A Million Times Goodnight

by Kristina McBride

  “The Free Agents?” Josh asked. “What’s that?’

  “It’s an online club.”

  “But it’s a whole lot worse than it sounds,” Mia added. “Show them the main page.”

  “What’s a website have to do with Ben?” I asked as Sam started clicking links. “I thought you were going to search for the pictures and figure out a way to—”

  “I dealt with the pictures. I emailed the files to you, Brooklyn, and Mia so the police can track them back to Ben. Just a precaution while we figure out the next step. But after that, I did a little nosing around.”

  “And she hit the freaking mother lode,” Brooklyn said.

  “So …” Sam pointed to a screen listing several options—announcements, messages, chat room, images, challenges. “This isn’t so much a website as some kind of group networking site. I’m not familiar with this server, but it’s similar to Google or Yahoo Groups, where content is private and only official members can access the information.”

  “What’s the point?” I asked.

  “There are all kinds of groups out there,” Sam said. “Artists, business professionals, gamers, moms, you name it. Groups are typically set up so people can network online. But this one—”

  “The Free Agents,” Mia interjected.

  “—the Free Agents is interesting because Ben’s a member.” Sam shook her head. “He’s a sick one, your Ben.”

  “He’s not my Ben.”

  Josh took a step closer to the computer. “What’s this group all about?”

  “In a word,” Brooklyn said, wrinkling her nose, “porn.”

  It took a moment before I let the news fully sink in.

  “You don’t want visual proof,” Mia said. “Trust. Me.”

  “Am I on the site?” I asked. “The pictures Ben took of me? Are they here?”

  Sam looked me right in the eyes. “Yes. They were uploaded a few weeks ago. The others have been uploaded, too. Looks like he’s been an active member for just over a year.”

  “Since right before Penny died,” I said.

  “There are over a hundred members,” Mia said. “Most of them from colleges around here. Looks like they have to perform some kind of challenge to join.”

  “Let me guess,” I said. “The challenges have to do with pictures. Pictures like the ones we found on Ben’s phone?”

  “As sick as that is … some of the challenges are specific, listing names for a member to target,” Sam said. “Like a race to see who gets her first. There’s a point system and a penalty board, all kinds of crazy shit to track the progress of the members.”

  “It’s a pyramid scheme,” Brooklyn said. “Once you join, you have to recruit other members. You face penalties if you don’t. And penalties if you try and fail.”

  “Roller’s ranked pretty high,” Mia said, eyes wide as she took another bite of ice cream. “He has more points than most of the other members and is listed as one of the top ten Free Agents.”

  My mind was spinning. An online porn ring? One that my boyfriend belonged to? I was frozen with fear. The fear of what might happen if this all made it out in the open. Fear of what might happen if it didn’t. But the thought of Ben, or one of the other members, hurting someone else like Penny outweighed everything else.

  “How’d you even get access?” Josh asked.

  Sam chuckled. “Dumbass saved the login password so the site would remember him. It’s like he was begging to get caught.”

  “Speaking of caught,” Brooklyn said, “Ben’s life won’t ever be the same after we turn this in.”

  “He’s going down,” Mia said. “Hard. We’re going to make sure of it.”

  “We are?”

  Everyone in the room looked at me as if I’d lost my mind.

  “Hey, I’m not questioning the turn this in part. It’s the we that threw me off. This information came from a stolen computer. That’s a big risk when you think about involving police.”

  “Oh, we’re in,” Brooklyn said.

  Mia nodded. “We’re definitely in.”

  “Nothing would give me more pleasure than being part of this takedown,” Sam said. “This is going to be huge.”

  34

  JUST SOUTH OF THE FLORIDA STATE LINE – 3:09 PM TRIP ODOMETER – 793 MILES

  “YOU TWO are free to go.” The trooper stood just outside Josh’s open window, the steady flow of traffic whipping hot air around him and into the car. He shifted the weight of his utility belt, sunlight glinting off the gun tucked into the holster at his waist. “But first you need to sign this.”

