Ever, Sarah

by Hansen, C. E.

  I didn’t dwell on it.

  The backyard was a whole ‘nother story. I loved it, it was beautiful, soothing and comforting and yet, strangely enough, I felt no affinity towards it.

  I was still reeling from my outburst over the soup and sandwich. We came into the house and walked into the family room, and I again was attracted to the table of family pictures. There was no denying that it was ‘me’ in all those pictures during various stages of growth. The front door opened and I heard Trudy call out.

  “Mr. Bradley, it’s been some time since you’ve come to see me.” I could hear the jolly tone in her voice, and that was the perfect description for Trudy. Jolly. Not to mention the maker of the finest grilled cheese and tomato soup there was.

  “Trudy, my darlin’. It has been too long. Where’s my hug?”

  “Oh, Mr. Bradley, I see you are as smooth and charming as always.”

  He laughed and the sound was so genuine my heart began beating like a drum.

  When he finally walked into the family room, I couldn’t help the ridiculous smile that curved my lips. I was truly happy to see him.

  “My favorite two girls.” He announced as he walked over and planted a kiss on my mother’s cheek.

  “Bradley, always good to see you.” She said.

  “So ladies, how was your day?” he looked briefly at my mother before turning his attention to me. He walked closer to me, but stopped short of my personal space. I could tell he was restraining himself and in a way it made me want to jump into his arms, and at the same time, I respected his control. “How are you feeling today, Sarah?”

  “Very confused, but happy. In so far as I could be happy spending the day with strangers….” I should have stopped after happy. The stranger part was a bit too much and I felt guilty as I my mother’s face fell momentarily. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong.”

  “Don’t you worry about anything Sarah. I have a feeling you will soon be yourself and feel quite at home…when at home.” Her tone was even, but I could still hear the hurt.

  “I hope so mother.” I said that looking directly at her, hoping my simple words would take the sadness out of her eyes.

  Brad leaned in and kissed my cheek. Rather perfunctorily. But the warmth of his lips, as they grazed my skin, made me shiver nonetheless. Anticipation ran through my veins, spreading rapidly throughout my body, landing in a place that…well. That’s for another time and place.

  We had a bowl of potato leek soup, a light salad, and loin of pork roasted with fresh rosemary sprigs, baby Yukon gold potatoes, carrots, parsnips and beets. It was absolutely delicious and filling.

  The bottle of Burgundy that Brad opened was perfect. Light, floral, delicious, and went perfectly with the heavy pork meal.

  By the time the dessert was brought out, I was giddy from the wine. Ripe berries with zabaglione cream, served with chilled Inniskillin Ice Wine. I daresay I was grateful for Brad’s shoulder as we said our goodbyes and walked out into the chilly air before getting into his car.

  After walking me to my door, he climbed into the driver’s side and started the engine. It was the most beautiful shining black luxury car I’d ever seen.

  “Sorry, I probably should have started the engine a little earlier so that it would be warm.” He said apologetically.

  “No, really, I’m fine. After a meal like that I could use a little chill to wake me up.”

  “I hear that. I should have said yes to that espresso.”

  ”What kind of car is this?”

  “A Maybach Exelero. Do you like it?”

  “What’s not to like?” I answered as I turned my head taking in every detail.

  He chuckled as he slowly pulled out of the driveway and turned left, driving towards the highway.

  I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes as I tried to remember each and every detail of my day.

  After dinner when it got dark, we did go back upstairs and I laid down on ‘my’ bed looking at the ceiling.

  The light was turned off and the ceiling came to life with what seemed like thousands upon thousands of tiny stars. It truly was beautiful and somewhere deep inside me, I knew I loved looking at the stars. I remembered tearing up when I saw the picture of my parents and me on the table in the family room. I don’t know what caused that reaction, but I had a feeling, a nagging feeling, that I loved that man very, very much. There was an emptiness inside me that was exasperated by the fact that I couldn’t remember someone who was obviously very important to me.

