Ever, Sarah

by Hansen, C. E.

  Okay, so I was still mad.

  Anyway, I bumped into a man, literally. It felt like I just walked into a brick wall.

  I looked at him. Holy, Moly, he was a very good-looking man and he was apologizing profusely. If I had a dollar for every time he said sorry, I could have bought every dirty water dog in that cart, and that’s not a lie.

  I told him I wasn’t exactly watching where I was going, so no harm, no foul. He stood there with a big grin on his face. Now this would not typically be important enough to be a diary entry, but afterwards, after I shoved that hot dog in my face faster than I can say yum, I walked to the bench. I sat …and so did the handsome stranger. I avoided eye contact with him and after 20 minutes or so, I got up and went inside. I felt his eyes on me. It was somewhat complimentary and weird at the same time.

  He looked familiar. Maybe he works in the building.

  Diary,

  That same guy was standing by the front entrance to the building when Brad and I arrived the next morning. We were walking close, Brad’s arm was around my waist. I was about to say hi when he looked directly in my eyes and his glare was murderous. This guy looked as though he’d just found his wife cheating on him. It was weird. I was glad Brad was with me.

  I came down for some air and found that weird guy standing outside the building. Either he has uncanny timing or he’s following me.

  Another entry that didn’t make sense.

  Today the weirdo tried to speak to me. His voice was so low I could hardly hear him, but I did make out that he was asking me to go to lunch. Freaky right?

  I informed him I was engaged and his face turned bright red. He got all angry and walked away. Like I said, weird.

  Dear Diary,

  I ‘ran’ into that guy again on the elevator. I cursed myself for wanting to sleep in. If I’d just gone in with Brad I wouldn’t have to see him.

  I feel bad for him. He seems like a nice man, but something about him is beginning to creep me out. I’m pretty sure he’s harmless, but he still makes me feel icky.

  No more to that entry? It seems a little short to me.

  I’ve told both Mark and Lena about him and they both told me I should tell Brad. He seems to be getting bolder now. He even went so far as to grab my arm to prevent me from walking away. I’ve explained to him at least three times that I’m engaged and it would be inappropriate to have lunch with a man I don’t know.

  I think Mark and Lena are right. I

  What the hell have I done?

  Okay, so now this pain in my ass is beginning to get on my last nerve. I didn’t want to bother Brad with this, he’s so busy, so I flat out told him I wasn’t interested in having lunch, conversations, or anything else. I’m in a very happy relationship.

  I began crying. Brad. I missed Brad. What a mistake I’ve made.

  This man, Kevin, must be a stalker, and where in hell did he get these pages. I know my diary has been in my makeup bag. Maybe while I slept. Maybe while I was… drugged!!! I swiped angrily at my eyes, getting more and more furious by the moment. I continued reading.

  Even when I told him I was engaged, which by the way seemed to make him angrier, he was still persistent. He begged me. Promising me he would be a total gentleman. I’m beginning to feel very uncomfortable…and pissed off.

  Dear Diary,

  I had to walk between three people in order to avoid him. He stands near the elevators every day and gets on my elevator. Today I was able to slip past him without him seeing me.

  I was finding it difficult to concentrate on what I was reading, yet I kept reading it.

  I had to explain, as if I was talking to a child, in plain English that I wasn’t interested and would never be interested in another man. I loved my fiancé. I think I heard him mumble ‘bitch’ under his breath. He is becoming more brazen and I’m really starting to get nervous.

  Now it’s really getting to be too much. Between the gifts, the notes, the constant calls to my office, I’m about to pull my hair out…I’d rather pull his hair out! Poor Lena is going crazy deflecting his nonstop phone calls. I am thinking it may be time to tell security.

  Today when I got to work there was a small box outside my office door. I was the first one in and used my key, so how it got in there is a mystery. I opened the box. It was a damned bracelet. I thought for a split second it was from Brad. I lifted it out of the box I found a note.

