by Candice Dow
We danced in our own universe until the waitress came to summon us back to earth. “Your food will be here soon.”
She handed me an Apple Martini and gave Rashad a shot of Cuervo. While I took a sip of my drink, he swallowed his entire shot. He squinted and smacked his lips. I stood there and admired him. I wiped his mouth with my thumb. “You are so sweet.”
He leaned in for a kiss. We swayed to silence. Then, he said, “Okay, we’re going to select a few duets. If you want, you can sing some songs alone.” He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s whatever. We’re gonna party like it’s my birthday.” He kissed me again. “Okay.”
“Thank you, Rashad.”
“For what?”
“Not making me feel like shit.”
“Baby, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You need to stop being hard on everybody. People mess up, but it doesn’t mean anything.”
I tried to digest his wisdom, as we went through the song list again. He pointed. “We can sing ‘Make It Last Forever’?”
Why is he putting thoughts in my head? I shrugged my shoulders. “Why don’t you find a song to sing to me?”
He agreed. After a few pages, he nodded. “Okay, I got one.”
He programmed the song in and the music began. Although I couldn’t make out the melody, I bobbed my head. The song title appeared on the screen: “You Are My Lady” by Freddie Jackson. Before my time, but still I blushed. As the lyrics displayed, my smile got wider. He serenaded me with a rock and snap. Soon, I was eager to sing to him. I chose Whitney Houston’s “You Give Good Love.”
His eyes got glossy as I sang the song. Okay, either he should be in Hollywood or he’s feeling me too. I reprimanded my suspicious thoughts.
After a few more drinks and several more songs, I took a moment to realize how happy I’d been over the last few months. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in to stare into his eyes. Seconds passed, finally I said, “I haven’t been this happy since…”
His eyes dimmed like he knew I would mention Derrick, but I paused because I honestly could not remember ever feeling so free. I smiled. He slightly smirked and I kissed it away. “Rashad, I can’t ever remember being this happy.”
Immediately, his glow reappeared and I felt guilty for admitting that he possibly made me as happy as I was with Derrick. He caressed my back. “Teem, thank you. Thank you for changing my life.”
My eyebrows gathered. “Huh?”
He chuckled and tapped his forehead into mine. “I love your personality.” He laughed harder. “You sure can mess up the moment.”
“No, you just threw me off.”
He rubbed my face with the back of his hand to calm my giggles. “You’ve helped me see life totally different.”
“And you have done the same for me.”
Scene 31
FATIMA
My body hadn’t had a moment’s rest and two days after Rashad’s birthday, I was pegged to make the cheese tray for Mya’s engagement party. After working until ten two days straight, I decided to leave work early. I caught the train up to 125th, so I could drop into H&M to get something cheap and cute and then catch a taxi to Fairway grocery store. After I spent thirty minutes or more there, I traveled down the street headed to the MAC store. I called Mya to see if she needed anything.
As soon as she answered, I looked across the street and saw Rashad standing on the corner. He must be leaving the gym. Why is he just standing there looking into space? Who is he waiting for? Distracted by his presence, I failed to say anything as Mya yelled into my ear, “Did you call me or did I call you?”
“I called you. I’m sorry; I was headed to the MAC store and wanted to…”
“What, Tima?”
On the opposite corner from where I stood, an attractive young lady hopped off the bus and into Rashad’s arms. As Mya begged me to speak, I mouthed, “Oh my God.”
Her face lit up as Rashad stroked her shoulder. My heart sank deeper and deeper until my knees buckled. Quickly, I found myself stooping behind an earring vendor’s stand. Could she be the reason that nothing I did wrong upset him? Still I held my phone up to my ear. As the street vendor urged me to look at his merchandise, Mya shouted on the other end. I remained speechless.
Her eyes batted at him and Rashad’s attraction to her was just as obvious. She was young, plain, petite; everything opposite of me. I judged maybe no more than twenty-four years old. He ran his hand over her limp ponytail and she looked up to him in admiration. I envied their interaction. He adored her just because. And here, I’m paying him to spoil some other chick. Why was my heart pounding so hard? My eyes filled. This is just a job for him. I’ve confused fantasy with reality. Who thought this was a brilliant idea?
They crossed the street together and looked like they had so much to talk about. I wondered if she knew about me. How had he explained our situation to her?
As their backs got farther away from me, my phone that was already up to my ear rang and startled me. Mya shouted on the other end, “Tima, are you okay?”
“I just saw Rashad with another woman.”
To my surprise, I heard sympathy in her voice. “No! Tima. Where?”
“I’m on One Hundred and Twenty-fifth.”
“Are you sure it wasn’t just a friend?”
“It didn’t look like a friend. It just didn’t feel right.”
“So, what are you going to do?”
“Maybe I should just tell him I don’t need him anymore.”
“Didn’t you tell him if he began developing feelings for someone else, he had to quit?”
“Maybe he thinks I won’t find out and he’ll play the situation until he’s busted. Why give up the money too soon?”
“Do you really think he would do that?”
“He’s an actor. I don’t know anything about him.”
“Tima, you have to go with your gut. What do you feel about him?”