  Brad’s hand rose to my face and brushed away the tear that was rolling, unbeknownst to me, down my cheek.

  “Penny for your thoughts.” He said.

  “You wouldn’t get much for your money.” I laughed bitterly. “I don’t know much, and my thoughts are so scattered in the wind, that I’d be happy if I could just put one thought into perspective and go from there.”

  I turned and looked at him. His profile was as perfect as he was. Strong jaw, high cheekbones; rugged good looks wrapped up in a perfect package. His hand reached over and took mine, squeezing it gently, and I felt a shiver run the length of my body, welcoming the heat it generated.

  “You take your time. Don’t rush it. It will come back.” He sounded so convincing I almost believed him.

  “I just want it to happen already. I just want to get my life back.”

  “Patience, Sarah.” He squeezed my hand again and my pulse went into overdrive. I felt a strange feeling build quickly inside me. My heart raced and a strange tingling sensation rushed to the surface of my skin. I felt myself wanting more and I immediately blushed at how shameless my thoughts were.

  After all, what does that make me, wanting to make love to a man I don’t remember. What he must think of me. I shook my head.

  “What?”

  He was perceptive; I’ll give him that.

  “I was wondering what you must think of me…I mean after the other day?” I felt my face redden even more.

  “Are you referring to our…”

  “My boldness. I’m sure you must think me…I don’t know what you’d think of me.” I closed my eyes and leaned back.

  “Sarah, you have nothing to be ashamed of. We are engaged and have…had a very healthy sex life.” He smiled his gorgeous knowing smile and I melted.

  “I understand what you are saying, but at the same time, I don’t remember you and I wouldn’t want you to think that I typically sleep with men I don’t know.”

  His hand released mine, and he brought it up grazing my cheek with the back of his hand.

  “I don’t think anything of you that I didn’t think before the accident. I think your body remembers us. It’s just a matter of time before your mind does.”

  I smiled.

  “I hope you’re right.”

  Before I realized where we were, we had pulled into the garage and the door was closing behind us.

  “Let’s get you inside. It’s been a busy day for you and you need your rest.” He said as he helped me out of the car.

  I walked a little slower than earlier and was forced to agree that I was indeed tired.

  Once we were inside, Brad turned to me, “Can I get you a glass of wine?”

  “That would be nice. I liked the one we had with our supper.”

  “Burgundy for the lady, coming up.” He walked towards the back of the house where he opened a door and disappeared behind it.

  I thought I really need to get up and go exploring around this house, my house. I don’t know where anything is.

  He came back into the great room with a bottle of wine in his hand.

  “I just need to decant this for a little while. It shouldn’t take long to open up. It’s actually perfect for drinking now.” He said as he held the bottle up for inspection.

  “Thank you.” I smiled up at him and he smiled back. Yup, that tingling sensation was right back where it started, right where my thighs met. “Where does that door lead?” I pointed.

  �
�The basement. That’s where the wine cellar is. It’s one of your favorite rooms. You designed it. You are quite the oenophile, you know.”

  “I, um, I don’t know what to say.”

  “Why don’t you go upstairs and change and I’ll decant this wine.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” I laughed. I walked over to the large curving staircase and with my hand firmly on the railing; I began to climb the steps. I was still a bit slow, but I could feel that my body was getting stronger each day. I was just a bit sad my brain was taking so long.

  I walked into my room, ‘our’ room and removed my clothes, tossing them in the laundry chute. Opening the dresser drawer, I found sexy lingerie. This was all I wore apparently–that or nothing, because there weren’t many other items that one would sleep in in any of the drawers; a lot of skimpy undergarments, nighties and stockings. Maybe I was a sexpot in my previous life.

