by Molly E. Lee
“Yeah. I guess he’s doing really well.” She started pacing, glancing from me to the ground and back again.
“There’s more.” I didn’t ask it as a question because I knew she was keeping something from me.
“Part of his steps . . . he has to apologize to me. In person.”
“What?” I snapped.
“Yeah, the girl, Charlie, she called it direct amends or something like that.”
My mouth dropped open. “You told her we’d be passing through Oklahoma, didn’t you?”
She nodded.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” She flinched at my words, and I took a deep breath to settle the anger that had turned into full-on rage inside me. “You can’t want to see him . . .”
“I don’t want to see him,” she said before I could finish. “You know I don’t want to. I need to.”
A knife hit me dead center in my chest. “You need to see him?” the sharp piece of metal twisted my heart. “Blake, he . . . everything he’s done to you. How . . .” I couldn’t form a full sentence, my mind racing with all the horrible things he’d done to her in the past and couldn’t fathom how she seemed to think she owed him something.
“No!” She snapped, reading the pain in my eyes. “He needs to see me. This is part of his program.”
I stepped closer to her, cupping her cheek. “I don’t give a shit if it’s mandated by the fucking courts. I don’t want him near you.”
She placed her hand on my chest, right in the same spot that her words had seared me. “It’s not up to you. She stressed the importance of this step as part of his recovery. Who am I to deny him the opportunity to change his life . . . finally?”
I stepped away from her, so far her hand dropped from where she’d touched me. “How about the girl who he emotionally abused for years? How about the girl he tried to . . .” I clamped my lips shut, the tears in her eyes spilling over her lashes.
“You think I don’t know that? That I’ve forgotten all that he’s done to me?” She swiped underneath her eyes. “I still have flashbacks, Dash. Flashes of instances I didn’t even remember happening! They hit me sometimes without even the hint of a trigger, and I am useless against them!”
“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” I reached out for her, but she pushed me away.
“Look at you! One mention of this and you’re ready to go Hulk all over the place!”
I unclenched my fisted hands. “I can’t help that the idea of him hurting you makes me want to kill him all over again.”
“I know,” she said, sighing. “But maybe this won’t only help him. Maybe it will put an end to the visions, to the memories that haunt me. Maybe . . . it’ll stop me from being the damaged girl I can’t ever seem to shake.”
I arched my head to the sky, looking to it for answers I couldn’t possibly grasp. “You aren’t damaged, Blake.”
We’d had this discussion before, shortly after her split with him, and I tried every day since to make sure she knew that fact.
Some help I’d been.
She needed him to end it for her. The knife was back and twisting in my chest, carving out words like failure over my heart. Because I had failed her. It’d been a year, and she still didn’t realize just how incredible she was. Somehow I’d let that happen. Somehow, I was now arguing with her about seeing the very person who had worked to destroy her.
“Let me do this, Dash.”
I shrugged, my hands falling against my thighs. “Like I have a choice.”
“I can’t do this without you,” she said, and I finally looked back down at her. She hugged herself as if the air around us was cold instead of the warmth it surrounded us in.
I breached the distance between us, clutching her to my chest like I could hold her together by sheer strength. “I’m always here for you. You know that. I just don’t want him to hurt you again.”
“He won’t.” She shook her head against my chest. “I may have lingering issues, but I’m not the girl I was. I’m stronger. Because of you. Because of chasing. I just have to do this, and I’d really love it if you were behind me.”
I cupped her cheek, tilting her head upward to meet my gaze. “How much do I love you, Blake?” I asked her, my voice barely a whisper as I held back the panic swarming me. Everything about the situation screamed wrong to me, but how could I deny her something she thought she needed? How could I tell her that I suspected this was more about feeling guilty and responsible for him than claiming her freedom? I couldn’t. I could only love her that much harder.
