As hard as I try, I can’t keep my suspicions about Jenny Swanson out of my mind and Meemaw drops her chicken leg on my carpet, but it disappears immediately. It will be interesting to see if Penny can sniff ghost food later.
“Molly Mae Jenkins, do you really think Jenny Swanson is my baby girl?”
I explain my suspicions and my talk with Tucker.
“Sweet baby Jesus, I need cobbler now. Wait no, I need some ribs first.”
Now she’ll be covered in ghostly barbecue sauce while she prolongs my agony.
“First of all, I am a sloppy eater and now I don’t have to be worried about laundry, so I don’t give a possum’s butt about it. Now as for your brilliant idea, just because the Swanson boys’ mama is the same age as my baby, and Tucker thinks she may have been adopted in Maine, that all makes you think that you’ve solved the mystery? Well, those CSI folks should send you the cold murder cases. I bet you could solve ‘em all before supper.”
Arguing with the only person who might have some supernatural powers that I can use to help me is not the best idea, but she is trying my patience.
“I need to know if there is any way you can help me.”
Now she’s drinking a glass of what looks like her favorite sweet tea. Even though I’m anxious about this conversation, I can’t help but think that being able to eat and drink all you want with no consequences, or trips to the bathroom, looks like a fun perk in the afterlife.
Now she’s eating berry cobbler and she says with a full mouth, “You are killin’ me girly. Haha…”
I suppose she’s laughing at her comment since she’s already dead.
“Yes, I am just tickled when I say stuff like that. Anyhow, the only thing I can think of is you go visit Jenny Swanson and I’ll join you there.”
“How is that gonna help? You know Jenny Swanson, so it’s not like seeing her is gonna give you any new information. And if you appear to her, you’re sucked back into the void faster than a knife fight breaks out in a phone booth.”
“I know that, and I’ve had enough of the eedeemommy beans.”
“What?” What the hell could they be giving her to eat? “Oh, do you mean edamame?”
“Whatever you call those durn things. Taste like dry little turds. Now listen up. I am gonna go back to…my home…after I finish my cobbler…and I am gonna get myself back to the fast track object movin’ class. I know someone who took one not too long ago and she got pretty good at it.”
“How is that gonna help?”
“While you talk to Jenny about how sad you are about Tucker, I will root around in all her business and try to find her birth certificate or adoption certificate or somethin’. Oh wait, her adopted mama and daddy are dead, aren’t they? I also might be able to find them on the other side, but they may have retired to the Florida section of the afterlife.”
“You mean that you are in Applebarrow’s section of heaven?”
“Of course. I loved it here when I was breathin’ air, so why wouldn’t I stay? Also, there are a lot of other fun residents of this fine town up there.”
I wonder who she’s hanging out with. Maybe Allegra DeLuca? And her husband and his lover? What a tribe of deceased folks that would be. Probably a fun bunch.
“I can’t tell you, but we do have a good time. Now let’s stay focused and not get off on a slow roll into the cornfield.”
All I can think about is my rolls with Tucker. Crap, now she heard that, too. Get out of my head, Meemaw!
“Darlin’ girl, you know my history now, and you know I enjoyed, and still enjoy, healthy relations with men. Mostly just the one, but…anyhoo, you and Tucker have somethin’ special and while I can’t stop Ray from interferin’, I can at least help you find out if you were…spending intimate time…with your cousin. Not that there would be any shame in it, because you didn’t know.”
If it is true, I need to let Tucker go and forget all about him. And also figure out how to hide this knowledge from everyone else.
No good can come from the general population knowing that we committed…maybe not something illegal, but super gossip worthy in this small town.
Meemaw stands up and wipes the crumbs off her skirt. It’s funny how some habits live on after death. The crumbs are gone just like the chicken leg.
Although Penny will let me know that for sure.
“Okay, I’m off to class. And you have an assignment too, missy.”
“What’s that?”
