‘Oh,’ said Finn. ‘Oh.’ She pushed Jed away and stumbled back, and looked to me for help.
I said nothing. I did nothing. I watched my brother’s empty face.
Eili was still on her knees, eyes locked on Conal’s as Sionnach stepped from behind her and knelt to draw down his eyelids. She gave one strangled howl before she fell silent again and rose to her feet. The bloodied knife was still in her hand and she moved it, trance-like, till the tip of it was pressed below my ear.
Sionnach pressed her arm gently away from my jugular. ‘Like it or not,’ he said quietly, ‘Seth’s our Captain now.’
Eili’s voice was all contempt. ‘I’ll go with him and I’ll ride at his back and I’ll fight at his word, but he’ll never be my Captain. And if I’m called upon to kill him, it’ll be my duty and my joy.’
‘You may be,’ said Sionnach. ‘And soon. Let the clann deal with him.’
Did they think this was over? Perhaps, for them, it was. And that was probably best. I turned to Jed.
He’d walked away, back to the bay mare, pausing with tight-shut eyes and shaking fingers to prise a sword from a dead man’s hand. The mare whickered and walked to meet him, her dark muzzle blowing affectionately into his ear. Jed put his arms around her neck and pressed his face to her warm skin. He stood there for a long time, as if he no longer had the will to move.
Getting to my feet, I took up my un-blooded dagger, then grasped a handful of my hair and slashed through it, close to the scalp. Jed watched me for a few seconds, then turned away.
When I went to him, what felt like an age later, his head jerked up. He didn’t recognise me, I realised.
Fair enough.
‘I’m sorry I hit you,’ I said.
‘Oh.’ Jed frowned, touching his face. ‘I forgot. Okay.’
‘I wanted to hit my brother, but he wasn’t there.’
‘Bet you wish he had been.’ Jed looked right into my eyes. ‘Now.’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Things might have... well.’
‘Funny,’ said Jed. ‘You calling me a Lost Boy.’
I took a breath. ‘I loved your mother, okay?’ Gods, the words tasted bitter, but I had to get them out before I thought better of it. I might not get another chance. ‘I know fine it wasn’t enough, but I wasn’t capable of more. If I’d stayed around I might have protected her from the Lammyr, but I didn’t. I betrayed her like I betrayed my brother and if there was an afterlife I’d be down on my knees to their ghosts, but there isn’t, so that’s that.’
Jed listened to me in pitying silence. I stood there and took it.
Resentment warred with grief inside me. ‘But nothing I say or feel is any use to you. So I won’t apologise.’
‘Thanks,’ said Jed curtly, and I knew he meant it.
I gazed at him for a long moment. ‘You look different.’
Eyeing my scalp, Jed gave a short laugh.
‘Yeah. Don’t say it.’ I handed him the belt and scabbard that matched his sword. ‘Here. Hard to ride with a naked blade.’
‘Thanks.’ Awkwardly Jed worked his looted sword into its sheath, then buckled on the belt.
‘Not like that.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘Here. This strap. It’s not fecking rocket science.’
He submitted to my assistance. ‘Nice shirt.’
Dispassionately I touched the sticky stain over my heart, and fingered the ragged rip in the indigo cotton. ‘Feorag won’t be needing it, any more than he needs his sword belt. And I’m tired. I was starting to get cold.’
‘Uh huh,’ said Jed. ‘I guess Feorag wasn’t.’
‘Not that he’ll ever feel.’ I raised my eyes to the sky. ‘Y’know, Cuilean, when I was nine and Feorag was eight we were never apart. What a war it is, Jed. What a war.’ I shut my eyes, letting myself wallow in half an instant’s useless nostalgia, then snapped them open. ‘So. I know where you’re going.’
Carefully Jed tucked the gun out of the way into his jeans. ‘I left Rory there. I have to go back for him.’
‘I left my favourite t-shirt. Doesn’t mean I’m getting it back.’
Jed looked me up and down. ‘You don’t change.’
‘What, and let her win? Good luck to you, Cuilean.’ I cupped my hand for Jed’s foot, boosting him into the saddle and slapping the mare’s flank.
Jed didn’t look back, didn’t even look sideways. He was fixing his focus on what was in front of him, not letting the chill of fear back inside his belly. I recognised it all.
