“Mom, I’m hungry,” Wesley said. “Can I get my burger and Coke?”
She looked at Liam. “It’s okay with you if he eats a burger in the car?”
Liam strictly forbade eating in his meticulously kept automobile. The most he consumed in the BMW was a bottled water on his way home from his gym. And a kid eating a burger? He didn’t have kids. He was rarely around them, but he knew they were messy eaters. “Sure, it’s fine,” he heard himself say.
Wesley headed toward the huge grill.
“Wes, wait a minute,” Liam called. “As long as you’re there, pick up three burgers.”
Wesley gave him a thumbs-up sign.
“And a bunch of napkins,” Liam added. And then he walked over and tossed a twenty-dollar bill into the barrel.
* * *
WHEN SHE SAW Liam in the crowd at the feed store, Jude almost forgot why she had the microphone in her hand. In jeans, a red button-down shirt and a bomber-style jacket, open in the front, he looked as casual as she’d ever seen him and yet, mixed in with the feed and grain crowd, he appeared as an eagle would look with a nest of barn swallows. She wanted a moment to gather her thoughts, though since the kiss she’d been doing a lot of thought-gathering. But Harvey had called up from the parking lot beside her, “Go ahead, Judie. The mic is on.”
She’d been watching for Liam’s car, wondering if he would just turn around and go home once she’d made it so difficult to meet up. Was it a test? Maybe in a way it was, but Jude wasn’t ready to admit to that. Just in case he showed up, Jude had taken her sister Carrie’s advice and chosen a cotton blend skirt with a blue background and tiny cornflowers adorning layers of circular stitching. She’d added a lemon-yellow peasant blouse and low boots and wound her hair into a topknot at her crown.
Topping off her outfit, she picked a waist-length winter jacket and a colorful knitted hat. She didn’t look anything like Alexis, with her designer exclusives, or Carrie, who bought preppy clothes from LL Bean, but for Jude, she looked pretty good.
Waiting for Wesley to return with the burgers, Jude caught a whiff of Liam’s cologne, subtle, yet just woodsy enough to make her think of the forests of New England. Believing an explanation for her behavior was owed, she said, “This is WOIH’s biggest food drive of the year. I had to come. You understand, right?”
“Sure, but we’d better hurry if we want to be at the Shafran for the start of the program.”
Swinging a brown paper bag, Wesley ran toward them. Jude noticed grease already seeping through the sack. “Be careful with that, Wesley. You don’t want to get grease in Liam’s nice car.”
Liam was smiling, but it looked forced. Maybe the hamburgers weren’t such a good idea. She gave him a questioning look.
“It’s okay. Let’s go.”
“I’ve never been to the Shafran,” Jude said. “How far is it?”
“About an hour.”
She could do an hour sitting next to Liam. She’d keep the conversation light and harmless. No foundation talk. No mention of the kiss. Or she could let Wesley do the talking for both of them.
An hour later, Liam pulled into the parking lot of the Shafran Planetarium. They walked toward the building, which seemed to shine in the sunlight. Jude’s gait was typical of everything she did—fast and determined. Ordinarily she expected Wesley to keep up with her, often turning and urging him to hurry. Liam did not do that. He adjusted his gait to coordinate with Wes’s. He slowed so Wes could set the pace.
“Wow,” Wesley said when they approached the building. “It looks like it has stars all over it.”
“Those are fiber-optic lights,” Liam explained. “The building is made of stainless steel and a metal called titanium, and the lights shining out of the metal are supposed to resemble stars. At night the angled roof helps visitors locate the North Star.”
Wesley nodded. “You mean Polaris.”
Jude felt a sudden burst of pride. She’d never told Wesley the real name of the North Star. The book Liam gave him was definitely having an impact.
“That’s right,” Liam said.
They entered the auditorium and headed for the theater-style seats. Liam waited for Jude to choose, let Wesley sit between them before he sat. In a few minutes, the show began.
