Jonas was on the ground writhing in pain. His long lean body stretched out, blood running down the marble tile of the beautiful foyer that he had chosen just for her.
“El…El, how could you?” his voice was barely above a whisper, and she leaned in to hear him, no longer afraid of him as she was before.
“I hate you. I hate you! You’ve ruined me, and I don’t love you anymore!” Ellie snarled at him, her pupils were huge, turning her eyes nearly black as she glared at him with a complete absence of love. “I’ve dreamt of this moment, and now that it’s here, I don’t feel bad for you. This is what you deserve.”
Ellie had given shooting him a lot of thought, but she wasn’t sure if she could really do it. She had never even shot a gun at a real person before, but she knew that if she aimed it at him she had better be able to do it, or she would never have another chance.
Jonas was in shock.
When he walked in the door, the last thing he expected to see was his Ellie pointing a gun at him. Today was supposed to be a special day. He was going to ask Ellie to be his wife at dinner that night. Business was good and he knew that he needed to change. Ellie had stood by his side for years now, and he was finally ready to make the commitment. He had never wanted to get married before, but it was starting to look like a good idea now. He was done with the other women. Even though he often used them to punish her for misbehaving, he was starting to regret it, something he had never done before.
He figured that must mean something.
“What the…” Jonas hadn’t finished his sentence when he heard the crack of the gun and saw the smoke. He felt the bullet tear into his chest, fast and sharp, and he fell to his knees as the blood started pouring out. “Ellie, Ellie.”
She had been the only woman he had ever loved, except for his mother. His mother who taught him that he should never stay in one place too long, or love only one person. Jonas had watched a string of men come in and out of her life—some stayed for a month or two, none of them ever paying much attention to him. When he met Ellie, Jonas knew that she was special, and he fell for her right away. He was careful to keep her in line, though.
Now he didn’t want to just keep her in line, he just wanted to marry her. He wanted to have a real life with her, a legitimate life with her. He was in disbelief now as he lay on the ground, his lifeblood flowing out of him, his body growing weaker.
Her face was inches from his, and the venom of her words spewed hatred. I can’t believe this is my Ellie. My Ellie who I’ve loved more than anyone else in my life.
“You’ve hit me, you’ve drugged me, and you stole my innocence and my life. Because of you, my parents left me. But most of all, you stole my baby. How could you ever think that I would ever forgive you for making me abandon my baby?” Ellie was fighting back tears as she spit the words at him. “I loved you, but you betrayed me with your selfishness, and I let you. If you would have just let me go, I wouldn’t have to do this.”
“Ellie, Ellie,” Jonas was getting weaker. His body was turning cold, his mind was racing, and his thoughts were becoming mush. Do I tell her that I killed her parents? I’m dead already, so what does it matter now? She already hates me. She already…. The pain of her hatred made the physical pain from the gunshot seem insignificant. “Ellie, Ellie, listen to me...”
“You have nothing to say that I want to hear. I am going to be free from you once and for all.” Ellie shook her head back and forth trying to block out the sound of his voice. Jonas thought that Ellie was just as pretty now as she was the first time that he saw her.
“You want to hear this…” His voice was barely audible and she leaned in close. “I love you. I’ve always loved you and I’m sorry.”
She shook her head, the hatred starting to dissipate as the adrenaline started to fade. The reality of what she had done was starting to hit her as she saw the life flowing out of Jonas.
“Come closer,” he was barely breathing, “I… had… your... parents killed.”
Ellie watched his head roll over to the side, his dull green eyes opened, staring into nothingness, and she screamed as she heard the sirens coming for her.
Chapter Eight
Rose
BRYNN COULDN’T BELIEVE that she was seeing Rose. It didn’t make any sense. She looked down at her belly and was relieved to see that it was still swollen, full of her growing baby. She was still wearing her nightgown, her long flowing white nightgown that made her feel so pretty and feminine.
And now, out of nowhere, there was Rose coming toward her, almost floating.
