by L. E. Bross
She glanced over and caught me staring and winked at me. I grinned back. It was easy with her. Sex. No expectations. No demands for more. I knew she was fooling around, and so was I. We were perfect for each other. We fit, right at this moment. Down the road, we both knew this wasn’t long-term.
“They aren’t too bad,” Avery said.
Shari shrugged as if it were no big deal. A few more bands had cycled through, but none earned being recorded. Shari twirled her hair around a finger, a sign that she was getting bored.
“You done?” I asked.
“God, yes. That last band almost made my ears bleed.”
They hadn’t been that bad, but the guitarist needed to lay off the wannabe Hendrix riffs.
I leaned forward to see Seth past where Avery sat. “You guys ready to go too?”
We began to head out, and I put my hand on Shari’s back as we made our way out of the crowd. There had to be three hundred people in front of the pavilion now.
“I’m going to grab a drink. Anyone want anything?” I gestured to the area where a bunch of vendors had set up off to the side.
“I don’t think they have screaming orgasms here, so I guess I’ll just wait until later,” Shari said, grinning over at me. That’s what she’d been drinking the night we met—and that’s what she’d been having later that evening too. And apparently what she planned on having tonight.
Fine by me.
I laughed. “You guys go ahead, I’ll catch up.” I jogged over to stand in the shortest line, one that was selling tortilla chips dripping in fake yellow cheese and corn dogs on a stick. When it was my turn I asked for a root beer.
It didn’t take long to catch up with the group. Avery eyed my drink and wrinkled her nose. “That’s all corn syrup and artificial shit, you know.” She turned to Seth for support, and he nodded his agreement. I almost smacked Seth on the spot—if this kept up, Avery would be scheduling him for monthly pedicures and eyebrow waxes.
I took a long drink and then made an exaggerated ah noise. “And don’t those fake flavors taste good.”
Shari laughed and swatted at my arm. “Ryan, don’t tease her!” I grinned and was just about to lean in and ask if she’d like a taste when I heard my name. With all the people in the park, there were probably a dozen Ryans, so I only half glanced around.
“Hey, Ryan!” I heard again, and saw Noah barreling across the playground toward me. I couldn’t help but grin at the way he pumped his arms as he ran. When he stopped in front of us, he held out his fist. I chuckled this time. When I was working on Tess’s car, we came up with this manly handshake.
I bumped fists with him and then we both opened our hands and said, “Pswwww.”
Someone cleared his throat behind me and when I looked over my shoulder, I had three very curious glances on me. “Guys, this is Noah. He’s . . .”
“Noah,” I heard a breathless voice say. “Don’t ever run away like that again. You scared me to death . . .” Tess looked up and the rest of the words froze on her tongue when she met my stare. “Oh, hi.”
“Hey.” I couldn’t help but notice how long her tan legs looked in the tiny pair of cutoff shorts. Her hair was piled high on her head and there was a pencil sticking out of it. “How’s the car running?”
She smiled. “Perfect. Better than it has in a while.”
“Let me know if it starts acting up again.”
She looked down at Noah, then smiled up at me from under her eyelashes. “I will.”
“So, who’s your friend?” Seth asked, coming to stand beside me. I’d forgotten that they were all waiting for me. Shit. I hadn’t told him about fixing Tess’s car, or even that I ran into her, because even though we all played together growing up, he’d never really been a fan of hers, especially when Tess and I started dating and he became the odd man out. Then he pretty much hated her after she’d ripped my heart out.
Tess’s gaze darted from me to Seth. I saw the second she recognized him with a brief flash of panic before she lifted her chin.
I scratched the back of my neck. This was about to go downhill fast. “Uh, you remember Tess?”
I felt Seth stiffen next to me. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” he snapped. He sent a glare her way, then one at me.
“Seth,” Avery gasped, nudging him in the side. “There’s a little kid present. Language.”
