by Jewel, Bella
“You’re hurt, let me make it better.”
“Get out of my house, or I will call the police. If I call the police, you’ll not see your son again. I don’t want to do that, because he loves you. So, if you love him like you say you do, you need to get the hell out of my house and never come back.”
His eyes tear up and I want to scream and hit him and hug him all at the same time. Why am I so broken that I feel anything toward this monster? What is wrong with me? I hold my ground, though. I’m not letting him touch me. Not now. Not again.
I’m done.
It’s my time to fight back.
“Please, let me help you. You could be injured.”
“You going to take me to the hospital and tell them what you’ve done?”
He looks pained at my response.
“I didn’t think so. Now leave.”
“Zariah ...”
“God dammit, leave!” I scream.
He backs up, his face shocked, his hands trembling. My whole body feels like it’s going to just give up on me and my bottom lip trembles with the tears I’ve been holding back for the last few minutes. I can barely breathe, barely think. I just need him to leave. I need him gone.
Now.
He turns and walks to the door, looking back when he reaches it.
“Get out,” I rasp, clutching my ribs.
The pain is like a searing hot knife rolling through my body.
I’m scared.
I’m in agony.
I need him gone.
He walks out and shuts the front door. I wait a few moments, part of me terrified he’s going to walk back in and finish what he’s always come so close to finishing. I push to my hands and knees, letting the tears leak free as I sob my way to the door. When I’m there, I flick the deadbolt. He might have a key, but when I’m inside this house, he can’t get in. I fall against the door.
I need help.
I know I need help.
The problem now is, who the hell do I call?
11
ZARIAH
I pass out.
While waiting to decide who I can call for help, the pain gets the better of me and I fall asleep right where I lie. I don’t even realize it has happened until I wake in the morning to a pounding on the door. My eyes open and I move just slightly only to feel the incredible pain that I somehow managed to sleep through. The copious amounts of alcohol I drank probably did the job, and I’m somewhat grateful.
I move and cry out, pain unlike anything I’ve ever felt tearing through my body. I try to get up, but I can’t move. I can’t stand. I can’t do anything but cry out. The banging on the door continues and I hear Kendric yell out, “Zariah, you home?”
I no longer have a choice.
I should have gotten help last night.
Now I’m in so much pain I can’t be picky about who I ask to make it go away.
“Kendric?” I croak, reaching out and banging my fist onto the door.
“Zariah?”
“She’s by the door.”
Bohdi’s deep voice echoes through.
“Zariah, you okay?” Kendric calls out, banging his fist on the door again. “Open the door.”
“I can’t,” I croak and then tears burst forth and roll down my cheeks again. “I can’t. Please.”
“She’s hurt, find a way in,” I hear Kendric order.
I hear doors and windows rattle, and then a moment later I hear the shattering sound of glass as the window to my left is busted into a thousand tiny pieces. I don’t even care. I honestly don’t. More smashing sounds, then a towel is thrown down and Kendric climbs through the window. His eyes move over my house, the upturned coffee table and the scattered things on the ground, and then he looks to me.
He sees me and his eyes flash with an unfamiliar expression. He strides over with purpose and immediately kneels on the ground, carefully lifting my head into his hands. “Who did this?”
I can’t tell him.
I can’t.
Not until my son is safe.
“I don’t know,” I lie. “I just ... I came home and there was a man in my house. I tried to fight him off but ...”
Kendric takes my face in his hands, leaning down. “You do not fuckin’ lie to me, Zariah. You’re a cop, one man in your house would be no fuckin’ problem for you. Now, I’ll ask you again, who the fuck did this?”
I stare at him and a tear bursts forth.
“I’m a smart man, you gotta trust that we can handle this for you. For your boy. Now tell me what I need to know. Can’t protect you if I don’t know.”
Protection.
That word sounds nice.
It feels even better.
I can’t remember what it feels like to be protected.
To be safe.
“Reece,” I whisper. “Reece did it.”
Kendric turns just his head and looks to Bohdi who has just come through the window. “Call Alarick, get the guys in here. Now.”
Bohdi nods and walks into the other room, pulling out his phone.
“Kendric,” I say, grabbing his hand with mine. “He has my son.”
Kendric carefully helps me up and over to the sofa. He gently lays me down and even though I’m crying and panting after that small movement, I hear his voice loud and clear. “We will get your boy back to you safe and sound. I promise you that.”
I believe him.
I really do believe him.
“Alarick is on his way with the guys,” Bohdi says, coming back into the room. “I’ve got a first aid kit; do you need to call the paramedic?”
Kendric looks to me. “You want to go to the hospital and report that mother fucker, or do you want us to deal with it?”
I’m an officer of the law, I know the right thing would be to go to the hospital, make an official report and go from there. I also know that half of those reports aren’t taken seriously, people get hurt over and over again, let down by the system. I know that Reece isn’t the sort of person who will just lie down and go away, he’ll fight and, because of that, I know my decision has been made even before I say the words. “You handle it.”
Kendric’s eyes flash with something new. Appreciation. Respect. Admiration. I’ve never seen him look at me the way he is now. The hatred he has felt toward me in the last few months has gone, in its place is a man who is finally starting to see that I’m not the enemy here.
