by Lexi Blake
“I don’t have it.” Steph leaned back against him and Brody could practically feel her fear.
He had some serious work to do. How could he have ever thought for a second that he didn’t have something to give to her? He’d been blinded by his own insecurities, too wrapped up in his bloody self to see what she needed—and that he was the man who could give it to her. She spent way too much time in that pretty little head of hers. He needed to get her to let go and feel. “It’s going to be all right. We’ve got a name now. We can deal with this.”
“He’s right,” Ten replied.
“But he’s got Anya.” Steph’s voice shook. “We have no idea what he’s done to her, what he could do to her.”
Adam smoothed out his jacket and looked to Brody. He seemed to understand what Brody was asking. “Well, I think my job is done here. Why don’t you allow me to escort you into the lounge, Dr. Gibson? I think you could use a drink. You’re only allowed two and I usually have one before and one to wind down.”
She looked up and Brody nodded. “Go on. I’ll be with you in a second. I want to make sure Ten has everything he needs.”
She bit her bottom lip, as though trying to decide whether or not to leave.
“We can look in on the kids before we go up,” Adam offered, proving he was a smooth customer. “There’s a window we can watch through. It’s fun sometimes to see how they act when we’re not around. I know you’ve got a newborn so he mostly kicks his legs and poops, but let me tell you once they start crawling, it’s a whole new world.”
Adam continued talking as he led her out of the room.
“Tell me about this Anya person.” Ten seemed to know exactly what he wanted to talk about.
“She’s fairly new to the clinic. She’d recently come on when I was about to leave. Steph’s nurses come and go. Same with other doctors. They’re usually there for anywhere from six weeks to a couple of years. I met Anya a couple of times. She seemed nice enough, but she’s got a few shady relatives back in the Ukraine.”
Ten’s head fell back and he groaned. “Tell me they’re not mob.”
“Wish I could, mate.” He’d started vetting her nurses, though she had no idea and would probably get mad pissed at him if she did. It was one of those things she didn’t need to know about. “Her brother has close ties, but according to everything I can tell, she’s not involved directly. Otherwise, she’s clean. On paper it looks like she’s there because she cares about the world and the people in it.”
“And have there been any problems around the clinic? Any odd losses of vaccines or meds?”
The mob was known for stealing medicines from charities and reselling them on the black market.
“Not according to Alfi, but he’s a son of a bitch who lies a lot.” Still, he didn’t think Alfi hated him enough that he would let someone hurt Steph. “I don’t think so, but I’ll ask him about it. I have to watch Steph carefully because she’ll sacrifice herself if she gets the chance.”
“Tell her about the mob connections,” Ten urged.
He wasn’t sure that would work. “I don’t know that she’d believe me, or even if she did, it wouldn’t matter to her. I think she’s been looking for a way to sacrifice herself for a long time now.”
“I don’t have any idea why she would do that, but she’s got a baby. She has to think about herself. Even Faith’s toning down her work. She’s heading her charity organization, but she knows we’re going to stay in Dallas most of the time. Grant needs roots and family around him. Oh, I’m sure that kid will see a whole lot of the world before he’s five, but he’ll know where home is. Let me tell you, man, becoming a parent is the single scariest thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve done some scary shit. Tag’s right. Family men are crap when it comes to field work.”
“Because we can’t think only of the mission. Yeah, I already got that.” He could see what Damon went through. Why he was happier behind a desk now. Because every second he was out in the field he was thinking about what would happen to his boy if he took another bullet, if he was unlucky in a fight. “I think I’ll work corporate cases from now on. Gotta come home to my boy.”
“And if she doesn’t feel the same way?” Ten asked. “What if she’s unwilling to change?”
He wasn’t even going to think about that right now. “I’m taking it a day at a time. Right now all I want is to make sure she doesn’t attempt to sacrifice herself for a woman who might not deserve it.”
“I’ll do some checking and get back to you. I’ll talk to the other nurse. She’s been in the village outside the clinic for days now. I’ll have her walk through and see if she sees anything I don’t. ’Night, brother.”
“’Night.” He flipped the laptop screen shut and sighed.
What would he do? Was he willing to leave London? He might be willing to move back to Australia, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to roam around Africa for the rest of his life, and he wasn’t sure how that would work for Nate. The truth was he had found a second family in London and he loved them. Funny how easy that was to admit now.
Fatherhood was making him soft.
He walked out the door. It was time to start softening her up, too. He was going to show her what he could offer her, and perhaps she would come around to his way of thinking.
The one thing he knew he couldn’t do was let her go.
* * * *
Steph stared through the window, alone now after assuring Adam he could go and enjoy the evening. He was somewhere in the dungeon looking for his wife. Steph couldn’t help but smile as she watched her son. Nate was in a bouncy chair surrounded by little girls. Kenzie and Kala and Carys Taggart all seemed fascinated by the newcomer. One of the twins was gently holding his hand while her sister showed Nate how the toys dangling above him rolled and whistled. Carys bounced and clapped. Nate was grinning like he knew he was the center of the universe.
