by Lexi Blake
Avery Charles O’Donnell was the single most extraordinary human being Stephanie had ever met. Avery was the reason she was alive and working.
Avery cuddled Nate close and reached for Steph’s hand. “I look at you with ease and joy in my heart because you’re my friend. Stephanie, there are events that happen in our lives that can devastate us, and we can’t control them. The only thing we can control is how we react to them. Something terrible happened and I could have lain in that bed and allowed that one moment to make me bitter and hateful. I could have looked at you and damned you to hell, but that wouldn’t have solved anything at all. Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. Who knows what could have happened if we hadn’t both been on that road that night. I could be married to Brandon and Maddie might be in high school. Or we could have divorced. Or they could have died some other way because I was always meant to go down this path. I can’t question why they were taken when they were, but I believe one day I’ll have to answer for how I handled it. I chose to live and that meant finding meaning. Hell, maybe it meant making meaning where there was none, but I don’t regret forgiving you. Not for a second.”
Tears poured from her eyes because she should have done this long ago. Avery was a blessing in her life. “I’m sorry I didn’t call.”
“I understand and you’re here now. So I get to ask you to do something else for me.”
“What’s that?”
Avery reached out, placing a hand over hers. “Forgive yourself. Come home and raise this baby. Forgive yourself. Forgive Brody. Move on with your life with an open heart. You can’t be this child’s mother and hate yourself. It’s time to come home.”
“I thought about putting him up for adoption.” She admitted the plan that had come to her in her dark moments.
“Because you don’t think you’re worthy of him,” Avery said. “But you are. While you’re here, I want you to see a friend of mine.”
She could guess. “Kai Ferguson?”
Avery sat back, Nate settling down against her. “Yes. I know your mom sent you to a therapist, but that was a long time ago and you’ve done a good job of hiding away from the world. I thought it was good for you at first, but now I wonder. You can do charity work here and raise your baby around family. You can find someone who makes you happy, and I worry you won’t even try if you stay out there.”
She would do anything for Avery. “I’ll see Kai. I’ll try.”
Avery stood up. “Is his formula in the diaper bag?”
Steph followed her, every bone weary. “Yes. I’ll get it if you don’t mind me using your kitchen.”
Avery pointed her way. “You see, you’re acting like you’re a burden. That’s what we’re going to work on.”
Liam stepped back out of the hall and picked up her sad suitcase. “Avery knows how to make a bottle. You are going to take a long, hot shower and get to bed. We’ll handle the wee one. Well, we’ll handle the massive linebacker you’ve got there. Go to sleep and rest. You’re good now. You got him out and now it’s time to let me take over.”
They presented a united front. All three of them. Nate looked perfectly happy in Avery’s arms.
“Okay.” She could use a shower, use some sleep she hadn’t been able to get while sitting up in economy with a baby in her arms.
She was safe. It was enough for now.
* * * *
Brody Carter set the weight down and stretched one arm over his head and behind, trying to loosen his left tricep.
“I can’t believe you’re actually up at six in the morning working out.” Kayla Summers strode into the gym, wearing pink yoga pants and a tight tank, her night-dark hair in a high ponytail. “After everything you drank last night, I suspected you would be sleeping it off.”
“Bastard doesn’t sleep,” Tucker said as he did what had to be his hundredth bicep curl. The damn boy had been in the gym before Brody and he hadn’t broken a sweat. “He parties and he works out. I think he needs a mission.”
The man they’d named Tucker had a point. Tucker was one of the six men McKay-Taggart rescued from Dr. Hope McDonald’s cruel experiments. The now deceased doc liked to experiment on men. Her drugs had wiped the memories of the men the team now called the Lost Boys.
Thinking about Dr. McDonald made him think of another doctor, a doctor who was the opposite of Hope and her evil experiments. It made him think of a doctor with the sweetest smile in the world.
“Hey, anytime the boss needs me, I’m ready to go. And it’s not like I haven’t been working. Walt and I just got back from a job in Iraq. That wasn’t a piece of piss job. It was serious. God knows keeping Walt alive is work enough.”
His normal partner also happened to be the scientist on the team. Walt was brilliant, but he also sometimes was a magnet for trouble. He was far better in the lab than the field, but that meant Brody got stuck there where he knew nothing and ended up surrounded by people who were way smarter than him.
That was his place though. He was pure muscle and he couldn’t forget it.
Tucker shifted the twenty-pound weight to his free hand and started all over again. “Well, I would do almost anything to get out of here. Not that here’s bad.”
Sasha was working out beside Tucker, laid out on the leg press. “Here is no bad. Here is good food and many women to pleasure me. I have been in bad place. Bad place has no women.”
His bad place had been torture and drugs that wiped his memories, so Brody was fairly certain Sasha was telling the truth. Sasha had recently completed his training with their boss Damon Knight and been given Master rights at The Garden, the club they all played at. Sasha was there every night the club was open.
Brody spent all his time in the bar lately. Oh, he’d had a few sessions with submissives, but he couldn’t work up the will to go any further than a flogging or rigging up a sub for his friends. He’d been a bit like a monk because every time he put on a pair of leathers, all he could think about was how Stephanie had dropped to her knees in front of him, offering up her sweet self.