Well, at least he’d get to the caverns, even if he never got out again.
He rode past Finn without acknowledging her, gaze still fixed between the mare’s ears, but raised a hand quickly and belatedly from the reins as if to wave goodbye. Dazed, she watched him go, rooted to the spot as the mare carried him out of sight over the ridge.
She could see nothing else for those long moments, so I took my chance. Drawing my hunting knife, I approached her back in silence. Taking swift hold of the leaf necklace, I slit the leather thong before she could even flinch.
With a small gasp, she turned and stared at the carved wooden leaf in my palm.
I closed my fist over it. ‘Rowan. Gods, girl, but you’re too strong.’
‘What—’
‘She’s been using you since you got here,’ I said. Studying the thing, I stroked its delicate toothed leaves with a forefinger. ‘This only helped; made her connection with you stronger. Your mind’s a fierce thing, Finny; you might as well have been carrying a loaded gun. All that power, there for her to take, and you never even knew it. It was you making the air thick. All that interference, all that white noise. Your block. Your mind.’
Her voice was hoarse with horror. ‘I was stopping you? I was stopping you communicating?’
‘Nope. She was.’ I balanced the leaf on a boulder, drew my sword, and slammed the hilt into it twice, three times, then used the blade to sweep the charmed splinters into the grass. ‘You were like – an amplifier. That’s why the shield stone was no help; there was nothing to protect you from. But she never had to use her own mind; she had yours to play with. All the more when you were wearing that. I tell you, you’re too strong.’
Her throat jerked as she swallowed hard. ‘Meaning what?’
I shrugged. ‘How would I know? Forget it for now. She can’t do it again. The talisman’s broken and you’re aware of her. Let’s talk about Jed.’ I watched her eyes soften at his name. ‘So, would you die for him? For old time’s sake?’
She went as grey and cold as the stones.
‘Finn,’ I said softly. ‘You don’t have to be a coward with a mind like yours.’
‘I know I’m a coward.’ Averting her gaze, she tugged at the rough linen bandage on her hand, twisting it savagely as if she wanted to make it bleed again.
I grasped the bandaged hand, stopping her. ‘Listen.’ I leaned closer. ‘Laszlo can kill you. The Lammyr can kill you. Kate can’t.’
She blinked. ‘Is that the truth?’
‘Think what you like of me, I don’t lie. It’s the bargain Kate made for her... magic tricks. Others have to do her dirty work. That’s how she kills with such a happy heart; those laughter lines of hers are genuine, believe me. That’s how she can talk so glibly about not hurting people. Just like she promised me she wouldn’t hurt Conal.’
The blood drained from her face. ‘She told me she wouldn’t hurt Jed.’
‘She won’t.’
‘She did kill Conal. She just used Laszlo.’
‘Ah, no. Kate’s too clever for that. Strictly speaking Laszlo killed him. And Conal delivered himself to Laszlo because Kate knew how to play on his recklessness. Sh! All right, his courage, if you want to be sentimental about it. And she knew how to play on his obsessions too, and his temper, all the things that put the fear of the gods into Jed and drove him away.’ I laid my fingers against her lips before she could get the retort out. ‘Don’t bother saying it, Finn. I caused my brother’s death and I’ll pay for it. I
already am.’
‘Are you?’ Her lip twisted.
‘Never enough for Eili, that’s for sure.’ A shiver ran through me.
‘Don’t go feeling sorry for yourself, will you? We’ve brought it on ourselves, whatever Eili does.’
‘She’ll do nothing to you, Dorsal. You were beloved of Conal.’
Her tear ducts filled. ‘He was worth ten of you. A hundred.’
‘Didn’t I tell you not to say it? I can read your mind. Think I don’t know it myself?’
‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘No, I don’t think you do. Conal’s temper, Conal’s obsessions, that’s all you can talk about. Want to blame him for anything else?’
‘Okay, I’ll oblige you.’ I grinned viciously. ‘Kate even knew how to play on his love. He loved you, he loved Jed, and fool that he was, he loved me. And I killed him. We killed him. Is that what you wanted to hear? He loved us all and it killed him, Finny.’
Her eyes were dry and disbelieving.
I met her stare for a moment, then ground the heels of my hands into my eye sockets. ‘Would you listen to me? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Damn it, Kate’s good at what she does.’
