by Chloe Walsh
"You're absolutely right, Teagan," he said, rubbing a hand down his face. He stared hard at me for a moment before laughing humorlessly. "There is something very wrong with me so why don’t you just fucking walk away before I infect your perfect little existence with my bullshit life."
"Fine," I spat as I folded my arms around myself protectively and turned to walk away from him. "Watch my back as I walk away from your bullshit life."
"Goddammit, you're a thorn in my side," I heard Noah hiss seconds before he bundled me into his car and slammed the door.
"Buckle up," he snapped as he slid into the driver's seat and cranked the engine. Blaring the radio to the maximum volume, Noah tore off without as much as a backwards glance. The Stunning's Brewing up a storm blasted from the speakers and I fastened my seatbelt and submerged myself in the lyrics.
"… Honey, if the truth hurts don’t look it might go away…"
"…fire in your eyes, in your head, fire in your…touch…"
"…but I can't shout fire because I love you too much…"
"You don’t understand what happened with those men back there, Teagan," Noah muttered after ten minutes of icy silence. "It's not as simple as calling the cops."
"No, I don’t understand," I replied stonily, feeling wounded and pissed off. I clenched my fists against the leather interior and inhaled through my nose. Bad idea since Noah's scent – sex, man and body wash – flooded my senses. "Why don’t you get a real job?"
Noah changed gears and sighed. "I have a record…"
"For being a dick?" I offered dryly.
"Funny," Noah shot back in a flat tone. "Look, I've been in trouble with the law, Teagan. On more than one occasion."
Slowing down to take a corner, Noah dropped his hand to the gear-stick, his fingers accidently brushing against my thigh. I squirmed on the cool leather seat. "Nobody in their right mind would hire me," he added in a melancholic tone.
"I would," I blurted out, turning my face to look at him. Noah glanced sideways at me and frowned. "Hire you that is," I clarified quietly.
"You see what I mean," he said as a reluctant smile spread across his lips. "Nobody in their right mind."
Now I was the one to say, "Funny." Shifting in my seat, I folded my arms and stared at his side profile. "What about Kyle?"
His jaw ticked. "What about him?"
I rolled my eyes. "Ah…the guy's minted," I said in a sardonic tone. "Couldn’t he give you a job?" Shrugging I added, "You're friends with his kids, I'm sure Kyle would help you if you…"
"No," Noah snapped. "I'm not asking Kyle for anymore handouts."
"What do you mean anymore handouts?"
"Exactly what I said," he shot back coolly and I could've howled in frustration.
"They were talking about your step-father, weren’t they?" The more I thought about it the more certain I was that his stepdad was somehow responsible for Noah's fucked up lifestyle…
"George is my stepfather. He's not my real dad. That title goes to the scum bag who left me to clean up his mess…"
"Do you have any idea of what it feels like to have a stepfather just shoved on you when you're fifteen – one that hates your goddamn guts? A guy who uses your mother's treatment as a goddamn bargaining tool?"
"Do you know what it's like – having to pay back the debt of the woman who spent the best part of your childhood shoving you into cupboards and locking you away in a basement for weeks on end because she's convinced the fucking world is against her?"
"Have you ever been afraid Teagan, truly afraid of your parents?
"What's he got you involved in, Noah?" I asked him. God, the guy was trouble with a capital T. Dammit I knew this, but instead of feeling fear for myself I felt it for him because deep down I knew he wasn’t bad. Lee had been right when she said Noah was troubled… "Tell me," I urged him. "Let me…help you."
Noah let out a heavy sigh but didn’t reply. Instead he rested his elbow on the car door, placed his head in his hand and used only his thumb on the other hand to steer the wheel. I swallowed deeply and focused on the speedometer that was showing we were doing eighty in a sixty zone.
This made me nervous.
Very nervous.
"You can't help me, Thorn," he whispered finally breaking the uncomfortable silence. "You can't change me either…I'm never gonna be the kind of guy you take home to meet the family."
"So what's the plan," I snapped. "Fight for those men for the rest of your life?"