“You call that mama of yours and you give her ‘what for and then some’ for breakin’ bread with that snake Ray behind your back.”
“How do you know about that?”
“I’m like Santa Claus, remember? I heard your conversation with the girls when they spilled the beans on your traitorous mother. I don’t know how I raised such a foolish woman.”
She shakes her head and as she disappears, she says, “Don’t worry, sugar, Meemaw’s on the case.”
Hmm…why does that make me worry even more?
Shoot, sorry Meemaw. I really can’t get used to having a non-stop spy in my head.
But one thing is for sure—I will follow her directions and tell Mama to cease and desist on the Ray love fest—regardless of whether or not the door is slammed shut on any chance for my love fest with Tucker.
This is the shittiest love triangle since Carrie couldn’t decide between Aiden and Mr. Big.
But somehow Sex with your Cousin in the Country isn’t as catchy a title as Sex and the City.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“Mama, you are missin’ the point.”
I rub my temples while I sit at the stoplight right before the turn into the shopping center that houses Ed Franklin’s law office.
I have Mama on speaker phone, and I am trying my best to keep from shouting at her—to keep my own head on straight, and also because I am still a little afraid of her wrath.
I should have gone over there to talk to her when Daddy was home, but truth be told—I think he’s scared of her, too.
Mama sighs so loudly you’d think the world was crushing down upon her tortured soul. “No, you are missin’ the point. Ray made a mistake…yes, I will admit it was a whopper, but he is back, and he is still your lawfully wedded husband—and your children’s daddy. And he is doin’ his best to make up for things.”
I can’t even imagine what horseshit he was feeding Mama while she was feeding him her cornbread and pecan pie.
“It does not matter to me what he does. I am done with Ray. He can see the girls and be a part of their lives—I am not stoppin’ him from that.”
I almost told her that I am about to draw up the custody paperwork right now, but I probably would have heard her shrieking from clear across town, and knowing her, she’d show up at Ed Franklin’s office and cause a scene, like the time I fell off the monkey bars at school and she threatened to burn down the playground.
Yes, this is part of the reason I don’t make the best life decisions. However, it is time for me to step up and be a real grown-up.
“Mama, I have had enough of your meddlin’ ways. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have even married Ray in the first place.”
Now she’s launching into a tirade about what a disgrace that would have been, blah blah blah, as I pull into a parking spot in front of the law office.
It’s a beautiful day, and now that March is just around the corner, I am already feeling a little bit of spring in the air.
Too bad I can’t enjoy it with all the bullshit.
I should head up to the Poconos by myself and not tell anyone where I went. See how Ray likes that.
Of course, I would never do that to my girls. Funny how Ray gets away with it, though.
“Mama…Mama…Mama!!”
Now I’ve resorted to yelling and if she doesn’t shut her yap, I may even take the Lord’s name in vain and risk her joinin’ Meemaw.
“You do not have to shout at your mama. I blame that Swanson boy for seducin’ a married wom
an and puttin’ all these notions in your head.”
“What notions? The one that says I can be happy and in love with a good man who doesn’t run off…” I sigh and catch myself in the mirror. I look like a raving madwoman and I’m almost late for my appointment.
“Mama, whether you or Ray or the mailman like it or not, I am in love with Tucker Swanson and I am not givin’ up on him.”
Huh, I surprised myself with that one, but isn’t that the whole point of finding out if Jenny Swanson is my aunt?
Sure, it would be nice to solve that mystery for the sake of the family, but Mama is gonna have a cow if she finds out Meemaw had a baby out of wedlock, and I don’t know if I want to do that to some poor unsuspecting woman who might be out there minding her own business with a much more normal family.
Maybe she’d like to adopt me?
Mama says, “Well I don’t know what to do with you. Tucker Swanson is a boy, Molly. And he’s gonna want his own family. Are you ready to have more babies at your age?”
What the hell? I’m thirty-five, not fifty.