She’d been all right with dying as long as he was okay. What kind of mother did that make her?
He was so sweet, so perfect. Was she going to be the one who screwed up his life?
“Ah, look at that boy. He’s already surrounded by gorgeous women.” Brody moved in behind her, his hands warm on her shoulders. “That’s Papa’s boy there.”
Brody was already madly in love with their son. He seemed to ease into it with a confidence she couldn’t feel. “I think it’s easy to see he’s not missing us at all.”
“That’s a good thing.” Brody’s hands skimmed down her arms, leaving trails of heat wherever he touched her. “He should be confident enough that we can leave him with people we trust. It means you’ve done a good job and he thinks the world is a place where he’s safe.”
“We both know that’s not true.” Nate simply wasn’t old enough to understand it.
“He doesn’t need to figure that out yet. This is what a childhood is. This is what we can give him, years and years where he’s certain he’s safe and loved. That’s what forms the base of who we are.”
Did it? She’d had two loving parents, a classic picture-perfect childhood with trips to Disney World and Sunday dinners with family. One mistake and it had all fallen apart. Her father had left because he couldn’t handle watching his only child disintegrate and her mother had gone to Avery Charles in desperation.
“Sometimes you can have everything and that base still breaks, Brody.”
“Then we build it all over again,” he said. “We build it stronger than before. Still might get a couple of cracks in it, but we fill those in. We don’t give up. No one gets through life without scars. That’s what we teach our son. No matter what happens, we’ll be there for him.”
Would she? Or would she lead him to a place where she couldn’t save him? Where she thought to let someone else take care of him so she could fulfill some dark destiny?
“I thought we weren’t thinking about the future,” she said quietly.
“We can never not think about his future. Ours can wait, but you have to kno
w I won’t disappear.”
All this talk was making her nervous. “I don’t have to know that. I don’t have to know that at all.”
He turned her, looming over her with that perfectly shaped jaw of his. “I left you. I shouldn’t have. I won’t again. I’m a simple man and I thought that was a problem. But, luv, you’re so bloody complex there’s not room for more than me. I never lied to you. Not once. Might have lied to myself a time or two, but never to you.”
He hadn’t. He’d been upfront and honest about what he’d wanted, and that was precisely why she was in the bind she was in. She could trust him when he said he would be there, but that was about their baby, not her.
At some point she was going to face a terrible decision and she had no idea what she would do about it. And she felt stupid standing around here in a bikini. It was ridiculous and she wasn’t sure what she’d been thinking. “I’m going to go change. This is silly. We need to be back at the guest house working on this problem, not playing dressup.”
He took her hand and she found herself back in the conference room. “You want to go and get dressed and sit and watch a movie you won’t be able to remember tomorrow because your mind is on something else? Because we’re not going home until this party is over. All the bodyguards are working overtime. This was a chance for a few of them to get a break. Do you want me to call Remy and tell him the men need to come back in?”
She shook her head. “I’m not trying to be a pain. I’m just not into this.”
“Because you’re not giving it a chance.” Brody walked over to the wall and used the dimmer switch. The room’s harsh lighting immediately softened. “I want you to stop panicking and take a deep breath.”
She hadn’t taken a deep breath all day. Not since last night when Brody had taken her to bed and she hadn’t been able to think about anything except him. “I’m not panicking. I’m worrying. Anya’s out there. It seems wrong that I’m playing sex games in here while she’s missing.”
He stared down at her. “We haven’t even started yet. Would you prefer I got you a hair shirt to wear? It won’t look as good on you, but it will irritate your skin, make you feel like shit. Maybe I could find a nail for you to sit on?”
“Don’t be condescending.”
He shrugged slightly. “You’re the one who seems to think you have to martyr yourself to the universe or something. Now if you tell me you’re scared and all you want is to cuddle up somewhere and talk about it, then I’ll do that. But that’s not what this is about, is it?”
“Maybe I don’t want to spend time with you.” The words sounded stubborn even to her own ears.
His lips quirked up in a lopsided smirk. It was wrong that she found it incredibly sexy. “Then you probably wouldn’t have asked me to kiss you before. You wouldn’t have practically melted in my arms.”
“I did not melt.” Except she’d felt kind of melty. She felt that way every single time they were in a room together, and that was part of the problem. She was fairly sure melting around him was a bad thing. Even if it felt good and right to be in his arms.
“Oh, you were close to it.” He leaned over, brushing his nose to hers. “This close. One second more and you would have been limp and warm and submissive, and all those things that would make this a lovely night. But that’s what you’re afraid of. You’re afraid to enjoy yourself because you think somehow that your suffering is going to help your friend. It won’t.”
“It feels wrong.” She couldn’t help it. He was right. There was something deep inside her that thought she didn’t deserve any of this, that she was still somehow stuck in a dark place where she needed to withhold the good things of the world from herself.