Wesley seemed spellbound by the virtual trips through the universe and beyond. Astronomical bodies drew trails across the darkened ceiling. Planets zoomed in and out with three-dimensional precision. At intervals, an astronomer’s voice explained the celestial phenomena taking place through the projector.
“Look, there’s Saturn,” Wesley exclaimed. “That’s my favorite planet.”
“You understand that what you’re seeing now is done with the aid of a very technological projector,” Liam said. “When you’re older, you can see the actual stars and planets through a high-powered telescope at the Mueller Observatory.”
“That will be so cool.”
Though Jude enjoyed the show, she felt left out of the animated conversation going on in whispered tones beside her. Wesley wasn’t only spellbound by the show, he was totally immersed in Liam’s explanations. They were both like a couple of kids, each one pointing and making exclamations of awe as if nearly thirty years didn’t separate them in age. Halfway through the presentation, she glanced over at her son just as he slipped his small hand into Liam’s. Liam looked at the boy’s hand and let the tiny fingers entwine with his.
Jude’s heart clenched, not with jealousy, although she wished she were the one holding the small hand. Regret, strong enough to make her heart ache, brought tears to her eyes. Paul should have been holding Wesley’s hand. He should have been here today to introduce their son to the universe. But Paul was gone, and Jude wasn’t sure he could have taken the time to bring their son here anyway. She stared at Liam’s face. He looked at her and shrugged, one of those “what could I do?” looks that told her he hadn’t expected her son to make such a gesture.
She sighed and settled back in her seat. Wesley had positive male influences in his life. Johnny Ray teased him. His grandfather played with him and listened to him. But this was different. What was happening between her son and Liam was intimate and personal and made Jude long for a relationship in Wesley’s life that would be lasting, positive and nurturing. She could do without a love again, she’d always told herself, but maybe her son needed a father. She just prayed he wasn’t pinning his hopes on Liam Manning.
If he was, Jude was going to have to work extra hard with her own relationship with Wesley. Yes, she was a good mother, but she was busy, often distracted, and her son needed a full-time parent who was always available. She could have planned a trip to the planetarium but in fact hadn’t even thought of it. Life was just too demanding, her responsibilities too great. Her heart too heavy.
Before she even sorted through the emotions battling inside her, the tears that had been gathering on her eyelids rolled down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away. Were the tears for Wesley, for Paul, for herself? She didn’t even know anymore. Her grief, her longing, her guilt were all wrapped up in an emotional chaos that never seemed to get any better.
When the presentation was over, Liam treated Jude and Wesley to snacks in the planetarium cafeteria. Wesley was a bundle of questions, and Liam answered each one with authority. When he didn’t know an answer or wasn’t certain, he admitted his lack of knowledge with the same confidence as he gave the answers he knew. And he always promised to look up the correct response.
While Jude marveled at his patience, she couldn’t ignore her increasing concern about Liam’s influence over her son. Managing a few dozen questions from a six-year-old wasn’t difficult if someone wasn’t with the child day in and day out. How would Liam react if he were around Wesley twenty-four hours a day? Would he become impatient or cross with Wesley? What if Wesley’s questions centered on a to
pic Liam wasn’t interested in? Would he be so accommodating then? Or would he say just enough to satisfy him and get back to work?
And would she have reacted exactly that way if Wesley had asked her all sorts of questions about astronomy? Oddly he hadn’t asked her even one question. Maybe he just assumed she wouldn’t care, and that was sad. Other than watching him cut and paste images for his school project, she hadn’t known the subject interested him. What else didn’t she know about her son?
During the ride back to the feed and grain store, Wesley fell asleep in the backseat of Liam’s car.
“I think all that accumulation of knowledge tuckered him out,” Liam said.
“Looks like it. He’ll have a lot to tell his friends in school tomorrow.”
Liam gave her a warm smile. “How about you, Jude? Will you tell your friends about the visit today?”
