“This is because of Jessica, isn’t it? Because you don’t want to lose your dad too.”
I think about it for a moment and then nod once. “This is where it happened.” A quick glance at her face tells me she’s confused. “Jess—she fell from up there.” I point to the top of the waterfall.
“Oh,” she says quietly. She places her hand on my knee gently. “When you lose someone, it stays with you. Always reminding us of how easy it is to be hurt.”
I take a deep breath and watch the cascading water in silence.
“Is she here now?”
I shake my head. “I don’t see her as much as I used to.”
“How can you move on with your life if she’s always coming back and reminding you of her loss? How can you live? Do all the crazy things you should have done, all the things I know you want to do? How can you find new love?” Her voice softens on the last part and she looks away, as if she’s embarrassed.
I think for a moment, and then decide to go with honesty. “I’m not entirely sure I want to move on. I don’t know if I’m ready for all the crazy things.”
Bailey stands suddenly and pulls her shirt over her head.
“Wh-what are you doing? Why are you getting naked?”
“Do I look naked to you?” she asks sarcastically, pulling her jeans off and walking to the edge of the pool in only her bra and underpants. What is she doing? She kneels down to touch the water, pulling her hand back quickly at the freezing temperature. Glancing back at me, she lifts the corner of her mouth in a dare.
Can I do this? Do I do this?
I suck in a deep breath, stand, and start undressing. When I’m left with just my boxers, I make my way to the pool to stand beside her. I look at her briefly, at the way her half naked body curves in all the right places, and I’m momentarily distracted. She arches a brow at my gaze.
Pulling my thoughts back together, I grasp her hand. “On the count of three?”
Her grin is wide as she nods, and on three we jump in.
The freezing cold water envelops us. I feel like I’ve been dropped into a bucket of ice. Somewhere under the water I lose my hold on Bailey’s hand. Kicking at the water, I sputter to the surface, shivering uncontrollably. Bailey surfaces near me, her lips tinged blue.
“Whose idea was this?” she asks, her teeth chattering.
I chuckle, gliding back to the edge of the deep pool. “I’m pretty sure this was your fault. What a stupid idea.”
“Yeah, weird,” she says, gliding up beside me. “Usually it’s you that makes the stupid decisions.” I narrow my eyes at her, and then lunge, dunking her head under the icy water. She screams when I let her up, but by the time she tries to reach me for payback, I’m already climbing out of the water.
I jitter my way back into my clothes, which takes twice as long as usual because of my shaking fingers, then lean over the edge of the pool and extend my hand to help her out.
She grasps my hand with a mischievous grin. “You know I could just yank on your hand and pull you back into the water. Your clothes would be soaked.”
“Yes, you could, but if you do I might catch a cold. Then it’ll be your turn to play the good friend and sit and watch girly movies with me while I sniffle away into a tissue.”
She considers this for a moment and then nods. “Touché.”
I lift her out and hand her her bundled up clothes. She dresses quickly, and then we head back to the parking lot.
“Do you want to drive back, or do you want to come with me and we’ll pick up Mom’s car tomorrow?” I ask, pulling the keys out of my jeans pocket.
“I’ll go with you,” she answers, eyeing Mom’s car warily.
Mom and Dad are already in bed asleep by the time we get home. I push my bedroom door open slowly, trying to be quiet. Bailey dashes off to the bathroom to change; I’m settled in my makeshift bed on the floor when she comes back.
She pauses in the doorway and smiles. “Night, Krissy.”
“Good night, Bailey.”
“Don’t you love me anymore?” Jess’s voice softly echoes beside me. I glance over at Bailey to make sure she’s still sleeping before I answer.
“Of course I do.” I can’t see her, even if she were semi-visible, it would be too dark anyway.
“Kristian, if you don’t love me now, no one ever will. This is it; you’re the only person that knows I’m here. If you move on, there is no one else.” She sounds defeated.
“I know,” I say softly. And that’s exactly why I won’t, I can’t, move on.
