by Mj Fields
I stood and watched until he was gone.
Thump, thump. I placed my hand on my chest as I felt my heart beat again for what felt like the first time in three years. Thump, thump. I felt the blood moving quickly through my body. It’s heat once again present. Thump, thump. I looked up at the sky and let out a breath. A breath that I had been holding forever. Thump, thump.
I felt tears fall down my face as I raised my hands in the air and laughed out loud. Just then the clouds parted for the first time in forever. I saw the sun smiling down on me.
* * *
I walked up the sidewalk and saw my parents sitting outside on the deck overlooking the ocean. I stopped and smiled when I saw mom look up at dad and kiss him. He always looked at her like he adored her and she looked the same way at him. They were truly an amazing couple. Growing up, I had never seen anyone like them. So rare, like a blue diamond.
“Francesca.” My mom jumped up and walked quickly towards me.
I ran to her and we hugged like we always had.
“You look beautiful, Francesca.” Mom grabbed my hand and dragged me to the table.
“Thanks, Mom, you, too.” Dad stood and hugged me. “Hey, daddy.”
“Hermosa, chica.”
“Apuesta, padre.”
He hugged me tight and then kissed the top of my head before pulling out the chair for me.
“You look happy.” Mom watched as I took a drink of her wine.
I wanted to tell them I had seen Jax, but I didn’t want to hurt them. I knew they missed him too.
“School is going well. I just completed my orientation on base so that I can start my internship.”
The waitress came over and took our orders as we chatted about the internship.
“Your smile looks genuine.”
“Yeah.” I couldn’t hide it. “I was on the beach before coming here to meet you two. The clouds opened up.”
I looked up at them and they both looked at me peculiarly.
“It’s been a long time since I noticed the sun, that’s all.”
“That’s good Francesca.” Mom smiled and choked back her tears.
“You’re still taking your medication?”
“Dad…”
“I’m just asking. Things were dark for a while.”
“Yes dad, I am. But I don’t think I’ll need to for much longer.”
“But if it helps, Francesca …”
“Mom, I’m doing well, I really am.”
The darkness they talked about was over. It was a change in life. I didn’t play sports while attending community school. I didn’t hang out as much with my friends. I spent time at home. I slept a lot. I gained the typical freshman fifteen and when Joel was home I spent time with him. If they knew how Joel and my time was spent together, they would have been more concerned about the darkness as they called it.
We finished dinner and said our goodbyes when they dropped me off at my shared apartment, off campus. When I walked in, Mary and Renee were getting ready to hit Thirsty Thursdays at Bar Norfolk.
“You wanna come?” Mary asked as she applied lip gloss to her full beautiful lips.
Renee laughed. “Why do you keep asking her every week?”
I smiled and hung up my sweater. Every week they asked and every week I declined. I wasn’t into the bar scene. The one time I went, it hurt so much to feel the vibe the amped up Sailors gave off. It made me miss Will… and Jax.
I drove all the way to see Joel at school and when I got there he was having a party at his place. He, his four roommates and an apartment full of under dressed, over made up girls. He hadn’t heard me come in and he appeared awfully chummy with three blondes sitting too close to him on the couch.
I turned right back around and walked out the door. I heard him call after me and kept walking. When he grabbed my arm a little too forcefully, I turned and slapped him across the face. He dropped my arm to cup his face and I took off running. When he caught up to me, he apparently tried to grab my shoulder but caught a fist full of my hair. I was so angry that I tried to slap him and he caught my hand.
“If you hit me, Francesca, so help me God, I’ll…”
“Do what! Go fuck one of your blonde bimbos!”
“They’re friends, Francesca! I was gonna say I’d hit you back!”
“Oh, really!” I spat at him.
“Well, no, but…”
“Good, because I’d have someone bigger than you kick your ass!”
Drunk, he grabbed my arms so I wouldn’t hit him again. He backed me up against the car and screamed, “Oh yeah, who?”
“Fuck you!”
“Is that what you want? Is that why you came here, to get fucked, Francesca?”
“Maybe it is! That’s all we are anyway. But if you’re getting it elsewhere then by all means…”
His mouth crashed over mine and his hands tangled in my hair. His body slammed against mine and I felt his erection pushing against my stomach. “You don’t deserve my time after that little show but if that’s what you want, then I’ll fuck you right here and right now.”
He pulled my dress up and spun me around so that I was facing my car.
He pulled my panties to the side and rubbed the head of his dick against me. I was so angry with him I should have moved away, told him no; but I needed this now.
“I should be spanking your ass and not giving you an orgasm,” he growled as he rammed himself into me fully.
“You wouldn’t dare.”
That was the first time he spanked me. I was not all right with it at all and he held me still.
“Is that what you want, Francesca?”
“Fuck you.” I pushed back against him, needing him deeper, and he smacked my ass again.
“I’m gonna fuck you as I beat your ass. If this is all we are, then let’s do it right.”
I didn’t say no. I wanted it and he was giving me exactly what I wanted; in a lighted parking lot at one in the morning.
We didn’t talk for a week after that and then he showed up with flowers.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what the hell came over me…”
“I wanted it. Don’t be sorry.”
“What the hell are we doing, Francesca?”
To avoid an awkward conversation, I pulled him in the apartment and down the hall to my room.
“I don’t know what happened, Joel, but I want it again.”
As the years passed, we had gotten more deviant in the bedroom. The pain and pleasure combination was welcome. Sometimes he took it too far and I would wear bruises on my ass or across my back. Our first experience with a crop cut my ass and the scar was there still. I wasn’t looking forward to explaining that over the summer. Joel had changed, too. He wasn’t interested in conversation any more than I was ‘because it always ended in a fight. So we spent our time fucking and the darker it became, the more I liked it and the less I thought about the emotional pain.
“I’d love to go. Give me five minutes.”
Mary and Renee gasped and then squealed as they jumped around. I laughed as I walked down the hall to my room to change.
I grabbed a black tank dress and threw on a pair of strappy sandals. I pulled the clip out of my hair and fingered through the black mess of curls, trying to make sense of my hair and decided it really didn’t matter. My nails were a mess, and my makeup was non–existent; it had been that way for a few years now. I grabbed my makeup bag and swiped on some mascara and then some lip gloss. I squeezed some lotion in my hands and rubbed my legs and arms that had finally gotten some color.
I walked out and looked at Mary and Renee, who still appeared surprised.
“You two ready or did you decide to stay in, because I’m going out.”
I walked out the door and they followed.
“Where to?” Mary grabbed my hand, smiling like a fool.
“No clue, I’m following you.”
“I say we try something new. Last time we went to Bar Norfolk, you took o
ff.” Renee nudged me.
“I won’t tonight.”
“Good, okay I’m in the mood for hot alpha men who I can bring to their knees.” Mary laughed as she skipped about.
“Let’s go to Hot Tuna’s,” Renee laughed.
“Eww, that’s gross,” I laughed.
“It’s SEAL specific hunting ground, Frankie. I know you have Joel but maybe it’s time for some SEAL.”
“I’ll have fun watching you two hunt,” I laughed. “Remind me to buy some earplugs.”
“Why?” Mary asked.
“All that barking coming from your rooms will drive me nuts.”
They laughed as we stood waiting for our cab.
Continue this story now…
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