A Million Times Goodnight

by Kristina McBride

  “The picture of me, the one on Facebook?”

  Josh nodded. “I thought we weren’t talking about that anymore.”

  “There are others. Worse than the one Ben posted. I don’t remember him taking any of them. I hardly remember anything from that night.”

  Josh was staring at the road, his jaw clenching and unclenching, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles had turned white.

  “Sam’s text, it says …” I couldn’t say the words out loud. And I had to be very careful. I couldn’t trust Josh with everything. There was no way I could tell him about the pictures of the rest of the girls. Especially of Penny.

  But me. He already knew about me…. “He drugged me. I trusted him and … God, I don’t even know what to think right now.”

  “Then don’t.” Josh glanced at me, his eyes soft. “Just don’t think about it.”

  “How can I not?” I asked, holding the phone in the air. “It’s the only thing I’ll be able to think about.”

  “You’re stronger than that, Hadley. You can’t let it throw you off balance. We’re about to face him. You have to be ready. You need to find a way to use your anger to your advantage. Use it against him. Don’t allow him to turn it against you.”

  I sighed and leaned forward, propping my elbows on my knees, dropping my face into my hands. “This is too much.”

  And then I felt Josh’s hand resting on the back of my head, the heat from his skin racing down my spine, spreading through every inch of me.

  “You can do this, Hadley.”

  I shook my head, trying to steady the shivering that had overtaken my body.

  “I don’t think I can.”

  “You’re in control,” Josh said, his fingers massaging my neck. “You have his car. You know where his drugs are. You—”

  “He can’t have them back!” I turned my face up to Josh, roughly swiping tears away with the back of my hand. “I’m not telling him where we buried the pills. Not if he’s using them like I think he is.”

  “Okay.” Josh nodded. “That’s good. Focus on that right now.”

  “But what about Roller? Shit, Josh, what did I get us into?”

  Josh laughed, the sound rolling through the car. “I won’t lie, it’s a mess. But we’ve made it this far. Nothing’s going to stop us now.”

  “Where are we, anyway?”

  “We passed through Tallahassee about fifteen minutes ago.”

  “Holy shit, we’re finally in Florida?”

  Josh smiled.

  “We’re really going to make it to a beach.”

  “You got that right.” Josh pressed his foot on the gas pedal and looked over his shoulder, switching to the fast lane. “And just so you have something to look forward to, I’ll tell you a secret. We’re closing in on our final destination.”

  “So you picked the spot?” I asked, feeling a sliver of my stress slip away. We might actually get one thing right. “Where are we headed?”

  “Can’t tell.” Josh shrugged, his smile reaching all the way to his eyes, taking me back to the time before anything bad had ever happened in either of our lives. “This part needs to be a surprise.”

  “No fair. You have to tell me where we’re—”

  Josh’s eyes darted to the rearview mirror, narrowing as a swelling sound broke its way into the car.

  “Shit.” Josh slammed his palm on the steering wheel. “We’re screwed. We made it this fucking far, and now it’s over.”

  The steady waves of a siren spiraled around me. I turned in my seat, hoping to see the shiny grille of an ambulance that needed to pass. Instead, I saw the glinting black paint and flashing lights of a Florida state trooper’s car, looking very much like a hungry shark hunting its next victim.

  29

  BROOKLYN SIMPSON’S HOUSE – 3:03 AM

  “HE’S HERE,” I said, my voice a whisper as we turned into Brooklyn’s driveway.

  The headlights exposed the shadowy figure standing on her front porch.

  I jumped out of the car as soon as she parked. Rounding the corner as the garage door rolled open, I hopped onto the front walkway and ran right into his chest. It was harder than I remembered, his hands stronger as they reached out, grabbing my shoulders to keep me steady.

  “Josh,” I said, breathlessly, looking up into his eyes. The moonlight and starlight framed his face. “Finally. I didn’t think—”

  “We going in the front?” a voice asked from behind him. “Or through the garage? From what I understand, hanging out in the open isn’t the best idea….”