  With all my love, Paul

  I got all freaked out.

  That’s it. It’s time to end this shit.

  PAUL!!!! PAUL!!!! Fucking Paul. I jumped up and with the sheets still in my grasp, I raced down the steps all the while listening for his car. I looked out the window and saw the lady with the roses fussing around in her rose garden.

  I banged on the window with my fist. Nothing. I banged a little louder. Still nothing.

  I pounded the window. She moved. Got up and without looking in my direction, walked slowly back into her home. I couldn’t figure out if she didn’t hear me and just went inside, or if she did indeed hear me and chose to ignore me. That revelation scared me, what if she had heard me and just went into her house, ignoring the trapped woman behind the window. ME!

  I tried to keep cool. He could be back any minute and I had to think. I ran to the back door and tried it again, knowing full well it was locked from the inside, and Kevin had the key.

  I was starting to put two and two together here and realized who really had the control issues.

  I ran up the stairs and reached into my jacket pocket and took my cell phone out. I pushed buttons like my life depended on it. Nothing. It was dead.

  I ran back down the stairs into the kitchen and pulled a long knife out of the drawer. Sure, I could use it if it came down to either him or me, but what if he got the knife out of my hands and used it on me?

  I’m not a violent person. That much I knew about myself.

  I had a thought.

  I quickly went to the pantry and moved the Cheese nips and crackers out of the way and opened the bottle and took out two of Paul Anderson’s ‘roofies’.

  If this is indeed what Kevin or Paul or whoever the fuck he was used to keep me passive and always tired, then he would be getting a bit of his own medicine so to speak. I just had to keep him away from the pantry in case he knew the exact amount of pills that were inside. Which, by the way he acted, I would guess he did know.

  I put them in a cup and with the end of the knife smashed them as best I could. Then I put the kettle on and pulled out a tea bag. English Breakfast…doesn’t know me as well as he thinks. It’s Earl Grey you crazy fuck. Earl Fucking Grey!

  I added a few drops of the boiling water to the smashed pills and poured myself a cup. I noticed he liked to drink coffee. I looked at the clock. 8:40 am, early enough to still want coffee.

  I set about making him a cup, then added the melted drug mixture with a tiny bit of sugar to mask the taste and set it aside.

  My heart was beating frantically in my chest and my hands were shaking and sweaty. I took several deep breaths, trying to steady my nerves, which at this point were frayed beyond repair.

  I didn’t have to wait too long before I heard his car pull into the driveway. I was trembling inside and out and had to force myself to calm down. Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself for what I knew I had to do. I put on my most disarming smile and noticed as I added cream to my tea that my hand was still shaking.

  Listen to me Sarah…you need to get a grip here. Unless you want to be trapped indefinitely in a house with Kevin/Paul, you’d better grow some iron balls.

  I heard the key in the lock and took another deep breath, letting it out slowly. When I knew he was inside I called out, praying my voice wasn’t as shaky as I felt.

  “Kevin?” my voice was calm. I took my tea in one hand and his coffee in the other.

  “I’m back.” He said as he walked into the kitchen with a bag of groceries. “Hungry?”

  “Not until after I finish my te
a.” I smiled. “I didn’t know you’d gone out. I came down to make you a cup of coffee. I wanted to thank you for being so patient with me last night. Was going to bring it up to you.” I said as I entered the living room where he stood.

  He smiled his charming smile and my blood boiled in my veins.

  Bastard.

  “Had two cups already.” He said, somewhat dismissively.

  “Oh, and I made you this. Just the way you like it, I think.”

  I handed him the cup and took a sip of my own tea.

  “If I drink too much caffeine, I get a bit irritable.” He put the cup down.

  I was horrified. I needed him to drink that coffee, like now!

  “I was just trying to say thank you. You know, for putting up with me and the whole crazy dream thing last night. I don’t know what came over me, but just wanted to say thank you.”