She made a slight move forward, and for an instant I thought she was going to put her arms around me. I dropped my hands from my bloodshot eyes, frozen cool once more, and she backed off.
‘Finn. Kate’ll try to suck your self out of you till you don’t even exist any more. But you have to consent to your own destruction. Keep her poisons out of your mind and you’ll be okay.’
‘Like you did?’
I laughed. ‘Be my guest. She always enchanted me, that woman, and if she was standing here I’d want her even now. I’m not saying it’s easy. But you’ve already managed it once.’ Gripping her mutilated hand, I wrenched it up to her face. ‘You didn’t need any stupid stone, did you? You can rely on those wretched things too much, that’s what Leonora didn’t tell you. You can stop listening to your own instincts. But you did without it in the end: clever girl.’ I put the palm of my hand against the bloody bandage and interlinked my fingers with hers. ‘Use your instincts and you’ll be fine.’
She stared at my hand, swallowing, and I remembered that was exactly how Conal used to hold her hand after a bad day at school. Something that might have been a heartstring twanged in my chest, and I let her go.
‘Then Jed will be fine too,’ she said. ‘He can fend her off.’
‘Yes, funny, isn’t it? He has talents, your full-mortal.’ I smiled. ‘But he still has a soft belly for cold steel.’
Her skin paled as she put her wounded hand to her throat. ‘I’m going back.’
‘I imagined you would.’
‘You’re not going to try and stop me?’
Did I look like a responsible older relative or something? ‘Want me to save you from yourself, Dorsal? No point. Jed can’t do it on his own. If you don’t go back we’ve all had it.’ I lifted a shoulder. ‘If you do, we’ve probably had it anyway, but it’s worth a shot. I never really believed in that mythical Stone, but I believe in Rory. A bit.’
A determined expression settled on her face. ‘You’ll have to give me your horse.’
‘Finn,’ I sighed, ‘I can no more give you my horse than give you my arm. In fact, the arm would be easier. So you’d better have both.’
‘Arms?’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Me and the horse, you great thickbrain.’ I whistled a low note between my teeth and the blue roan lifted its head from its blood-soaked grazing and trotted to me. ‘I suppose I’m going back with you. Seeing as you’ve lost Conal, the notion of me breathing my earthly last won’t bother you. Up.’ I boosted her onto the roan and it snorted, its dark muzzle stained as red as its nostrils. Its whicker was like an excited laugh.
One hand on its wither I paused, glancing at a patch of dead twisted heather beneath a granite outcrop.
Hesitantly I went to it, crouching to lift the Lammyr’s head by a handful of lank hair. The severed neck had clotted already with mucal blood. I brought it back to the unimpressed roan, weaving and knotting its sparse strands of hair into its black mane so that the grinning head dangled against its neck. Rigid with disgust, Finn stared into the Lammyr’s eyes as I scrambled up behind her.
‘Sionnach,’ I shouted.
Sionnach’s head lifted, his look cold.
‘Get out of here. Take them to Brokentor. We’ll be with you by dawn, if we’re coming at all.’ I kicked my heels into the roan’s flanks, and it leaped forward, hooves flying over the rough ground, Branndair falling in at its side.
The severed head bounced against my knee, still smirking. I couldn’t help giving it a glance, and that’s when a blur of white caught my eye. Alongside Branndair a pale wolf ran, a scar like an acid burn across her muzzle and a glint of hatred in her amber eyes.
In the moonlight in the trees Jed held Liath’s face between his hands, stroking the livid hairless scar with his thumbs. ‘I don’t get it. Its blood splashed on me. I didn’t like it, but it didn’t do this.’
‘It’s animals it affects like that. Animals, and things that grow in the earth.’ Seth was focused on the granite maw of Kate’s caverns, a darker blackness on the other side of the clearing. ‘Humans? We grow skins fast, we’re adaptable. It’s not so long ago Skinshanks could freeze you in your tracks in broad daylight, just by being in the vicinity. Remember? You’d throw up at the sound of its name. Now you could reach out and touch its head in the dark if you felt like it.’
Jed glanced at it and then at Seth. ‘I don’t feel like it.’
‘No? You’ll do it for a dare when your mood is different. Your heart grows a little harder. Tomorrow it’ll be harder still, if you live to see it. Another skin layer. We get used to anything.’