And then she’d tried to walk away when he wanted to save her. She’d been willing to offer herself up to that bugger CIA guy Ezra Fain, with his perfect looks and polished ways. He’d had a vision of Fain putting his hands on her and he’d made the single, biggest mistake of his life.
He’d given in and let himself go. He’d taken her in a wild frenzy of lust. He hadn’t been tender with her, hadn’t given her the long hours of lush lovemaking she’d deserved. He’d fucked her hard a couple of times and then snuck out like a bloody coward when she’d fallen asleep.
He didn’t deserve a sub. Nope. Not when he couldn’t get his head off the one he’d let slip away.
“Is he going to murder someone?” Sasha asked. “I have seen this look, right before someone tries to murder me. This is not old memory coming back. In the bad place, I was nearly murdered many times.”
“Yeah,” Tucker whispered back. “I remember that, too. Sometimes I wish the doc had done one last memory wipe and made me forget her. But it’s like I said, Carter needs a mission to work. He’s getting antsy. And since Walt is off his feet for a couple of weeks, I will volunteer to be your partner. I can watch your back and hey, if you want to rough up a few bad guys, well that doesn’t need to go in a report, does it?”
“The only thing I’ll be doing today is sitting in front of a computer finishing up the details on the Iraq job and making sure Walt remembers to take his antibiotics.” It was going to be a dull day, and for some reason he’d been antsy the last two days in a way he wasn’t sure had anything to do with Walt nearly getting himself killed because he was far too curious.
He’d been thinking about her for days. Maybe that was because he was surrounded with women planning a wedding. Hayley Dalton was marrying his friend Nick Markovic, and all the women of The Garden were aflutter with the details. There was an incredible amount of lovely feminine energy around him and he couldn’t help but think of Stephanie.
Brody turned to her. “The royal wedding? I thought the Dallas office was handling that. Didn’t you sleep with the king once?”
Kayla’s ponytail bobbed as she nodded. “Many times. I was undercover. Hence the ‘me not getting to go to the beach wedding of the century’ thing. Exes. I’ve found it’s totally best to keep that door shut, locked, and the key thrown away.”
Ah, words of advice. Yes. That was what he needed to hear. “Because it’s best to look forward and not back.”
Kay shook her head. “Nope. Because almost all the time I was working the dude over for intel. I’ve spent most of my adult life making a living as a spy. Dudes get pissy when they find out you didn’t give them your real name or your real job and hey, sorry I downloaded your computer and gave all that stolen tech to my government. It’s a whole lot of drama. But if I could go back and see Scotty Barris, I would do it in a heartbeat.”
“Another spy? Did you have hot time while on the job?” Sasha asked with a wink.
“Nope. He was the president of the chess club and I was the only female member of the chess club,” Kayla explained. “One night while practicing he touched my boob and my world changed. Unfortunately, one of my dads walked in and then both my dads were giving me the lecture. And Scotty never touched my boob again. I would go back and ask him to touch the left one, too. I’m a little OCD. It still bugs me.”
She was also a little sarcastic. But her words were still true. He’d shut the door and it needed to stay locked.
It was precisely why he’d erased Stephanie’s messages without listening to them. He’d always had someone follow up a few days later to make sure she was all right, but he couldn’t listen to her voice and not break down. He had to be strong enough for both of them.
Because that woman deserved the best, and it wasn’t him. It wasn’t fucking him.
“He looks like he wants to murder someone again,” Tucker whispered far too loudly.
He was done. The gym wasn’t going to do it for him today. He needed coffee and then he would dive into writing a report about how Walt got shot in the foot because he stopped in the middle of a gun fight to solve a damn equation on a white board. “I’m going down to breakfast. If you see Damon, tell him he’ll have his report this afternoon.”
Kay gave him a jaunty salute. “Will do. Hey, anyone want to spar? I was going to do yoga but now all the violent talk made me want to punch someone.”
They were arguing about who got to punch whom as he strode out the door.
His crazy life. This was the only thing he was good at, stepping in front of bullets so smarter people could live. That was his talent.
He was halfway to the lift that would take him down to the kitchen when his mobile trilled. He pulled it out. He always answered. Unless it was her.
It wasn’t. It was a call from the States. From Li O’Donnell, which meant it had something to do with work, and likely something important since it was around midnight in Dallas. With a long sigh, he answered. “This is Carter.”
“Ah, good. Now look here, I’m going to say something and I’m only going to say it once. I’m saying it to allow you to get a good head start and because I’m a fair man. I’m coming for you. Did you think you could sneak in and out of her life like that and there wouldn’t be any consequences? Did you think because her mum died that no one would stand up for her? You were wrong, you arsehole.”
He sounded an awful lot like another Liam. The one who had a special set of talents and murdered people on screen. “Uhm, I think you got the wrong number, mate. This is Carter. Brody Carter. If something’s happened to Avery, I’m sorry, but I haven’t seen your wife in a long time.”
“I’m talking about Stephanie.”
He stopped, his whole body going cold in an instant. “Something happened to Steph?”