Still standing on the same corner stunned, I looked up Frederick Douglass, wondering where they were headed, hoping they’d return so he would know I saw him.
I was no longer in the mood to shop for makeup, so I hopped in a taxi and went to the grocery store. Mya tried to encourage me to look at both sides, but the attraction between them was too magnetic to ignore. We concluded that I should just probe him about his other relationship. If it turns out that there is something there, I’d give him his two-weeks’ notice.
When Rashad arrived at my house on time, my heart ached. I flip-flopped with how to confront him. As I stood behind the door, I took deep breaths. He came in and hugged me. Halfheartedly, I hugged him back. My anxiety converted to anger, as the same I’m-happy-to-see-you grin that he had when he met his girlfriend earlier spread across his face. I wanted to claw his eyes out because they were the ones lying to me.
When I turned to walk in the kitchen, he followed. “You look lovely this evening.”
“Yeah, right.”
He chuckled. I shoved the cheese tray into his chest. “Here, hold this.”
“Do I get a kiss or something?”
“Haven’t you had enough kisses today?”
“Girl, stop playin’.” He kissed me and I turned my face. “Why are you acting shady?” he asked.
“No reason. Are you ready?”
He put the tray on the table and grabbed my arm. “C’mon, baby. Give me a hug. I had a good day.”
“I bet.”
He ignored my insinuation that I knew he’d been with another woman, which frustrated me more. “Rashad, let’s go.”
He tossed his hands up in the air and grabbed the tray from the table. “A’ight, Teem. Whatever.”
He stomped to the front door, and his frustration forced me to become defensive. “Why are you tripping?”
He held the front door open and raised his eyebrows. He chuckled in between short pauses. “You…think…I’m…tripping?”
I strutted past him. “Yes.”
On the taxi ride to Mya�
��s house, he massaged my knee. “Have you ever been diagnosed with schizophrenia?”
I punched him in his arm. “Only Mya can joke like that.”
“I’m just saying, we had a great morning and now you have an attitude. I just don’t get it.”
I gasped and stared out the window. Feeling the need to approach him about what I’d witnessed, but afraid to admit to myself that he’d become more than a stand-in agitated me. Finally, I turned to face him again. “Do you remember your termination policy?”
“Are you trying to fire me?”
“Are you trying to quit?”
His silence scared me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know anymore. Still, I asked again, “Are you?”
“How many times have I told you that I’m here for you? Not for the money. Even if you fire me, I’ll still ring your doorbell every morning.”
I sucked my teeth. “You need to be on the big screen.”
“I’m serious.”
We walked into the party among a group of film industry friends. Some recognized Rashad and that made me uncomfortable. How had I downgraded to a starving actor? He couldn’t be the mysterious entrepreneur among them because they knew him and many of them had rejected him. My head hung slightly. Rashad wrapped his arm around my shoulder and we headed into the kitchen to greet Mya and Frankie.
Mya looked up inquisitively. “Hey, Rashad.”
We hugged and she whispered, “Everything okay?”
I rolled my eyes at Rashad. She repeated my actions. Rashad shook Frankie’s hand. “Man, how do you deal with these two?”
Frankie looked at us. “Man, they sucked me in. I got tricked.”
I grabbed a paper cup and poured a drink from the pitcher labeled “Commitment.” After taking a swallow, I asked, “Mya, what’s in here?”
“Girl, that’s a Cosmo. I was just trying to label the drinks something associated with engagement or commitment, you know?”
I poured another cup and handed it to Rashad. “Here, have some commitment.”
He laughed and left us in the kitchen. With Rashad less than two steps out of the room, Mya said, “Did you ask him if he was falling for someone else?”
“No, I asked him if he wanted to quit. He claims he’d be here even if I wasn’t paying him.”
“He’s full of it.”
I poured my second cup and sipped. “Who thought this script was a great idea?”
“Don’t even play, Tima.”
My drink sprinkled out when I laughed. Mya rolled her eyes. “You are so crazy.”
When I left the kitchen to mingle with the crowd, I chatted with several of Mya’s colleagues and prayed no one would ask how I got hooked up with Rashad.
Standing merely steps away from him, I eavesdropped. He spoke to a gentleman that I didn’t know. “Yeah, I just put a contract on a brownstone today. I’m thinking I’ll fix it up and flip it.”
The guy engaged him in his lie. Rashad continued, “Yeah, there are actually grants you can apply for that will give you money to fix up abandoned properties. People have no clue how much money’s out there. You just have to get it. They just need to make sure you’re financially stable.”
The guy listened intently. I was impressed. At least he sounded logical and the thought that he could manipulate people who knew he was a starving actor turned me on. Then, on the other hand, it reminded me how well he could act.
To alleviate the confusion smothering me, I snuck back into the kitchen to pour another drink. Mya came in behind me. “Girl, Rashad is in there working the crowd.”
“He’s such a good actor.”
“Funny, I never knew that.”
We burst into laughter. She warned, “You better stop drinking. You know you can’t handle too much alcohol.”
After swallowing what was left in my cup, I quickly poured drink number four. Mya tried to grab my drink. After a silly tussle, she surrendered.
