by Sienna Snow
Thomas’s hand grazed my lower back, making goose bumps prickle my skin and electricity shoot up my spine. The mere presence of this man affected me like no one else.
“She needed to remember her friendship with you has limits once she enters the club. Whatever she thinks of me is secondary to club rules. Besides, you don’t need anyone to fight your battles.”
“That may be true, but doing that to either of them was uncalled for.” I guided us toward the hallway leading to my office. “I haven’t given you permission to touch me.”
“As you wish.” Thomas lowered his hand but followed me at a close distance, keeping my anxiety peaked.
“You pull off the cold, elitist Domme very well, but it’s only me now. You can tone it down a few notches.”
“What makes you think I’m acting?”
A group of submissives passed us, inclining their heads in respect. I grazed my hand down the shoulder of one the women who was recovering from the end of a bad relationship.
She stopped as her lips trembled and she looked toward her feet. I tipped her face up. “You are stronger without him. He wasn’t worthy of you. No more hiding in corners. You’ve done it too long.” I gestured to the social area of the club. “Go out there and enjoy yourself.”
“Yes, Mistress,” she whispered.
I stared her in the eyes and saw the same pain I felt. The only difference being that she’d lost her bright-eyed innocence as an adult and I’d lost mine as a child. “It was an order.”
A slight smile touched her lips. “Yes, Mistress.”
I continued toward my office without thought to whether Thomas followed me.
Jane, the submissive, had fallen victim to Jacob Brady, the man who helped Christof kidnap Arya and Milla. Jacob had manipulated and preyed upon Jane’s trusting nature, using her naïveté to gain access to Arcane, a software Arya had built for the government. As a computer wizard and a supershy tech geek, she’d never experienced the type of attention Jacob gave her, which made her easy prey.
Now as chief technology officer of my family’s company, she had a new purpose, but she stayed away from relationships. Her being here tonight meant one of her friends was forcing her to reenter the kink community.
“Jane,” Thomas called behind me.
I turned to look at them.
“Yes, Master Thomas.”
“Master Nathan is in need of a slave for the night. Go to him and tell him I sent you.”
Jane hesitated and glanced my way, but then nodded her head. “Yes, Sir.”
Thomas allowed her to pass and entered my office.
“Thank you for doing that. What made you pick Nathan?”
“Nathan knows her history and will treat her with care. The only other Master I’d recommend is Ian, and he isn’t an option.”
“You’re right. Ian belongs to Cait.”
I shut the door of my office and folded my arms across my chest. “Now that we’re alone, what do you want?”
He quirked a brow that made me think of things best left forgotten.
“What do you think I want to discuss besides the fact you scened with another man? The fact that you caressed him, kissed him, and made him come at your feet.”
I leaned against the desk, which housed a wall of security monitors. “Who I scene with and what I do is not your concern.”
“The hell it isn’t.”
I jumped at his outburst but remained quiet.
“Tell me that you were aroused performing with that boy. Did you enjoy caressing him, kissing him, making him come? You may have everyone else watching fooled, but I know you. I know when you’re turned on, and you weren’t even remotely stirred. You enjoyed the high of control, nothing more.”
I clenched my jaw, trying to rein in the turmoil rolling around inside me. “What does it matter how my body reacted? You aren’t part of my life. You made sure of that. Besides…” I paused and closed my eyes for a second.
“Besides?” he probed, and stepped in front of me.
I stared him directly in the eyes. “Besides, I stated where I stood with you during your visit to my estate.”
He remained quiet, holding my gaze.
I stood up, forcing him to step back, cocked a hand on my hip, and tilted my chin slightly, giving him my stern Domme stance. “Let me ask you this one more time, and I expect an answer. Why are you in my club?”
His pupils dilated, and his golden-halo-rimmed hazel eyes clouded to a dark green.
I inhaled deep.
Please don’t look at me like that. My heart can’t take it.
“I came for the mother of my children and…”
I swallowed.
“My Mistress. My submissive.”
I froze at his words. God, I was such an idiot. He was toying with me.
“Don’t you dare play with my emotions.” I pushed him, but he barely budged. “No matter what we shared, you are no submissive.” I moved around him and walked to the far end of the room, hoping some space would calm me down enough to think with a level head.
He smiled. “I want you.”
“No, you don’t,” I countered. “You’re just jealous because I’m moving on.”
He scowled at my words and then strolled toward me as if he owned the room.
He tilted my chin up, his gaze flashing to my lips for a moment. “This has nothing to do with that boy. I’ve always wanted you. To my regret, I allowed my family to influence how I treated you. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you.”
“Don’t.” I stepped back. I couldn’t hear what he was saying. He’d broken my heart.
“Please, mi amor, let me finish.”
I wouldn’t agree, but I remained quiet. The days of me being his love were gone. There were too many things I’d believed about us, only to find out I’d made a terrible mistake.
“I used my family as an excuse because I was frightened by what we shared.” He cupped the side of my face, and it took all of my will not to nuzzle into his hold. “Being with another Dominant wasn’t something I ever thought I’d enjoy. But then again, that isn’t the truth of it, is it?”
