by Tim O'Rourke
“Get that down your neck,” he said prodding at a plate with two strips of crispy bacon on it and a thick slice of bread. He pushed a mug of black coffee across the table at me.
“Where did this come from?” I asked, fighting the urge to grab the plate and wolf down the food on it.
“I brought you some supplies over,” he sniffed.
Had Calix actually done something thoughtful – something nice for me? There had to be some kind of motive that I hadn’t yet figured out.
“Thank you,” I said, sitting down at the table. I took the slices of bacon, placed them on top of the slice of bread and folded it over to make a sandwich.
“Don’t thank me,” Calix said. “Rea told me to bring the stuff over.”
“Do you always do what she asks?” I said, then took a bite of the sandwich. The bacon tasted salty – it tasted so good. I washed it down with a swig of hot black coffee.
“She’s my friend,” he said.
I could see that he had filled the agar stove with hot coals and placed a sack of fresh ones beside it on the floor. There was a loaf of bread, vegetables, and what looked like meat wrapped in wax paper on the shelf above the sink. “Just friends?” I asked him.
“Look, I don’t have time to sit and chat-shit all day with you,” Calix said, swinging his legs from off the table. “Eat up. You’re coming with me.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you,” I said, pushing my chair back and standing up. “I’ve got to get to the school.”
“The school has been closed for the day,” Calix said.
“Why?”
“Why do you think?” he looked at me as if I were dumb. “That kid’s funeral is today. The village is in a state of mourning.”
“I should be at the funeral,” I said.
“Do you really think you would be welcome?” Calix asked.
His remark hit me like a hammer to the heart. But perhaps he was right. Would the villagers really want me there? I doubted it. I knew it would take a while – if ever before I gained any of their trust. They already looked at me as if I were some kind of freak – what damage had I done to my chances of ever being accepted by them?
Shaking off Calix’s comment, I said, “So if not school, where then?”
Before I knew what was happening, Calix had snaked one arm around me, sliding his hand into the waistband of my jeans. I felt his fingertips too close to the groove in my arse. I pulled away, but he held me tight. Slowly he drew the gun from the waist of my jeans. He held it up.
“Rea has asked me to teach you how to shoot,” he said, his face within easy kissing distance. I broke his dark stare and again tried to pull free. He held me near to him.
“Don’t get so aroused,” he said.
“I’m like a million miles away from being aroused.”
“So why is your heart racing?” he said placing his free hand over my right breast. “I can feel it.”
“Get off me,” I said, slapping his hand away.
With a smile, he stepped away from me, my gun in his fist.
“I’m not going anywhere with you,” I said.
“Then you better pack your stuff together and leave Shade.”
“You can’t give me orders.”
“Those are Rea’s orders,” he said, opening the chamber of the gun and checking the bullets. “She said if you’re gonna stay then you need to know how to shoot so you don’t fuck up again like you did yesterday.”
“Rush can teach me,” I insisted.
“Rush is busy,” Calix said.
“Counting holes again, is he?”
“Something like that.” Calix smiled to himself. He handed me back the gun. “If you’re gonna carry a gun you’ll need one of these.”
I watched Calix reach inside his coat and pull out a leather holster similar to the one that he wore. He threw it at me and I snatched it out of the air. Placing the gun on the table, I fixed the holster about my waist. Part of it felt lose against my leg. There were two straps attached to the part where the gun would sit. I took hold of them and tried to fasten them.
“Let me show you,” Calix said, placing one hand against my thigh.
I slapped his hand away. “Get off me. I can figure it out.”
Knowing that he was watching me with the dumb-looking expression scrawled all over his face, I fastened the holster about my thigh. I then housed the gun. It felt heavy against my leg.
“You look good,” Calix said.
“I know,” I shot back, brushing past him and into the hallway. I snatched up my jacket and went to the door. It was locked. With my fingers curled around the door handle I rattled it, then reached into my pocket for the key. With it in my hand, I turned to face Calix. “How did you get in here this morning? The door is locked.”
He shot me a knowing grin.
“You have a spare key, don’t you?” I gasped.
“I have spare keys to all the houses just in case of repairs…” he started.
“So what are you? Caretaker-come-gunslinger now?” I sneered back at him. I held out my hand, palm up. “Just give me the key!”
Still smiling, Calix reached into the front pocket of his jeans and took out a small brass key identical to my own. I snatched it from him before he could change his mind. I stepped forward and met his stare. Prodding him in the chest with one finger, I said, “Don’t you ever come into my house again without being invited by me.”
Without saying another word, I unlocked the front door and left the house.
