Out of the Shadow

by J. L. Paul

  She pushed the half eaten bagel away. “I really messed things up, didn’t I?”

  “Not really,” he said, his lips pulling into a thoughtful frown. “The way I see it is that you’ve never really dated anyone but Cole before – not even in high school. I know you went out on a date here and there but nothing really serious. I think it’s sort of a good thing that you and Robby are dating because now that you see what it’s like to be with someone else, you’ll figure out soon enough where you should be.”

  Her brow furrowed as she gaped at him. “What are you talking about?”

  His lips pulled back into a toothy grin. “That you belong with Cole. I know you still love him and I know he still loves you so it’s just a matter of time.”

  She bent her head over her tray of food as she thought about his words. She knew she’d always love Cole in one way or another and she knew that she cared deeply for Robby – but did she really think that she belonged with Cole?

  A cough erupted in her throat and her head started to ache. RJ lifted the tray before she could upset the glass of juice and waited for her to finish. “I think you need some cough syrup. I’ll go get it.”

  “I’ll come with you,” she said, ignoring his stern look. “I need to get up and move around.”

  He shrugged and carried the tray out of the room while she pulled Cole’s sweatpants and sweatshirt back on. She padded down the hall and located RJ in the kitchen, reading the dosage information on a bottle of cough syrup. Just as he was feeding her a dose, they heard the door open and a few seconds later, Cole appeared in the kitchen, a backpack slung over his shoulder and a brown paper bag in his hands.

  “Hey, Al,” he said, his eyes scanning her face, looking for traces of illness. “Do you feel any better?”

  “A little,” she said with a smile. “That’s potato soup, isn’t it?”

  A bit of color touched his cheeks as he set the bag on the table. “Yeah. Um, also, I went to your house and got some of your clothes. I hope you don’t mind. No one was home so I used my key.”

  Flabbergasted, she could only shake her head. She smiled and stepped closer to him so she could touch his arm. “Thank you.”

  He smiled shyly and it touched her heart. “I wanted you to be comfortable. Did you take anything today?” She nodded. “Good. Here are your clothes if you want to shower.”

  ***

  “So, how was she this morning?” Cole asked as soon as Ally was out of the room, preparing to shower.

  “Still coughing and not feeling so great,” RJ said. “She hardly ate anything.”

  Cole nodded as he placed the container of potato soup in the refrigerator. “She should probably stay in bed another day or two but you know she’ll have a fit.”

  RJ laughed as he picked up his phone. “Probably. I’ll just call in reinforcements.”

  Cole whipped around, horrified, and closed his hand around RJ’s phone. “Who are you calling, Robby?”

  “No,” RJ scoffed, shaking Cole off. “James. He said he’d stop by on his way back to campus. I’m going to warn him.”

  “Good idea,” Cole murmured as he returned to the living room and folded the blankets he’d used the night before. He stacked them on one end of the sofa and glanced frequently down the hall.

  ***

  “Eat your soup,” RJ ordered as they sat around the table Sunday evening.

  “I will,” she scowled, stirring the creamy potato soup with her spoon. “But I mean it, I need to get back to campus. I have classes in the morning.”

  “Al, no way,” Cole protested. “You’re still feverish, you have hardly any appetite, and you’re still congested. Just take a day off and stay in bed.”

  She groaned and dropped her head to the table as someone knocked on the door. RJ jumped up to answer it while Cole watched her carefully, trying to conceal a smile. He placed a hand on top of hers and she lifted her head to smile.

  “Really, Cole,” she said weakly. “I’m fine.”

  RJ returned with Jamie in tow and Ally squealed with delight. “Jamie, tell them I’m fine and I can go to class tomorrow.”

  He furrowed his brow and slowly shook his head. “I don’t know, cuz, you look like you could use another day in bed.”

  She growled at him as she narrowed her eyes. “What’s the sense in coming here if you’re not going to back me up?”

  He grinned and ruffled her hair. “Seriously, you do look like you could use a little more rest.”

  “But I need to call the professors,” she protested. “And conditioning is supposed to start for softball tomorrow.”

  “Jamie can tell your professors tomorrow that you’re sick,” RJ said.

  “And you can’t condition in the shape you’re in, Al,” Cole pointed out. He glanced at the others. “I think she should stay here tonight and I’ll run her back to her dorm tomorrow, depending on how she feels.”