Where am I? She thought, confused. She had never been in a place like this before, and it was nothing that she recognized. It was like a place in a dream where there were no ceilings, floors, or walls. There was just space, and Brynn felt like she was dreaming.
You’re nowhere. Rose answered her wordlessly, and Brynn was surprised that Rose could read her thoughts. Don’t think about where you are. You are here with me, and that’s all you need to know.
Brynn had a thought. Am I dead? Are my baby and I both dead?
No! Rose’s voice in Brynn’s head seemed to laugh a musical, pretty laugh that Brynn had never heard before. You aren’t dead. I’m just looking out for you for the time being. Your body is going through a great ordeal right now. Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.
Brynn felt better, relieved. She put her hand on her belly and rubbed it gently as though to tell her baby that it was going to be okay. Are you okay, Momma? I’m sorry for abandoning you before you died.
Oh, baby girl, don’t worry about that. I was fine. Jane was wonderful to me. Rose was always forgiving, and Brynn wasn’t surprised that she forgave her so easily.
But Momma, I left you when you needed me the most. And I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I didn’t know how sick you were. Brynn was so ashamed. She had been living with the guilt for abandoning Rose for over a year. Rose had loved her too much, and Brynn was suffocating under the weight of her neediness. And when Adam left her, Brynn couldn’t deal with Rose any longer. She was fighting her own battles, and she couldn’t deal with Rose’s anymore. If I had known…
I know, baby girl. I know. Brynn felt Rose’s forgiveness flowing through her, like a tingling feeling from the inside out. Rose was different here. She made sense and was motherly; unlike how she was all of Brynn’s life. Brynn wished Rose had been this way while she was alive.
I wish that I had been different, too. I know that I needed you too much. I know that I wasn’t much of a mother to you. But I couldn’t be that person to you. I didn’t know how. And by the time I figured it out, it was far too late.
Brynn was ashamed of herself. How could she let Rose know her thoughts? She had to be more careful. I know that it wasn’t your fault, Momma. I know now that you did protect me from him. You did try to keep him from hurting me.
I didn’t do everything that I could have, Brynn. You know that. I should have left. That was the only sure way to protect you. Brynn felt Rose’s sadness, and it made her want to cry.
Oh, Momma, why weren’t you like this when you were alive with me? Why now? Why are you so different now? Brynn’s heart was filled with longing for a life that she could’ve lived with this Rose.
I was afraid. But I’m not afraid any longer. I was a coward, and I failed at my most important and only job. And I’m sorry. But you’ll be different. You’ll be a much better mother than I ever was.
Will I? How will I? Brynn was curious how this Rose could know.
Suddenly it got blindingly bright, and Rose disappeared with a flash. Brynn felt as though she were flying at a high rate of speed, controlled and even.
She realized that she wasn’t afraid anymore.
She was finally ready to be a mother.
Chapter Nine
Ellie’s Long Road Home
THE SOUNDS OF THE SIRENS were distant, but audible. She knew that the sirens were coming, because someone had heard the gun shot. She knew that they wou
ld be coming for her, looking for her.
Ellie did what she always did best. She ran.
Everyone knew that she was Jonas’ main girl, and would be looking for her. She was careful to wipe the gun off, and shove it in her purse after she took out the remaining bullets. She was careful to have an alibi.
She was careful not to let anyone see her go into the house, and she was careful to write a “Dear John” letter to Jonas explaining that she was sorry, and that she no longer loved him. She told him that she was going far, far away. And she left it in a place that the cops would easily find it. She planned everything out, hoping to get away. She knew she would run. She had to find Eva. He had so many enemies that it wouldn’t be hard to imagine that one of them did it. She knew where she needed to go, and she wasn’t going to let anyone stop her from getting there.