Chapter Twelve
Calix led me across the park like he had done the previous morning. Halfway across, I looked back at my house, but today there was no little girl peeking at me from around the tree. That little girl was probably being lowered into the grave I’d seen Morten digging as I’d left the church grounds with Rush. I pushed pictures of her tiny coffin being lowered into the earth, her weeping parents gathered at the graveside. And as I tried not to think of that, I knew that Rea was right. If I knew how to use the gun my uncle had given to me, then I would be better able to protect the children in my charge and myself. But the fact that Rea had even suggested that Calix teach me how to shoot told me that perhaps she suspected that something dangerous did lurk in Shade. Rush had told me that Rea believed me. Was that why Calix was so rattled with me? Did he believe that Rea had sided with me and not him? Was that why he had taken advantage of me again this morning – was he trying to drive me out of town? Make such a pest of himself around me that I would run from Shade? He said I’d had a scrawny butt, so I knew he didn’t like me in that way, no more than I liked him, so perhaps he was just trying to creep me out – scare me off. All that stuff about me being his woman wouldn’t work. If he continued, I would speak to Rea. He’d denied that they were lovers, but I knew he was lying about that. I’d heard them going at it like a couple of wild animals. Disgusting. She had raised him just like she had Rush. I knew she wasn’t his real mother, but still, it didn’t seem right. Perhaps it was Calix’s good looks, his messy black hair, pale blue eyes and sculptured body that she was charmed by? Whatever the case, I wasn’t charmed by him. What they chose to do and how they got their kicks was none of my business, but if Calix continued to grab for my arse or any other part of me, I would tell Rea. I doubted she would be very happy if she knew what her hot toy-boy had been up to. Rush had told me about Calix’s upbringing and how badly he had been treated, and although there was a very small part of me that felt kind of sorry for him, it still didn’t give him the right to mess with me. We’re all screw-ups in one way or another – but that doesn’t give anyone the right to make someone else suffer. I wouldn’t dream of hurting anyone else just because my parents hurt me – abandoned me. But had they really? Wasn’t that what I had come to Shade to find out? Hadn’t I come here to find them? But some small part of me was starting to wonder if I’d also come to Shade to find myself.
“This way,” Calix said, waking me from my thoughts.
Withou
t realising it, I had followed Calix across the park and along the path that I had run in search of Annabel yesterday and away from her in the nightmare I’d had last night. I looked to my right and could see the spire of the church poking above the tops of the nearby trees. As we passed by, I saw a gathering of people in the graveyard. Each of them was dressed in black. I looked away and lowered my head. I knew why they were there and what they were doing. Ahead the trees thinned out and Calix stopped by a stile that led into a field. He climbed over it and I followed. He reached up with his hands to help me down.
“I can manage,” I said, refusing to move again until he had lowered his hands.
“Have it your way, but don’t blame me if you fall on your dumb-arse,” he grunted, striding away across the field.
Without falling on my dumb-arse, I climbed over the stile, dropping down on both feet in the field. With the gun slapping against my thigh, I headed after Calix. The field sloped upwards to the brow of a hill. On the other side there was what looked like a small brick outhouse. Was that where we were heading? Did I really want to be so far out of the village with Calix shut away in some small brick house? Reaching for my gun, I slid it from the holster.
“Can’t you teach me to shoot from here?” I said.
“Show some fucking respect, will you,” Calix said, gripping me by the arm and forcing the gun down. He glanced over my shoulder and I twisted my neck to follow his stare.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, looking back down the hill to see the mourners filing out of the church and back along the track toward Shade. Together they looked like a long black snake as they walked single file, heads cast down.
“Do you really think they want to hear the sound of your gun popping off as they grieve?” Calix barked at me.
“I wasn’t thinking.”
“And you didn’t think yesterday,” he said. “You didn’t think about the gun and how you could’ve used it to save that little girl.”
And as I looked into his eyes, I knew why he had brought me out here. Calix could have led me to any other place in Shade to learn how to shoot. So why bring me here, to this remote hill and some crumbly old brick house? He’d wanted me to see those villagers. Calix had wanted me to see their grief. He’d wanted to remind me of what I’d done – of how I’d screwed up. He blamed me for Annabel’s death and he didn’t want me to forget that.
“You bastard,” I whispered.
“What?” he smirked.
I raised my hand to knock that oh-so-smug look from his face, but he moved his own hand with lightning speed and gripped my wrist. His hold was crushing. I looked at him, his face just inches from mine. Why did he have to be so cruel?
“And to think that part of me actually felt sorry for you,” I said.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” he said, eyes narrowing.
“I pitied you because of what happened to your mother – because of how your father shunned you…” Calix pushed me back and onto the ground before I’d had a chance to finish.
“Who told you this?” he demanded, drawing one of his guns and aiming at my head. I lay sprawled at his feet. “Tell me now or I’ll put you down.”
“Stop,” I said, raising my hands to my face, my gun knocked from my fist as I’d hit the ground.
“Rush told you, didn’t he?” Calix roared, his face screwed into a grimace. “Did he tell you before he fucked you or after?”
“Listen to me…” I said shocked by Calix’s sudden fit of rage.
With his gun gripped in his fist, Calix turned his back on me and ran back in the direction of Shade.
Chapter Thirteen
Crawling forward on my hands and knees, I snatched up my gun and holstered it. From the brow of the hill I could see Calix racing back toward the stile. He leapt over it in one bound. The track was deserted now, the mourners already back in the village. Dragging myself to my feet and fearing where Calix was heading and what he was going to do when he got there, I hollered after him.