  You said that already you crazy bitch. Act normal!!!

  I took my tea with me and took a seat; the look on my face was played perfectly. I looked destroyed.

  He smiled and the twinkle was back in his eyes as I continued to be overly sweet to him.

  I wanted to gag.

  “I watched how you made it the other day…” I pouted again, hoping it wasn’t too much.

  “You know what, I just did a bunch of errands, I guess I could use one more cup. Thank you.” He walked in behind me carrying said cup.

  I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

  He tilted the cup back and slowly drained the contents.

  “You didn’t have to do that.” I said sweetly.

  “I did. Thank you for thinking of me.”

  “You always think about me.”

  “I do.” He smiled, “Know what I picked up?”

  “Do tell?” I said with an air of confidence. I was so relieved at getting that coffee into him.

  “Chocolate ice cream. And a few other favorites of yours.”

  “Thank you. But I have to say, nothing is going to beat that Coq Au Vin.”

  I wanted to fucking vomit.

  “Anything for you Tanya, I love you.”

  “What?” I wasn’t sure I heard right and then I realized that I may have just shoved my foot in my own mouth.

  “I, mean Sarah…” he paused and tried to focus. He looked at me and I could see he was succumbing to the effects of the drug.

  Take that, you bastard!

  “Tanya…Tanya is my…she’s my…sister.” He finally finished.

  “Oh. Tell me about your family.” I was trying to keep him still long enough for the drug to work.

  “Wow, I’m beat.” He sat on the couch. “I’ve got to go put that stuff away.”

  “I’ll get it, you relax.” I walked in the kitchen and took the groceries out of the bag and put them away, all the while praying that he would pass out. There was a bag from CVS tucked in with the groceries. I lifted it out and opened it. There was a pill bottle inside. I pulled it out and read the label. ‘Rophynol’ Take one as directed at bedtime. It was prescribed for Paul Anderson.

  My hands began trembling again. I hurriedly put the bottle back in the bag and put the bag on the table where he’d left it. Then I walked, as calmly as I could, into the living room.

  “Can I get…” I stood staring at the spot where I’d just left him sitting. There was no one there. Kevin or Paul or whoever the fuck he was not where he was a few minutes ago.

  “Kevin?” I called out low.

  No answer. I walked to the front of the house and found him slouched on the stairs. He was sitting, his head against the wall, his legs laid out in front of him.

  “Kevin.” He didn’t move.

  I took a few steps closer.

  “Kevin, are you okay?” The stress in my voice was real. I was scared to death.

  I leaned in and tried to shake him.

  His eyes flew open and he grabbed me by my wrist. His grip was vice like.

  I yelped.

  “Kevin, you’re hurting me.”

  “You drugged me?” He said his voice slurring.

  “No, no. I didn’t. I didn’t. I don’t know… I don’t know what are you talking about?”

  He lifted his head and I could see his eyes were unable to focus on my face. He bent my wrist so far back I was afraid it would snap.

  “Kevin, you’re hurting me.” My voice coming out a bit more shrill than I wanted it to sound. “Kevin, please.”

  He grabbed the handrail and pulled himself up into a standing position. He swayed to one side.

  “You think you’re so smart. See how far you get. You won’t find it.” He swayed and suddenly fell to his knees.

  “Kevin.”

  He pulled me down, my wrist still in his hand. I landed on my knees with a loud thump.

  I pulled as hard as I could to get free of his grip.

  I even used my feet as leverage pushing them against his limp body. I finally pulled his fingers open, releasing my wrist from his grasp.

  He was breathing heavily and I knew he was finally out.

  I pushed him with my feet, he just moved back and forth like a corpse.

  “Kevin?”

  Nothing.

  I jumped up and started sticking my hands into each pocket looking for the key to the door.

  Nothing. I checked every pocket. Then I checked again. I was beginning to panic. What if he wakes up now? Damn it. What am I going to do?

