I pat him on the chest, copping a feel of his hard pec. “Wussup, Riley?” My vision blurs when I find his brown eyes.
“Why have you been avoiding me all week?” He’s whispery and slurry, and his eyelids are heavy, giving him a completely sexy vibe. Between the alcohol and our closeness, I’m tingling in all the fun places.
I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the wall. “I haven’t been avoiding you.” He glares at me, and with the help of the wall, I’m able to stand fairly still and hold his stare.
“You have been avoiding me. Why?” His voice is angry but playful too. “Are you with Dave now? If you say ‘Um, I dunno, maybe?’ I’m going to lose it.”
I gasp and poke at his chest, copping another feel. “Don’t you stand there with your big body and act all bossy pants jealous. I know you’re not.”
“Not what?”
“Not bossy pants jealous.”
Ben smiles and relaxes his pose. “So you want me to be jealous?”
Do I? I lift my chin. “Maybe.”
“But that would mean you care.” He shifts his stance and touches my nose. “And that’s not in the contract.”
I pull my nose out of his reach. “What’s with this attitude tonight? You’re confusing me.”
He laughs. “I’m confusing you? Wow.”
I reach up to pat his cheek. “Maybe I’m just drunk on a school night.” I plan a path around his body to weave my way to my door. “I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m going to go pass out now.”
“No you’re not.” He follows me to my door. “You’re coming with me.”
My back is to Ben, but I can’t stop my smile. I feign resistance. “Really? Says who?” I bark at the door.
He grabs my waist and spins me around, holding me so I don’t stumble. “Says me. And the contract.”
I can’t remember what day it is and if we’ve already been together twice this week, but when he looks up and down the hallway and smiles the smile that leaks sunshine, I melt inside and could care less.
“You’re cute.” He leans closer. “I’ve missed you.”
“Don’t call me cute.” I stand on tiptoe and kiss him, right in the middle of the floor. I love kissing when I’m tipsy. The partially numb lips, the dizziness, the sweet taste of alcohol all add to the awesomeness. His beard tickles my chin, and his lips are warm and soft. I moan into his mouth.
I’m surprised when he pulls away. The floor moves beneath me, and I lean against my door for balance. “What’s wrong, Riley?”
He cups my chin and lifts it, looking into my eyes. “Seriously. What’s going on with you? Why did you disappear?”
For a brief drunken moment, I decide I love Ben. Like actually love him in a way that makes me want to spill all my secrets about myself, my life, my hopes and dreams. But still, I can’t make myself say anything to him that’s from inside of me. “I got nervous. Things got intense all of a sudden.”
“With us?”
“With everything.” Images of the letter waiting for me in my drawer pass through my mind.
Ben’s face drops, and he starts to ramble. “Is this because of Monday night? I had a shitty PT session and when I was home, I felt lost. I came back here and saw you sleeping in the lounge, and it made me feel, well, not lost. I wasn’t trying to be intense; it just sort of happened.”
We jump when Win comes out of room two. He glances our way then walks across the hall to the men’s room. I lower my voice. “It’s not about Monday. I have a lot going on with my family that’s freaking me out, and sometimes I can’t handle you.”
“So instead of talking to me, you run away?” Ben tilts his head, watching me, not letting escape the conversation.
“I’m sorry. That’s what I do. I can’t help myself.”
Ben sighs, as his gaze travels my face. His brown eyes turn sad, and his mouth opens like he’s looking for words. He’s way too concerned for someone who’s supposed to be my fuck buddy and nothing more. I don’t want to upset him, but, even in my drunken state, I want to keep things honest and clear. So I whisper, “I don’t want to be intense, Ben. I can’t do it. Not with you. Not now. I’ve told you before—”
“I know what you’ve said—”
“I want to be friends and play." I run my finger across his chest. "Do you wanna play with me?” I know how selfish it is to want him only on my terms. “I don’t want to stop…” I point between us, “this.” I flash my sexiest smile. “Can we still play?”
He pauses, and for a split second, I panic. I hold my breath while I wait for him to respond. Someday, this is going to be over. The way he’s looking at me, the way he offers himself to me, it’s all going to be for some other girl. I can’t get my act together to take what he has to give, so it’s going to be over. I’m going to miss him like crazy.
As the seconds add up, I pray that Ben doesn’t back out. Not yet. I don’t want the “over” to be now.
But then the corners of his mouth curl into his beard. His melt-me smile is as evident in his eyes as it is on his lips.
I breathe again. In a heartbeat, we’re back to easy and fun. Just the way I like it. I run my finger over the scar on his eyebrow to his cheek, over his beard, down his neck, over his chest, to his waistband.
He kisses my forehead. “Absolutely. Let’s play.”
Chapter Ten
Ben
Friday morning starts early with a hangover and a double shot of espresso. Alone. I’m getting tired of Megan sneaking out. It makes me feel cheap. Maybe I’ll tell her that next time.
Last night was our second sex of the week. Drunk, happy, goofy second sex of the week. Whenever I tried to talk her into some wacky position or twist her into some weird shape, she’d laugh at me and do whatever the hell she wanted. Whatever. We were naked so I was fine with letting her control the games.
She thinks we’re too intense? Call me crazy, but shouldn’t being with someone be intense?
I carry my super-amped coffee from the Student Center to the quad and think about Megan all through English class. I hadn’t told her that I figured out who her dad is. She doesn’t want me to know. She’d made it clear last night that all she wants with me is to have fun. She wants the contract we agreed on. Fuck around, don’t date, don’t tell anyone. I thought I could do it.
Maybe I was wrong.
Jules texts me.
Student paper, page 12.
