Ever, Sarah

by Hansen, C. E.

  “I didn’t think I would be making any jumps today.”

  “What’s come over you? Why are you so snappy?”

  “I don’t know. I wake and you’re gone. I come downstairs and you’re on some secret phone call, whispering. And now you’re trying to control what I can and cannot do.”

  “Sit down.”

  “See?”

  “Please, sit down.”

  I did, but only because I needed to put my boots on.

  “Now let’s be done with the silly attitude. I got up to make us breakfast and coffee. I answered my phone because it was your mother calling and I knew she was worried with your coming up here. You have a lot of memories associated with this house. And lastly, I am only concerned for your welfare. I would blame myself if something were to happen to you. Hell, I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you.”

  Now I felt like a big fool. Of course, everything he said made sense. Of course I looked like an idiot making such a fuss.

  “I want to ride my horse. I want to ride Jez.”

  “Okay, after breakfast I’ll saddle up Jez and Ichabod. We’ll take a leisurely ride to the end of the property. Then we’ll come back for dinner, pay a visit to Maddie and Jim and we’ll be on our way home.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” I don’t know why I was so cranky, there wasn’t any reason I could put my finger on.

  I did end up getting my appetite back, big surprise there and we had a nice breakfast. Brad made Greek omelets with home fries, bacon and sausage, fresh squeezed orange juice and rye toast. I was surprised that I didn’t finish everything on my plate.

  After we cleaned everything up and took a walk out to the barn.

  Jez was still in her stall and began moving frantically when she saw me. I walked up and apologized right away for not giving her that bath and brush down that I promised her yesterday. Brad brought Ichabod out and hitched him. He threw a saddle blanket on him followed by his saddle. He fluidly slipped his bridle on, and then his reins and walked Jez out of her stall. I was instantly jealous when she nuzzled him.

  I must be losing my damned mind.

  He hitched her and saddled her up for me.

  When he was done, he came over and looped his hands to give me a boost up.

  He climbed onto the tall back of Mr. Ichabod in one swift movement. Looks like my fiancé is quite the equestrian. Even my thoughts were bitchy. Damn it!

  He held Jez’s reins in his hands until I was situated in the saddle.

  “Just like riding a bike.” I said.

  “Your father used to say that.” He laughed, I didn’t.

  We rode up the hill towards the back of the property, all the way through the woods on the trails to the back fence at the end of the property. It seemed to have taken hours to get there.

  During our ride, Brad, sensing my mood, tried to keep the conversation light, talked about the parties we’d had here when my father was alive. My mother was the belle of the ball, as much in her element here in horse country Connecticut as she was back in her New York City, amongst her social circles.

  “Did you know we had some pretty amazing sex in the coat closet here?”

  That came out of nowhere and caught me off guard, I actually laughed out loud. “Really?” feeling a little bit of the irritation I was feeling earlier subside.

  “Yes. Your parents were having a party, and they invited half of New York City’s social elite up from Hyde Park and Manhattan. You had just brought me home to meet them both and they extended me an invitation.” He shook his head and I watched the myriad of memories and emotions flit across his face. He was lost in yesterday, a time in my life that I couldn’t remember. “It was a Holiday Formal. I wore a tux, and you, you wore an emerald green sequined gown that hugged every curve of your body. You were absolutely stunning.”

  “You must have looked so handsome.”

  “I was very lucky you thought so.”

  “When we met, were you instantly attracted to me?”

  “It felt like I was struck my lightening.”

  I giggled.

  “Really?”

  “I was speechless. You were spectacular; smart and gorgeous. Had a body that wouldn’t quit. I was yours the moment you set those green eyes on me.”

  “Let’s not forget corny.” I added.

  “Yes, but that is one of your many charms. You’re a one of a kind woman, Sarah, and I’m a very lucky man you chose me.”

  “I’m hungry.” I stated

  “We just ate breakfast an hour or so ago.”

  “I’m not talking about food.” I said.

  “Oh.” He smiled his damned sexy smile and I almost fell off Jez.

  “How do feel about showing me exactly where we had this amazing sex…not that yesterday or last night was not amazing.”

  “My pleasure.” He glanced at me sideways. Damn that face. “Just so you know, it doesn’t mean you can up the pace.”

  “Are you looking for an ulterior motive?” I snickered. I cast a sideways glance at him and was about to give Jez a nudge, but he was onto me and whistled a strange sound. Jez stood still.

  I prodded her with my heels to move, but she remained almost still as a statue.

  “Have you brainwashed my animal?”

  “No, I just visited her a lot when you were unable to. You would have wanted me to.” He smirked.

  “You’re right.” I smirked. Not liking that he had a hold on my Jez. It literally pissed me off.

  “So, which closet exactly do you want to revisit first?”

  “We, um, did it in more than one closet?”

  I was flushed but it wasn’t from embarrassment. I was getting antsy and wanted to feel his hands roving all over my body. I wanted to touch him, lick him and make him moan.

  “Yes. You were very feisty that night.” He shook his head.

  “And you weren’t?” I was being snarky.

  “I was under your spell. Whatever you wanted, I wanted. I was almost as insatiable as you.” He tipped his head sideways.