  “Where did you put them you son of a bitch?” I screamed at his sleeping body. I pounded him with my fists. “Damn you.”

  I sat down and rocked back and forth.

  “You need to think Sarah. Think!” I admonished myself. I looked around the room. Did he put them on the table next to the couch?

  “The couch!” I jumped up and ran over to the couch, pulling the pillows off and tossing them onto the floor like some lunatic. And there, tucked under where he was sitting, was a set of keys.

  “These, you asshole… You mean these?” I jingled the keys loudly near his ear. “I found them you sorry bastard.” I was beyond angry now, “You son of a bitch, I might not remember who I am, but I sure as fuck know who you are. Freaking stalker.”

  I ran upstairs as fast as my legs would carry me and grabbed my bag. There was no way in hell I was leaving the very essence of who I was behind because of this bastard. I pulled his hoodie tighter to my body and opened the front door. I ran out into the sunlight and I opened the car door, climbing in. I sat for a few seconds trying to remember if I could do this.

  “I know, I know how to drive. Right?” I shoved the key into the ignition and turned it, starting the engine. I pulled on the knob in the center console trying to drag it to R. R is fucking reverse isn’t it? I was starting to panic.

  “Take a deep breath Sarah. Now!” I yelled at myself.

  I sat for a moment before I remembered. Then I put my foot on the brake and pulled the knob back to R. When I lifted my foot off the brake the car started to go backwards. I slammed on the brakes and the car rocked to a halt.

  “Okay, now use your brain and ease out. You don’t want to get into an accident right in front of the son of a bitches’ house.” I put the car in reverse and slowly eased out onto the road. So what if I took up two lanes, they could deal with it. Call me a bad woman driver. I stepped on the brake and put the car into D and sped away. Where I was I didn’t know, but I knew where I was planning on going.

  Home.

  I was driving aimlessly, for all I knew I was going around in circles. I had to pull over somewhere and call Brad.

  I saw a strip mall with a 7-Eleven in it and decided to pull in. I reached into my bag and pulled out my cell phone. I opened it. It was dead, totally dead. I’d totally forgotten.

  I panicked. I didn’t know Brad’s number. All I knew was press and hold the number two. I quickly scanned the area looking for a public phone.

  I didn’t know how much time I had before he, Kevin/Paul, came looking for me. This was his neighborhood and he kn
ew it well, whereas I was so lost.

  I walked into the 7-Eleven and looked around. No public phone. Walking over to the counter I asked, “Is there a phone I could use here?”

  The clerk looked at me like I was crazy.

  “What, you ain’t got no cell?” He laughed shaking his head.

  “I need to call someone, and I don’t have their number. How would I get it?”

  “You need to call 411 lady.”

  “But how. My phone is dead.” I was nearly crying at this point.

  “What phone you got?” He asked.

  I ran out to the car, grabbed my cell and ran back in.

  “Here.” I said, shoving it towards him.

  He looked at the phone. Turned it over and pulled the back off.

  “Lady, you ain’t got no battery.” He shook his head again.

  “Listen to me.” My fear was turning into anger. “I need to call someone, and I don’t know how. I was in an accident.”

  “I can call 911 for you lady, but…” He looked behind him, “you can always buy one of those go-phones.”

  I didn’t want to involve the police. After all, I went willingly. What a total idiot I was.

  “But that won’t have the number in it. I need the number.” I cursed and began to tear up. My frustration level was at an all-time high. “There will be a reward in it for you.”

  “What kind of reward?”

  “The money kind.” I stood defiantly with my hands on my hips.

  “Who you need to call?”

  “My fiancé.” I offered.

  “You don’t know your fiancé’s number.” He gave me that ‘she must be crazy’ look.

  “Listen, I had an accident. I don’t remember…things.”

  “Jimmy!” The clerk called out.

  “Yeah.” Another worker came out of the back room. “What?”