  A yellow sheet of paper fluttered in the backdraft of a passing car as the trooper thrust a clipboard through the window.

  “What is it?” I asked as Josh leaned the clipboard against the steering wheel.

  “A warning citation,” the trooper said, reaching into the car again. “Here. Your boyfriend is still on the line. He wants to say good-bye.”

  Of course he does, I thought as I placed the phone to my ear.

  “Ben?” I asked, my voice bubble-gum sweet. “You still there?”

  “Listen, Hadley. You fucked with the wrong person last night.”

  “Right,” I said. “Of course I’ll be safe.”

  “I found your little note on the bulletin board at Graeter’s. And I can, Hadley, I can catch you. I’m very close to you now—and to that son of a bitch Josh Lane.”

  I wanted to scream a thousand things at Ben, but that would have to wait. “Josh is taking good care of me, just like he promised.”

  “You can run,” Ben said, “but you can’t hide.”

  “I’ll see you soon,” I said, blowing a kiss into the phone. “Can’t wait.”

  I ended the call and placed the cell in my lap, a smile creeping to my lips. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I was ready.

  Josh passed the clipboard back through the open window. The trooper tore the duplicate off and handed it to Josh with a nod.

  “You two drive safe,” the trooper said. Then he turned, walked back to his car, and slid behind the steering wheel.

  “I cannot believe that worked.” My voice was low even though the trooper was gone. “We got Ben Baden to vouch for us, and that freaking cop bought the whole thing.”

  Josh closed his eyes, as if he was trying to block me out.

  “Oh, come on, Josh.” I smacked him on the leg, and his eyes popped open, but he didn’t look my way. “You have to be at least a little excited.”

  He checked the rearview mirror, flipped on the blinker, and veered into a break in the traffic, his eyes focused on the road, his foot pressing the gas pedal until we’d reached the speed limit.

  “Are you waiting for props?” I asked. “I wasn’t behind your idea at first, but I’ll admit, it was brilliant.”

  Josh stared out at the road, his thumb tapping the wheel.

  “I don’t get it. Why aren’t you talking to me? You want me to grovel or something?” I rolled my eyes. “Fine. Here goes: you were totally right. That was some seriously smooth thinking. I’m completely in awe of your ability to remain calm and focused under pressure. How’s that work for you?”

  Josh glanced at me, just for a second.

  “Josh? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” He bit his lip. Paused. And then, “Everything. God, Hadley, I don’t know anymore.”

  “I don’t under—”

  “You’re wrong, you know? I don’t always think well under pressure. Not since Penny.”

  “Is this about the gun?”

  I watched him, taking in his clenched jaw and the way his face had tilted away from me. The silence stretching between us was as empty as the year we’d spent apart. “I know you’re not a bad person. I know you wouldn’t be carrying a gun around if you didn’t think you needed it.”

  “I wouldn’t. And maybe I don’t, but I was nervous, and—”

  “Nervous about what?”

  “Talking to Tyler. I was going to Peterson’s party to ask for Ty
ler’s forgiveness.”

  “Forgiveness?” I asked as though I had never heard the word before.

  “I know it sounds crazy, but—”

  “I don’t understand. What did you hope to accomplish confronting Tyler? Especially last night?”

  “I wasn’t planning on confronting him exactly. It was more like asking for a pardon.”

  “With a gun in your hand?”

  “No! I wasn’t going to use the gun. Not unless I needed to. I grabbed it last minute, okay? I know it was stupid, but those guys—Tyler’s friends—I was afraid they’d try to stop me.”

  “I’m guessing they would have. Not the try part. The stop part, for sure. It would’ve been brutal.”

  “I’ve had run-ins with them before. With Mike Yates, specifically.”

  “He’s a total hothead. I’m not surprised.”

  “Would you be surprised if I told you he’s the reason I went to the hospital just before Christmas?”

  “What do you mean? I thought your parents made you go because they were worried about you.”

  “That was only part of the story. It started with Yates.”

  “How?” I asked, my stomach flipping.