“Calix, wait! You don’t understand!”
He didn’t look back, not once, as he ran along the road at the foot of the hill and back toward Shade. Knowing that I had to get to him before he reached the village, I raced down the hill, my boots squelching in the mud that had been left by the previous day’s rain.
“Calix!” I yelled again, my voice rolling off the hill and back at me. I climbed over the stile, and looking along the track, I could see Calix some way ahead. His gun glinted in the hazy winter sun. What had I done? What had I said? I knew what. Another mistake I’d made. Jumping from the stile and onto the track, I raced past the empty graveyard. The only sound I could hear was the spine tingling scrape-scrape of Morten’s shovel as he filled in Annabel’s grave. Splashing through puddles, I pushed on after Calix. I’d lost sight of him around the curve of the lane, and I ran faster. I ran as fast as I could. I had to explain the circumstances to him in which I’d learnt about his past. It didn’t bother me whether he believed I’d slept with Rush or not. What bothered me was if he thought that his brother had been merely gossiping about him.
By the time I reached the end of the lane, I looked up to see that Calix was half way across the park, the gun still in his hand.
“Calix! Please listen to what I have to say!” I called after him. But it was as if he was deaf to my cries as he stormed forward and back into the village. Taking a deep breath and filling my lungs, I dashed across the park, the swing swaying back and forth. I reached the main street with the shops, but all of them were shut – the doors locked and windows shaded. The street was deserted, too. Even though I knew the true reason why the village was empty, I was glad that I didn’t have to pass through the gauntlet of villagers who stopped to stare at me every time I appeared in the street.
I saw Calix duck into the alleyway ahead of me and releasing that I would have to pass down it too if I were to catch up with him, my stomach clenched. I skittered to a stop before it. I peered into the darkness. The light from the street looked once again like nothing more than a faint star in the night sky. Remembering what Morten had told me, I took a deep breath as if getting ready to plunge my head under water and focused on that small ball of light in the distance. With my eyes fixed on it, I dashed into the alleyway. Feeling as if I were being stretched out of shape, I shot forward my eyes not blinking – never taking them off the light in the distance for one moment. Then as if being fired from a cannon, I shot into the street at the other end of the alleyway. I skidded to a halt, my ponytail whipping out behind me. I spun around, looking back into the alley. The walls on either side of it seemed to ripple like I was looking at them from behind a sheet of water. I blinked and the walls looked as sturdy and solid as I remembered them to be. The sound of shouting came from behind me. I spun around.
“You told her!” I heard Calix roar, gun raised and pointing at Rush who stood in the open doorway of The Weeping Wolf.
“What…?” Rush said open-mouthed. Then glancing over his brother’s shoulder he saw me standing with my back to the entrance of the alleyway.
“Don’t lie to me, Rush!” Calix shouted, his voice booming off the walls of the derelict buildings that lined the street on this side of the village.
“Calix, it’s not what you think,” I said, moving toward them, knowing that I had to somehow put this right. I didn’t want to be responsible for them falling out – I didn’t want to come between brothers.
“Back off, Mila,” Calix said, spinning around, gun wavering in his hand. Those good looks of his had faded and been replaced with a mask of hate.
“Do as he says, Mila,” Rush said, glancing at me. Then turning his attention back to his brother, he added, “Calix, none of this is Mila’s fault.”
“Why did you tell her?” Calix said, pointing the gun back at Rush. “It has nothing to do with her. It’s my personal business. She’s a stranger, for fuck’s sake. We know nothing about her – yet she knows all about me.”
“It’s n
ot how you think…” Rush started.
“Did you tell her about you?” Calix roared at him. “Did you tell her, huh?”
Rush just stood and looked at his brother, face pale, hands hanging at his sides.
“I thought not,” Calix jeered. “So why did you tell her? Having a good fucking laugh were you? Trying to laugh her into bed…”
“No…” I said.
“I won’t tell you again!” Calix warned, standing side on in the street so he could point the gun at me, but keep his eyes on his brother.
“Let me explain….” Rush said, palms open now so Calix could see that he posed no threat.
“We’re meant to be brothers,” Calix hissed at him. “Yet you couldn’t wait to tell the first bit of skirt you came across about me – about my life – how you were the better brother – the better son.”
“You don’t understand…” Rush tried to explain.
“I understand,” Calix said, striking out at his brother with his free hand. His fist crunched into Rush’s face. He staggered back into the open doorway under the force of the blow.
Calix stepped forward, gun raised.
“No,” I cried out, shooting forward. I gripped his arm.
Without looking back at me, Calix shook me free with such force that I flew backwards through the air, landing on my arse several feet away. I cried more in shock than pain as I hit the cobbled ground.
“Put the gun down, Calix,” Rea said, appearing in the open doorway of the pub. Her arm was locked rigid before her, gun in her fist. A smouldering cigar jutted from the corner of her thick red lips.
