My knees buckle almost as if I saw a ghost again as Tucker pulls me even closer (as if that was possible) and kisses me more insistently than the other night. His tongue is doing things I didn’t know a tongue could do and for a few moments, I don’t care about Ray, ghosts, apologies, or even jacked up hair and eye bags.
He finally releases me and holds me in front of him, looking in my eyes.
“I just wanted to do that one more time, in case I’ve lost my chance. But based on your reaction, I feel like I still have a shot.”
His eyes glimmer and now I just want a hug. I feel the tears coming.
“I really am sorry, and I just don’t know…what to do now.”
He stiffens a little, and not in the place I felt while we were lip locked a minute ago.
“You don’t know what to do about what? Molly Mae, are you thinking of takin’ Ray back? I know it’s a shock that he’s back, and you must be all full of emotions and stuff like that, but oh shit, now you’re goin’ to cry? I hate it when women cry.”
“I’m sorry, wait…no, I’m not sorry. I have every right to cry. My husband has been gone for over a year without a word and now he’s back, and I am mad and relieved and confused and yes, I am very emotional!”
Tucker backs up closer to the door now that I’ve moved from weeping to ugly crying.
“Maybe I should come back later.”
“No, if you want to see this thing through that you’ve started you need to stay, and deal with all of this.” I run my hands around my face to indicate the mess of my appearance and my life.
Tucker blows all the air out of his cheeks and says, “Okay, you’re right. And I’m not gonna let Ray weasel his way…sorry, let’s…talk.”
He leads me to the sofa and sits a safe distance from me to dissuade more kissing, and also to protect himself from any anger I might still be inclined to toss his way.
***
A dim light shines through the window of my bedroom and I have never felt better after makeup sex. Well, we weren’t really fighting, but there was a bit more yelling and crying before Tucker and I concluded that this thing between us was happening, Ray or no Ray.
Yes, it was everything I wanted it to be and no, he did not take advantage of my emotional state. He must have asked me if I was sure ten times before I practically dragged him up the stairs.
“Well, I have to say that was worth the almost thirty-year wait.”
Tucker runs his fingers through my now destroyed hair and I punch his arm.
“Stop that right now—you didn’t start lusting after me until you were at least in the fifth grade or so.”
“True.” He kisses my nose and my forehead again.
I am briefly reminded of Ray doing the same thing in his truck on that snowy night, and also how much better he dealt with my tears.
But Tucker is young, and he hasn’t been married—I think this level of emotion is new to him.
And besides, he made me feel better in the best possible way.
And Ray would have to do a lot more than kiss away a few tears that he caused…
Tucker props himself up on one elbow and traces the line of my jaw with his warm, slightly rough fingers.
“I hate to say this, but I think we should probably get up and get dressed. If Ray brings the girls home early, that would be seriously not cool. I would have to pretend I was helping you find a tarantula that crawled in your bed and then it got in my pants and…well, you get the picture.”
I laugh and say, “Tucker Swanson, you aren’t that good of a liar and you know it. But that’s a good story in case we have to use it someday. We could also spend some time at your place, since no one lives there.”
He snaps his fingers. “That’s so smart—then you could run out my back-patio door and in through yours without anyone seein’ you from the road.”
I sit up and pout a little. “I appreciate you respectin’ my feelings about the girls not knowing their mom is having sex with the hot neighbor, but is that all this is?”
Tucker rolls his eyes and pulls me close. “Molly, you have got to be kidding me. Look at me—I have loved you most of my life, in one form or another. And I fully intend to explore this new form—both the one I just enjoyed and the new way our relationship is moving—until you tell me to go away.”
“Okay, that sounds like a good plan. But you know I still have to deal with Ray…”
“I know, and I’ll be here for you. I won’t rush you into anything. And we can be discreet for a while. You are still legally married, and you are gonna have to explain to the girls where things stand between you and their daddy.”
I am looking forward to that conversation as much as another nightmare about ghosts eating chicken on my toilet.