“Don’t get drunk and mess up my engagement party.”
I shooed her away. “Whatever. I’m fine.”
When I returned to the other room, Frankie had begun separating the crowd into two groups to play Taboo. Caught off-guard when he pointed at me, I followed the count and said, “Two.”
Rashad reached over and grabbed my arm. I stumbled over to him and he turned my back to him. He wrapped his arms around me and nestled his chin in my neck. I ducked and he kissed my cheek. We giggled and others around us watched our interaction.
Throughout the game, I had several more drinks and we became increasingly—and openly—flirtatious. My admiration for him grew as the night grew older.
Scene 32
RASHAD
Fatima swayed back and forth beside me. She had clearly had too much to drink. We raised our cups for a toast almost ten times throughout the evening. I celebrated my transition in life and God only knows what she celebrated, but we looked more like the engaged couple than Mya and Frankie. I was the only actor in a room full of film and casting directors. The connections I made were priceless.
Though neo-soul music played in the background, Fatima and I danced as if hip-hop blasted through the speakers. When her speech began to slur, I rubbed her back. My eyes directed Mya to assist me in detoxing my date. Mya rolled her eyes in her head and walked into the kitchen. She returned with a cup of ice water, while I tried to convince Fatima to have a seat. I attempted to put a piece of ice in her mouth and she pinched my chin, “Kiss me.”
I leaned in for a wet kiss. Her vulnerability forced me to suppress my ambitions and stay beside her despite several career opportunities rolling out the front door. As I waved at my new contacts, I patted my pocket to assure all the business cards I collected were secure.
While I sat there massaging her back, suddenly her loud snoring drowned out the music. Mya laughed. “She’s out.”
“Yeah, I’ll have to carry her home.”
After I helped Frankie and Mya straighten up a little, I cradled Fatima in my arms and left. I hoped by the time we reached outside, she’d wake up. Instead she rested her head on my shoulder and snuggled closer. I hailed a taxi, stuffed her inside, pulled her out, and when I tried to get her house key from her purse, she decided to wake up.
She clutched her purse. “Give me that.”
I let it go. “Okay, be my guest.”
She opened the door and staggered in front of me. In her mind, I believe she thought she was switching. Watching her intoxicated strut cracked me up.
“Teem, do you know you only have one shoe on?”
She sucked her teeth, plopped on the couch, and kicked off her other shoe. “Not anymore.”
I stood in front of her and reached for her hand. “Do you want to go downstairs?”
She pointed. “No, we need to talk.”
“Talk?”
“I’ll talk when I feel like it.”
“No, baby. I was asking you a question.”
“Well, ask me then.”
Her incoherence tickled me. “Why don’t you go first?”
She yanked my arm. “Sit down.”
I fell beside her and stroked her face. “What’s up?”
“What does your girlfriend think about us?”
I laughed. “You tell me.”
“You tell me. I don’t know her.”
“Fatima, the only girlfriend I have is you.”
“I saw her.”
I laughed harder. “Who did you see?”
“Your girlfriend. I saw her today.”
Before it dawned on me, I laughed hysterically, but my smile quickly turned into dismay. Could it really be possible that the only day I hang out casually with another woman, she saw me? I winced. “Have you been following me?”
She stabbed her index finger into my chest. “I didn’t have to follow you. God put it right in my face. I walked down a Hundred and twenty-fifth Street, minding my own business, and there you were with that girl.”
“Why didn’t you say anything when you saw me?�
�
She pretended to cry. “Because I couldn’t remember what the contract said. I know you’re supposed to tell me when you have feelings for someone else, but am I supposed to approach you when I see you with another woman?”
“Fatima, I have nothing to hide. I’m a one-woman man. I would have to quit if I had a girl. What woman do you know would allow me to spend so much time with you?”
“You’re not always with me.”
Before I could continue to defend myself, she started snoring. Hoping that once she woke up sober, this argument would be over, I lifted her from the couch and carried her downstairs to the bedroom. She slung her arm around my neck and appeared so helpless. When I lay her down, I landed a soft kiss on her forehead before removing her clothes.
As I struggled to remove her pants, she whimpered and lay delicately in a posed position. I stood over her and admired how eloquent she remained despite her inebriation. I climbed in beside her. Facing her, I wrapped my arms around her waist. I spoke to her unconscious mind, “I’m so glad I met you.”
Then, I kissed her. We lay face-to-face, breathing each other’s breath. Ten minutes passed and she responded, “I’m glad I met you too.”
Scene 33
FATIMA
When I squirmed, Rashad’s arms surrounded me. I tried to recollect how we transitioned from Mya’s house to my bed-room. Suddenly, I felt slightly embarrassed. Could I have been that drunk?
“Yes, you were that drunk.”
When he answered my thoughts, I realized I’d spoken aloud. I turned to face him. “What?”
He brushed back the strands of hair hanging in my face. “You were messed up. I had to carry you out of Mya’s house.”
As I attempted to sit up, my head felt like a watermelon. “You’re lying. Did people see you carry me out?”
“You know we have to save face for the Teem. I waited until everyone left.”
“Was Mya mad?”
“No, she thought you were funny.”