Red tinged Tess’s cheeks and she reached for Noah’s hand.
“We should get back to the playground,” she said, not really looking at anyone.
Seth crossed his arms over his chest. He lifted one eyebrow and I knew, just knew, he was going to be a jackass before he opened his mouth.
“Nice to see that taking your daddy’s offer paid off exactly like you planned, Tess. Makes everything worth it, doesn’t it? The whole coldhearted bitch thing.”
Avery gasped, and Tess turned ten shades of red.
Seth had no right talking to her like that and I rounded on him, getting right in his face. “Hey, man, cool it. That was an asshole thing to say.”
“You’ve been seeing her again?” he demanded. “When the hell were you going to share that, Ry? Christ, I thought you learned your lesson the first time.”
I clenched my fingers into fists. Tess and I weren’t anything anymore and he needed to back off and stop acting like an ass.
“Ryan, drop it,” I heard Tess say faintly. “It’s fine. I need to get back to our table anyway. I’ll . . . I’ll see you around. Or not . . .” She murmured a goodbye before she pulled a very confused-looking Noah away from us.
I loved Seth like a brother, but right now I seriously wanted to punch him. “What the fuck was that?” I growled.
Seth shrugged. “What, it’s the truth. She had an offer for a better life and took it the first chance she had. Now look at her, saddled with a kid at twenty-one. You have to admit that’s some fucking fine irony right there.”
I got it. Seth didn’t like Tess, but to be a dick like that. Not cool. I knew he’d never apologize, but someone needed to. I started after her when he grabbed my arm.
“Seriously? You’re going after her? Why?” he demanded.
“Maybe you should let Ryan handle this himself,” Avery said to him, putting a restraining hand on Seth’s wrist.
Seth snorted. “Where Tess was concerned, he never thought straight. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you saw her. Don’t go back there, man. She screwed you up big-time. How long was it before you actually admitted that she wasn’t going to call, half a year? You don’t need that again.”
There was too much truth in those words to ignore and a slash of pain hit my chest. That fall after Tess stopped calling, my mom left. It was a fucked-up sophomore year, one that pretty much made me reevaluate everything I thought I knew. But Seth had been an ass and Tess deserved an apology. If not from him, then from me.
With a sigh Seth let go of my arm. “But sure, be a moron. Go ahead and make another huge mistake. Then I’ll just get to say I told you so.”
Seth stormed away, and Avery stood there biting her lip. “Look, he doesn’t mean to be an ass. He just cares about you.”
“Well, Tess should get an apology from someone. No one deserves to be treated like that, no matter what they did seven years ago,” I said.
“Oh, Seth is going to get an earful about his manners, believe me,” Avery replied with a glare.
“So . . . should I ride back with them?” Shari asked. “So you can go find her?”
I forgot she was even standing there. Fuck. I yanked my ball cap off and drove my fingers through my hair. I glanced in the direction Tess had taken, but the crowd of people had eaten her up already. I could go after her—hell, I knew where she lived—
I shook my head. What the actual fuck was I doing?
I knew it was more than just apologizing for Seth.
That look in Tess’s eyes when Seth went off about brought me to my knees, and all I wanted to do was protect her. Take care of her.
But then what? It didn’t change anything.
I was still the same guy as I was three days ago, before I even ran into Tess.
I sighed. My stomach felt twisted up in knots, but I reached out and took Shari’s hand. I knew what the score was with her. Uncomplicated. That’s all I wanted. It’s what Shari wanted. Casual I could do. Getting involved in any way with Tess would be a huge mistake. We had too much history. Seth was right about one thing: I didn’t need to go back there.
I couldn’t give her what the younger me could have. Not now. It just wasn’t in my DNA.
I didn’t want anything more, and Avery was right. I needed to stop whatever I thought I was doing before I hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. Mainly Noah.
“No. Let’s go.” I pulled her away from the playground, toward the parking lot.