I’m only trying to help.
“You think anything is broken? We can say you were mugged, somethin’ like that, if you want to go to the hospital.”
I move, and pain shoots through my body.
I do need the hospital. I’m not stupid enough to think I don’t.
“I’m in a lot of pain, I need the hospital,” I whisper, body throbbing from just a small movement.
“Then I’m takin’ you as soon as Alarick gets here. You give us as much information as you can, we’ll take it from there.”
I swallow, nervous.
I’m not going to stop being nervous until I have my son back. Safe.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
Kendric looks to me. “We don’t let our own down.”
Their own.
My heart swells and I make a sobbing sound, which causes me to cry out in pain. Kendric shifts me slightly, murmuring, “Stay still, woman. You’re goin’ to hurt yourself more.”
My heart feels so incredibly full right now.
“Where is she?”
Briella’s voice booms through my house, but I can’t turn to see her. It doesn’t take long and she’s in front of me, shoving Kendric out of the way and dropping to her knees, reaching for my hand. “Oh, honey, what happened? Are you okay?”
“I’m just sore, I’ll be okay,” I tell her, voice shaky from the pain.
“She’s got broken ribs, no doubt, probably some bleeding. We need to get her to the hospital,” Kendric orders. “Goin’ to need you to let me get her, Briella.”
Briella looks to
him, then back to me. She hesitates, but she steps back and lets Kendric reach for me. Alarick, Cohen, and Samson appear in my line of sight and Alarick takes one look at me and his face hardens. “You tell me where he is.”
I do just that. I tell him where Reece is, I tell them I want my son safe, and then I let them do their bit.
I have to.
I just don’t have it in me to fight anymore.
I’m done.
“YOU’RE IN BAD WAY, are you sure you didn’t see who attacked you?” the doctor asks after I’ve been admitted to the hospital because of my injuries. I’ve got a few broken ribs and some internal bleeding that should go away on its own, but they want to monitor me to make sure.
I lied.
I told them I was walking home and got attacked.
I think they know I’m lying; hell, I think they know when most people are lying. It’s their job really, isn’t it?
“I didn’t. I know it was a man, I can give a brief description but I couldn’t see his face because he had it covered.”
“The police will take all of that, as I’m sure you know being an officer. I’m sorry you were put through that. We’ll keep you at least overnight to make sure you’re not going to have any complications, and I’ll send you home with some good painkillers. You’ll be sore. You won’t be able to do any active duty for at least six weeks.”
Thank god I’m working with Blanche now because we’re not out on the streets where I need my body to be working correctly.
“Okay, I understand. Thank you.”
“You have a visitor outside; I’ll send him in as soon as I’m done here. I’ve given you a sleep tablet for the night to help you get through the pain and get some rest.”
I nod, and when he leaves, I pick up my phone before my visitor comes in to call Blanche. I don’t want him thinking that I’ve given up on the case because I didn’t show up to work today. I’m already frustrated that I have to take time off, considering he picked me because he thought I was worth giving the extra effort to.
“Zariah, how are you? Carson told me what happened. Are you okay?”
He’s being nice already, and I immediately sigh with relief.
“I’m okay, sore but okay. I’ll be in the hospital for a few days, but I’ll be right back to work. I don’t want you thinking I’m slacking on the case.”
He laughs. “Work, work, work, it’s totally fine. In fact, I’m happy to come with you in there to do some work if you like. Only if you’re feeling up to it, of course?”
“Yes, please, that would be great!” I say quickly, my voice full of excitement.
If I have to sit in here, at least I’m going to do it working on the case. I want nothing more than to work on it right now.
He laughs again. “Well, that didn’t take much convincing, did it? I’ll pop by in the morning and we can go over what I’ve uncovered.”
“Thank you so much.”
We talk for a few minutes more but I hang up when a knock at my door sounds out. I yell out and, a moment later, Kendric walks in. He’s got a bag of something that smells incredible in his hands, and after a quick glance around the room, he comes in and sits by the bed, placing the items on my food tray. “Didn’t know if you were hungry, but I got you a burrito. Waverly told me you like ‘em, she also told me to tell you that if you don’t answer your phone in the morning she’s getting on a plane and coming home.”
I shake my head, smiling. “Of course she is. I’ll text her later, tell her I’m okay.”
“Are you?” he asks.
I narrow my eyes, confused.
“Okay?”
“Oh,” I say softly. “Yeah, I’m okay.”
“And the boy?”
“He’s okay, Reece has been calling me over and over. That’s what he does. He lives with guilt. I spoke to Jayden earlier, he seems happy. He’s safe there until we can get him back.”
“Don’t let that fucker get into your head. Don’t let him convince you that you shouldn’t be doin’ this. He’s a dangerous man, and next time you won’t be so lucky.”
I swallow, and glance down at my hands. “But, Jayden ...”
“You think the boy needs a man like that in his life? How long do you think it’s goin’ to be before he sees his father behavin’ like that and thinks it’s okay. You tell me that?”
I feel like a fist slams into my chest at his words. They hurt, they’re a brutal truth I don’t want to face.