“More than I’ll ever know,” she answered, pressing up on her tiptoes to touch her lips to mine. The kiss was soft, open, and completely different than the passion we’d shared just that morning. “Dash, I—”
“Whoohoo!” Daniel’s voice carried outside of the window as Travis pulled his truck up next to mine. “That was fantastic!”
Blake jolted in my embrace, stepping backward a few inches.
“Did you catch it all?” Daniel asked, hopping out of the truck and bounding toward us.
It took me a minute to even remember we’d captured a tornado before Justin’s sponsor had called. Fuck, I’d forgotten anything existed outside of the battle that raged inside me right now. The battle over whether I should protect Blake—even from herself—or let her handle this on her own like she wanted.
“Yeah,” I said, motioning to the cameras. “All there.”
Travis came around his truck, his huge camera on his shoulder, aiming it at us like we were doing something film worthy.
Blake huffed, quickly swiping at her eyes again to rid herself of the tears she’d let fall. It wasn’t quick enough though, because Daniel smirked as he eyed Travis, who surely caught Blake’s tears on film.
She stomped to the truck, slid into her seat, and slammed the door.
“Trouble in paradise?” Daniel asked, arching an eyebrow at me.
I glared at him. “Bet that would drive ratings, too, huh?” I snapped and shook my head, leaving the two of them there. I climbed behind the wheel.
Blake’s silence was enough to fill the truck with a weight I didn’t like, but I didn’t dare push her. Not when she’d had to deal with so much today. Instead, I put the truck in reverse, and navigated us away from the storm we’d caught, and toward a new storm. One I didn’t know if she could come away from unscathed, no matter how hard I tried to protect her—because how could I possibly protect her from something that harmed her from the inside out?
“You didn’t have to do this,” Blake said from across the table, an easy smile on her lips. After she’d let the events of the day pass, she’d come back to me fully, and I’d stolen her away from the guys and their invitations to hang at yet another bar, electing to take her out for a nice dinner instead.
“Well, it’s been too long since we’ve had a meal together where we weren’t privy to the unfortunate sounds Paul makes while he chews.”
She laughed, taking a sip of the wine I’d ordered, wanting tonight to be different than our normal beer and pizza we’d been subjected to too many times while on the road. “He does sound like the dinosaur from Jurassic Park sometimes.”
I nodded. “Exactly.” I held her hand across the table, wanting to open up more of a discussion on just how we were going to handle the Justin situation but deciding to keep a lid on it. We’d be heading back to Oklahoma in the morning and could deal with it then. Tonight, I just wanted Blake to myself.
“Sorry about the wait,” our waitress said, finally making it to the table. “Glad to see the hostess brought you your drinks. Now, what can I get for you?”
Fuck. My. Life.
I tensed at the sound of her familiar voice. I had specifically chosen the upscale bistro because I had never been there before in the past times on the alley. How in the hell was there a chick here from my past?
“I’ll have the bistro French dip,” I said without looking at her, begging to whoever listened above that she wouldn’t
recognize me.
“And I’ll have—”
“Dash?” The waitress cut Blake off, and I closed my eyes, sighing. This was the last thing I needed right now, especially when Blake was already tense.
I finally looked up at the waitress. “Janice,” I said, trying to muster up a nice smile. It wasn’t her fault she worked here now. Just my rotten luck, or perhaps, if I hadn’t decided to play the field so fucking much in my past I wouldn’t have had this issue. Of course, if I’d even had an inkling of it causing a rift between Blake and myself, then I would erase it in a heartbeat if I could. “I didn’t realize you worked here.”
Blake picked up the menu she’d already set down, pretending to study it again.
“About a year now,” Janice said. “The Burger Shack closed. I love it here. Better food.”
I nodded, slightly sad my favorite burger bar had shut down but more focused on the way Blake’s head sunk further below her menu, like she could disappear if she barely moved.
“Are you still chasing?” Janice asked.
“Yes.”
“That’s wonderful.” She finally glanced over at Blake. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry! Dash is an old friend. What can I get you to eat tonight?”