  However, in the closet I found a tee shirt that must have been Brad’s because when I pulled it over my head, it fell to just above my knees. I took out a pair of boy shorts from the sexy drawer and slowly made my way back downstairs to the great room. As I walked along the open walkway, I saw Brad placing two glasses on the table. A glass of wine for me and an amber-colored liquid in a short glass for him. I assumed scotch.

  He looked up when he heard me start down the stairs. A look of fear mixed with anger washed over his perfect features, but it was gone as fast as it had come.

  He walked over to meet me as I took the last three steps.

  Scooping me up in his arms, he carried me over to the sofa and put me down in front of my wine glass.

  “Thank you kind sir, but I assure you, I can walk.”

  “You are welcome, fair lady.”

  Brad smiled and handed me my glass taking the seat next to me. I noticed low-keyed music was playing in the background, the kind that you talk over, not sing to. I took a long sip before placing the glass down. He leisurely turned and looked directly into my eyes taking my free hand into his.

  “Did anything light a spark at your mother’s house?”

  “I’d be lying if I said no.” I took another sip. “There was a picture of what apparently is my parents and me in the family room. I actually teared up.”

  “I know the one.” He seemed thoughtful for a few seconds, “You were the light in your father’s life, and he was yours. He died shortly after we met. You were devastated.”

  I felt my eyes fill listening to the emotion in Brad’s voice and imagined my own version of what he described.

  “How did he die?” I asked, not really sure I wanted to hear the answer.

  “He died in a car accident. Broadsided by a drunk driver.”

  “My God.”

  “He was killed instantly. He didn’t suffer.”

  I think he interjected that part so I wouldn’t feel so bad, but my heart broke for the daughter who loved him as well as the woman, my ‘mother’, who shared her life with him. “My mother, she must have been a wreck.”

  “She was. So were you. We all were. He was a good man. Loved you both with everything he was.”

  “You and he, got along?” I don’t know where that came from; I guess I was just curious.

  “We did. I loved your father a great deal. He was like a father to me. I lost my parents not long before I met you.”

  “I know.” I closed my eyes tightly, nervously because Terry told me that in confidence and I betrayed her.

  “You remember?” He was suddenly optimistic.

  “No, I’m sorry. I read it…I read about it in my diary.” Quick cover up, Not very honest, but smooth.

  “Oh.” He looked so sad. It seems that all I seem to be able to do is make this man sad. “But yes, I loved your father. Good man.”

  I sniffled. “I’m so sorry…for your loss.”

  “Enough of that.” He pushed away a few stray tears. “You remember anything else?”

  “Yes, yes I did. I also remembered a favorite lunch of mine.”

  “Tomato soup and grilled cheeses.”

  “Do you know how frustrating it is that everyone else remembers my favorites, but I don’t? It’s so unfair. They are my favorites!” I was taken aback by the high-pitched tone of my voice. “Cheeses?”

  Brad laughed.

  “Yeah, that’s what you called it because Trudy mixes three different cheeses to make a grilled cheese.”

  “Mmmm.”

  He lifted my face up to his.

  “You are so you when you act like this. I wish you could see the way you look from my eyes.” He moved closer. The intensity of his words, not to mention those incredible blues, made me feel all mushy inside. “I would like to kiss you now. Is that alright?”

  I was speechless, which was a first. I think I just moaned, which of course was a YES!!

  That part where my thighs met was throbbing like crazy now. I was motionless and unable to look away. In fact, I leaned into him. The wanton woman was back and she wanted satisfaction.

  His mouth lightly touched mine and as his lips moved over my own I felt my arm, acting on its own accord, reach up and pull his head closer to me. I ran my fingers through the thick black silky strands and let my fingers do the walking.

  He parted my lips with his tongue and I swear my internal temperature shot up about twenty degrees. The only thing that was stopping me from pushing him down and mounting him was my physical limitations, or else, God help him, that boy would be getting my own brand of ‘come hither’.