  Josh moved aside to make room for whoever he had brought with him. A girl. Petite but in an all-legs kind of way that was accentuated by her super-short shorts. The baggy T-shirt falling off one shoulder, paired with a messy bun, told me she wasn’t the type to try too hard. But even so, there was no denying she was gorgeous.

  “Hadley,” Josh said, looking from me to the girl and back again. “This is Sam.”

  “Nice to meet you.” But it wasn’t. My chest had gone tight, and my cheeks were burning. There was nothing nice at all about seeing Josh with this beautiful creature whom he obviously trusted more than he trusted me.

  “Pleasantries inside, perhaps?” Sam asked, brushing past Josh and me, her black combat-style boots clomping on the brick path.

  Josh followed her without a word. I wanted to scream.

  Instead, I trailed him, closing the garage behind me as I made my way inside the house, hearing the rumble of the door motor and chain as I swept through the mudroom and into the kitchen.

  “Nice of you to join us, Josh Lane.” Brooklyn leaned her hip against the kitchen table. Ben’s backpack was beside her, perched on a red-orange-yellow-striped placemat. Her arms were crossed over her chest, one foot kicked out to the side. “Now, spill it. What’d you take from Ben?”

  “Not even a hint of foreplay?” Sam asked, mirroring Brooklyn’s stance. “Just going in for the kill, huh?”

  “And you are?” Brooklyn raised her eyebrows.

  “Sam.” She gave a curtsy, which looked strangely precise, even with the boots.

  “Well, Sam, this isn’t exactly a social call.”

  “I’m quite aware of that. Josh is risking his ass to be here, so show a little respect, why don’t you.”

  Brooklyn gave Josh a death glare. “Who is she, anyway?”

  Josh shrugged. “A friend.”

  I had to wonder what kind of friend.

  “We met at the hospital.” Sam winked, lowering her voice to a whisper. “The psych ward, to be precise. So play nice, or I might just go ape on you.”

  At first, I figured she was lying, trying to be dramatic, but when I saw the color drain from Josh’s face, I knew it was true.

  “Shit, Josh.” Sam’s face fell. “I’m sorry. I thought they knew. You said there were rumors. I assumed the secret was out.”

  Josh shook his head. “It’s not like it matters. Psych ward, juvie, whatever.”

  “Wait,” Mia said. “When everyone thought you were in juvie, you were really in the psych ward?”

  “He started in the hospital,” Sam said. “One of your precious football players decided to rearrange his face. But Josh wouldn’t give the asshole up, so his parents—”

  “Enough,” Josh said, shrugging out of his backpack and dropping it on a kitchen chair with a dull clunk. “Can we get to the point here?”

  I tried to remember the point. Josh was in the hospital? The psychiatric unit?

  “What did you take from Ben?” Brooklyn asked.

  “Back off, Barbie,” Sam said.

  “What did you just call me?”

  “Barbie. And I told you to back off.” Wisps of Sam’s hair fell from her bun into her face as she talked. “You have no proof that Josh took anything from this Ben guy.”

  “Oh my God, seriously?” Mia snapped her fingers. “Look, we don’t have time for this. Josh is in danger. Hadley, too. We’re all on the same side here.” />
  Brooklyn snorted at that. So did Sam.

  “We know you have it,” Mia said. “Whatever it is that Ben and Roller are looking for, so you might as well just show us.”

  “Roller?” Josh asked. “Roller Haughton?”

  “This is bad,” I said. “I can’t make a plan until I know everything.”

  Josh paused for a moment, his eyes locking on mine, then he sighed and muttered something under his breath. Grabbing his backpack, he tugged the zipper open, but not all the way, reaching inside as if the space was full of secrets. My vision blurred as the darkness swallowed his hands, a rogue shadow giving the illusion that his fingers were encrusted in dirt, and I wondered what he might have buried inside. What he might be hiding from me.