We spend a few more minutes reassuring each other that we’ll figure it out, even though I do not see how that’s possible.
My brain is jumping around to every possible stressful scenario as I see Tucker sit up and peer into the contents of the box of Meemaw’s letters on the floor.
“Hey, what’s all this stuff?”
I tell him that I’m happy to share my findings about Meemaw’s past—maybe he’ll have some ideas to help me solve the mystery.
Plus, I’m starving, and we do need to get out of this house before I need to make up any more lies.
One thing I do know—if Meemaw makes another appearance, real or imagined, I am going to ask her what she was doing in Maine, and what was the deal with her secret admirer?
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Tucker, I’m sorry but you’ll have to go outside if you want to smoke. This is a non-smoking household and you should quit anyway—it’s very important for your health.”
Martha is practically yelling as she greets Tucker, and I greet her boyfriend and my former neighbor, Fred.
Fred shakes his head good-naturedly and says, “You’ll have to excuse Martha. Ever since she learned that my late wife passed away after a battle with lung cancer, she is determined to protect me from all tobacco products.”
He laughs and we all join in nervously. I’m sure Martha means well, and it must be hard being in a relationship with a widower, but she should probably tone it down a tad. Fred seems fine to me.
Tucker says, “No need to worry, Ma’am. I have officially given up cigarettes.”
He smiles at me and takes my hand. We decided that we would ‘out’ ourselves as a couple to Fred and Martha, since they live in town and not at Pentagon Place, and they don’t spend much time around the people we want to keep our relationship away from.
Fred was one of the residents of our apartment complex, but he moved out last year after finding love with another senior. Our sweet apartment manager, Lia, set them up after she came to Applebarrow. Martha and her late Granana were church buddies.
Fred ushers us into their modest but cute living room, while Martha runs off to grab the sweet tea and cookies.
We all sit down, Fred on his recliner, and Tucker and I are on the loveseat. Fred begins by asking for clarification on what the heck we were talking about when we called him.
“I know you kids were on that darn speaking phone and with you talking at the same time, I barely understood. But I thought you said you’re looking for my cousin, Albert. Is that right?”
After Tucker and I got dressed and went out for a bite to eat after our fun time last night, I filled him in on my Meemaw research, and he said he knew an old guy named Albert who was probably about the right age. He’s Fred’s cousin and he used to bring his vintage cars to the shop for Tucker to work on.
I didn’t know Tucker was an expert in antique cars, but he proudly told me he’s the go-to guy for old automotive repair in these parts.
Albert and Meemaw are older than Fred—I would say he’s in his mid to late sixties, but they aren’t much older, and Fred might have some info for us.
“Yes Fred, my Meemaw left some letters behind—I found them when I was cleaning out her house with my brot
hers recently. I wasn’t going to read them, but I thought it would be nice for the girls to have them as a family heirloom, but I found something very strange.”
Martha returns with the tray and Tucker jumps up to help her. I guess he doesn’t want a repeat performance of the mess I made after Ray showed up.
But it’s not like I am going to tell everyone that not only did Meemaw have a secret first love and a mysterious long-term trip to the north, but she was in my bathroom wiping imaginary chicken grease on her skirt.
We all sit back down, and over tea and some of the finest oatmeal raisin cookies I’ve ever consumed, I tell them everything I know.
“Do you know where Albert lives?” I ask hopefully.
“Well my dear, that is quite a story. Of course, I know where Albert lives, and I am guessing he’s your man. This is a small town and I do recall Albert having a girlfriend who left town abruptly. But I was a little boy and I only remember hearing grownups talking in hushed voices about it. In those days people didn’t talk to kids like you young folks do nowadays.”
He smiles and Martha says, “Well that’s true, but I think the modern ways are much better. Why, when I was a girl, I started my cycle and I didn’t even know what was happening…Mama just gave me a box of diaper looking pads and I had to figure it out…oh Tucker, are you okay, sweetie?”