CHAPTER 14
KRISTIAN
I don’t remember falling asleep. I’m woken by the sunlight, the curtains are open just a fraction, letting in the slightest slit of light, which just so happens to be directly over my eyes. I groan and roll over. My back is killing me; I might have to start sleeping on the couch downstairs instead. I don’t think I can take another five days of lying on the hard, unforgiving floor.
Bailey stirs in the bed; I can see her hand hanging over the edge of the mattress. I shouldn’t have opened up to her. Did I make a mistake yesterday? I close my eyes. I shouldn’t have swum practically naked with her.
Voices downstairs interrupt my thoughts. Bailey rolls over and opens her eyes. “Morning.” She frowns and looks back at me. “Who’s here?”
“Don’t know, I’m about to go and find out,” I answer, climbing out of my makeshift bed and throwing a clean T-shirt over my head. I glance at a blushing Bailey before I leave the room; she smiles and ducks her head.
I enter the kitchen warily and look around, spotting Jake sitting at the table next to Mom. Dad is nowhere to be seen. Good, I’m not ready to face him yet.
“What are you doing here?”
Jake turns his head at my voice and smiles.
Mom waves her hand at me. “Oh Kristian, I invited him.”
“And hello to you too,” Jake chimes in. I roll my eyes and sit down, pulling the cereal and milk over to make breakfast. Bailey comes down a moment later and sits beside me. Mom stares at me pointedly. I mouth a “what” at her and she shakes her head.
“Hi, I’m Bailey, a friend of Kristian’s.” Bailey leans across me to introduce herself.
“Jake. It’s a pleasure,” he answers, taking her hand gently and giving her one of his more charming looks. I raise an eyebrow at him, but he ignores me.
“So what brings you to our small town over Thanksgiving?”
She glances at me before turning back to Jake. “Kristian invited me.”
“Oh.” Jake looks at me. “Are you guys a couple?”
“No,” I blurt out. Bailey flinches beside me, struggling to keep the smile on her face.
Jake grins slowly. “Well, in that case, I would love to show you around a little bit.” Of course he would. I narrow my eyes at him. I’m not sure what it is about him that annoys me. Maybe it’s the way he smiles or the way he casually touches Bailey’s arm as he talks to her.
“We have to go pick up Mom’s car,” I interrupt before she can answer.
Jake brushes off my rude tone. “I can help with that.”
“Of course you can,” I mumble, pushing my chair back and taking my bowl to the sink. Suddenly I’m not so hungry.
Bailey and Jake walk out the door ahead of me, chattering away. I stare a hole in the back of Jake’s head as he laughs at something Bailey says. It’s like being in the middle of a bad romance movie.
Somehow I find myself in the backseat of Jake’s car as we head up to the Falls. I feel like a third wheel with the two of them in front, giggling at each other. By the time Jake pulls up, I’m just about ready to throw something at him. I can’t believe Bailey is falling for his fake charm. I thought she was smarter than that.
I jump out of the car, slamming the door behind me and head toward Mom’s car.
“Hey Krissy.”
My nose twitches at the name and I turn back to Bailey. She hangs out the window of Jake’s car, smiling.
&
nbsp; “Do you want me to come with? Or is it okay if I go with Jake?”
“Do whatever you like,” I snap without thinking. Her eyebrows raise in surprise and she nods once, settling back in her seat. I watch Jake back the car out of the parking lot and drive away. I admit, I could have handled that a bit more smoothly. Shaking my head at my own foolishness, I wander over and unlock Mom’s car.
Jake’s car isn’t at my parents’ house when I make it back, so I assume he’s taken Bailey into town. I try to sneak inside without Mom or Dad hearing me. I’m not really in the mood for company.
“Kristian?”
Damn it.
“Oh honey, I thought I heard you come home.” Mom rounds the corner and smiles at me before tilting her head to look behind me. “Where’s Bailey?”
“She’s with Jake.”
“Oh.” She pauses with a frown. “Well, your father wants to see you,” she says softly, patting me on the back as she passes.