‘It isn’t bothering your horse,’ said Jed.
Seth’s white teeth flashed in the darkness. ‘Well. That isn’t really a horse. Now leave the sword here. You won’t need it.’
Finn waited, her hand on the nose of the nervous bay mare, who very clearly did not consider the blue roan a horse. She called Seth’s name softly.
He turned with a look of mild surprise, then grinned, and only then did she realise she hadn’t spoken out loud. Backing away from Jed, he half-turned to her.
‘You’re getting the hang of it,’ he murmured.
‘Seth. Are you sure she doesn’t know?’ It seemed so fantastically unlikely. Even in the arrogance of her victory, wouldn’t Kate keep her guard up? On the other hand, she was just so sure of herself, and so certain of her hold on Seth... A little tremor went down Finn’s spine and she frowned. ‘Seth? Are you sure?’
‘No.’ He shrugged, looking away. ‘But I’m blocking her the best I can, and as far as I know she still trusts me. Got a better idea?’
She shook her head.
‘Finn.’ He sounded gentler than she’d ever heard him. ‘I didn’t mean that, about you being a coward. I was hurt and I wanted to hurt you. Again.’ He reached out briefly, not quite touching her arm before he snatched his hand back. ‘You can still go back. Sionnach will take you to a watergate. Rory’s not your responsibility.’
‘Jed is.’
‘Huh! You care about him, don’t you? Should I be playing the chaperone?’
Well, since he’d brought it up... ‘Seth?’ She rubbed the bay mare’s muzzle.
‘Uh-huh.’
‘You’re not my uncle and it always seems like you’re closer to my age and you’re—’
‘The bane of your life.’ He put his forefinger to his temple and shut one eye. ‘What else? The demon relative. The stroppy adolescent. The family werewolf, for crying out loud.’
‘Oh.’ She flushed. ‘You knew I said all that. Only, Seth? Conal said we were going to need each other, but we’ve never got on. Have we? I—’
‘That’s right.’ He made an exasperated sound through his teeth. ‘So, no. Don’t look to me as a substitute.’
‘Okay.’ With one finger she scrat
ched the star of hair between the mare’s eyes, embarrassed and furious that she’d even tried to like him, tried to connect. ‘I wasn’t going to.’
‘A godfather’s a godfather.’
‘Too right.’ As if she’d want any paternal concern from him. Friends, she’d thought, maybe, but hell’s teeth, not if it was any kind of an effort.
It hurt, though. Even though she was angry as hell at him, it did hurt.
Awkwardly he rubbed his neck. ‘I’m not good at it, okay? That kind of—’
‘Yeah. You can shut up now if you like.’ Glaring into the mare’s brown eye, she saw Seth’s reflection distort and grow larger as he sighed and stepped close. Gathering her hair in one hand, he pulled her head awkwardly under his chin and hugged her hard.
‘It isn’t the time,’ he growled as her chest heaved against him, his thumb wiping tears ruthlessly from her eyes. ‘Not now. Grieve at his wake, if you live to enjoy the luxury.’
‘Sorry.’ She pulled away, digging her fingernails into her wounded palm.
‘And stop apologising. Let’s go.’ He paused and shut his eyes. ‘Finn. I’ll do my best. I will, I truly will. But don’t believe in anything from now on, okay? Or anyone.’
She nodded, bewildered, as he drew his sword. Then he grabbed her by the shoulder and thrust her, stumbling forward, across the clearing. His hand went to the back of Jed’s neck and forced him on too, into the darkness of the granite mouth and the first silver glow of candlelight.
‘Murlainn,’ said Kate silkily. ‘You have some explaining to do.’
She stood up as the laughter and celebration in the hall faded and fell into silence. Seth shoved Finn forward, and flung Jed at Kate’s feet.
‘Hi, gorgeous,’ he greeted her cheerfully. ‘Do you want the whelp or not? He went straight back to my brother and his bandits.’
Finn’s neck throbbed. She didn’t dare look at him for fear of what she’d see.
‘I know that well,’ Kate said, frowning. ‘Where are the six men I had left?’
He made a disparaging sound. ‘I killed them all but one, and he’s walking home. Lus-nan-Leac, it was.’
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