“Yeah, something’s happened to Steph and you damn well know it.”
“What? What the hell is it?” His heart thudded in his chest. If some fucker had hurt her, he would have a job to do. A bloody, painful job. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. He’d known. He’d known that clinic would get her killed one day. “Tell me, O’Donnell.”
There was silence on the other end of the line.
“Tell me now!” The waiting was going to kill him.
“You almost sound like you care, Carter.”
“I bloody well do care about that girl. More than you can know. Fuck. Tell me what happened. Is she dead?” He couldn’t help it. He was practically crying. The idea that she was gone gutted him. And yet wasn’t that part of why he’d left? Because she was so reckless?
He should have stayed. This was his fucking fault. He’d been right not to try to be with her. She deserved better, but he’d walked away and left her alone. He’d done that when he knew how reckless she could be. He’d done it knowing how close a couple of her calls had been.
He’d done it because he’d been afraid.
It hit him with the power of a sledgehammer. All this time he’d told himself he’d done it to protect her, to ensure she found someone worthy, but he’d been a sniveling coward protecting himself.
“Brody, she’s not dead.” Liam sounded calmer, less like he wanted to slice a man open and play in his entrails. “She’s alive, though she is in real danger. Why did you dodge her calls if you care about her this much? Don’t lie to me, man. I can hear it in your voice.”
The tightness in his chest eased. “I dodged her calls because you know how it is with women. They get it in their heads that a man is worth something he ain’t. They can give up their lives following a man who ain’t worthy of them. I couldn’t listen to the messages she left because I knew I would break down and go to her and then she’d be strapped with me for life.”
“You’re a stupid bastard,” O’Donnell said and Brody could practically see him shaking his head.
“Yes, I believe that’s my point.” He didn’t need O’Donnell to tell him something he already knew. “Now tell me what’s going on with Steph.”
“So, you haven’t seen her since the Freetown op?” O’Donnell asked.
Only in his dreams. In his dreams, he wasn’t a stupid bloody wanker. In his dreams, he had the kind of job that would make her proud, that they could build a family around. He wasn’t the man who’d screwed everything up again and again. He was the kind of man she could depend on. “No. I haven’t seen her since then. Haven’t talked to her. She called me, but I couldn’t… I thought it best we didn’t talk. I sent a friend of mine down there to watch after her. He checks in and he hasn’t said a thing about her being in trouble.”
O’Donnell sighed and seemed to come to a decision. “Understood. Sorry, I was under a mistaken impression. You’re right. I am calling the wrong number.”
He wasn’t going to let O’Donnell hang up. Not until he knew what was going on. “Wait. What kind of danger is she in?”
“Don’t worry about it, mate. She’s here in Dallas and I’ll take care of it. You don’t have to be involved at all. I can see that now.”
“I want to know what’s going on. Damn it. Tell me.” He wouldn’t be able to do anything until he knew she was safe.
There was an arrogant huff over the line. “You can’t be bothered to even listen to her voice mails, you don’t deserve to know what’s happening in her life. Even when there’s an army out there looking to kill her. Bye, Brody. Hope you’re happy with your choices later in life. I made a mistake by calling you. I should keep this in the family and you are not in my family. Stay away from her.”
The line went dead.
There was an army looking to kill her? What the hell was happening? O’Donnell couldn’t leave him hanging like that.
Brody immediately called
the number back. It went straight to voice mail. Bastard. He tried to pull up Steph’s number. He’d erased it off his phone and she hadn’t called him in months. The lift doors opened and Damon Knight stepped out. It was always odd to see his normally perfectly dressed boss in workout clothes, but Brody didn’t give it too much thought. All he cared about was what Damon could give him.
“I need Steph Gibson’s phone number.”
Damon’s gaze sharpened on him. “I thought that was over.”
He didn’t have time to argue, but Damon was his boss and Brody owed the man. “Yes, of course the op is over, but I heard a rumor that she’s in trouble. I want to check it out.”
“I wasn’t talking about the op. I was talking about the affair you had with her.”
Did everyone know? Could not a single person keep their mouth shut?
Damon’s lips curved up in a smile. “I know what you’re thinking. You’re blaming the rumor mill. Normally I would as well. Not this time. You’re to blame that particular secret got around. You get chatty when you’re drunk. If it helps, I think you’re wrong to believe you’re not good enough for her. Women tend to know what they want. When we tell them what they want, it’s called Mansplaining and it tends to get a bloke in trouble. Like when you kindly attempt to help your wife through those first few months of pregnancy by giving her scientific facts about why her hormones are out of balance. Spent a week on the couch for that. Apparently walking off morning sickness isn’t a thing.”
“Her phone number?” He didn’t need to hear about Damon’s problems with Penny. Even Brody was smart enough to know that when a woman was pregnant, a man should rub her feet, throw food at her, and pray he survived.
“Ms. Gibson’s?” He pulled his mobile out of the pocket of his sweatpants, flipping through the contacts there. “I’m sure I have it somewhere. You said she was in trouble? I think you should call the Dallas office. According to my records, Liam O’Donnell is her primary contact.”