I shook my head and stepped out of his caress, but he grasped my hand.
“I’m not saying I don’t enjoy being in control. That would be a lie, especially with you. Your submission is one of the most beautiful things I’ve experienced. What I meant is that”— Thomas stepped into me again—“with the right woman, I’m willing to give up my power for her pleasure.”
I bit my lip, refusing to look at him. After all this time, how could I be sure he told the truth?
I couldn’t. This was a lie, and I refused to fall for it again. Rage from the past year resurfaced.
“I don’t believe you.” I tried to pace away from him, but he held me tight. “Why did you wait so long? What happens the next time your grandfather accuses me of something I had nothing to do with?” I jerked my hand free. “I won’t let his hatred pour onto my boys.” I pressed the sides of my temple, trying to will away the migraine pulsing to life in my head.
“Our boys.”
“What?”
Thomas’s eyes bored into mine. “I said our boys. They belong to me, too.”
I nodded and my voice quivered. “Our boys.”
“And I will protect them as much as you will.”
I turned away, inhaled deep, and wiped the tears from my cheeks.
Fucking hell. This man has made me cry more than any other person in my whole life.
“Carm,” he whispered.
I ignored him and focused on the club’s security monitors.
What would the other Doms think if they saw cold, always-in-control Mistress Carmen crying, especially over another Dominant?
I’d fooled myself into believing I’d found the right man in Thomas. A man who accepted my desire for domination as well as my need for submission. What an idiot I turned out to be. The type of relationship I craved didn’t exist. All I could hope for now was a
little fun at the club and nothing more.
“Mistress. Give me a chance.”
I ignored him.
“Mistress,” Thomas repeated.
“Don’t,” I whispered and glanced over my shoulder.
Thomas stood a few feet from me. His eyes swam with emotions I refused to acknowledge or trust.
“It won’t work.” I exhaled and wiped at the tears dampening my cheeks.
“Yes, it will. I was wrong. Give us a chance,” he pleaded.
I shook my head. I wasn’t strong enough to have my heart broken again. “Twice I accepted a relationship where I was second. First with Andrew and then with you. I won’t do it again. I’ll never regret what we shared, because…because of it, I have our sons. But we won’t have anything more than that.”
He opened his mouth to respond, but I cut him off. “There isn’t anything left to say. It’s time you left my office and my club.”
He must have seen the determination on my face and nodded. “This isn’t over. It won’t ever be over.”
He turned without another word and left.
My hands shook, and I sunk to the floor as the door closed. What just happened?
I hiccupped as a sob threatened to escape my mouth. When I came back from Italy, I’d prepared myself for a legal battle. I never expected Thomas to want more from me than shared custody of the boys.
Now nothing made sense.
I knew deep down from the beginning that what we’d had wasn’t sustainable. Nevertheless, I’d allowed myself to believe a man would choose me first, would love and accept the woman underneath the controlled exterior.
I’d been wrong, yet again.
Andrew had never been open to the real me, making me feel like it was a flaw in my domination of him. But it was Thomas who’d ripped a hole in my heart deeper than Andrew ever could. I’d believed he’d chosen me in spite of our pasts, that I was safe to expose my deepest secrets to him. That for the first time in my life, everything came second to me.
He wanted to go back to where we were, and I just couldn’t risk it again.
I laughed as a hiccup escaped. What would the world think if anyone discovered the always-poised Carmen Dane was a fraud? That a man could destroy her self-confidence.
I pushed myself to standing, wiping the lingering tears from my face.
This wasn’t about confidence, but about power. I’d given it up without a fight, not just sexually but emotionally. It had started with Dad’s rejection of me and ended with Thomas.
No more. I knew the road would have setbacks by the pain of the past, but my boys deserved a confident mother.
It was time for Carmen Dane to take back her power.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Let me take him, Ms. Dane.”
I stepped out of my helicopter the following morning and handed Simon to Taylor, Milla’s nanny.
The short, uneventful thirty-minute flight to Milla and Lex’s estate along the Broad Sound was a welcome respite. I’d spent the majority of the night after returning home from the club handling two cranky children and making calls to my security contacts at the FBI and MI6 between tantrums.
I had to let the girls know what was going on before any of the agents contacted them. With any luck, I’d get in a breakfast cocktail before Arya and Milla reamed my ass.
I’d made a promise to myself that I’d never second-guess my security again. Too much was at risk and I couldn’t afford to take anything for granted. I knew what it was like to grow up without a mother, and if I could at all help it, my boys would never know a life like that.
“Give me the other precious boy,” Natalie said, pulling Leo from my other arm.
I frowned. “When did you get here? Today was your day off, and the drive from New York to Boston is at least four hours.”
“Lex sent his plane to get me earlier this morning. He had to join Max in London and thought I’d help keep you girls in line while he was out of town.” She ignored my glare and smiled at my now-cooing boy. “How are you, little one? Come here. Your mommy needs some time with her sisters. Let’s go turn Zia Milla’s house upside down with your cousins.”
The moment I crossed the threshold of the mansion, I saw Milla and Arya coming toward me.