“No, you’re not feeling at all right now. You’re thinking,” Brody corrected. “Getting you out of that head of yours is my number one job tonight. You did good, Steph. You got out and you made it to the safest place you could. Anya knew what she was doing. She was trying to do good too, and we’re going to do everything in our power to get her back as fast as we can, but you can’t help us at all if you don’t rest, and you can’t rest if you never relax.”
How long had it been since she actually relaxed? Well, besides the night before? The night before had been heavenly, and now she was wondering if she’d deserved it at all. “How can I relax when someone I know is going through something awful?”
His eyes turned warm and serious, staring down at her like he was trying hard to figure out how to handle her. “I want you to answer a question and if you can answer yes, then I’ll tear this whole party down and get you home. I won’t care what anyone else says or needs. I’ll do it all for you. If you answer no, we do this my way. Can you agree to that?”
She saw a problem with his scenario. “What if I simply answer yes and get my way no matter what?”
“Then we’ll know more about how we work as a couple.”
No. She couldn’t go there. “We’re not a couple.”
He delicately pushed back a strand of her hair, tucking it neatly behind her ear. “Oh, we’re a couple. We’re a couple of parents. We’re a D/s couple until you tell me we’re not. We could be more, but we’re not deciding that tonight. The parent thing will never go away, Steph. Even if you wish you had never had a child with me, we can’t change it. He’s ours and he will have both parents in his life.”
She fought hard not to cry. Motherhood had turned her into a weepy mess of a woman. “I didn’t… I wouldn’t take him back, Brody. Not for anything. And I wouldn’t change his dad. He would be different if someone else had been his father, and he’s perfect the way he is. I wouldn’t change it. Fine. Ask me the question. I agree to your terms.”
“Will you giving up our play session tonight do anything at all to help Anya?”
Damn him. She tried to come up with a million different ways to say yes, but he was right. She was falling back into old patterns, hurting herself because she didn’t think she deserved anything at all good in life. “No.”
A satisfied smile crossed his face. “Then you’re mine for the night and you will follow my every instruction. The only reason for you to stop our play is because you’re frightened in a way that overwhelms you, you’re hurt in a way that doesn’t enhance the pleasure, or you don’t want what I’m doing to you. In those cases, all you have to do is tell me to stop and I will. But for now, you’ll kiss me and we’ll start the night properly.”
She was in a corner and she could fight her way out or she could understand that this particular corner was nice and safe and warm. This corner was filled with him and his unique sexuality. One more night with Brody. That was how she could look at it. One day at a time. One sweet night at a time.
She went up on her toes and did what came naturally. She pressed her lips to his and let her arms float up. His hands went to her hips and all thoughts of how crappy it was to wear a bikini when it wasn’t sunny outside flew out the window. Heat scorched her where he touched. Now she understood why he’d picked this particular “costume” for her. He could touch her pretty flesh, remind her constantly of how good it felt to have his hands on her.
His tongue swiped across her lower lip before delving deep inside. He kissed her long and slow, every velvet touch of his tongue making her heart speed up.
He finally put some small distance between them, though he lowered his forehead to touch hers. “Perfect, luv. Now turn and hold on to the conference table. I want your arse in the air, and plant your feet shoulder width apart for me.”
She was confused. One minute he was kissing her like he couldn’t breathe without her and now he wanted her backside in the air. She still had to get used to him using the word arse as though it was something sexy. “What? I thought we were going out to the club.”
“We will, after we get a few things done,” he promised.
“Brody, I’m good. I’ll follow your lead.”
“You’ll follow my instructions or things are going to get worse for you,” he said, his
tone low.
“All right.” He looked super serious about the instructions thing. But he also looked intensely sexy. The low growl that was coming out of his mouth sent warmth straight to all her female parts. “I promise I’ll follow your instructions.”
She turned and started for the door.
A big arm went around her waist and hauled her back against his body. In a second, she felt his hand at the back of her neck and her bikini top dropped, baring her breasts. Before she could protest, his hand covered her right breast and she felt him catch her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. He twisted, hard. She stiffened and bit back a cry.
Pain shot through her and then a ridiculously warm sensation. She knew enough about sexual arousal to know this was something that would only work if she was already aroused. If some asshole walked up to her and pinched her nipple, she would punch him in the face and call out his assault of her person. This was different. Because of the numerous hormones flooding her system, that rough tweak to her nipple made her eyes watery and her pussy go super soft.
“You don’t listen well, luv. I gave you specific instructions as to what you’re supposed to do. You’ve ignored each and every word, and that’s something we’re going to have to fix.” He tweaked her other breast, tugging and then twisting. She shivered and bit back a low moan of pure sensual excitement.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t understand. I thought we were going out to the club.”
“Because you’re thinking again and that ain’t your job tonight. Tonight you’re going to wipe that brilliant brain of yours clean and leave everything to me. You’re going to obey your Master and let him take control.” Both hands had come up, rolling her nipples softly, but she knew what he could do if he wanted to. There was a delicious menace to that touch. “You’re going to spend the rest of the evening thinking of nothing but pleasing me. Now do as I bloody well asked or I’ll find a way to make you remember.”