Shari didn’t say anything, but I could see the way she side-eyed me. “You still coming over tonight?” she asked. She’d hinted at a screaming orgasm earlier. I ignored the pang of guilt in my gut and nodded.
That was the only thing I was capable of.
CHAPTER SEVEN
tess
I tucked Noah into his car seat, thinking of all the things I’d wanted to hurl back at Seth but hadn’t. Instead, I’d run like the loser I was.
I should have stood up for myself, for Noah too, but seeing Ryan there with a beautiful woman who clearly had it together threw me for a huge loop.
They looked like they belonged together. I saw the way he took her hand after Noah and I had gone back to the table where I’d left my books. They walked toward the exit hand in hand, heads bent together.
They didn’t belong together; they were together.
He’d fixed my car only because that’s who Ryan was. At least now I knew and could stop playing the what-if game that had been on loop inside my head since Friday when he walked me to my door and something seemed to spark to life between us. It was all in my head apparently.
Except my brain didn’t get the memo and my dreams were filled with Ryan. Every time, we would be living in our house with the blue door when that girl would come waltzing in and take his hand and they would walk out together. He’d never say a single word to me as he left.
I didn’t need a shrink to see the significance of that dream.
It wasn’t until the following Wednesday night, when I was mixing drinks for the guys who came to see the girls stripping onstage, that something clicked. I had nothing to be ashamed of. I had a plan, and circumstances changed. I would have done anything to protect Noah and would keep doing it. I didn’t give a shit what anyone thought.
“Hope that glare isn’t for me,” Eve said. “You are shooting some serious daggers, girl.” She was one of the waitresses who skillfully moved through a sea of roving hands to deliver longnecks and cocktails.
“Sorry.” I turned my attention back to the bottles in front of me. I wasn’t really friends with any of the other girls. I tried to keep this job and my life as separate as possible.
Eve leaned back against the bar, her elbows resting on the gleaming wood. “Let me guess. A man?”
I lifted the glass I was holding and tilted it toward her.
“If you ask me, anything that has a dick is a dick. That’s why I don’t do men.” She grinned at me and it took a minute to get what she was saying. When my eyes widened she laughed. “Yep, I like my men with a little more curves and a lot less stick.”
Wow. I’d been working there a little over a year and I had no idea.
It wasn’t any surprise I didn’t know, except I assumed anyone working in a strip club liked guys. Not really sure why I thought that, though, now that I knew. It’s not like the girls even used their real names here, me included. My name was Darla between the hours of five and one.
Everyone had a life outside these walls that we didn’t talk about.
I glanced at Eve from under my eyelashes. She really was stunning. Her caramel-colored skin practically glowed under the dim lights, and she had the longest black hair, which brushed over her back when she walked. She rocked the tiny shorts and bustier the waitresses had to wear, and more than one guy turned his attention from the stage when she was nearby.
“You thinkin’ about switching teams, sugar?” Eve purred. When I caught her eye she winked. Oh. Oh.
I could feel the heat climbing up my face. “No,” I stammered.
I felt her gaze run down over me. I didn’t have to wear the tiny shorts, but the black leather pants sat low on my hips and I did have on the requisite bustier. My makeup was heavier and my eyes smokier than normal. And Glen, the club owner, insisted I wear my hair in two pigtails, and it felt ridiculous every time I did it, but he was the boss and I needed the job.
“A shame,” she said. “Let me know if you ever get curious.” Then she stacked her drinks on a tray and sauntered away.
Some kind of planet had to be in some kind of retrograde because this week was off the charts. First Ryan, then that ass Seth, and now Eve. Up, down, up. Which meant down was next. Perfect.
I’d had about enough down to last awhile.
Fully done with my pity party for one, I got to work on the next order. The hours flew by and suddenly it was time to clean up. I tidied as I went, so there was never much to do except carry the tray of dirty glasses back to the kitchen.
Then I could put down my towel, grab my purse, and go home.