Martha doesn’t seem to realize that the memory of the long-ago onset of her menstrual cycle is not something Tucker wants to hear while eating.
While I rub his back, and he coughs with one finger up to indicate he will live, I turn back to Fred. “Do you think it’s possible the girl was Meemaw?”
“I didn’t know her back then, and as an adult I only knew of her because this is such a tight-knit, small community. But it’s surely possible. Are you sure you want to dig up the past?”
What I don’t want to tell Fred is that this Meemaw mystery is a nice diversion from my real life. I just hope that further meddling doesn’t cause more ghost dreams.
I will go pay Albert a visit. Maybe he’ll just spill his story.
It’s probably something totally innocent anyway, and my jaded mind just can’t come up with a nineteen-fifties version of romantic intrigue.
***
“Who would expect that an old man is biking across country and I’ll have to wait months to talk to him?”
I stir my lukewarm coffee and try to summon the energy to pop it in the microwave. Lia taps her finger against her lips like she’s thinking and/or trying to keep from blurting out her thoughts.
“That’s funny. I am like a third of the guy’s age, and I get lost in my own town on bike rides.”
We laugh about Lia’s disastrous biking adventure with her ex, Jason. Luckily, she has a great guy now who would never leave her behind.
“Molly, are you sure you want to dig around in your Meemaw’s past? I mean, I guess I did the same thing with Granana, and I did uncover a lot of truth. I wouldn’t know that my grandfather was gay and that my grandmother had a secret lover who’s now like a grandfather to me.”
“Yes, so that was all good stuff! You gave your dad the gift of really knowing his parents. Oh wait, maybe you’re right. Depending on what I find out, it won’t be a gift to my mother. Your father is a bit more open-minded than Mama.”
Lia’s dad is a hippy college professor who lives in Vermont. Comparing him to Mama is like comparing humans to little green men from outer space.
“Yeah, well open-minded has its drawbacks, too.” She grows more serious and says, “Are you sure you’re not pursuing your Meemaw’s secrets because you are avoiding the whole Ray and Tucker issue?”
My stomach does a quick flip and I blink harder than normal. “What do you mean? There is no issue. Ray is back, and the girls are happy. Yes, it’s awkward living in the same neighborhood… and no, I don’t blame you for that. And Tucker and I are fine. It’s all very new, but we’re having fun and…what? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You’re still married to a man who ran away and left you with no word for over a year, and you’re now sleeping with a guy you used to babysit. I think there’s some baggage to unpack there. I know you have much more life experience than I do, but that’s some shit to deal with. No?”
I toss my coffee cup in the trash and resist the urge to rub my face with my hands. That seems to be my go-to strategy for hiding from reality, and the other day I was walking around with smeared makeup. I don’t need to look like a deranged clown at work.
“Yes, I know I have stuff to deal with. But there are other considerations…”
I can’t very well tell Lia that my Meemaw paid me a visit and that makes this all a bit more complicated.
I’ve been eagerly awaiting a second visit but I’m not sure if I’m supposed to summon her. I was thinking of making some pulled pork and macaroni and cheese, but supposedly she can only eat the food they give her in heaven.
Come to think of it, I didn’t even ask her if she’s in heaven, but since she’s stuffing her face with fried chicken and getting busy with Peepaw, I would imagine it’s her idea of heaven.
Lia looks at the time on her pink sports watch, and says, “Oops, I’ve gotta run. I have a bunch of Intern candidates coming in for interviews at the school. My after-school foreign language program has been so popular that I have a waiting list for Interns to teach the classes. Isn’t that amazing?”
“Yes, sugar. I’ll see you later.”
Lia swishes out of the room in her cute minidress and I smile at that girl’s spunk. She’s so much younger than me and she’s got it all together. Well, she didn’t have anything together when she arrived in Applebarrow last year, but she’s really blossomed.