  “He was cruising around town with a few guys a couple weeks after Thanksgiving. Long story short, I was on my bike, and they ran me off the road, then parked, and got out of the car. I don’t remember much after the first couple of swings.”

  “Josh, that’s horrible!”

  “The worst part was my mom finding me on the front lawn the next morning and taking me straight to the ER. The cops showed up and asked all kinds of questions, but I couldn’t turn Mike in without making everything worse. So, I played the memory-loss card. My parents didn’t believe me. When I was released, they took me straight up to the psych ward for an evaluation. They thought I was depressed, maybe suicidal. I was stuck there for thirty days.”

  “Holy shit, Josh. But I still don’t understand. Why the gun?”

  “It was supposed to be a safety measure.” Josh shook his head. “I know it was stupid. I wasn’t really thinking when I grabbed it from my dad’s closet on my way out.”

  “I don’t get it. Why walk into a death trap just for an apology?” My words shivered in the air between us. “It doesn’t make any sense. Unless … I still don’t know the whole story.”

  Josh sighed. “People are right to hate me. I killed her. But there’s more. So much more.”

  “Tell me. I want to help.”

  “You can’t help me,” Josh said. “You have yourself to worry about. You have to focus on tonight.”

  “I can help, Josh. Give me a chance. Start by telling one person the truth. The whole truth. And then go from there.”

  Josh pressed his lips together, appearing as if he didn’t trust himself to keep his own secret. “We’re less than two hours from our final stop. I’ll think about it, okay? For now, you need to focus on how you’re going to handle Ben.”

  “Right. I know that.”

  “You can do this,” he said. “You’re stronger than you think.”

  “You are, too.”

  Josh’s lips pulled back with the hint of a smile. “I’m starting to think that maybe I am.”

  As we barreled down the highway, I wanted to tell him that he was one of the strongest people I knew. He’d survived so much since Penny’s death. More than I’d ever imagined.

  The problem was, the more I learned about Josh, the more I began to doubt my own strength.

  If I was so strong, why had I let him push me away?

  Why hadn’t I held on longer?

  35

  BROOKLYN SIMPSON’S BEDROOM – 5:17 AM

  “WE CAN’T mess this up.” I was sitting at the head of Brooklyn’s bed, pressing myself into a stack of pillows. Josh was beside me. “If we’re going to bust Ben, this plan has to be flawless.”

  “Flawless will be pretty tough to pull off with so many variables to consider.” Sam scrunched her loose bun with one hand. The computer screen behind her was still displaying the home page of the Free Agents.

  “But the plan we came up with is flawless.” Brooklyn leaned back in the beanbag chair, her arms propped behind her head. “We call the police right now and have them come over so we can show them what we found. Voilà! Ben’s busted, and the Free Agents are, like, no more.”

  “I’ve been thinking about that.” Mia propped her head on her hand and sighed. “Will it matter that the computer is stolen? On those true crime shows, little details can screw a case over. I don’t want Ben to get off on a technicality.”

  Sam waved a hand in the air. “There are ways around that. Hadley can say her computer died, and she borrowed Ben’s to work on a paper or something. Have you ever been inside his house without him there?”

  “Yeah, a bunch of times.”

  “Okay, so the computer’s not stolen, just borrowed.” Mia swayed her feet in the air. “Makes sense since you guys have been dating for a few months. What else do we need to figure out before we call?”

  “I’m still stuck on the calling part,” I said, inching closer to Josh. Being close to him made me feel stronger.

  “What?” Mia asked. “We have to call the police. It’s the only way—”

  “It’s not the only way.”

  Brooklyn groaned. “Hadley, can you please just not make this more complicated than it already is?”

  Josh looked at me. “What do you want to do?” he asked.

  “I’m not sure.” I shrugged. “I just don’t want Ben to get off too easy.”

  “Trust me,” Sam said. “The police aren’t going to go easy on any of these guys once they see this site. Forget the computer; these Free Agents are all going down. Each and every one of them.”