He shrugged nonchalantly but didn’t answer me.
"Tell me why you fight?" My voice was shaky and I couldn’t stand that Noah could make me feel this unbalanced. "Tell me – what's he got over you?" Because I just knew his stepfather and those men at the hotel were connected. "Tell me, Noah."
"Teagan, I..." Noah paused and inhaled deeply before speaking, "Stop asking questions you know I'll answer with lies."
"So don’t lie," I pressed as I folded my knees beneath myself and turned my body to face him. "Because I won't stop asking."
"I got mixed up in some bad shit when I was younger," Noah admitted, his tone gruff, his eyes dark and focused on the road. "This is my way out."
"What kind of shit?" I asked, leaning closer into his embrace. I was physically drawn to him. I couldn’t help it.
"The kind girls like you only read about," he whispered. "You wouldn’t understand, Teagan," he added. "So there's no point trying."
Anger bubbled to the surface. "That's so stupid, Noah," I hissed, both worried and agitated. I was feeling anxious – for him – and the knowledge of that was incredibly unsettling. "Don’t you care about yourself – about your body?"
Again Noah didn’t answer me.
"What about me?" I clamped my mouth shut the second those three pathetic words slipped out.
****
Noah
"What about me?" she blurted out and I sucked in a sharp breath. I felt more pain the moment those three words fell from Teagan's lip than I'd felt when JD and his gang were kicking the crap out of me.
"What about you, Teagan?" I managed to say as I turned onto our street, even though I was finding it hard to speak. I pulled into her driveway and killed the engine. I was finding it hard to breathe with her sitting next to me, so vulnerable, so fucking beautiful it hurt…
"You and me," she mumbled, red-faced, shifting onto her knees to face me. "We just…you said you…you know I…but I don’t want any part of that."
Teagan didn’t deserve this.
She deserved better than me.
I needed to let her go, but I knew in my heart I wasn’t going to…
I closed my eyes and inhaled a deep breath.
"I do what I do to keep my mother in rehab. She's schizophrenic and a recovering heroin addict." The words just spilled from my mouth in a rush and I couldn’t look at Teagan to take her measure. I kept my eyes closed as I told Teagan more than I'd dared tell anyone in my life.
"My stepfather runs a disreputable business that I've been dragged into. I'm his best fighter, and if I win my fights George pays the monthly fee it costs to keep my mother facilitated." I couldn’t believe she'd managed to get me to talk. Fuck, I should know better than to tell her, but I just…I wanted to open up to her. I wanted Teagan to know I wasn’t all bad. I couldn’t tell her everything – all my reasons – but I needed her to know that I didn’t have any other choice in this. "If I don’t fight…well let's just say they have ways of making me."
I kept my eyes shut, waiting for the sound of a car door slamming to let me know Teagan had left.
It didn’t come.
Instead, I felt two small hands touch my shoulders seconds before a body landed on my lap. "Thank you, Jesus," she whispered before pressing her lips to mine and I opened my eyes in surprise.
"Thank you, Jesus?" I asked in confusion, pulling back to stare at her. Teagan was sitting on my lap with her hazel eyes wide and locked on mine.
She nodded her head and sighed in relief. "You
have no choice," she said in a relieved tone. "This isn’t who you are – who you want to be."
"No, it's not," I husked, pulling her closer. "But it's my reality."
Teagan shook her head in obvious confusion. "But, Noah, I had a neighbor," she told me. "Back home in Ireland – Clare. She's schizophrenic and lives a good life with her husband Joe. She has a career and a mortgage and a…"
"A three grand a day heroin habit?" I offered dryly, knowing Teagan wasn’t getting it.
She could never get it unless she'd lived my life and witnessed what I had.
"No," Teagan mumbled, red-faced. "She doesn’t have that…" Her voice trailed off as her locked eyes on mine. "Why would he do that?"
"Why would who do that?"
"George," she told me in an impatient tone before sighing in obvious frustration. "Why would he do that to his wife – to you?"