I look around my office and realize I don’t even need to be here. I have been working hard all week and I have a shift later at the diner. Until this round of doll designs go to market, I don’t have a whole lot to do for Molly’s Dollies. The salesman is working his magic out there, and hopefully soon I’ll be able to quit the diner.
Ray has already hinted at how he has plenty of money now and he could help me out so I can focus on my business, but the last person I want anything from is Ray. Child support for the girls, yes. But not for me. I just want my share of the money he took when he left, and that isn’t much.
I pack up my purse and shut down my computer. Maybe I’ll stop by the auto repair shop and surprise Tucker with lunch. Oh, there’s a text coming in on my phone. Maybe he has the same idea.
“Hey Darlin’! I found an awesome spring break camp for Mags. How’d you like to come check it out?”
I count to ten and remember what I just said—Ray owes the girls and it’s fine for him to ask me about things that involve co-parenting.
Tucker is going to have to understand that if he wants to stay around. We’ll be taking the girls to college and planning their weddings and sharing the grandchildren.
Wow, I really need to teach my daughters how important it is to be selective about who you reproduce with. I’m never getting rid of Ray.
“Okay, what kind of camp? Where is it? I have some time this week.”
“I’ll send you the details. It’s a fashion design camp, so obviously not around these parts. LOL…it’ll be fun.”
Fashion design camp? I’ve never heard of such a thing.
How freaking far away is it? Maybe it’s in Richmond. They have some big artsy schools there. Yes, it’s probably at the state university downtown. It would be nice if Magnolia could go there. I would have loved to have had the opportunity to study my craft instead of figuring it out as I went along.
“Okay, I’ll look at your email and get back to you.”
I hesitate to write anything nicer, but I guess it’s the right thing to do. He is trying and fighting with him and being nasty is only going to prolong my pain.
Not that I still have any pain when it comes to Ray. You can’t still be in love with a man who…anyway, I type one final message before I t
oss my phone in my bag.
“Thanks for doing this. The girls are happy to have you back.”
He’s typing a reply and I hope he isn’t going to fish for…
“Just the girls?”
Crap, that was accompanied by all of the available kissy face and heart emojis.
Do I have to be a straight up bitch with this man for him to respect my boundaries?
“What boundaries? You haven’t told the man a durn thing about the new rules, so can you blame him?”
I shut my eyes tightly. There is no way I have fallen asleep in my office—I’m not that tired. And unless Lia has developed a very strong southern accent…
I open one eye and see Meemaw sitting on my office loveseat, with a big pile of macaroni and cheese in a serving bowl. She can barely balance it on her lap and she’s eating it with a mixing spoon.
“Don’t you go judgin’ me, little lady. I told you I can’t get any fatter and my heart is toast so I can enjoy myself in peace. Haha…maybe that’s where the saying ‘rest in peace’ comes from. Anyhoo, close your mouth, sweetie. You never know what might fly in.”
I nervously glance at the door to my office, which Lia left open on her way out.
“No one can see or hear me, so quit yer worryin’ about little ole me and let’s talk about your men problems.”
She shovels a forkful of cheesy pasta in her mouth, and I must admit it looks delicious.
“I wish I could share sweetie, especially since you gave me this great idea, but shoot you don’t wanna go and blow up when you’ve finally started havin’ relations with that cute Swanson boy. Your Peepaw always liked a little extra meat on my bones. He always said there was more cushion for—”
“Stop, please!” I cringe when I realize that if there is anyone in the hall, they heard me yelling, and they will either think I’m fighting with someone on the phone, or I’m talking to myself. I can see it now— ‘her business was so promising until she cracked up’.
Meemaw shoves her spoon into her bowl in a huff and says, “Molly Mae, put your phone to your ear and pretend you’re talkin’ to somebody. And get up and close that door. Do I have to tell you everything? And haven’t you figured out that I can read your thoughts? You’re not this slow—now get a move on. Peepaw is waitin’ for me to get back for a little afternoon…well you know. I won’t say it because for some reason it seems to embarrass you.”
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