  “Maybe I want Ben to know I’m behind it.” This was the only way. My way. I had to do it. For Penny. “I want a little time alone with Ben. Enough that he thinks he’s going to get away with it. I want to hear what he has to say. And then I want him to know I’m the reason he’s getting busted.”

  “Sounds dangerous,” Mia said.

  “It’s only dangerous if I make a stupid move.”

  “It’s dangerous even if you make all the right moves,” Mia insisted. “Consider who you’re dealing with, Hadley. Ben and Roller are both desperate.”

  “Maybe we can set it up so the police are there, then. I just need to see Ben’s face, you guys. Roller’s, too. I want to see the look in their eyes when they realize it’s over, all because of me.”

  “So, what?” Brooklyn asked. “You just call a meeting and expect Ben to show?”

  “Exactly. If he thinks I’m going to give up his drugs, he’ll tell Roller, and they’ll both be there in a heartbeat. If we pick the right spot, the police could monitor the entire scene.”

  “I don’t like it,” Mia said. “It’s way too dangerous.”

  “Not if I go,” Josh said.

  “No!” Sam said. “You’ve been through enough.”

  “What I’ve been through is a result of all this.” Josh stood and started pacing. “I want exactly what Hadley wants. To see the look on their faces when they realize they’re going down because of something I did.”

  The doorbell rang, echoing through the house.

  We all froze.

  One second passed.

  Two.

  Three.

  I wondered if I’d imagined the sound. If we all had. But then it rang again, shattering the silence.

  This time the ringing didn’t stop, as if the button was stuck or someone was pressing without letting up.

  Brooklyn swept her curtains aside, peering out the window to the front yard. “Ben’s car’s in the driveway. I can see the shadow of a guy standing on the front walkway, hoodie, jeans—”

  “Roller.” I jumped off the bed. “Holy shit, what are we going to do?”

  “Relax.” Josh reached out and grabbed my hand. “We’re in control here.”

  “Come out, come out,
wherever you are.” The voice drifted up from the front porch, muffled by the windows, deep, quiet, and scratchy.

  The doorbell kept ringing.

  Roller. Ben. They were there on the front porch, standing beside the rocking chairs where Brooklyn, Mia, and I had sat earlier in the week, painting our nails, listening to music, and drinking pink lemonade.

  My skin broke out in a cold sweat. My eyes burned with frustration. We had been so close.

  “You have to cover for us,” Josh said, looking from Brooklyn to Mia, his eyes stopping on Sam. “You need to buy us enough time so we can sneak out the back.”

  “Sneak out?” Mia asked. “To go where?”

  Josh looked at me, eyebrows raised. He didn’t have to say a word.

  “The tower. I’ll use Josh’s phone to text Brooklyn when we get there. You show Ben my text so he knows it’s for real.”

  “And then what?” Mia asked. “What the hell comes next?”

  “He follows us.” Josh’s voice was confident. Sure. “We’ll have enough time to set things up if you can keep them here until we text you.”

  “What about the police?” Sam asked. “We’re not letting you do this without backup.”

  “Then call them with an anonymous tip as soon as Ben and Roller take off.” Josh smiled. It really was the most beautiful thing. “Nothing’s going to go wrong. Trust me.”

  He lifted his arm, running a hand through his hair. I took him in, memorizing every detail, my eyes trailing the slope of his wrist, sliding up the length of his arm, thinking how very much I did trust him, even after all this time. How much I had missed him and how wrong I had been to ever let him push me away.

  Which made what I saw next even harder to bear.

  A permanent reminder of what had happened one year ago.

  A symbol of his guilt and shame.

  A small circular tattoo, centered on his inner biceps.

  One single Penny.

  Heads.

  Up.

  36

  GRANT ISLAND, FLORIDA – 5:17 PM TRIP ODOMETER – 873 MILES

  I STOOD at the top of the lighthouse, the salty sea air whipping through my hair, looking out at the ocean. The deep blue water stretched all the way to the horizon, which was dotted with a few ships that looked teeny-tiny so far off in the distance. I wished I could keep going, riding Ben’s BMW across the surface of the water until I met the sky and could spin with the stars.