  “Well, let’s get on with it then.” I gave Jez the incentive she needed and we started moving in a steady gait. I could feel that Jez was just dying to stretch her legs and I was just dying to fly.

  Brad whistled again, but this time, I was nudging her with my heels and calling out her name, enticing her to go. She took off running and I bent low. I robotically lifted my feet out of the stirrups and tightened my thighs around her body. I could feel her muscles strain against my legs and couldn’t help my smile. This was just what I needed.

  To feel free.

  I’ve been locked up inside myself for too long now and I was riding the edge.

  I heard, more than saw, Brad behind me. Ichabod’s long legs and gait were quickly catching up to us.

  “Sarah!” The warning tone in his voice spurred me on more.

  “Let’s go baby. Faster Jezzy!” I called out.

  I could see the house down the hill and leaned on Jez’s neck. She knew she was going home and that gave her more incentive to keep the pace up.

  When we finally got to the property just outside the barn, she slowed and eventually stopped. I put my feet back in the stirrups and dismounted. I was smiling ear to ear, but when I turned to look at Brad, I could see that his face was red and he was sporting a mean looking frown.

  He dismounted and pulling Ichabod’s reins, walked over to where I stood.

  “Not funny, Sarah.” He walked past me leading Ichabod inside where he removed his saddle, bridle and blanket. He walked into the stall and came out with a large brush in his hand and began brushing the giant horse down.

  I was a little put off, but I guess I could understand him being a bit mad at me.

  “I’m sorry Brad. I just wanted to feel like I was flying.”

  “You know you could have been hurt, or killed if you fell right? For Christ’s sake Sarah, you haven’t been on a horse in four months; you don’t remember your fuc…your name, how
the hell you think you automatically remember how to ride is beyond me. You’ve had a serious head injury. I mean, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that was a stupid thing to do!” He turned his attention back on Ichabod.

  I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this angry, at least not that I could remember, but I was a bit angry myself.

  “It’s like riding a bike, remember?” I purposefully walked into Jez’s stall to look for her brush. I could feel the sting of tears as I searched throughout the large stall. I turned around to find Brad standing just inside the gate. I looked into his eyes and could see there wasn’t any more anger darkening his bright blues, just concern.

  “I’m sorry for speaking to you like that.” His voice was even toned. “Are you upset?” My tears began to flow. As much as I wanted to hold them in, they gave me away.

  “I can’t find Jez’s brush.” I turned around and faced the wall.

  “It’s on the shelf.” When he spoke, I glanced in his direction and he pointed to a shelf located right above my head.

  “Oh. Is that where I keep it?” I was trying my best not to look like an errant child but I’m sure I failed miserably.

  “Yes.” He said softly as he walked over, took it off and handed it to me.

  “Thank you.” I was staring at my feet.

  Brad lifted my chin with his fingers.

  “Please don’t scare me like that again. All I could think of is….Damn.” His eyes were pleading.

  “I won’t.” My voice small.

  He put his arms around me and pulled me to him and with his mouth on my head, he said, “I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you Sarah.”

  I just nodded and wrapped my arms around his middle. After a few moments of silence, I defended what I’d done, albeit there was no defense.

  “I do know how to ride; I’ve been doing it since I was six years old.”

  Flash.

  He didn’t say anything, just squeezed me tighter.

  “I need to brush Jez down.” I pushed back and without looking at him, walked past into the barn where a very patient Jez stood.

  “Here, let me get that.” He removed Jez’s blanket, saddle and bridle.

  “Thank you.” I muttered before I began brushing Jez’s beautiful coat.

  “Are you still hungry?” I knew what he was implying, but I was reluctant to give in just yet.

  “I’ll see in a few minutes.” I resumed brushing.

  He looked defeated and after leading Ichabod into his stall, he walked towards the house, leaving me to my thoughts.

  I was acting like a spoiled brat, who was angry with a parent for caring about me. I was foolish and I knew it. I finished brushing Jez and led her to her stall. Closing the gate, I looked up at her, “Jez, I am a big jerk.”

  She just looked at me with her big eyes and shook her head.

  “Oh yes I am.”

  Opening the door to the house I stepped in. Dead silence.

  “Brad.” I called out.

  “Upstairs.”

  Climbing the stairs, turning over the apology I prepared in my head, I walked into the room where we slept last night and found him stretched out on the bed, reading his tablet.

  “I just wanted to say I’m really sorry for how I acted out there. I was wrong and I should have just listened to you.”

  “Come here.” He pats the bed next to him and after taking off my boots, I crawled over and lay next to him, my head on his chest.

  As soon as I got comfortable, I felt a cramp in my lower stomach.

  I jumped up and walked into the bathroom.

  “Well, that would explain a lot.” I said to myself.

  “What? Are you ill?”

  I was embarrassed to tell him, but I’m sure if I were engaged to him I must have told him when I got it.

  “I got my period.” I looked under the sink and found what I needed and afterwards returned to the bedroom.

  He was sitting on the edge with the biggest grin I’d ever seen. I almost jumped him—he was that hot.