"Because he can, Teagan," I muttered, feeling both angry and uncomfortable. Her questions were skirting dangerously close to a topic I was not willing to talk about. "Can we leave it at that?"
"But none of this makes sense, Noah." Teagan shook her head and frowned. "Why would he treat her that way?"
****
Teagan
I was trying really hard not to freak out, but the more I thought about the shitty way Noah had been treated for quite possibly the majority of his life the angrier I felt. "If you're mother's as sick as you say," I mumbled. "You know, with the drugs and stuff, then why did they get married?"
"Why do old guys marry younger women?" Noah shot back tightly. "Looks and submission, Teagan."
I'd been wrong about Noah. All this time I'd thought… when he was nothing like Ellie or her father…wait. "Is Ellie really George's daughter?" I asked him all of a sudden.
Noah brows rose in surprise. "Yes," he drawled slowly. "Why would you ask that?"
I shrugged awkwardly. "After what you've just told me, it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if she was his second wife or something screwed up like that."
Noah's eyes darkened, but when he blinked he was back to me. "That's gross, Teagan," he grumbled. "She's his youngest child – daddy's little girl – there to do her father's dirty work and get all the staff on board…"
"He has more children than Ellie?"
"Several more littered across the country," Noah replied dryly. "But only two that he acknowledges – Ellie and JD."
"Who's JD?"
Noah sighed heavily. "JD is the overgrown bastard you thought kidnapped me that day we had detention – the guy in the blue shirt who kicked my ass back there."
"I knew I saw that guy before tonight," I hissed in disgust.
Noah shrugged and said, "JD will be George's successor – when the scumbag eventually kicks the bucket."
"His successor of what?" I dared to ask.
"The Ring of Fire, the Hub, the business – everything George owns," he husked.
"And you?" My hands tightened on his shoulders. "What about you, Noah?"
"And me," Noah confirmed with a sigh. "The Dennis family fucking own me and they know it."
"How can your mom allow this?" I demanded, feeling outraged for him. "Why the hell did she marry that scumbag?"
Shaking his head, Noah rubbed his face with his hand and let out a weary sigh. "She's forty-six and beautiful, Teagan. He's sixty-eight and powerful. It's a match made in hell. Besides she has no choice in the matter. It's this or end up like..." Noah stopped abruptly and turned his face away.
"Like who?"
"Look, Teagan," he snapped. "There are some men out there who are desperate to dominate. And some women who are desperately dominated."
"How did they meet?" I asked him cautiously, aware that he was growing more agitated by the minute.
Noah's body stiffened beneath me and I watched as the shutters closed in his eyes. "My dad worked for him." He didn’t meet my eyes when he spoke and his jaw was clenched tight.
"Is that all?" I asked in a level voice, knowing deep in my bones he was lying to me.
"Is that not enough?" he sneered.
Defensive…yeah, there was definitely more. "You tell me, Noah."
"There's nothing more," he replied, again not meeting my eyes.
"Liar," I hissed.
"Believe what you want," he husked. "That's all you're getting from me."
"I'm an all or nothing kinda girl, Noah," I told him. "Complete disclosure – or nothing at all."
Noah got my meaning because his eyes narrowed. "Don't give me an ultimatum, Teagan," he warned me. "You won't win."
"I just did, Noah," I shot back heatedly.
"I'm not the type of guy who takes orders from his girl, Teagan," Noah muttered, jaw clenched.
"Well aren’t we lucky I'm not your girl?" I spat as I opened the door and climbed out.
Swinging around, I leaned in the car window. "You told me earlier you weren’t the kind of guy a girl brings home to meet the family."
Noah frowned at me in confusion. "Yeah… and?"
"And just so you know, I'm not the kind of girl who asks her family for permission," I told him before slamming his car door and marching up my porch steps. "Congratulations, Noah," I called out shakily. "You've won and you've hurt me all in the one night."
"What did that door ever do to you?" Uncle Max asked when I slammed the front door and stalked into the kitchen. As soon as I reached the table I sank onto the chair closest to me and dropped my head in my arms.