Great. I square my shoulders and head to Dad’s study. He’s sitting at his desk, shuffling through a stack of papers.
“Dad,” I greet him from the door.
His head pops up and he smiles. “Kristian, come in and take a seat. I was just finishing off a thesis for the University.”
I hesitate, ready to bolt to my room, and then I take a deep breath and sit in the chair opposite him. I’m not ready to have this conversation. He’s going to try and reason with me about how he’s fine now and the cancer is gone. Or how I should have answered the phone, and that there’s no use getting upset about it now.
“Bailey seems nice.”
What? My mouth drops open slightly. That wasn’t what I was expecting. “Bailey?”
“Yes.” He chuckles. “She’s a lovely girl.”
“Dad, we’re not—”
“Now, now, no need to get all defensive. I just wanted to tell you that your mother and I couldn’t be happier.”
“But Dad, there isn’t anything between Bailey and I. We just work together.”
His expression turns puzzled. “Oh.”
I can’t meet his confused gaze; it’s too awkward. “I just brought her along because she seemed lonely. Her parents are gone and she only has her brother.”
He nods with a smirk. “All right then.”
“I’m serious, Dad, “ I answer, standing up and frowning. Why doesn’t anyone believe me when I say anything about Bailey? This is getting ridiculous.
The table has already been set by the time I make my way downstairs for Thanksgiving dinner. I haven’t seen Bailey yet, so I assume she’s still out with Jake. I walk up behind Mom in the kitchen and reach around her, snatching a string bean off the dish she’s preparing.
“Kristian!” She laughs, pushing me away. “You can wait for everyone else!”
Fine. I dawdle back into the living room and stand behind the sofa. Dad has football on, although I don’t think he’s really paying attention to it as he flips the page of the book he has resting in his lap.
The doorbell rings.
“Kristian, can you get that? My hands are full of stuffing,” Mom calls from the kitchen.
I open the door and nearly gag. Jake smiles wide and saunters past me, towing a giggling Bailey along behind him. Why did they ring the doorbell? I shake my head and close the door. I watch them sit down at the table together and whisper to each other.
It’s going to be a long night.
“Kristian,” Jess’s breathy sigh echoes softly in my ear. I leave the door and head into the dark hallway, away from everyone else.
“Jess. Are you okay?” Even though I know I can’t see her, I still search the darkness.
“I’m fine. I’ve been with my parents.” She touches me lightly on the hand, appearing in the dark. Her blue eyes catch the dim light in just the right way, making them shine. “I had to make sure they’re going to be okay.” She smiles softly, but it doesn’t quite reach her sad eyes.
“Are you going to be okay?” I ask her, grabbing her other hand in mine and squeezing. She turns her head away from me and steps into the circle of my arms. I rest my chin on her head and let out a heavy breath. This isn’t fair.
“Krissy?” Bailey calls quietly from the end of the hallway. Jess jerks up and away from me. She pulls away quickly, instantly turning invisible. Bailey’s silhouette approaches me slowly. “What are you doing?”
I drop my outstretched arms and push past her. “Nothing.”
Taking my seat at the table beside Mom, I discreetly watch Bailey as she sits down across from me, a frown creasing her forehead. I’ve upset her again. I sigh and lean back in my chair. Every time I open my mouth, I’m hurting someone else’s feelings.
Dad stands and starts carving the turkey. Once everyone has a plate of food, Mom motions for us to dig in. I can’t stop myself from glancing over at Jake and Bailey as they talk to each other while they eat. He touches her arm every time he speaks, as if he’s constantly trying to hold her attention. I don’t know why this upsets me so much. Maybe because I honestly believe Bailey deserves better. So much better.
Mom catches my eye and smiles. Ducking my head, I turn my focus back on my food.
I stand in the hallway beside Mom, waiting for her to make up her mind which board game she wants me to pull down for her.
“Oh, grab that one, darling.” She stands on her tippy toes and points at the box she wants. I roll my eyes with a weak smile and grab it. She makes us all sit around the coffee table in the living room as she sets up the board and hands out playing pieces.