  His hands, the soft warm ones that were holding my face, grazed down my neck, shoulders and stopped directly over my breasts, which were heaving uncontrollably at this point. I squeezed my legs together as hard as I could and felt the dull ache that I’ve become accustomed to begin to throb in my hip, but I didn’t let that slow me down. Hell no.

  His thumbs circled over my nipples and his other fingers began kneading my breasts. I shivered with anticipation. My body involuntarily moved closer, so that it was touching his. His hands abandoned their posts and ran down along my sides until they stopped at my hips.

  Me. I was just getting started. I might not remember who I am, but I know for a fact, I like the way I felt right now. I reached out, searched for and found his sizable erection. My fingers wrapped around it and slowly my hand began to pump. I could feel it thicken and grow under my grasp. The heat emanating from him was palpable.

  He cleared his throat. Not one of those “Uh hum” kind of clears. He cleared his throat to let me know I’d ignited a spark. And the sound, well, it was almost as hot as the feel of him in my hand.

  He stood and pulled my hips towards him, lowering me to my back and pulled up the tee shirt I was wearing. It fell on top of my face and I giggled, at the same time inhaling the glorious smell that was obviously him, clinging to his shirt. There is something to be said for wearing your man’s shirt, especially if you love the way he smells.

  I felt his fingers hook the sides of my boy shorts as he slowly tugged them down, over my thighs, knees and eventually over my ankles. Where they went? I could care less. I heard his zipper slide down and felt the sofa dip as he leaned against it. It took him a few seconds more before I felt the warmth of his skin against mine. The hair on his cheek brushed against my erect nipples for a second and I took a deep breath.

  And before I knew what he was up to, I felt the heat of his mouth on me. He flicked his tongue over that area where he sent me falling over the edge before, the throbbing spot where my thighs met and I opened my legs as wide as I could, giving him the access he needed to complete the task at hand.

  The whole time my brain was screaming, ‘You like this, you like this. Open wider.’ I listened. I may not have any memory of who I am, but I’m not crazy. His hands parted the delicate covering of that oh so tightened nub and his tongue slowly caressed each and every spot it needed to. Missing nothing. The only thing that stopped it briefly were my hands grabbing his hair and holding on for dear life as my hips rode that roller c
oaster. His tongue dove in deep and came up only when the hardened area required it to.

  After three or four loud screaming sessions of my voice calling out to God, and our Dear Lord, and Jesus Christ, and DON’T STOP, I felt the warm wetness leave a trail from my happy place all the way up to the two points at the top that were heaving and wantonly shoving themselves into the tongue’s way.

  He licked and nibbled until I couldn’t take it anymore and I did the hair-pulling thing again.

  When he finally reached the top, and was face to, um, tee shirt with me. He laughed boldly, which of course got my tightened nub going again.

  He pulled the tee shirt down, revealing a face that must have had the most euphoric expression on it, or my name isn’t…Sarah?

  I’ll rephrase.

  I looked like a woman who just experienced one of the best sexual encounters of her young life.

  His mouth lowered onto mine and his tongue did the dance thing with my tongue, and I felt the tip of the beautiful, hot, hard, erection find its way home as he slowly slipped into me. I can’t be sure, but I think I literally said, “Oh, yes…thank you.” as he slid inside, filling every bit of me.

  You know, the only thing I thought at that very moment was that it was too bad I couldn’t remember doing this with this perfect man in our past.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Sarah?” The way he said my name caused my insides to tighten. I so loved the sexy tone in his voice; I nearly melted.

  “Yes?”

  “What do you think about taking a trip to Connecticut tomorrow? We’ll see Jez, have lunch. Spend the night maybe?”

  I felt my excitement build and I blurted out “Yes.”

  He chuckled and I felt his arms tighten around me, the steady rhythm of his heart against my back. His fingers were still caressing my belly.

  “Good. Let me make a few phone calls, have Simon cover my meetings and I’ll arrange for a picnic lunch.” He kissed my temple, and I immediately felt heat surge through my midsection.