“That’s his father. He loves him. Adores him. I can’t just take that away from him. Reece loves his son, he does ...”
“If he fuckin’ loved his son, he wouldn’t hurt his mother. You’re makin’ excuses out of guilt, guilt that your boy will miss out if you take him away, but you gotta know that man will turn on your boy one day. He’ll get angry and he’ll snap. You really willin’ to bet everythin’ that he’ll never do that?”
I look away, tears burning under my eyelids.
“What about when he meets another woman and he beats her in front of him. That boy is only gettin’ bigger, he ain’t gettin’ smaller. He’s oblivious to it now, but he won’t be forever. You look me in the eye and tell me you’re okay with that, and I’ll let it be.”
I clench my eyes shut, and a moment later Kendric’s hand finds my jaw and he turns my face toward his. I open my eyes and his are locked on mine, his face serious. “Answer me, Zariah.”
“No, no I’m not okay with that. I’m not, but ...”
“But you’re scared of that fucker. You’re scared of hurtin’ him because you’ve got some twisted little attachment to him. I get that. Seen it, believe it. You can get past it.”
He’s reading me like an open damned book.
“You think I’m pathetic ...” I whisper.
“No,” he growls, squeezing my jaw slightly. Not hard, just enough to get his point across. “No, I think you’re fuckin’ broken by a man who was meant to love you. I’ve seen what you can do, Zariah. You’re a bad ass and you’re a cop. You could have fought back at any point, but you didn’t, you didn’t because you convince yourself that you’re not like him, that he’ll change, that you love him. He had you exactly where he wanted you.”
I jerk my head out of his grips. “You’ve made your point.”
“You’re just not gettin’ the point I’m makin’.”
“I am, you think I’m fucking broken and all twisted up. Like a piece of wire tangled around itself, so badly that even if I untangle, I’ll never be the same again. You think I can’t get past this. I’m just a fucked up little human, because of the actions of one man.”
“You’re sayin’ that, not me.”
I look at him. “You saw just how deep this goes. You saw it the other night.”
He grunts, crossing his arms. “Because you liked watchin’ me fuck someone? You think because that turned you on, that you’re fuckin’ broken? You think that makes you different? I’m here to tell you it don’t, there is nothin’ wrong with what happened, you’re just so fuckin’ uptight you won’t let that part of yourself out. Underneath it all, Zariah, there’s a fuckin’ caged animal, and one day you’ll let it loose.”
I swallow, my breathing deep and yet shallow all at the same time. “Does it scare you?”
His eyes flash and he leans forward. “Fuck no.”
“What if I told you that I liked it, that I liked when he’d hurt me and then fuck me, because it made my body feel things I couldn’t feel unless it was like that. What if I told you maybe, just maybe, I let him do it because part of me needed it.”
He takes my jaw in his hand again and gets closer. “I’d say that you’re bein’ the most truthful with yourself right now then you’ve ever been, and you need to do that a whole lot fuckin’ more if you want to get past this man.”
He’s not shocked.
Not confused.
Not disgusted.
I just told him something I have utterly refused to admit to myself. I’ve had it deep down, l
ocked away in those cages he speaks of, never wanting to let it up because the fear of what it would mean scares the life out of me. I’ve not once allowed myself to admit that sometimes, after Reece hurt me, he would fuck me, and it would feel so good I’d come to crave it. I’d come to need it in the most sick and twisted way I could ever imagine.
“Pain turns me on,” I whisper, low. “I’m turned on by a twisted situation. Things that aren’t normal. You can’t tell me that I’m not fucked up.”
“You’re human. We all have shit that others wouldn’t understand, believe me.”
He’s wrong. He’s so wrong. He wouldn’t understand. If I told him my deepest, darkest desires he wouldn’t understand.
“Trust me, you wouldn’t get it.”
“Try me, Zariah. Tell me what you’re thinkin’ right now, no matter what it is. See what happens.”
I look him dead in the eye.
“I want you to put your hands in my pants and rub me until I am writhing in pleasure and pain, but not touch a single other part of my body. I don’t want you to touch me. I just want you to bring me pleasure. Pure pleasure. The pain my body will give me, makes it feel even better. What do you say about that, Kendric?” I say in a low tone.
His eyes flash. “I’d say that’s fuckin’ nothin’. You can go so much fuckin’ deeper than that and you wouldn’t scare me.”
I swallow and our eyes don’t part as he steps toward me. “Is that what you want me to do to you right now?”
“You hate me. That only makes me want it more.”
He bares his teeth in a feral kind of way that makes my heart race and my legs clench. I want him but only because I know he doesn’t want me. He wants to fuck me, sure, but he can’t stand me. Deep down he hates everything I allowed to happen to him, he wants me to suffer, and he’s made it very clear how he feels. That only makes this more thrilling. Knowing that makes my body hum with a twisted kind of pleasure.
“Don’t make a sound,” he growls stepping up to my bed and slipping his hand between the sheets. He finds my pussy beneath the hospital gown, bare and aching, and immediately he locates my clit and starts rubbing. He rubs slow, sensual, with the kind of precision most men could never figure out let alone do without seeing anything.
