sized portrait hanging above the large stone fireplace.

  It was a portrait of two people staring into each other’s eyes, obviously very much in love. The look on the woman’s face, as she looked into his eyes, took me by surprise and a flash went off in my head, way in the back, near my neck. He was looking directly back at her smiling the smile I’m finding I like more and more.

  “Is that me…us…?”

  “Yes.” He was standing directly behind me, and I could feel his heart beating inside his chest as he held me against his body. “You insisted on having our portrait done…you were so happy the way it turned out.” The depth of sadness in his voice was overwhelming and my eyes filled with warm tears.

  “They…we…look beautiful. Is that what I really looked like?” I said my voice cracking.

  “You look just as beautiful to me right now, as you looked that day, Sarah.” He squeezed my waist. “We just have to put some meat on these bones.” He laughed breaking the tension.

  “Then let’s get to it.” I tried to break the spell that the portrait cast on me…us.

  As we descended the long curving staircase, I felt my body tense. I held onto the railing as if my life depended on it. Bradley’s arm around me was somewhat comforting, but the overwhelming feeling of unease was almost debilitating. Like there was a monster hiding behind the next corner.

  I couldn’t shake that feeling.

  Veronica came to visit that evening, I tell you, if this is my mother, I’m a lucky girl. As I said earlier, she’s funny, caring, beautiful and so full of life. In fact, she is larger than life.

  The bell rang and Bradley left his seat next to me to answer it.

  “Where’s my girl?” Her tone a bit demanding, but I could hear the humor in it.

  “Veronica, it’s nice to see you.” He bent over to kiss her proffered cheek.

  “Of course it is.” She laughed.

  She walked into the room like she was floating. She stopped a few feet from me and I could see the unshed tears threatening to run out of her eyes and down her perfectly made-up face.

  “Sarah, I can’t tell you how seeing you sitting there makes my heart fly.” She put her hand over her breast, “when I think about almost losing you…” The little droplets began to fall, like little rivers down her cheeks. She swiped at them and came to stand right next to me. “I am not worried that you don’t remember me, as long as you know I love you. You do know that, don’t you?”

  “Yes, mother.” I said dutifully, unsure of how to respond.

  “Bradley, she looks and sounds just like my girl.”

  “She is your girl Ronnie.”

  Now there’s another tidbit to remember, Mother…Ronnie and Bradley are close. It was a warm mutual relationship they shared, that was obvious, and it brought me solace in some way.

  “Sarah, you are looking well. A few weeks here, with this one spoiling you rotten and you’ll get some much needed weight on. Are you eating darling?”

  “She’s got a ravenous appetite. Eats like a locust.”

  “That’s what I want to hear.”

  “Stop talking about me like I’m not sitting here.” I said jokingly, but with an underlying serious tone in my voice.

  They both turned to look at me.

  “Oh Sarah, we…darling.” She sat next to me and took my hand in hers, “you have to understand, there were times when we thought you might never wake up. I am just beside myself with happiness.”

  “I know; I’m sorry. It came out wrong.”

  “In fact, I think it would be good for you to come visit me, see the house, your old room. Maybe something there will jolt some of those memories out into the open.”

  “That’s a great idea Ronnie.” Bradley took a step closer to where we both sat. “As it turns out, I’ve got to go to the office tomorrow and I don’t like leaving Sarah here by herself. Even with Terry in the house. I’d just rather be here with her myself.”

  I saw the knowing look pass between the two of them.

  “I would like that I think.” I added in my two cents.

  “Then it’s settled. I’ll send Peter for you tomorrow.”

  My ‘mother’ was quite pleased with her idea.

  “I’ve got a 9:00 meeting, so I should be leaving for the city about eight am.”

  “I’ll have Peter here at, well what time would you like to come over Sarah. You’re typically an early riser.”

  “Well, then have him come at nine. That gives me time to shower and get ready after Bradley leaves.”

  “It’s so cute to hear her call you Bradley.” Veronica said to Bradley.

  “Why, what did I used to call you?” I said curiously.

  “Brad. You just called me Brad.”

  “Well then I’ll call you Brad. What did you call me?”

  “Sarah.”

  I extended my hand, “pleased to meet ya Brad.” I said.

  They both laughed, Brad shook his head as his eyes met mine and I knew at that moment he was thinking one thing…that I was corny.

  Veronica, ‘mother’, stayed for an espresso Brad made her. When she rolled her eyes back in delight I asked if I drink them. He said no and explained how it would keep me up all night if I had one drop of caffeine after two in the afternoon.

  “I’ll have a tea then, Earl Grey.” I was definitive.

  “That is actually your favorite tea.”

  There was another flash in the back of the brain.

  “I knew that. I knew that. Just think, if this keeps happening at this rate I’ll be myself in…oh, about five years.”

  They both laughed. I guess that was funny.

  “Well, I’m going to get going.” Veronica ‘mother’ stood up. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sarah.” She leaned in and hugged me tight to her. I stood there holding my breath, my arms hanging down straight by my sides. There was something familiar a
bout the way she smelled and without thinking I reached out and wrapped my arms around her midsection and squeezed her back. It just felt right.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I smiled and looked at Brad.

  “Why don’t you plan on coming for dinner Bradley? Trudy would love to see you.”

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, I’ll be there.” Brad answered.

  I just smiled. I definitely had some strong minded and opinionated people in my life and I had to admit, I liked it. I was beginning to feel like I belonged…whoever I am.

  Chapter Eight

  Opening my eyes, I saw Brad’s face close to mine. He’d just rubbed my cheek with the back of his hand, or it felt like that’s what it was. In any case he leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my forehead.

  “You take care today, okay? Peter will be here in an hour. I’ve got to go, but I brought you up some breakfast.”

  I sniffed the air as I sat up rubbing my eyes.

  “I thought I was dreaming that smell.”

  “You never cease to surprise me with what comes out of your mouth.”

  “You never cease to surprise me…” I was going for a witty comeback but fell short, “well, actually, you always surprise me. I don’t know who you are and already I like you.” I smiled.

  “After yesterday, I had hoped you’d more than like me…but I’m a patient man, and you are worth every minute.” Brad smiled, nearly causing my heart to stop, and stood up. He walked over to the door and lifted the tray from the table, bringing it to the nightstand next to where I was sitting. “Enjoy. I’ve taken the liberty of asking Terry to make you one of your favorites. She’s downstairs if you need her. Page her. Oh, you probably don’t remember…” his voice faded into the air. He picked up the phone and showed me which button to push when, and if, I ever needed help. It was simple enough to remember.

  I told Terry to stick around until you leave to go to your mother’s. She was more than happy to do it. You have a lot of fans here.”

  “And you?”

  “Me what?”