Ever, Sarah

by Hansen, C. E.

  “Um, thank you Jay…son. Jason. Thank you.”

  He nodded and I watched until he slowly pulled away from the curb.

  I glanced up, tilting my head all the way back.

  “I work here?”

  “You did… do.”

  “Wow, it is getting really aggravating not remembering anything about my life. I can’t explain how frustrating it all is.”

  “Let’s get you upstairs to your office and see if anything there jogs a memory.”

  “Okay. You lead, I’ll follow.” I was confused and not sure where to go.

  “We go together.” He grabbed my hand and we walked towards the large looming building. We walked up to the door to the left and an immaculately dressed doorman opened the door for us, as the rest of the workers entered through the revolving doors like drones.

  “Sir.”

  “Thank you.” Brad said, his voice commanding, in control. He was everything I wished I could be.

  I was like a sponge, soaking up the vibe: the sounds, sights and smells. People rushed in looking so regimented, for a few seconds I actually envied them. I wanted structure in my life; purpose, meaning.

  Damn it!

  “I love the noise. Does that sound weird?”

  “No, you always loved the noise.” He looked at me with that half grin and half smile, like he knew something I didn’t. But considering the situation, he knew a lot that I couldn’t remember.

  “I’m not corny.” I declared.

  “Yup. You keep telling yourself that.” He smiled and pulled me closer to him as he navigated us to the back of the elevator bank. We entered the last elevator.

  “You know, we first met on an elevator in this building.”

  “I know.” I said, smiling.

  His eyes opened wide, the look on his face was a mix between ecstatic and fearful.

  “You know?” the hopeful gleam in his eyes was so hot I wanted to lie to him and say ‘of course I remember silly’…but thought better of it.

  “I’m sorry…I mean, I just read about it in the diary.”

  “That’s right, you wrote in that book nearly every night.” The smile faded and the gleam in his eyes did as well. A deflated look flitted over his features in a flash.

  “Sorry. I just read about how you and Sar… I meet.”

  “It’s my favorite memory.” His smile was back again, and I for one preferred it to the sadness I saw moments ago.

  “I think it must have been mine too. She…I seemed so excited when I wrote it.”

  We rode the elevator up to the forty-second floor and exited. When we stepped out, he veered to the left. We walked down a hallway, his hand firmly holding my elbow. When stopped in front of a door that said Sarah Williamson, Architect.

  “That’s me?” I was overwhelmed, but I could clearly hear the excitement in my tone. I had a career. I was a professional and…I don’t remember anything.

  “This is you.” He inserted a key that was on his key ring and the door opened. The office smelled musty, old, unused and that brought me down. I don’t know why exactly.

  Brad walked over and pressed a few keys on a keypad and then turned to look at me, bidding me inside with a look.

  I walked through, slowly taking everything in, waiting and hoping for something to wake the sleeping Sarah inside me.

  “Where is everyone?” I asked. “It looks like it’s not been used for a long time.”

  “Well,” He said looking at his watch, “I put Lena on leave, full pay of course. The guys, Eric, Daniel and Mark, are all at the two sites. At least I hope they are. Your firm designed and is leading my two latest projects. Remember, I told you about them, downtown Manhattan and Fort Lee, New Jersey?”

  He looked a bit nervous, but I did remember that.

  “Yes, I remember you telling me about the two projects.” I reassured him with a smile. “Lena. That would be my assistant?”

  “Yes.” He smiled.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I walked over and stared through a long glass wall separating the waiting area from the receptionist’s desk. The large area was decorated tastefully and elegantly.

  Brad took my hand and we walked down a somewhat long hallway. There were two doors for the lavatories: male and female, another door with the name Mark Jacobs with brushed lettering with a long string of letters after his name. There was also another door with the names of Eric Richards, and Daniel McDonough spelled out in the same tasteful brushed steel lettering as was on all the doors.

  I peeked inside, feeling every bit of the peeping Tom I was, and noticed piles of papers on each desk and a large slanted table with three lights attached. Next to it was a bin holding several thick rolls of paper, all standing upright.

  I stood glancing at the organized mess for a few moments. Then I looked up to find Brad watching me, he was down the hall a little bit standing in front of a door that said Sarah Williamson, Architect, with more letters than Mark had.

  “I guess when you’re the boss you get more letters huh?”

  He let out a short laugh.

  “Generally speaking, yes.” He was shaking his head smiling.

  He opened the door and I followed him inside.

  There was a large light colored wood and sea green glass desk with a black leather chair behind it. To the right there was a small seating area consisting of two small sofas, a chair and a square table. There was also a door on the left side of the desk. I walked over to it and opened it.

  Inside was a large private bathroom, and I suddenly remembered the part in the diary where I supposedly tried to wash Brad’s shirt off after I’d spilt hot coffee on him.

  I smiled.

  “It’s another part of the diary I read. I guess I’m clumsy as well as corny.”

  “No, just corny.” He laughed.

  I opened another door behind the desk and walked into the small kitchen. There was a table and two chairs, a fridge, a water cooler, a microwave, sink and toaster oven. There was another door that led to a separate entrance from the main offices.

