“Are you upset with me?” he asked softly. “Because I wasn’t there for you during your recovery?” He looked down and shifted his weight. “I still feel like such a jerk about that. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
Pam shook her head. “Don’t be. It’s over.”
“You’re being much too easy on me. It’s making me feel even worse.”
Pam reached for him and held him tight. It felt so right to be in her arms. If he could only figure out what was bothering her. Then a thought struck him. Directly in the gut. Because this was one thing he would not be able to fix.
“Pam?”
“Hm?”
He felt beads of sweat form on his upper lip. He exhaled, his breath coming out staggered. He may as well get it over with. “Is it the divorce?”
Seeming surprised, Pam held him at arms length. The look in her eyes allowed him to sigh with relief. “Of course not. Why do you ask?”
“Because a lot of people are sensitive about stuff like that. ‘Marriage is for better or for worse.’”
“Yeah, but those people need a reality check. And aren’t they lucky that their lives are so perfect they can’t be sympathetic to someone else’s misfortune.”
Tom tightened his hold on her. “Boy, where were you when I needed you years ago? The gossip around town was unbelievable.”
“Oh, no!” she laughed. “That would have been awful! They’d think I caused your breakup and have plenty of reasons to talk then.”
“Yeah, well. Susan gave them enough reason of her own.” That’s for sure. Tom hadn’t told Pam about the events leading to the divorce. He would, but so far he didn’t want to waste time rehashing the past. He wanted a future. With Pam.
Tom spent a moment formulating his next horrid question. This one was more delicate than the one before. “If it’s not the divorce, then, well, are you really okay with what happened back then? I mean my reason for marrying Susan?”
Serious faced, Pam cleared her throat, but he caught a twinkle in her eyes. “Lucky for you, I guess I’m not the jealous type.” Then she flashed him a semi-dark glare. “Not that it wasn’t a bone of contention back then. I was totally heartbroken.”
He felt somewhat relieved but still irked. He raised her chin so that their eyes met. “So why won’t you let me make it up to you?”
The question came out in a whisper but contained the impact of an avalanche. He watched as Pam’s eyes widened and face flushed. She recoiled from him, wrapping her arms around her middle.
“It’s the accident. Isn’t it?” Tom confirmed. He’d always considered the horrendous tragedy simply that, a tragedy. But to Pam, he realized, it was so much more. “Then it’s settled. There are too many memories for you in Middleton. So, I’ll move.”
A long silence followed. Tom had said his piece. Now it was up to her. Please Lord, he prayed. If we’re meant to be together, help me. I’ve made lots of mistakes. I don’t want to make any more, and I don’t want to add losing her to the list.
“I know what you said. And I appreciate your support, but I still believe it was my fault.”
Jolted from his thoughts, Tom looked up and saw Pam’s wild eyes. He took a step to her, but she backed away from him like a cornered animal. Bewildered, he said, “Okay. Let me think.”
In a flash, he recalled that night’s events. “As long as I live I will never forget hearing that call over the radio. Your Ford Escort. The other driver’s station wagon. When I got to the scene I couldn’t believe all that shattered glass. And crushed metal. I was just so thankful you survived. It was a miracle.” He blocked out the memories and reached for her.
“But why did I?” Pam’s face contorted with anguish. “I was drinking that night.” She held up three fingers. “I had three beers. Even if Ryan was drunk, if I hadn’t been drinking too, I should have been able to avoid him. Don’t you see? If anyone had to die, it should have been me. Not Megan!”
Truths Unveiled
Truths Unveiled
Chapter Twenty
There. She finally said it. With the words came a tidal wave of emotions she’d been harboring for more than a third of her lifetime. Salty tears, filled with shame, gagged her throat and stung her cheeks.
Tom continued to stare at her with disbelief. It was nice of him to offer to leave Middleton, but now that he knew the truth, she was sure that was no longer an option. She held her breath, waiting for him to shake his head in revolution and walk out the door.
“Have you seen the pictures?” he asked. “Did you read the accident reconstruction report?”
Placing her hands on her hips, Pam paced the length of the small room. He just didn’t get it. “Yes. I saw them. But they’re not right. Something is wrong. I can’t explain it. The accident itself is all a blank to me. The last thing I remember is Megan and me walking to the car. I felt upset. Susan’s sister had just made her announcement about the baby, and Megan suggested we leave the party.”
Pam raised her hands to her head, wanting to pull at her hair in frustration. “I think I blocked it out because I don’t want to face the truth.”
“That’s when you found out?”
Tom’s stricken expression made her freeze. Puzzled, she furrowed her brows.
“About the baby. You found out at the cast party?”