  “What’s with the smile?”

  “That’s good news. Doctor wasn’t sure you’d be, um, normal again after the fall.”

  “You mean to tell me there was a chance I’d never be able to….”

  “Yes.”

  He hadn’t lost that grin.

  “There goes our plan for recreating that sex filled night.”

  His grin had disappeared, but his good mood remained.

  “Bummer. But we have all the time in the world to recreate that ‘sex filled night’, as you so call it.”

  “I guess so. That would explain the edginess I felt all day.”

  “Do you feel up to visiting Jim and Maddie? Afterwards, we can go home so you can lie down and get some rest.”

  “Sure.”

  “I know Maddie has been chomping at the bit to see you.”

  “They live here?”

  “They’re the caretakers for the property. They have a small cottage about two acres over.”

  “Oh.”

  “I’ll pack up the car, you take it easy and relax. Why don’t you put on something more comfortable?”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  When we got home from Connecticut late afternoon, the first thing I did was take a shower. I was feeling much better as the hot water from the rain showerhead washed over me, relaxing my aching muscles. It might be like riding a bike, but if you haven’t ridden a bike in a while, those seldom-used muscles got a hell of a workout. I put on a pair of sweat pants and one of Brad’s tee shirts and made my way downstairs.

  The smells that wafted up from the kitchen were making me salivate. I inhaled deeply.

  “Brad?”

  “In the kitchen.”

  “Are you responsible for that delicious smell?”

  “Guilty.” He popped his head out the doorway. “Although I only heated it up. Terry cooked it.”

  “Yum. What is it?”

  “Beef Wellington. You love this it’s…” He paused, “never mind.” He laughed, stopping himself short of telling me, yet again, about my favorites.

  “Can I help?”

  “No. Have a seat. It’ll be ready in about thirty minutes.”

  I walked over to the sofa and sat down with my feet under me.

  “Which do you want, broccoli or string beans?”

  “I’d prefer string beans, but either one would be fine with me.”

  “String beans it is.”

  The next few days were uneventful. I read or watched TV when Brad worked, especially loving the sunny warm afternoons where I could sit on one of the lounges and read. Those days almost always ended up with me taking a nap.

  I missed Jez and told Brad I wanted to go back up to the farm for a few days, as soon as I was up for doing some real riding…aka when the doctor gave me the thumbs up.

  If I had to admit to myself, I was a bit bored sitting at home. I wanted to get back to some sort of routine. Of course it would be great to remember what that routine was.

  One evening, during the afterglow of our lovemaking, aka great sex, I leaned my back up against his chest, both his arms instantly wrapped around my waist and he lowered his chin to the top of my head.

  “Hey, listen, I’ve got to go into the City tomorrow, I have a few things at work that I need to take care off. Why don’t you come with me? I’ll take you into your office and we’ll see if anything there seems familiar to you.”

  “I’d like that.” I said, my voice sounding sleepy.

  “Afterwards, we can grab some lunch, maybe do some shopping.”

  “It’s a date.”

  “Right now, you are going to head upstairs to bed and get some rest. I’ll wake you in the morning around eight. We’ll leave nine? Sound okay?”

  “It does.” I yawned.

  “Upstairs with you.” He laughed assisting me to stand. “I’ll be upstairs soon; I need to send out a few emails.”r />
  “Night.” I turned to face him and planted a light kiss on his full lips. “See you later?”

  “I think I’m going to take the guest room tonight. I’ll be working for a few more hours and I don’t want to disturb you.”

  “Oh, ok.”

  What a strange existence this was.

  Walking up the stairs again, I stopped at the top and looked down and watched as he removed his laptop from his briefcase. He plugged it in and walked towards the bar taking an empty glass down from the shelf.

  “Hmmm.”

  I climbed into bed pulling the covers up to my chin. I was so confused. There were nights where he never left my side, and then there were nights like this, when we just had amazing sex and he chose to sleep in the guest room. I could see if I was acting standoffish, but for crying out loud, I nearly threw myself at him. I lay in bed, twisting and turning for several minutes thinking about our ‘sleeping’ arrangements.

  I knew I needed to get my mind off of this topic and think about something else. I suddenly realized that I’d been trying so hard to ‘get on’ with my life that I had basically put off reading any more about my life. So I decided to pull the diary out of the drawer and learn more about me. I reached over and directed the bedside lampshade towards me so that I could see better.

  ‘Dinner was wonderful and I found out through the course of the night that he was very easy to talk to. Sweet, disarming. He asked me to go out again, so I guess he liked me too! Way to go girl!’

  I smiled. I definitely had a somewhat bizarre personality.

  ‘The next day he took me to lunch, and after work we went out for dinner again. He offered to drive me home. It was so strange; we got into the back of his limo and just sat there. I was wondering if he was going to make the first move, but I could see that he was holding back. For what reason I didn’t have a clue. Most likely afraid to scare me off. Either that or I…Hell. So I acted like quite the trollop, does anyone use that word anymore? Probably not…Anyway, I took the bull by the horns and when the moment struck I turned to him, and pulled his face to mine and kissed him! Just like that…TROLLOP!