“Mera behna, what happened?” Arya hugged me and ran a thumb over the bags under my eyes. “Caitlin called about my dress for the stupid gala that Max is making me go to and then told me that you ran into Thomas at the club.”
Good news travels fast, I guess.
“It’s okay. I’ve got a handle on it.”
She pursed her lips together. “You’re such a liar. Do you want me to hack his security and make it oink every time he gets an alert?”
A genuine laugh escaped my lips. My computer genius best friend would use her skills to avenge me without a thought to the consequences. No one crossed her, something Max learned firsthand when he bossed her around after the delivery of their twins. She’d locked him in her computer lab, scrambled his phone, and refused to let him out until he apologized for being an ass.
“I don’t think hacking one of your business partners would bode well for future endeavors.”
She released me and crossed her arms. “You spoil all the fun. Just remember: sisters before stupid boys.”
“I don’t think that’s the phrase, but we’ll go with it,” Milla interjected and stepped forward, hugging me. “Come on, let’s get you settled. Taylor and Natalie have got the brood covered. Watch, those five kids will be nothing but angels for them and save all their tantrums for when we have them back.”
I smirked. “It’s the four boys that are terrors. Your princess is sweet as can be. I should know, I spent a week spoiling her rotten.”
A few days after I returned from Italy, Lex arranged for me to watch Briana so he and Milla could have their first getaway post-delivery. To my eyes, Bri was the ideal baby. She rarely fussed and spent most of her time smiling.
“The only reason she’s nice to you is because you’re Zia Carmen and she feels sorry you’re surrounded by boys all the time.”
I shook my head and let her guide me into the foyer.
As we entered the sunroom of Milla’s palatial house, I headed straight for the bar in the back.
Arya handed me a glass from the counter, her signature cocktail and my new go-to, a B&B, a kick you on your butt concoction of Benedictine and Brandy.
I downed the drink in one gulp, letting the potent liquid heat my insides and calm my nerves. I glanced at Arya, who lifted a brow at my enjoyment of the drink and then set a second in front of me.
“Girls, I need to tell you what happened last night.” I picked up the replacement drink from the bar and walked into the sitting area of the room. I set my glass on the side table next to the oversized sofas that Milla insisted made the grand glass and gold room look less stuffy.
Milla and Arya followed, plopping down beside me.
“This has to be more than whatever happened with Thomas,” Milla observed, taking a sip of her coffee, which I knew she’d spiked with a little something. “It has to be a doozy if you’re drinking at nine in the morning.”
I ran a hand over my face and released a breath. “Thomas only added the cherry to my fucked-up night.”
Milla touched my arm, giving it a little squeeze. “Start from the beginning and then we’ll go from there.”
I stayed quiet for a few seconds, trying to decide where the beginning was.
“Carm, we can’t help you if you don’t tell us.” Arya tucked her feet under her.
Okay, here goes.
“Last night when I went to the benefit for AlySas, I had an encounter with Christof.”
“What!” both Arya and Milla shouted.
“When I tracked him, he was last seen in Australia. When the fuck did he get into the states?” Arya pulled out her phone and started typing ferociously. “Motherfucker ghosted me.”
“Motherhood has done nothing to curb your sailor’s mouth.�
�� I shook my head.
“Stop stalling and spill it,” Milla demanded as she pinched the bridge of her nose.
“He strolled in like he was supposed to be there and cornered me when I was taking a few moments to myself. He knew I was alone, which meant he’s been monitoring me.”
“What the fuck, Carm.” Milla jumped up. “Where was your security? Didn’t you learn anything from my stupidity? You’re never to go anywhere without them.” She started pacing. “He could have forced you to go with him. No matter how pretty he appears on the outside, he is the devil.”
Milla’s hands shook and her face had lost all color. I was positive she was reliving the terror Christof had put her through last year.
I’d seen the images firsthand, and it turned my stomach to think about it.
“Keep talking or I’m calling Thomas, and his men will be on you like glue.”
“Calm down, Mil. It won’t happen again. It was stupid. I admit.”
“Stupid is an understatement. Have you learned nothing from the past three years? God.” Milla clenched her fist and then crouched in front of me, resting her hands on my knees. “He could have hurt you.”
“I know. You can’t say anything that I haven’t already considered. But after going over my conversation with him, I realized I’m more useful free than as a hostage.” I tried to push down the fear starting to bubble up inside me. “He’s the one setting me up to look like I’m embezzling.”
“There’s no evidence of his involvement. Milla and I have scoured the finances of the foundation, inside and out. The transactions I found link to an account in Switzerland in your name only. I need you to tell me word for word what he said.”
I nodded and gave them every detail of my interaction with Christof.
“So he didn’t come right out and say it, but he implied what you would have to do to keep the boys from experiencing what you went through,” Arya said as she wrote down the facts.
“Ari, I don’t have your superhuman brain, but I know Christof wants it to look like I’m doing exactly what I’ve spent my entire life hating my father for doing.”
“But unlike your father, you have more integrity than he ever possessed.” Milla scooted next to me, slid a hand around my back, and pulled my head onto her shoulder. “Now to get the proper people involved.”