Now Pam felt confused. She stepped toward him. He really didn’t know what happened that night. She sighed. “Look Tom. It doesn’t matter. Like you said, it happened a long time ago. I’m sorry that I can’t seem to be able to put it behind me. I thought I did. But now…I just can’t. I’m sorry, but it’s not going to work. Please. Just leave.”
“No.”
The matter-of-fact tone of his voice caught her attention. She turned to face him. “Excuse me?”
“I said no. I can’t let you go on taking the blame for something that wasn’t your fault. Even if you did drink, you were upset. That was my fault. As for the accident, I swear to you, it was unavoidable. And I refuse to let it end our future together.”
Pam had no more fight left in her. All these years, she’d kept that secret bottle up, refusing to discuss it with anyone. Even her aunt didn’t know. Yes, she admitted to herself, her guilt was the drive behind her passion for perfection. Her passion to make up for causing the death of Megan and the boy she didn’t know by excelling in her field. A psychiatrist might call it her self-imposed sentence. In a way, she feared the doctors were right about her mind’s need to block out the accident. If her memory surfaced, it would only confirm her own negligence.
They stood by the window for several minutes. Pam leaned against him in order to remain upright. At this point, nothing mattered.
“I know you were unconscious for more than a week. I presumed that when the swelling in your brain subsided, anything you lost, you’d get back. I didn’t realize you lost your memory.”
“The doctors still aren’t sure if it’s part of the brain damage or if it’s traumatic amnesia. I managed to relearn everything else I’d lost. But this one piece is still missing.”
“I can understand why you didn’t come back, even to visit. But what made you leave last night without telling me?”
Pam paled, and pulled away again.
“Don’t stop now, Pam. Please,” Tom implored.
Taking a breath, she weighed her options. Should she tell him? What did it matter? It was over. She wasn’t going back.
“I need to know. We owe that to each other. So please. Tell me!”
“All right!” She paused and faced him. “I’m not the only one who thinks I was at fault.”
Tom blanched. “What do you mean?”
Pam told him about the mirror.
“What!” Now it was his turn to pace the room. “That’s ludicrous! Where’s the article now?”
Her eyes darted to her briefcase, sitting in the corner. Tom followed her gaze.
“Can I get it?” Tom asked.
She hesitated. Then nodded.
Numb, she watched him find the crumpled page.
“I remember this.” He studied the depicted scene, then looked to Pam. “There is nothing in there to even remotely suggest you were responsible.” Slowly, he approached her. “Please, Pam, listen to me. I’m sure they drew your blood at the hospital. I would have heard something if there was even a question about you being drunk. And even if you somehow lost control of the car, the crash was not your fault. You did not kill Megan and Collins. It was an accident. Do you hear me?”
Pam searched his eyes. She really wanted to believe him, but something still held her back.
“And as for the message on the mirror.” He made a formidable face. “That’s just downright sick. When I get back, I’m going to find out who’s responsible.”
“No!” Pam insisted, more afraid than before. “It’s over. Please don’t dredge up the past.”
“Why? Its clear someone else wants to. I know I wasn’t around for you then. But I’m here now. I mean it, Pam. I love you. I always have and I should have told you before. I promise you. I’m going to get to the bottom of this, and quick.”
“Please don’t,” she cried, fighting the panic that was threatening to overwhelm her. “Even if you’re right, someone still blames me for what happened, and they went to a lot of trouble to make sure I knew. I…I can’t go back there.”
Tom gripped her shoulders. “Did you hear what I said? I love you!”
“And what if you do reopen the investigation?” she challenged. “And you realize I’m right. What then? You’re telling me you’d still want to be with...” She swallowed. Her throat felt so raw but she forced the words out. “A murderer?”
She could barely say it. To her, it conjured up every horrible image of self-loathing she’d been running from since waking out of the coma and learning of Megan’s and that boy’s deaths.
Years later, each time she saved a life, it felt like a point toward redemption. When she lost one, it was a reminder of her sins, failures, proof of her worthlessness.
“Yes.”
Skeptical, she smirked at him.
“The answer is yes,” he confirmed again.
Pam scowled. “Right.”
“Hey,” he smiled, shrugging his broad shoulders. “Then we both goofed up. That makes us even.”
“Oh I’m sure God will love that. I can just see us at the pearly gates. An angel watches us approaching and frowns. “Oh, dear. You two? Sorry. No admittance.”
Somehow, the mood had lightened.
“Don’t change the subject,” he demanded. “I’m going to ask you again, once and for all. Do you love me?”
Truths Unveiled
Truths Unveiled
Chapter Twenty-One
Hearing the passion and conviction in Tom’s voice, seeing the strength and determination in his eyes, Pam felt her heart ache to cry out, Yes! Instead, she forced herself to accept the hopelessness of the situation. She gave him only a single nod.