  “All the comforts of home.” I mumbled.

  I turned around, closely examining my surroundings.

  “Mmmm.”

  “Nothing?” His voice held a note of hope in it.

  “Sorry. No. I would like to remember this. I mean, I must have been successful to some degree.”

  “You were…are very successful.”

  “Wow, to have accomplished all this and not remember any of it. It’s just so confusing and frustrating. Not to mention frightening.” I felt hot tears fill my eyes and was powerless to stop them.

  “Come here.” Brad pulled me to his chest. “Everything will be fine.” His hand held my head close to his chest. “Listen, I know this sounds oversimplified, but you have to realize, your life isn’t over. If you never remember anything, it doesn’t change how the people who love you feel about you. We are just so damned happy you are with us. If you get your memory back, that would be wonderful, but…” He pulled away and tilted my face upwards with his long elegant fingers, “but, if you don’t, I, we, will still love you just as much. Like I told you before, we’ll make new memories. Either way I’m okay with it.”

  “I’m not okay with it. I feel like…like…such a failure.” I sobbed.

  “Sarah, baby, you are nothing of a failure. You are a beautiful, bright woman and I love you more now than I ever did. Just look at all the fun I get to have making you fall in love with me all over again.”

  “You still want to marry me?” I was startled by my words. I didn’t realize that this had been a fear of mine, or at the opposite end of the spectrum, what if I didn’t want to marry him after I got to know him? I was more than overwhelmed.

  “Sarah, I’ll always love you no matter what.” Simple words for an all too confusing feeling.

  “Thank you?”

  Brad chuckled.

  “Let’s go upstairs to my office, I’ll get some things done and then we’ll go g
et something to eat.” He squeezed me to him. “And if you’re a really good girl, I’ll take you shopping and buy you something pretty.”

  His voice held a tone of seriousness to it, but his smile told a whole other story.

  I thought about it for a minute.

  I didn’t want to go upstairs to sit on a couch and fawned over by someone I don’t remember or who feels sorry for me.

  “Would it be alright if I just go back downstairs? I want to just go have a look around outside.”

  He seemed thoughtful for a minute.

  “Well…” He looked over my head, out the window with the incredible view of midtown Manhattan. “Yeah, I think that’s a great idea. You were always…you are in love with this city. You used to say you ‘feel the electricity in the air’. Just remember the address. The city is a grid, it’s hard to get lost.”

  “I’m sure I can remember an address. I mean I lost my memory, not my ability to think.” I laughed, trying to make light of a very tense moment.

  “You’re right. You’re an adult. I’m just over protective when it comes to you. Especially after what almost happened.”

  I got a chill, like I did every time I thought about what could have happened, but there was a sort of peace that descended upon me when I thought briefly, and I mean very briefly, that maybe I would have been better off. Maybe my family and those that loved me would be better off if I just…but I knew deep down inside me, I was never a coward. I never would take the easy way out. In fact, if anything, I would fight tooth and nail to get where I wanted to go. At least that is what I think I would have done.

  Of course, there was no way to confirm this, with any certainty, but I had a gut feeling, and that is something I knew was a part of me, the old me, and the new me…Holy cow, he’s right…I am cor…unusual.

  He reached into his jacket pocket and handed me the phone he had given me.

  “Here, take this. It’s your cell phone. Remember, I’m number two on the speed dial. Just press and hold the number two and it will automatically call my cell.”

  “You mean to tell me you’re not number one?” I was trying to look serious, but of course, I was a little too corny to pull that off.

  “Cute.” He smiled. I took the phone out of his hand. “Number one is always designated to 911 – Emergency.”

  “I will call you if I get into trouble.”

  “Please don’t get into trouble.”

  “I’ll do my best to suppress the incredible urge building inside me to rob a convenience store.”

  “Good plan.” He laughed. That sweet sound caused my breath to hitch. “Then just meet me out front at,” he looked at his watch, “say 1:30? Is that enough time for you to hatch an alternative diabolical plan?”

  “I don’t believe it is.”

  “Then I’ll see you at 1:30.”

  “Sounds perfect. I’m excited.”

  “Call me if anything…you know, if you get scared or you remember anything. In fact, call me each hour on the hour.”

  “Over protective doesn’t begin to cover it.”

  “Put up with me please, just for a little while longer?”

  “I’m sorry. Of course I will. You’ve been so wonderful.”

  “Just be careful and…have fun. You know where I am. Sixty-second floor.” He said the numbers slowly, distinctly, like I was deaf. Then he pointed up.

  “Duh, and you call me corny.” I mumbled.

  Brad walked me to the elevator and pushed the button. As I stood in front of the open door, he leaned in and kissed me softly on my mouth and all the tingly parts tingled, right on cue.

  “Call me.”

  “I’ll call. See you in a little while. What could go wrong?” I asked as the elevator doors slowly closed. I had a big grin on my face and Brad’s expression as the doors were closing was hysterical. I laughed out loud while feeling that familiar tingle in my belly. The kind you have when you are excited. It could have been due to the movement of the elevator…but I decided it most definitely because I was excited.