Blake set the menu down, a soft smile on her lips. “The carbonara, please.”
Janice scooped up the menus. “You’ll love it,” she said. “It’s fantastic.” She turned her focus to me. “So good to see you again, Dash.”
I watched her walk away for a second, gathering my thoughts. Blake stared at her wine glass. “I’ve never been here before,” I said. “I had no idea she worked here.”
“It’s fine, Dash.” Her words said it was fine, but her tone made me feel like I’d stepped in it again.
“Obviously, it’s not.” I sat back in my chair, sighing.
“Look, you haven’t done anything wrong,” she said, glancing up at me. “This is about me. Don’t worry about it.” She took another sip of her wine and then smiled. “So, French dip, huh? Didn’t see that coming.” She chuckled awkwardly, and I shifted in my seat.
“Wanted to try something different.” I shrugged. How the hell were we talking about food like this was a first date?
Janice returned to refill out waters before I could find a way back to common ground between us. “Dash, did you ever get that tattoo you wanted?” Janice asked, topping off Blake’s water.
Blake’s eyebrows shot up her head.
“Because,” Janice continued, holding the water pitcher at her side, “my brother Johnny finally opened his shop. It’s not too far from here. I could get you the family discount.” She winked at me, and I shook my head, swallowing hard.
“Nope. Never did. Couldn’t ever make a firm decision.” My leg bounced underneath the table, all my nervous energy pooling there. The more she spoke, the more I felt Blake’s gaze on me—a shocked, unbelieving gaze that was surrounded in confusion, like she didn’t recognize me. I hated the feeling.
“Okay, well if you do, just drop my name.” She sauntered off to wait on her other tables.
“What were you thinking of getting?” Blake asked.
I shrugged. “I didn’t give it a ton of thought. More like a fleeting idea of a tornado or something. It was years ago.”
She nodded, tracing the rim of her glass with her finger. “Never knew you wanted one.”
“I don’t. I mean, I haven’t thought about it in ages. It’s not a big deal.”
“I know,” she said.
But she didn’t. Clearly. The way she looked—defeated, like there was some piece of me these girls had that she didn’t—well, it fucking sucked. “You want to leave?” I asked, prepared to take her anywhere else.
“No,” she said, chuckling. “I’m hungry. And this place is lovely.” She gestured around to the quiet setting, a dozen cozy tables covered in soft lighting. “Thank you for taking me out, tonight.”
I reached for her hand, but Janice brought our food at that exact moment. We ate in silence, and I realized the farther we got on the alley, the more distance wedged itself between us, all because of our pasts. Mine, I couldn’t erase, and hers wouldn’t let her go.
Dash
BLAKE’S PERFECTLY CHUBBY English Bulldog, Hail, bounded across the porch, running inside the door Blake held open for her. The dog stopped just shy of knocking me to the floor. I knelt down in my living room, scratching her rapidly wiggling butt as she licked at my face. “Missed you too, girl,” I said, laughing from the fierce way she attacked me.
Blake had gone to her mom’s to pick her up the second we’d gotten home and had just gotten back to my place. I counted every minute she was gone—not because I was obsessed or anything, but because I knew today was the day Justin would show up to make his amends. Getting her to agree to have the meeting at my house hadn’t been the battle I’d thought it would be, and I was relieved that at least it would be on my turf. Surely he wouldn’t be stupid enough to pull something knowing I owned this house? That I’d be waiting inside, ready to crush him at the drop of a word from Blake.
“Mom has been spoiling her,” Blake said, dropping down to pet her with me.
“Naturally,” I said, gathering the bulldog’s face folds into my hands and planting a kiss on her head. “How could she not?” I asked in the baby-talk voice I only used when speaking to Hail. “I will too once you decide to come live with me.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them and Blake froze beside me, a flush raking her skin.
“Are you . . . ?” she said but stopped when Travis bounded through my kitchen and into my living room.
“Can I steal one of these waters, dude?” he asked, holding up a bottle to me.