  His hands emerged from the space seconds later, fingers clamped around a brown paper bag. It was lumpy, the top section wrapped back down and around, making a ball. He tossed it on the kitchen table. The thunk as it hit the wood vibrated in the air. Seeing the package unnerved me, as though I should have known what Ben had been hiding. That maybe somewhere, deep inside, I did know and could remember the shape and texture of the contents as they slipped between my fingertips, but I’d hidden it from myself.

  “That’s it?” Mia asked. “You’re sure that’s what Ben’s looking for?”

  Sam smiled. “No doubt about it.”

  “Can I assume that we’re dealing with a controlled substance?” Brooklyn asked.

  “Several,” Sam said. “It’s a treasure trove of prescription meds. In the wrong hands, they could do major damage. The term rape culture comes to mind.”

  Suddenly, it made sense. How Ben had done what he’d done—to me, to Penny, to all the others—without any of us remembering.

  “We’ve got OxyContin, Vicodin, Kadian, Percocet, Xanax.” Sam ticked off the items from memory. “This Ben guy is a twisted fuck. Which one of you lucky ladies is dating him?”

  “I was dating him. Past tense.” I flashed Sam a perky smile, thinking how nice it would feel to grab her shiny, chestnut-colored bun and give it a good yank. “How did you figure out what those pills actually were?”

  Sam’s face flushed with pride. “A few hours of online research. It was nothing.”

  “We have to figure out how to get this back to them,” Josh said.

  “Wait a minute.” I threw a hand up in the air.

  At the same time, Sam slapped Josh on the shoulder. “You cannot be serious!”

  Josh looked from Sam to me.

  “No way in hell you’re giving anything back,” she said. “With all they’ve put you through after that accident, you’re not bending over just because some idiot with a stupid name like Roller lost his drugs.”

  “Technically, I stole them. And if I’d known Roller Haughton was involved, I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near that bag.”

  “But you did,” I said. “And there’s a lot more going on here than just that package of pills.”

  “What does that mean?” Josh asked.

  I sighed, then looked at Brooklyn and Mia.

  Brooklyn shrugged.

  Mia gave a little nod.

  After everything, Josh deserved to know about Penny. What had happened to her. The state of mind she’d been in when she walked up to the tower the night she died. “It’s kind of a long story.”

  “I’ve got time.”

  Sam rolled her eyes.

  “What about you?” I asked her. “Do you have time to help with a project?”

  “Maybe,” she said, defensive but curious.

  “How good are you with computers?” I didn’t need a genius. Just someone more tech-savvy than Brooklyn or Mia. Better yet, someone more tech-savvy than Brooklyn and Mia combined.

  Sam gave a noncommittal shrug.

  “Don’t be so modest,” Josh said. “Sam here’s a computer whiz.”

  I looked at Josh. “You trust her?”

  His eyes were tight. Serious. “She wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

  “I mean with your life.” I paused. “You trust her with your life?”

  My mind wanted him to say yes.

  We needed her.

  But my heart was dying for him to say no.

  Josh looked me right in the eye. “I trust her completely.”

  Sighing, I walked over to the table, gripped the zipper of Ben’s backpack, and gave it a tug.

  The front panel fell away, revealing the laptop, the external hard drive, and a tangle of wires that looked almost as messy as I felt.

  30

  JUST SOUTH OF THE FLORIDA STATE LINE – 2:47 PM TRIP ODOMETER – 793 MILES

  “LICENSE, REGISTRATION, and proof of insurance, please,” the trooper said, leaning the brim of his hat into the open window, his eyes scanning the front and back of the car.

  Josh looked at me, his eyes wide. I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was: that we were minutes away from being hauled off to jail.

  I took a deep breath and leaned forward. “There might be a little problem with that,” I said, forcing what I hoped was an innocent giggle from my lips.

  The trooper’s eyes snapped up to meet mine. “And what would that be, miss?”

  “Well, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, we’re from Ohio. We’re on our way to the beach for spring break, and we’ve been driving all night, taking turns, of course, to be safe, getting sleep when we needed it. And on one of our stops, we got separated from the other car in our group. Which isn’t a big deal. We have permission to be driving this car. But neither of us actually owns this BMW. The guy on the registration is in the other car.”