Momma, Daddy. Ellie tried hard not to let her grief overcome her as she took off on foot. She wanted to crumble on the ground. She wanted to pummel his newly dead body with her small fists. How could he do that? How could he take them from me forever? Why? Why? Ellie pushed the thoughts from her head as she ran as fast as she could. The sirens were getting louder, even as she ran further away. She took the back way and ran the two miles where she hid her car and stashed her bags. She ran as if her life depended on it, her body ragged and worn from the drugs that he had filled her with over the years.
It felt as if she had been running forever, and when she finally got to the car, she let out a sob. She jumped in and started the car, careful not to pull out too fast. She didn’t want to get pulled over for something stupid. She just wanted to get away.
I’m going home. Now I’m going home to nothing. NOTHING. They are dead. Who knows how long they’ve been dead! God Dammit, why didn’t he die before he told me what he did? Why? Ellie gripped the wheel as tight as she could, her knuckles white, tears running down her face uncontrollably. Slow down! Slow down! Ellie looked at the speedometer. Fifty-five in a forty-five. Slow down, you idiot!
Ellie tried to get a hold of herself. She knew that anyone looking in at her through the car windows would think that she was a mess. She wanted to look normal. You needed to look normal. Ellie couldn’t be caught now. There were too many questions. Too many questions that needed answered. But she knew that she couldn’t get those answers alone. She had been gone from home for seven long years. Eva would be ten now. How long have Momma and Daddy been gone? Oh, Momma!
Ellie pictured Amy in her mind, petite, pretty. Ellie was the spitting image of her, only with dark hair instead of the pretty blonde hair that Amy wore so well. Ellie had been proud of her beautiful mother, and now Amy was dead. Ellie couldn’t stop the picture of Amy’s rotting corpse full of worms from entering her mind.
Her chest felt heavy, and Ellie felt as if she were going to drive off the road. She held the wheel tight, praying for control.
She knew that she had to get away from Jonas. He hadn’t given her a choice.
“Jonas, do you ever want to have a baby with me?” It wasn’t the first time Ellie had ever brought it up. She wanted a child. She wanted someone in her life who loved her unconditionally, who looked up to her and admired her. She wanted to re-create her time with Eva. She wanted to redeem herself for what she had done to Eva. She wanted the nightmares to go away.
“Jesus, Ellie. Do we have to go through this again and again and again? We’ve been talking about it for seven years. You’ve been bringing it up since we ditched the first kid. NO! I. Do. Not. Want. A. Child. Ever.” Jonas couldn’t believe how thick she could be sometimes. He knew that she was still haunted by losing the first one, but he definitely didn’t want another one.
Ellie knew that was the last time that she would ever ask him. She was only about six weeks along, but she knew that she couldn’t afford to have him shoot her up again, or have her abandon this one, too. She knew he would make her. He would make her leave it as a newborn. He would’ve made her leave Eva as a newborn if she had been with him then. But she hadn’t. She had been smart then, and had left him. But then she went back, because she was blinded by love.
Not this time. He won’t take my child away from me again this time! Ellie knew where he kept his gun, and knew where he kept his bullets. He taught her how to shoot it in order to protect herself, because he had a lot of enemies. Little did he know that she would use it on him. I was protecting myself, and my baby.
Ellie looked down at her tight small stomach that would soon be swelling with the growth of new life, and she was excited. Jonas hadn’t shot her up for at least three weeks, and she knew that if she were strong, she could stay off the drugs and keep her baby strong and safe. Her body hurt, and her back and legs ached. She craved the drug, wanted it bad.
But she knew that she needed to stay away. She had already gone through a lot of the ups and the downs that the withdrawal took her through, but usually she didn’t have to go through an entire cycle. Jonas always made sure that he shot her up just before she started to go too crazy. But she didn’t let him do it to her every day, just often enough to keep her from crashing too hard. This was the longest she had gone in a long time, but she was doing it for her baby. She didn’t want to screw it up this time.