Her friends? Did she even have friends? Sure, Harvey and Gary, and the guy at the feed store. She was friendly with one of the clerks at Winnie’s Western Wear, and she knew the waitress at the Bees Creek Diner and the checker at Kroger’s. Carrie always told her she should make new friends, younger ones near her own age. Jude supposed she was right because tell-all, laugh-a-lot gal pals had somehow escaped Jude in the last five years. Alex and Carrie were her closest confidantes, and she wondered now if they even liked her or if they were forced to give her attention because they were connected by blood.
What was happening to her? Of course her sisters loved her just as she loved them. They were a tight group, the Foster girls, and the fact that she would question their loyalty and care was evidence of a general lack of confidence she was experiencing lately.
“What kind of music do you like?” she asked suddenly.
“Most anything,” Liam said. “But we started this day with a country band so why change now?”
“That would be great.” And certainly much better than continuing to ponder the path her life had taken lately, her path as a mother, a sister, a social being.
He chose a station and she tapped her hand on her thigh to the laments of down-and-out cowboys suffering from broken hearts. She liked country music. In many cases, the words reflected a life even more solitary than she now realized hers had become.
As the miles registered on the odometer of the shiny BMW, Jude became more and more aware of Liam beside her. Sometimes he sang along with the lyrics, his voice raspy and low, the voice she thought about even when he wasn’t around. Just like she so often thought of the man himself. He was a puzzle to her, one whose pieces often kept her awake at night.
When they reached the store, the parking lot was empty. The fund-raiser had ended in the early afternoon, and there was no one left to give Jude the final tallies. She could call Harvey at the station for the report. “I’ll wake up Wesley,” she said. “Thanks, Liam, for a nice day.”
“Let him sleep,” Liam suggested. “I’ll follow you home. It will be dark in a few minutes, and I wouldn’t feel right not seeing you safely home.”
“We’ll be fine,” she told him. “I drive these roads all the time.”
“Jude, please, let me do this. Don’t you know that men like to feel helpful and needed?”
She laughed softly. “I thought all men hated to be asked to do things for women.”
“Some things, yeah,” he said. “But not the ones they specifically suggest. Now get in your truck and let me follow you home.”
The evening had grown chilly, but the concern in Liam’s voice seemed to warm her to her toes. It was nice being the one watched over for a change. “Okay, Liam,” she said. “But I hope that fancy automobile of yours can keep up.”
The estate was dark when they reached Dancing Falls. Jude opened the backseat of Liam’s car and jiggled her son awake.
“Are we home?” he asked groggily.
“Sure are. You skipped dinner, Wes. Are you hungry?”
Wesley stumbled out of the car. “No, just sleepy.”
“You should get ready for bed, then. Don’t you have anything to say to Liam before you go up?”
“Oh yeah. Thanks, Liam. This was the best day ever.”
She remained at the bottom of the steps until Wesley was inside. “Thank you, Liam. This day was a special treat for Wesley, and I know he’ll never forget it.”
“And you?” Liam said. “Will you forget it as soon as you’ve gone upstairs?”
“What does that mean?” she asked, automatically climbing a couple of steps.
“It means I want you to remember it, too.” He grasped her elbow, preventing her from going higher, and said, “Have you thought about the kiss?”
His question, so blunt, so direct, made her feel off-kilter. Perhaps he’d been waiting for an opportunity to ask this question.
“Because I have,” he added. “I like you, Jude. You don’t make it easy all the time, but I can’t help myself. And I liked kissing you.” He came up one step to be eye to eye with her. When his hands came to rest on each side of her face, she felt a strange flutter in her stomach, one she hadn’t felt in a long time. When his lips came down to taste hers, the flutter became a thrumming in her head.
Oh goodness, the man could kiss.
She leaned into him, melting against the strength of his chest, appreciating the protectiveness of his surprisingly strong arms. Before she could think to stop herself, she was kissing him back.