I waved him off. “Yeah, I already told the crew to take whatever they wanted.” He nodded and went back into the kitchen where Daniel and a few other cameramen had taken over my table with laptops and cameras.
“What are they doing here?” Blake asked, standing. “Shouldn’t they be at the lab?” Her tone had that new bite I recognized only came when the crew or Daniel were trying to record our every move.
“Daniel wants some shots of the house while we’re here. Says it’ll make me look more human to be filmed in my own environment.” I rolled my eyes and Blake crossed her arms.
“Well, when it comes to me and the porch, tell them to take the day off, okay?” she asked, looking over my shoulder to where Travis had disappeared to.
“Of course,” I said. “I’ll make sure of it.” I threaded my fingers through hers. “You ready for this?”
“No.” She sucked in a deep breath. “But I’m ready to get it over with. I need this, but I wish I didn’t. You know?”
I nodded, kissing her softly. “Trust me, I wish you didn’t have to either.”
She tensed when her phone vibrated and glanced down at a text. “They’re almost here.” Her skin turned a shade of white I’d never seen before, and I held her to me. “I’m going to get some air.”
“You’ve got this,” I said. “Come get me when he gets here, okay? I’ll be by your side the whole time.”
“If I need to, I will.” She kissed me again before walking through the living room and out my front door, waiting for him on the porch.
I rubbed my palms against my face, trying to calm the adrenaline rushing through my veins as if a storm was approaching. In a way, it was. Justin was the worst storm to ever hit Blake, and I didn’t have a clue how to help her heal from it. I thought I had been helping, but after the calls and this meeting, it was clear there was much more internal damage than I’d ever known about.
“Dash?” Daniel asked, popping his head out of the kitchen.
I met him halfway. “What’s up?”
“Wanted to see if you could ask Blake if it’s okay to film Hail?”
“What?” I snorted. “Why?” I asked, glancing down at the dog’s cute white butt dutifully by my side.
Daniel shrugged. “People love a dog. And we’re going to start
getting shots of your place soon, figured I’d ask first.”
“I’ll ask her.” I shot a gaze behind me before returning my eyes to him. “For now, let’s not film anything, okay? I’ll let you know if and when we’re ready for cameras.”
“Understood,” he said, but his eyes greedily darted toward the porch in curiosity.
Doubting Justin had made it here already, I jogged to the front door and stepped outside. “Blake are you—?” the question I’d been about to ask died in my throat as I set eyes on Justin. The blood in my veins rushed at an all-time high, and I clenched my hands into fists. “I didn’t realize this meeting had already started. I thought you were going to come get me?” I wrapped an arm around her waist, planting a kiss on her neck to try and soothe the tension there.
“I told you I’d get you if I needed to,” she said, her tone colored in the sharp fear that always appeared with the arrival of the asshole standing next to us. Still, his eyes were clearer than I’d ever seen them, and he looked like he might puke from the awkwardness of the situation. Maybe rehab was working for him.
“So you’re okay?” I asked again, needing to be sure before I left her alone with him. She squeezed my hand to reassure me before her gaze peeked over my shoulder and into the house.
“Ugh.” She pulled away from me. “I thought you told them to take the day off?”
“Shit,” I snapped. “I did. I swear . . .” I reluctantly turned away from her, fighting every instinct I had to leave her alone with him—like she wanted—and stomped into my house. “What the hell, Daniel?” I asked, motioning to where Travis and two other camera crew had their cameras pointed toward the porch.
“What?” he asked innocently. “I told you we were filming the house.”
“And I specifically told you not to start filming without my say so.”
“My apologies,” he said. “You were out there, and we need you in the shots to sell this angle. I thought you’d changed your mind.”
My blood boiled. Not wanting to deal with this in any capacity at the moment but knowing I had to, especially since it would keep the focus off the discussion Blake was having right now, I said, “Let’s start in my basement.” I led the way, Hail on my heels.