"Teagan?" Max demanded from somewhere behind me. "What's wrong?"
"Just leave it, okay?" I mumbled, feeling thoroughly confused.
What the hell had just happened? Too much in one night, that's what…
"No, I won't leave it. You're upset – something has obviously happened," Max continued, playing the role of the concerned uncle superbly. "And I want to know what it was."
Well, let's see, I let the next-door neighbor fuck me in an elevator shaft…oh yeah, and get this, his stepdad is some major crime-lord who gets off on abusing sick women and blackmailing their sons. My heart feels like someone took a razor to it. My virginity is driving off in a black Lexus. My body is throbbing and all I want is a hug from a guy who won’t tell me the truth… "I have a headache, that's all." I lifted my head and forced myself to make eye contact with him. "I'll be fine after a shower."
"A headache," Max repeated in a disbelieving tone. He stared at me for a long moment before shaking his head. "Whatever you say," he grumbled as he shrugged on his coat. "I have to go to work – oh yeah, and don’t forget to call Hope," Max added as he grabbed his keys and made his way towards the door. "She wants to know if you're still planning on sleeping over."
Great, that was all I needed...
"I'll do that," I called out, but the sound of the front door slamming let me know Max hadn’t waited for my reply.
****
Chapter 18
Noah
I watched Teagan storm into her house and slam her front door, knowing full well I couldn’t go inside my house tonight. JD showing up outside the hotel meant I needed to steer clear of the house until he calmed down.
Hell, I'd taken a risk even coming back to the street, but there was no way I wasn’t dropping Teagan home after what had happened between us in the elevator.
I sent a text to Low, asking if it was okay to crash at his place as I sat in my car staring up at Teagan's house until her bedroom light came on. And then I had to clench my eyes shut and force myself to stop imagining what she was doing up there…
A virgin…
I hadn’t been expecting that – hadn’t even realized it until afterwards when I saw her thighs. I'd never been with a virgin before and that knowledge did nothing to stem the confusing emotions raging inside of me.
Dammit, I screwed up big time by taking that job from Gonzalez. George was going to make me pay for it and that was fine. I had no problem paying for my mistakes, but I fucking knew in my heart that the stakes had changed.
&nbs
p; Tonight had changed everything and I'd unintentionally managed to put the one person who meant something to me in danger…
Reluctantly cranking the engine of my car I reversed out of Teagan's driveway and decided to drive the familiar route eastwards – the one I both craved and dreaded – to the Haven-Bay Clinic while I waited for Low to reply.
As I sat in the visiting room of the Haven-Bay rehabilitation center my mind kept drifting back to Teagan and what she'd said to me...
"Why do I get the feeling that you need someone to fight for you as ferociously as you fight for those men?"
God, those words caused me to shudder and I dropped my head with a sigh. Teagan didn’t know how right she was…
"Hello Noah."
My entire frame stiffened from the sound of her voice.
Exhaling slowly I stood and faced the frail blonde woman standing in the doorway – the woman who was partially responsible for my train wreck of a life.
"Hello mom."
"What are you doing here?" my mother asked me as she looked around the room. Her gaze landed on my face and she looked through me with indifference…there was no love or even fondness in her eyes and that hurt like something fierce. "Where's George?"
"Fuck George," I snapped, feeling infuriated beyond belief. It was a fucking disgrace that I had to ask his permission to see my own mother, but then again it was her fault the bastard had so much power over us. "I needed to see you," I told her in as calm a tone as I could muster. "We need to talk."
Her brown eyes were wide and cautious as she pushed the rim of her glasses higher on her nose – a nervous trait – and slowly moved further into the room. "Why didn’t you write me?" she asked as she lowered herself onto the brown leather couch opposite me. "You know I don’t like seeing you."
You would think after eighteen years of hearing shit like this I would be immune to her lack of feeling towards me, but no it still stung like a bitch.
"There's a lot of things I don’t like doing either, mom, but I do them for you," I shot back tightly as I studied her emotionless expression. "And what I want to talk to you about isn’t something I wanna write in a fucking letter."