  “Wait a minute,” she said, glowering at all of them. “What is this – do you guys have my whole life planned or something?”

  RJ dropped into the chair beside her and kissed her temple. He grinned, his eyes gleaming wickedly. “Yes, we do. Now eat your soup.”

  ***

  She couldn’t suppress a smile the next afternoon as Cole drove her back to her dorm. She’d spent an incredible night, bundled in blankets on their sofa, watching corny movies with them. They’d taken turns waiting on her, keeping her stomach full of soup and her body full of meds.

  But it was the closeness that had touched her heart. The tension that had hovered over them for the past few months was gone and that light, affectionate atmosphere had returned. They’d laughed together as they cracked on the movie Jamie had rented and it reminded her of how things used to be. It had just been so nice and it had given her an idea – one she was still cultivating and not ready to share.

  “Here we go, Al,” Cole said as he parked as close to her dorm as possible. He got out of the car and grabbed her bag while she waited for him on the sidewalk. He draped an arm around her shoulders and escorted back to her building, grateful that they only passed a few students who paid them no heed.

  She unlocked the door to her room and he dumped her bag on her bed. She unzipped her coat and smiled at him.

  “I can’t thank you enough, Cole,” she said.

  He crossed the room and took her hands. “You don’t have to. Just get better, okay?” She nodded and a half-grin swept across his lips.

  “I had a lot of fun last night,” she said, hoping to detain him longer. She wasn’t ready to let him leave. “Thanks for that, too.”

  “Don’t thank me, princess,” he said with a glimmer in his eye. “And, yeah, I had fun, too. We’ll have to do that again, soon.”

  She stepped closer. “I’m sorry, Cole, for screwing things up.”

  He shook his head. “Wasn’t just you, Al, okay? Let’s leave it at that.”

  “Okay,” she said as her heart rate tripled.

  “I need to go and you need to rest,” he said. He pressed his lips to her forehead as her eyes fluttered shut. “Take care of yourself, Al.”

  “I will,” she whispered then flung herself in his arms. He caught and embraced her tightly before releasing her.

  “I’ll call and check on you later,” he said before fleeing out the door.

  ***

  “You look pale,” Robby said as she jumped in his car. He gave her a strained smile as she leaned over the counsel and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

  “I feel better, though,” she claimed as she fastened her seatbelt. She twisted to face him as he pulled out of the parking lot. “I stayed in bed all day yesterday and called my softball coach. She said since I pretty much workout all year round that I can skip conditioning this week and give my body a chance to recover.”

  “That’s good,” he said, seemingly preoccupied. He chatted casually with her, telling her about his trip and the bands he’d scouted and how only one of them had potential.

 
; He parked in the lot of an Italian restaurant only a few miles from campus and held her hand as he escorted her into the restaurant. They were seated immediately and as soon as they placed their order, a tense silence settled over them.

  She’d already explained to him on the phone Monday night what had happened over the weekend and where she’d stayed. She hadn’t wanted to keep anything from him – not wanting to make the same mistake she’d made when she’d kept that drunken night from Cole ages ago.

  And he’d assured her that he wasn’t in the least bit mad – was glad that she’d had someone to look after her while she’d been sick. And she’d believed him – then. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

  Ally toyed with her water glass and gnawed on her lip, struck silent by her guilt. She shifted in her chair and lifted her eyes to Robby. “Um, Robby, you do know that nothing whatsoever happened with Cole and I, right?”

  He smiled a dimpled smile and took her hand. “Yes, Ally, I do. I trust you implicitly.”

  She nodded and plucked a breadstick from the basket on the table. She nibbled on it while she eyed him speculatively; trying to figure a way to get him to spill what was on his mind. “So, it was kind of neat to hang out with the three of them again,” she said, watching his reaction. “We watched these really cheesy movies Jamie rented and it was almost like the old days.”

  “It sounds like it,” he said. “And I’m glad you got to do that, Ally. Honestly. I know that you miss them greatly and maybe this past weekend is just what you needed to get things back on track with your friends.”

  “I did miss them,” she sighed, a hint of a smile on her lips.

  The waitress slid a diet soda in front of her and a beer in front of Robby. He thanked her and tipped the glass to his lips. He set it carefully on the table and folded his hands together.

  “I know,” he said. “And I also know you still have lingering feelings for Cole.”

  Her jaw fell. “Robby,” she started to protest.