She didn’t want to lose the baby as she had lost Eva. And she didn’t want to hurt him. Somehow, she knew that it was a boy, though she couldn’t explain how. She was going to name him after her daddy, James. But now Daddy was gone, and it didn’t feel right to name him after a dead man.
Ellie felt her heart breaking. She hated feeling this way. She missed the euphoria of the drug. She missed being happy.
STOP IT! STOP IT! You need to stay straight for your son! You need to find Eva! You can live without it. You can live without the drugs! Go home! You’ll figure it out.
Ellie forgot about the police and recklessly drove about five more miles. She stopped the car in front of a familiar apartment building.
The door to her car opened suddenly, making her jump.
“Shit! Don’t do that to me!” she said angrily.
“I’m sorry, babe. I thought you saw me.” The young man leaned over and kissed her tenderly on the lips. She felt herself melting into him, her whole body leaning in, inviting him as she had already done so many times before.
“I’m sorry. You just scared me.” Ellie smiled. She was so taken with him. He was tall, handsome, with light sandy hair and hazel eyes. He was so different from Jonas, so much kinder to her, so much gentler. When she met him by chance three months ago when he was fixing her car, she knew that he would never treat her the way that Jonas had. She also knew that she wanted him, possibly even needed him.
“Where are we going?” he asked, tossing the duffel bag that he had been holding on his lap in the back seat.
Ellie paused. She needed a solution now that her parents were gone. John! John will know what to do! John Palmer was Daddy’s Vice President, the man that Daddy had been grooming to be his second in command. John and his wife, Tricia were always so nice to her, though Ellie had not always returned their kindness. I wonder if he will help me. He has to help me. Daddy would want him to help me!
Ellie was excited. She knew what she would do.
“We’re going home, babe. We’re going home.” Ellie turned the car toward a familiar road that she hadn’t travelled in nearly a decade.
Chapter Ten
Petey and Carly
“IT’S OKAY,” LILY SAID to the woman. The woman saw Petey coming toward her and fear gripped her for no obvious reason.
“Lily, who is that?” the woman asked, fearful.
“That’s my cousin, Petey. He saved you.” Lily was studying her carefully. The woman seemed delicate, timid.
“Saved me? Saved me from what?” the woman was surprised. She couldn’t imagine that she would ever be in danger. But she couldn’t imagine anything at this point. Her head was still pounding and fuzzy, and she couldn’t focus well on anything.
Lily didn’t want to tel
l her who she was. It wasn’t her place. Petey had detoured into the kitchen, and he was making his way back to the living room, awkwardly carrying three glasses of orange juice.
“Here ya go,” he said holding one out for Lily and the other one out for the woman. He saw that she was finally awake and figured that she was probably thirsty. The woman took it from him tentatively, almost as though it were a snake. Her fear wasn’t lost on Petey. He had tossed and turned all night trying to figure out what to do. He had brought her back to the house, but had no idea what he was going to do with Amy Harper now.
Lily looked at Petey evenly, her gray eyes cool and steely. “She wants to know who she is Petey, and what you saved her from.”
Petey looked surprised. He wasn’t sure what Amy was going to remember, but he hadn’t expected that her memory would be completely gone. He was comfortable leaving her overnight with Lily, because he knew that his cousin knew how to handle herself. With a father like hers, she was far more capable than she looked.
“Um, uh, she doesn’t remember anything?” Petey was talking to his cousin, ignoring the pretty woman sitting on the couch staring up at him.
“I don’t,” Amy said bewildered that he was talking about her, yet ignoring her at the same time.
“I’m sorry, Ma’am.” Petey said, embarrassed by his rudeness. His Momma wouldn’t be very happy with him right now.
Petey was confused. How can she have no memory of what happened? How can she not remember watching Sy stab her husband, and watching Sy and I fight? How can she forget me killing Sy, trying to defend her? Petey was out of his league.
“I think we should have breakfast,” Lily said breaking the uncomfortable silence that was starting to fill the room. “And then we need to figure out what to call you,” she said looking pointedly at Amy.
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