  The trooper narrowed his eyes, then pulled a radio from his belt, reciting a code to the dispatcher on the other end before replacing it in the cradle at his hip.

  He looked at Josh. “License, registration, and proof of insurance, please.”

  Josh leaned forward, his chest bumping the steering wheel. I watched his steady hands as he pulled his wallet from the back pocket of his cargo shorts, opened it, slid his license out, and handed it to the trooper.

  “Registration?” the trooper said for a third time.

  “I guess it’d be in here,” I said, pulling the glove compartment open, praying with everything in me that Ben didn’t have another bag of pills stuffed inside, ready to drop out onto my lap. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw only packets of catsup and a wad of paper napkins. I reached in and grabbed a stack of papers rubber-banded together and rifled through them.

  “Registration,” I said, handing a paper to Josh, who passed it through his open window. “And proof of insurance,” I added, pulling another paper from the top of the stack. I silently thanked Ben for keeping his beloved car in order.

  “Do you know why I pulled you over?” the trooper asked, his mouth chomping away on a slice of neon blue gum.

  “No, sir,” Josh said. “I’ve been careful to follow the speed limit.”

  “You weren’t speeding,” the trooper said between chomps. “You forgot your turn signal back there when you changed lanes.”

  “I did?” Josh looked over his shoulder as though he could see into the past if he tried hard enough. Like he could watch himself break the law. “I didn’t realize. I apologize.”

  “It’s not a major infraction,” the trooper said. “But since you’ve driven such a long way, I wanted to be sure you’re alert. We lose kids every year during spring break—drugs, speeding, lack of sleep. You name it, I’ve seen it. And it’s never pretty.”

  I looked down at my hands, reminded of what we had lost during last year’s spring break.

  “You would have gotten off with a warning,” the trooper said. “If everything checked out.”

  “Well, sir,” Josh said, not missing a beat, “just let us know what we can do to make sure everything does check out.”

  “Any chance the owner of this vehicle could meet us out here?” the trooper asked.

  “He won’t be driving by, if that’s what you mean,” I said. �
�They’re ahead of us.”

  “If I can’t get proof that you have permission to drive this car, I’ll have to—”

  “We could call him,” Josh said. “Would that be enough proof?”

  I almost laughed. The thought was reckless. Not to mention, I’d rather spend the rest of my life in jail for grand theft auto than try to get Ben’s help with anything ever again. But Josh had left me with no other choice.

  “This is my boyfriend’s car.” I gave a little head tilt, shrugging, as if it was nothing. “I could call him. No problem.”

  The trooper sighed, looking across the convertible top, appearing to contemplate his options, his teeth grinding that slice of gum.

  Josh widened his eyes, trying to tell me he was sorry.

  Ben won’t help, I mouthed.

  He will, Josh replied. He thinks we have his drugs.

  I tipped my head back on the headrest, closing my eyes, wishing I was anywhere but in this place, in this moment.

  But then I remembered Josh’s backpack, slumped in the small space behind his seat, and the gun inside. I felt a trickle of sweat drip down my back. We had to count on Ben. He was our only chance. A stolen car might be bad, but throw a concealed weapon into the mix, and I started to wonder if I’d even graduate high school. And then I thought of what charges like those could do to Josh’s future, considering his less than flawless history.

  The trooper leaned down again. I could tell because the gum-chomping suddenly became louder. My eyes snapped open, and I turned to face him, holding my hands together because they had started shaking again.

  “Should I make the call?” I asked.

  “I suppose that would work,” the trooper said with a nod. “You get this boyfriend of yours on the line, and tell him the situation. Then pass the phone to me.”

  I smiled at the officer.

  Nodded.

  Tried to say thanks.

  But nothing came out.

  As I reached into the space that held my phone, pulled it free, and powered it on, I hoped that my voice would sound strong by the time Ben answered my call. That he would listen. And that he would tell the trooper exactly what he wanted to hear.