She doesn’t wait for an answer and I am not interested in prolonging this conversation. I’m hoping she exasperates herself enough to hang up before I need to turn off my phone while she’s in mid-sentence.
“And he is just not right for you. Mark my words…you will regret it if—”
“Mama, I have to go. We’ll continue this conversation another time.”
I hang up and can almost hear her telling Daddy what an ungrateful daughter I am, and him calming her down and warning her about her blood pressure.
As I grab my purse and prepare for my talk with Ed Franklin about divorcing Ray, and the possible legal ways (not involving ghost snooping) of finding my aunt, I wonder—is Mama so anti-Tucker because she knows something about Jenny Swanson?
***
The next couple of weeks are a mix of work and cleaning up Penny’s potty accidents and hoping that Meemaw will soon return with her degree in object manipulation.
The more time passes, the more that seems like a ridiculous way to get to the bottom of this.
When I went to see Ed Franklin, I told him about my long-lost aunt, and he said he would start taking steps to try to find the adoption records.
I hope he knows what he’s doing but it’s my only real hope. I suppose I could ask Jenny if she knows who her real parents were, but Tucker might not like me telling his mama that he told me her secret.
There are far too many ways for me to piss Tucker off, and maybe I should just give up. I still think he has something going with Ashley. I see them together a lot, but never in any way that looks romantic.
I could drive myself crazy with these thoughts, and that’s why I am skipping the St. Patrick’s Day party tonight.
Ray took the girls—he will keep an eye on Magnolia, and besides, I think she has cooled off her Shawn obsession. At least one of the women in my family has gotten some sense in her head.
Ray gave me a whole laundry list of reasons why I should go, but I am not interested in watching Tucker and Ashley all night and driving myself mental trying to figure out if there’s anything between them.
That is not my idea of fun.
Plus, Ray was wearing a stupid ‘Kiss Me I’m Irish’ shirt, even though he’s as Italian as Rocky Balboa, and he may try to corner me for a lip lock I want to avoid at all costs.
So, even though it’s probably a rocking time over at the clubhouse on a Saturday night, I am content to sit on the sofa with little Penny under the blanket, licking my toes.
These wiener dogs are odd little beings, but heart melting cute.
Meemaw swooped in one day last week while I was getting ready for a meeting at the doll plant, and she said I should go ahead and get on Jenny Swanson’s calendar (since when does Meemaw talk like this—did she take the ghost MBA class?) because she is almost ready to do some hands-on snooping.
There are numerous ways this could go sideways, upside down, and generally get all catty wampus on us, but there’s no stopping my grandmother now.
And I can’t slow her roll now that she’s invested all this time in going back to school. That’s a big sacrifice for a lady who always said book learning is for the birds.
I’m kind of glad she won’t be around when it comes time to send my girls to college.
Or will she? It just occurred to me that I may have a ghost visitor for life.
I feel lazy just sitting here with Penny, but I did do some cleaning earlier today, and I went to the grocery store.
Slowly, I am getting my crap together, but I still have these nagging feelings about Tucker and Jenny and Meemaw and Ray…
I pick up the clicker and decide to watch some old Sex and the City episodes. For the past year or so I’ve said that my problems pale in comparison to their drama, but if this was a horse race, I think I’d win by a nose now.
Ugh... horse races make me think of Ray and all his winnings at the track. Well, at least he’s helping with the girls now and my business is starting to take off.
If it wasn’t for me still wanting Tucker back, I might take Ray up on his offer to finance my departure from the Stone’s Throw for good.
I just hate to be owing Ray Rizzo anything, though.
I settle in with Penny and tell her that she’s about to see some naughty things she’s too young to view, but after all…she’s a dog, not a baby, when the freaking doorbell rings.
Damn it, I knew Ray would bring the girls home early. Or worse yet, he left them under Sassy’s watchful eye, and he’s brought me a plate of corned beef and cabbage and potatoes, or some other tasteless Irish food, with the ulterior motive of getting his fake Irish kiss.