Everything slows down as they shuffle around. I lean back against the sofa and watch the people around me interact with each other, watch their happiness and contentment. It’s like watching a movie, one where it all works out in the end, any conflict or heartache they had has been solved, and they all live happily ever after.
Meanwhile, I sit here feeling like an outsider, an observer of life. I don’t really fit in anywhere anymore, and the more time I spend around other people, especially my family, the more this fact becomes glaringly obvious. They laugh, they joke…they’re happy, and I’m just sitting here, not really knowing what the correct way to react is anymore.
Jess showing up before dinner has thrown me for a loop. It always does—seeing her always puts everything back into devastating perspective. I’m here and she’s not. The guilt I feel every time she leaves nearly overwhelms me.
Mom throws a worried glance my way and I pretend I don’t see it. Lifting my gaze from the board, I find Bailey staring at me. Her usually happy expression gone. She tilts her head slightly, her blue eyes full of concern, before turning away again. I try my hardest to keep myself together when all I want to do is throw something against a wall and walk away.
***
I barely sidestep in time to avoid the door as it swings back at me.
“Oh, Krissy. Sorry, I didn’t see you there.” Bailey gives me a sad half smile. She thinks I’m still mad at her. I can see the hurt sparkle in her eyes as she moves past me and climbs into bed. She turns over so her back is facing me, ending all possibilities of conversation. What do I do now? This is my fault; I’m the one acting weird. I shake my head and lay down on the floor in my makeshift bed. So much for moving to the sofa. Sighing softly, I let my eyes drift closed.
Bailey is already up by the time I roll out of bed. Rubbing my eyes, I stand and glance at the open door. Voices echo down the hallway, both male and female I think.
“I was going to spend time with Kristian today.” Bailey’s voice?
“Oh come on, he won’t mind. He likes being on his own, has for a while now.” Is that Jake? That selfish moron. Who says I like being lonely? Okay, maybe he’s right. What is he doing here, anyway? Didn’t they get enough of each other yesterday?
“I’m sorry, Jake. This was fun, but I came here with Kristian and it wouldn’t feel right to leave him alone again.”
“He’s never going to move on, he’ll make you wait forever,”
Jake answers softly. I’m out of my room and walking down the hall before Bailey has a chance to answer.
I push past her gently and stop in front of Jake, looking him up and down. “Bailey and I have plans.”
He holds his hands up with a small smile. “Fine, sorry. Maybe next time then.” He turns on his heel and strolls down the stairs and out the front door without a backward glance. I briefly meet Bailey’s steady gaze as I turn around and head for the bathroom.
“Thank you,” she whispers behind me.
I slowly walk down the stairs, heading for the kitchen. Something cold touches my arm lightly as I reach the bottom step.
“Kristian,” Jess whispers behind me.
I turn to her with a small smile and open my mouth to say something. I’m interrupted by my mother’s soft voice echoing down the hall. She’s trying to whisper, but she’s never been good at it. Curious, I lift an eyebrow at Jess and tug her along behind me as I tip-toe closer.
I stop at the edge of the doorway where no one can see me and listen. “…are good for him, Bailey. You have no idea how glad I am that you’re here. I don’t think he ever got over Jessica, may she rest in peace. It was such a devastating accident.” I tilt my head down and meet Jessica’s icy blue gaze as she watches me.
Bailey sighs. “Some days I feel like I’m making a difference, but most of the time I feel like he’s pushing me away.”
“I know it may look that way, but I can tell by the way he acts around you, sweetie. Don’t give up on him. He needs someone like you, someone strong.” I suck in a sharp breath. Jess frowns at the doorway and then looks back at me.
“You only need me,” she whispers, reaching up to touch my lips. “Just me.” She smiles, but it feels cold and calculating. She nods once, then steps away, disappearing and leaving me to face this alone.
November Sky (Hardest Mistakes Book 2) Page 12