  He held up a hand. “Listen, please.” He waited for her nod. “It’s perfectly understandable, Ally. You’ve known Cole your whole life and you two were together for a long time. When things got rough and you two split, you and I sort of jumped into this a little quickly.”

  “Oh, Robby,” she groaned.

  “I’m just as much to blame as you,” he said gently, taking her hand again. “I let it happen when I knew that I should have made you wait – made you take a little time to be sure.”

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she said, that familiar burning sensation once again behind her eyes. “I swear.”

  “I know that,” he said as he kissed her cheek.

  She ran a finger under each eye. “So, what are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that I think you need some time for you,” he said slowly and carefully. “You never really had the time to get over Cole and I think you still need some time to heal. I think we need to be friends right now.”

  Her heart cracked and she pursed her lips, afraid a sob might escape. She was afraid to look at him – afraid the pain of looking at his handsome face would totally destroy her.

  “Ally,” he said gently. “I’m not going anywhere. I still want us to do things together – but as friends. I think it will be much better for you. Maybe you can relax and not be under so much stress. Maybe if you spend time with both Cole and I as friends, you can figure out what and who you want – if you want either of us.”

  “I…” she sighed. “Oh, damn, Robby. I hurt you, didn’t I?”

  He chuckled and cupped her cheek. “No, you didn’t. I’ve had a great time with you and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I’m glad we had the chance to go out and especially glad we had the chance to get to know each other. Maybe it will work out for us down the road and maybe it won’t. But either way, I’ll always be your friend.”

  “You’re a good man, Robby Redden, did you know?” she asked with a teary smile.

  He winked. “So I hear.”

  The waitress returned with their food and they took a few minutes to eat. When they finished and he paid the check, he held her hand as he led her to the car.

  “I’d love to take you to the movies,” he said. “But let’s keep it simple tonight – you’ve been sick and probably still need some rest.”

  “I’m fine,” she protested.

  He laughed. “I’m sure but let’s not push things, huh?”

  He parked near her dorm and walked her to her room. He waited as she unlocked the door then drew her in his arms and kissed her tenderly. He held her briefly before edging back to give her a dimpled smile.

  “I’ll call you this weekend, okay?”

  “Please do,” she said.

  “Get some rest,” he ordered and strolled out of the building.

  She dropped to her bed and drew her knees to her chest. She rested her chin on her knees and closed her eyes.

  Had Robby been right? Had she not taken enough time to get over Cole? She had waited until she’d thought Cole had moved on before starting something with Robby.

  But she’d felt an attraction to Robby when she’d first met him. She’d felt that pull immediately and had tried to fight it. And now that she had him, she just didn’t quite feel that pull anymore. Her feelings for him were deep, sure, but not that of romantic love. She cared for him and enjoyed his company but it certainly hadn’t panned out to become anything more.

  And then there was Cole. Yes, if she was being honest, then she’d have to admit she still loved him. But she’d always love him no matter what. The past weekend had proved that. Their friendship was just starting to get its footing back – gain its bearings – did she dare risk that by declaring she was still in love with him?

  No, she wouldn’t do anything just yet. She’d bide her time and wait until her heart was certain and able to tell her what to do.

  In the meantime, she had a plan to work on. She’d thought about it all day Monday while she’d lounged in her bed, giving her body the opportunity to fight off the germs that had taken her insides hostage. Now that she was feeling better, it was time to get that plan moving. But she’d need help.

  She picked up her cell phone and dialed a number. He answered immediately.

  “Hey, cuz! How are you feeling?” Jamie asked.

  “Better,” she said. “Listen, James, I need your help. Do you have a minute?”

  “Sure,” he said cheerfully. “Lay it on me.”

  So she did.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  “Did you talk to them yet, James?” Ally asked as they crossed campus and headed toward their first class of the morning.

  “Relax, cuz,” he said, grinning at her anxiety. “I’ll call them now.”

  He stopped and set his backpack on the ground in order to dig out his cell phone. Opening it up, he dialed a number, waiting for an answer.

  “Hey, Cole,” he said and her heart performed an intricate ballet move. “Are you guys busy tonight?” He listened for a second. “Great. Ally and I will be over later with some pizzas. We’ll see you then.” He snapped the phone shut and stowed it in a pocket of his backpack. He looped a hand through the strap and flashed a grin. “It’s all set.”