I hesitate but whoever is at the door hits the bell a second time, and I know as a good mother I should answer it. It is possible I am needed for something legitimate.
I open the door in my green pajamas (a tank top and shorts the girls bought me on a shopping trip with Ray—so really that Ray bought me) and look up into Tucker’s eyes.
“Hey, Molly, I hope I’m not disturbing you. I just wanted to stop over and see if you were okay. Zinnia told me that she thought you skipped the party because you weren’t feelin’ good. Do you need anything?”
One look at him with those eyes and those strong hands and that chest straining his own ‘Kiss me I’m Irish’ t-shirt, and suddenly I do need something very badly.
There are just a bunch of ways that is a bad idea.
I recover and say, ‘I’m okay. Just not in the partying mood, I guess. You should go back and enjoy yourself. It was sweet of you to come over—”
Penny comes flying over to the door to greet Tucker before I can grab her. It’s like she is channeling Meemaw and wants to keep Tucker here longer. Lord, I hope that’s not a thing.
Tucker scoops up the little wiggly bundle and says, “Aren’t you just a cutie pie?”
I smile as he pets her and I wish he could pet me, but I need to get my dog back in the house and shut this door pronto. There are too many questions surrounding Ashley and Jenny for me to allow myself to succumb to Tucker’s charms.
Although he may not be here to do any charming, and that’s even more disappointing.
Plus, Ray and the girls could be back at any time, especially since Ray may have noticed Tucker sneaking away from the party.
He knows all about sneaking around, that’s for damn sure.
Tucker puts Penny down because she’s doing that crazy wiggling thing again. She runs off into the house and grabs a ball out of her toybox. The little minx wants Tucker to play now.
“Molly, can I come in for a second? I just wanted to talk, and it also seems like at least one of the girls here would like me to stay.”
Penny rolls her ball towards Tucker with her nose and gives him her best puppy eyes. She could teach flirting classes and she’s not even three months old.
I don’t want to disappoint my fuzzy ‘wing wiener’, so I step back and gesture
for Tucker to come in. “Sure, I wouldn’t want to deprive Penny of a playmate. My arm gets tired of throwin’ her ball. Would you like anything? I think I still have some beer from…”
I was going to say from the last time you stayed here, but I don’t want to dredge that up if he’s here to tell me something unrelated…or even worse…maybe he’s here to tell me that he’s in love with Ashley and he wanted me to hear it from him first.
Now I wish I had pretended to have a contagious disease, like the bird flu or the West Nile virus. Something that would make him head for the hills.
He sits down and shields his face from the crazy little dog diving at his eyeballs. She really needs to calm down now if Tucker is ever going to be able to say what he came to say.
“Penny, stop it. I grab her and put her under the blanket with her chew toy pacifier. Just like a baby, that occupies her. It also has a bacon scent so…even a hot visitor like Tucker can’t compete with that.
Now that Penny is settled down and there are no more distractions to delay this awkward conversation, Tucker says, “Listen, Moll, my mama told me that you called her.”
Oh, come on. Really? I just asked Jenny if I could come over and talk to her one day next week and she immediately tells Tucker?
I guess the mom code will trump the girl code every time, but I didn’t think I needed to ask her not to say anything.
I want to remind Tucker that I have known his mother as long as I’ve known my own, and I don’t need his permission to talk to anyone, but being snarky isn’t going to help me achieve my goal.
Although, I still am not sure about my goal, which is why Tucker should go back to the party and come back after I get the all clear on our potential family tie.
“I did call her. I just wanted to talk to her…oh hell, Tucker you should just go back to the party. I’m sorry if you think I shouldn’t talk to your mama about us…or what used to be us…whatever. But I’m upset about how things ended, and I know it was my own fault bein’ stupid with Ray, but you didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself.”
Now I’m just babbling, and I realize that I am pleading a case I am not all in on, and I should just shut up and get him to leave before things go a bad way again.
Something Molly Can't See Page 20