Blissful seconds ticked by. He kissed her for a long time, longer than a six-year-old boy might take to get his pajamas on. A vision of Wesley interrupting them flooded her mind and she stepped back.
“What are we doing?” Her voice was breathless.
He smiled down at her. “I think we’re both testing to see if a second kiss would be as satisfying as the first. My vote is yes. A third time would be even better.”
“We can’t be doing this,” she said. “And besides, I’m still supposed to be mad at you,” she added. “For not telling me you were working for my father.” Her lips warm, her gaze on Liam’s face and the highlights the moon created in his soft sandy hair, she almost couldn’t remember that anger.
“I know. Anything else?”
“Well, yes, but this is a good thing. I appreciate all your attention to Wesley.”
“I like him. He’s a great kid.”
Yes, and he’s vulnerable and impressionable, and probably already too attached to you. Unable to express these thoughts, Jude chewed on her bottom lip.
“What’s going on, Jude? Are you wanting to say something else to me?”
Oh, heck, just say it. “I’m not sure how I feel about his feelings for you, Liam. We have a certain life here. It’s a good life and Wesley has always seemed satisfied with it. I want him to take over the foundation eventually...if he wants to, I mean. What will happen once you...”
A glimmer of skepticism crossed Liam’s face.
“What is that look for?” she asked. “You don’t think he likes living on the farm, caring for the animals? He’s never said anything about that.”
“I don’t know him well enough to comment,” Liam said with carefully measured words. He glanced in the door window. “But now probably isn’t a good time to discuss it.”
Wesley came out the door. “I’m ready for bed, Mom. Are you coming in?”
She climbed the rest of the stairs and ruffled his hair. “Right away, honey. You’re a good boy, Wes.” But maybe not the cowboy I’d always hoped you would be.
When Wesley went back inside, Jude called down to Liam, “Drive safely and good night.”
“One more thing, Jude... How does Wesley feel about babysitters?” Liam asked.
“He’s never had one. I always drop him at Dad’s house if I need to be away.”
“Why don’t you try to do that Wednesday night? Let’s go out, just the t
wo of us. A nice dinner, a walk.”
“A date, you mean?”
He smiled. “I didn’t think I’d have to explain it in those terms exactly, but okay, a date. And you don’t have to say the word as if it were a summons for jury duty. Besides, we’re already at the kissing stage, so I would think a date is an overdue step.”
She wanted to say yes. Her body had responded to his kiss. Inside, her stomach was fighting a swarm of butterflies. But could she do this?
“It’s just dinner, Jude. And a chance to see where this is headed. I told you, I like you. Too much maybe, considering you might not feel the same about me.”
She took a step back. Like you? Her mind spun. Oh yes, she liked him. “A real date, huh?” She smiled. “I’ll think about it, but right now I’d say you can consider yourself busy Wednesday night.”
CHAPTER TEN
LATER, AS JUDE tucked Wesley into his bed, she noticed a concerned look on his face. “What’s wrong? Something you want to talk about?”
He frowned. His little eyes, so like Paul’s, crinkled in the corners. “Why can’t Liam stay with us?”
“He has his own home, honey. He likes it there, I suppose, just like we feel about our home.”
“I wish he lived here.”
Jude picked up the little hand that lay on the horse comforter. “I know you like Liam,” she said. “But we really don’t have room for another person in this apartment. We only have two bedrooms. Where would Liam sleep?”
He thought a moment, then propped himself up on his elbow. “Mark’s parents are married, and they sleep in the same room. You could marry Liam and then he would be here all the time!”
“Oh, honey, people don’t get married just to solve a space problem. You understand that, don’t you?”
“I guess. They have to like each other a lot, too.”
“They have to love each other, like Grandpa loves Grandma, like Aunt Alex loves Daniel, like I loved your daddy.”
“And you don’t like Liam enough to love him.” Wesley nodded slowly as if the full impact of the realization saddened him.
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