He grabbed her in a huge hug. “Then say it! Say it out loud!”
For a fraction of a second everything stilled. Then, suddenly feeling lightheaded and giddy, she whispered, “Yes.”
“Yes what?” The corners of Tom’s mouth curved. His blue eyes shimmered.
“Yes. I love you.”
He pulled her in a tight embrace. “See. Now that wasn’t too hard. Was it?”
****
Pam unlocked the door to her condo a little after seven the next evening.
“Yeah, Bill. It’s Tom.” She overheard Tom say into the phone. He was speaking to Middleton’s deputy police chief.
“Thanks for getting back to me. I’m looking to locate an old file. Yeah. Fourteen years old, to be specific. Remember back then, that fatal car crash involving the three teenagers?”
Too familiar with the details, Pam headed to her bedroom to change. That part was out of her hands now. Tom had insisted on opening up the case. Reluctantly, she relented. On the condition that it be kept quiet. On top of everything else, she loathed being referred to as the lone survivor of “that horrible accident.”
Tom met her with a huge hug when she returned to the living room. Enjoying the feel of him, so close, she marveled at how comfortable it felt for him to be there. With her, in her home.
After a passionate kiss, he led her to the couch. “Hey. Look what I found.” He pointed to a pile of books on the coffee table.
Pam read a few titles out loud. “Hypnosis or Hocus Pocus? Memory Recall, Using Hypnosis to Unlock Your Subconscious.” She shot him a skeptical look. “Please tell you me you’re joking.”
Tom diverted his gaze to the ceiling, the floor, the corner. Then back to her, flashing a wide grin.
Suspicious, Pam narrowed her eyes. “Thomas Jarrod! What did you do?”
“I told Bill Houser everything. He thinks it became a police matter the minute someone broke into your hotel room.”
“Okay, but…”
He took her face in his hands and peered into her eyes. “Trust me?”
An interesting question. She wanted to trust him. She arched an eyebrow. “Maybe. But…”
“Good. And no buts. I also spoke with Rebecca, Eddie’s wife. She read something in one of her medical psychology books about your condition. It’s not unusual. Lots of victims and folks who witness crimes can’t recall specific details. Hypnosis can help unlock the memories. Here. Take a look a these case studies.” He placed an open book in front of her. “Some are very similar to yours. And they’ve had great success.”
Pam felt a lump rise to her throat. It burned from the bile churning upward from her gut, threatening to cut off her air supply. Her premonition about that day of reckoning was quickly turning into a reality. If she said no to Tom’s idea, there could be no hope for a normal life together. It wouldn’t matter where they decided to live.
On the other hand, did she really want to relive the whole horrible experience again? She shivered. Because it went deeper than that. And she felt really guilty about it. But in fact, did she really want to know the truth? It was one thing for her to think she caused it. It would be a whole other story to know for sure.
Her head ached with confusion. Was that message in the hotel bathroom just a sick joke? she wondered. A one-time occurrence? Or was it really a warning for her to stay away from Middleton?
“So, what do you think?” Tom asked, eager and excited.
The phone rang before she could answer.
She stuck out her tongue at him and rose to find the cordless phone. “Momentarily saved by the bell. It’s probably the hospital.”
She found the phone in her bedroom. “Hello?”
“June 25, 1994.”
“Excuse me?” Pam’s heart started to pound.
“June 25, 1994,” a raspy voice repeated. Then the line went dead.
Truths Unveiled
Truths Unveiled
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Was that the hospital, Pam? Did they call you in?”
Tom knew she was on-call that night. When she didn’t answer, he found her sitting on the edge of the bed, her face blank, white and unreadable. He ran to her. “It’s okay, honey. You look like you’re in shock. Tell me what happened. Is it a patient? Your family?”
“It was him,” Pam whispered
“What? Who?”
Slowly, still whispering, she repeated the message. “He said, ‘June 25, 1994.’ That’s the date of the accident.”
Tom jumped to his feet and disconnected the phone. Inside, his emotions raged. The situation had gone too far. Now this piece of crap decided to call her at home? Then, seeing Pam’s almost detached reaction, he forced himself to keep his voice calm. Sitting next to her he asked, “Did you recognize anything about his voice? His tone?”
Dazed, Pam shook her head.
“And nothing like this has happened before? Ever?”
“No. What do you think he wants?”
“That’s exactly what we’re going to find out.
First, we’re going to convince you that the accident wasn’t your fault. Then, we’ll take care of nailing this nut.”
****
“Are you ready?” Tom asked.
They sat in his rented Taurus, parked outside a gothic-looking structure that was supposedly the office of a Dr. Roger DeOreo. It was located in the historic district of Salem, Massachusetts.
Truths Unveiled Page 10