  I walked through the revolving doors, like everyone else, and stepped outside into the crisp spring air. It was a strange hour, everyone running to get somewhere they weren’t. And then there were people like me, who just walked around looking at everything, taking in the sights, the sounds, and smells.

  I put the cell phone Brad gave me in my jacket pocket and walked over towards the long bench that curved along the outline of the large fountain outside the massive aluminum building and took a seat. I closed my eyes for a few moments just listening to the water spurt and fall behind me. That soothing rhythm, along with the honking of horns, various shouts from vendors, as wells as passersby, combined with other city noises was strangely comforting to me. Maybe Brad was right. In fact, I’m sure he was, especially when he told me I loved this city…and there was an electricity in the air.

  “May I sit?”

  A man’s voice asked softly.

  I opened my eyes and looked up and down the length of the curving bench and thought it was very strange that he chose to sit next to me. There were plenty of other areas on the bench that had more sitting room. In fact, as I looked up and down, I realized there were plenty of areas that were downright empty. There appeared to be about ten or so people in a space that could easily accommodate thirty.

  I shrugged my shoulders and shimmied over and he took a seat. I moved over a little more hoping he would get the hint that I wasn’t looking for company or a social encounter.

  I was enjoying the people watching. What I wasn’t enjoying was the intermittent staring from the stanger, the man sitting next to me.

  I started to get up to move down the curve a bit when he stood.

  “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

  “No, you’re fine. I’m just waiting for someone.” It was a bold faced lie, but I was feeling awkward, and I didn’t know what else to say.

  “It’s just that I wanted to see if you remembered me.”

  I turned to look at him, searching his face, looking for something that I might recognize.

  He was a very handsome man with brown hair and warm brown eyes. He seemed a bit nervous, edgy, almost like he was afraid. I looked at him for several seconds, then shook my head.

  “You know me?”

  “Yes, Sarah. I know you very well.”

  The tone in his voice was even and confident, but there was an underlying current of tension that I could sense. He smiled widely and I found myself wondering what was so amusing.

  “You know me well? How? Are you a friend of Brad’s?”

  “God no.” He said that with such disgust my stomach lurched.

  “Why do you say it like that?”

  “Sarah, look at me. Really look at me and tell me you don’t remember.”

  I forced myself to look directly into his face once again, even though I was totally uncomfortable. Something about the pleading in his tone sounded familiar. I just couldn’t place it.

  I stared directly into his eyes.

  Nothing.

  “I’m sorry. I had an accident, so if we know each other and I don’t remember, don’t take it personally.”

  “Accident… accident my ass.” His tone was downright venomous.

  “You know something about the accident?” Suddenly I was very interested in what this stranger had to say. He obviously had a strong opinion about what had happened to me and I needed to find out exactly what it was.

  “We are great friends.” He shook his head. He looked upset and very sad, almost like he was about to cry. “I can’t tell you how devastated I am about what happened to you.”

  “That makes two of us.” I don’t know why I said that. I think it was a nervous compunction. Like I was trying to sound confident and self-assured.

  “Please don’t make light of this situation.” Sad again.

  “Great friends…how?” I really wanted to excuse myself and run inside, but I had to give myself the benef
it of the doubt. If I did indeed know this man, then it was most likely because we were friends.

  Besides, I was caught like a fish on the line.

  “We were lovers.”

  WOW.

  Didn’t expect that.

  Was not at all what I thought was coming. I was getting ready for some dishy gossip about how we’ve known each other since college, or he was my best friends ex-boyfriend… something totally benign...I never saw that ball flying out of left field.

  “We were what?”

  Surprise. Hell yes!

  “We were…are in love.”

  I started laughing. I don’t know if it was just a nervous reaction, but I was laughing like a total loon, uncontrollably. I sound like a schoolgirl giggling. It took me several seconds and a dirty look or two from the stranger beside me before I could stop. I shook my head and turned to face him.

  “Listen. I don’t know who the hell you are and I find it rather offensive that you’re speaking to me so personally like this. I am engaged to be married.” I said with all the conviction I could muster. I was a bit put off by how he was speaking to me and what he was saying, however, I didn’t get up and walk away. No, I stayed to listen to what this ‘stranger’ had to say.

  “Yeah, to a maniacal power hungry, controlling son of a bitch that would stop at nothing…nothing.” His voice trailed off as he lowered his gaze to his feet, slowly shaking his head.

  “Excuse me. I have no way of knowing if what you’re saying is the truth. You have to understand this is all very weird and shocking to hear. This…this sounds like some sort of soap opera. I don’t know why you are telling me this, but I can’t stay here and listen to you talk about Brad like this. Please excuse me.”

  I was feeling rather uneasy and wanted nothing more than to run upstairs to the sixty-second floor right into Brad’s arms and be fussed over by total strangers that love me. I stood up to walk away, my fingers clutching the cell phone in my pocket tightly.

  I felt fear. Actual fear.

  “Please don’t follow me.” I said using my most defiant tone. “Or I’ll call…I’ll call the police.”