I reached under the counter and grabbed my envelope. I got to keep my tips from the bar, and the girls all gave me 10 percent of their tips. Tonight had been slow but steady, which meant I should have about one-fifty. Enough to catch up the electric bill that I had to postpone because of my car.
Thinking about my car had me thinking about Ryan. I needed to stop doing that. I was a capable independent woman who could take care of herself. And yes, maybe I was a bit lonely for company, but I had lots of options if I really wanted to. Men were everywhere at work.
A few regulars slipped me their numbers every once in a while. The logistics would be tricky—I would never take a guy back to the apartment, not with Noah there, but what did that leave? His place or a hotel room? That just wasn’t me.
So for over a year, it had just been me and a lot of batteries.
Not that Ryan was even an option. I had burned that bridge years ago, unfortunately. Because damn, he had grown into one fine-looking man. Not that looks were the end all. I could tell he hadn’t changed much from the boy I knew. He was still easygoing; he didn’t tell me to go straight to hell when he saw me. He was generous: who else would have fixed my car for practically nothing? And he was nice to Noah. Not once did I see Ryan look at Noah like he was a nuisance. Even after a couple of hours of Noah “helping” under the hood.
The questions in his eyes when we were done were what stayed with me. He never asked, but I wanted to tell him so badly. No one really cared to know, because everyone thought the same thing. No one knew what I gave up to keep Noah with me.
The looks. The assumptions. Most negative. Some kind in a comrade sense.
I just wished that one person knew the truth.
And the fact that I wanted to tell it all to Ryan threw me. I walked away to be so much more and yet wanted him to know about my lowest point? Why would I want to open up to him of all people?
Physical attraction.
That was feasible.
He reminded me of what I was missing. That’s all. His touch did things I hadn’t felt in a while. And the fact that I knew what his mouth felt like, even if it had been seven years, only made me wonder if it had changed.
Natural curiosity.
Healthy curiosity.
Curiosity killed that damned cat.
God, I hoped I wasn�
��t the cat.
These were the thoughts that ran through my head as I walked to my car. I waved to Jesse, the big brute bouncer who made sure we all got out safely, and made the ten-minute drive home. Louisa slipped out after I gave her a check for seventy-five dollars for looking after Noah for this week. I liked to prepay her so that I knew it was taken care of.
I knew how lucky I was that I had found her. Not only did Noah like her, but I trusted her and she charged me half of what anyone else would cost, especially this late into the night or morning as it were. I’m awake anyway, and I know how hard it is. I’d love to help.
Without her, I’d never be able to keep on top of everything.
After a quick check on Noah, I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Pulling the elastic bands out of my hair always made me sigh in relief. I loved washing off work and settling into my favorite worn pajama pants and a tank top.
It took me about an hour to wind down on the nights I worked, so I grabbed one of my textbooks and a snack and settled on the couch with my laptop. I had a paper due tomorrow in English, and I was almost done proofreading it.
It had taken me two years to finish my sophomore year of college. The first year after I moved back to take care of Noah was still a blur. I did nothing but panic a lot and cry. Sink or swim when it comes to a one-and-a-half-year-old. That’s when my father had threatened me with losing Noah.
So I enrolled in an online course through the local community college and got a job working nights. Two years later and I was only a class away from my AS degree in business. Once upon a time, I dreamed of being an astronomer. Reality set in after I got guardianship of Noah. Business was much more practical and would make it easier to find a job after I graduated. I did use my electives to take astronomy classes, though.
I hit Send on the assignment and powered down my laptop. Once the grade posted and the semester ended next week, I’d be done and somehow managed to keep a 3.99 average the whole time.
Noah would be ready for preschool this fall, which would make taking on-campus college courses easier. I knew there were already programs to help with the cost of child care, but I hadn’t used any yet. I wanted to make sure that Noah had adjusted to all the change in his young life before I thrust him into another new situation.