Over the past week, I haven’t thought much about my ACME match, but I let Jules run the show. As usual, she goes hard. Between the posters in the quad, the ad, and the flyers in the Student Center, female number one forty-seven will at least know I’m interested in meeting her. After class, I grab a newspaper from a bin near the library and flip to page twelve. Jules ran another ad looking for my ninety-five percenter. Maybe she’ll call.
I wonder if Megan will care. I wonder if I’ll even care.
When I return to Sheridan, I stop at room three and text her from the hallway.
Are you here?
She texts back immediately.
At library. Can you call?
I drop onto the couch in the lounge and touch her number. “Hey, Sweet Meg. What’s up?”
Her voice is a whisper. “I’m in a study group.”
I smile and whisper back. “You sound sexy. Say something dirty.”
She giggles. “Stop. No phone sex in the library. It’s in the university brochure.”
“Go to our couch. Touch yourself.”
“Shush, Ben. Listen…” She sounds busy so I let her continue. “Before you hear it from someone else,” she coughs and sputters, “Juliet,” then clears her throat, “Dave came to visit me this morning.”
My entire body sags. That motherfucker. I hate him, and I don’t even know him. “Why? Besides the obvious.”
“Calm down there, tiger. He wanted to make sure I was feeling better.”
I grunt something that sounds like, “Uh-huh.”
“Also, his ba
nd is playing at The Study tonight.” The Study is a local bar featuring top-notch bands. Every weekend it’s filled to capacity with college students because of the cheap beer and good music. They’re lax on checking I.D.s, too, so even the fakest fakes get in.
“Uh-huh,” I grunt again, knowing what’s coming next.
“I want to go.” With her words, I grimace into the phone. “Actually, I’m going. So are Juliet, Chase, and Maggie. Rocco and Pooja have some Indian thing to go to with her family, but they are going to come later. Will you come?”
I drop my head onto the back of the lounge couch. “So I can watch him try to hook up with you?”
“Dave’s not going to try to hook up with me, Ben. He’s not into me like that, and anyway, he’ll be a little busy on the stage. It was nice of him to ask don’t you think?”
I don’t answer. What I think is he’s into Megan.
“Fine.” Her pissy voice irritates me and makes my ears hurt. “If you’re going to be a baby, I’ll go with the others. I was hoping you’d be there, and Chase and Juliet wanted you to come too, but whatever.”
Maybe I should be there so Dave doesn’t try to weasel his way into her pants. Rumor has it he, and his apparently giant penis, have been with everyone on the second floor. He’s probably looking for new territory. “I’ll go.”
“Really?” Her voice softens. “Okay, great. I’ll see you tonight then.”
I groan a goodbye and head to room six. Chase sits on his bed, sketching, and laughs when I crash face down on mine.
“Not in the mood, CC.”
“Ready for our big night out to see The Randoms?”
I knew he’d never be able to resist. Without moving the rest of my body, I reach out my arm and give him the finger. “I hate you.”
“I told you this contract thing would never work. Now big dick Second Floor Dave is in the mix. You have to out yourself, man.”
“I can’t. I would, but she’d never go for it.”
“Then you have to say something to Juliet. She’s trying to hook Meg up with Dave. She has a plan for tonight.”
I look to Chase, who goes back to sketching. “You’re an asshole, CC.”
He turns to me. “What did I do?”
“You have to get Jules to stop!”
He laughs. “Do you know her? Oh wait, you do. How do I get her to stop when I’m not supposed to tell her about you and Megan?”
Good point. “Make something up, smart guy. Tell her Megan’s seeing someone, or Dave has a disease or… whatever. Aren’t you supposed to be one of those creative types?” I reach for a pencil from my desk and throw it across the room at him. “Pooja knows about Megan and me. Maybe she can think of something.”
“I didn’t tell Pooja,” Chase says. “I swear.”
“I know. She got a whiff or a brain wave and figured it out on her own. Get her to stop Jules.”
He tosses the pencil back at me. “Relax, Mr. Casual I’m-not-invested. I’ll talk to Pooja. Maybe you’ll have fun tonight. I hear Dave’s got a sexy voice.”
When he laughs, I throw the pencil again and nail him right in the forehead. “Asshole.”
Megan
Maggie and I take the train to the city for dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. It’s nice to have some time with her alone. She’s starting to get over the Winston mess, and tonight she’s cheerful and excited to go out. She’s Maggie of September. Beautiful, talkative, excited, and ambitious. She lights up when she tells me about an internship she’s applying for and a family trip her mom is planning. In some ways, Winston dumping her has opened doors and set her free.
After dinner, we crash in our room to rest up for the night. When Maggie leaves to shower, the letter calls to me from my desk. One of these days, I’ll have to take my dad up on his request to talk about my mother. I know I should read the letter before then, either to use it as a sword or a shield if things get out of hand. Still, it scares me.
My hands shake as I open the drawer. I’ll just see if it’s still in there. The letter stares back at me, so I slam the drawer shut again.
I glance at the closed drawer as I pace my room. For a second time, I open it and look at the letter. It’s still there, addressed to Amelia. This time, I pick it up, shaky hands and all.
I tear it open and unfold it. No going back now.
Dear Amelia,
Let me start by saying how sorry I am about what happened at Sheridan Hall in November. It’s terrible when a young life is lost, especially in such a violent fashion, and I pray for your fallen friend and for all of you every day. However, that day was the best day of my life because I found you.
Your father has been keeping me away from you for years. So long, in fact, that I’m afraid you won’t want to know me. I can’t begin to tell you the things I’ll have to do to get this letter to you!
Don’t be angry with me for not contacting you sooner. I know I could have gone to court, but I didn’t want your father’s celebrity status to draw attention to the situation or to cause you pain. I do know he loves you, that you love each other, and I would never stand in the way of that.
Everything he probably told you is true. I did abandon you. I was young and scared. The fact is, I’m your mother. Now that you’re a grownup, I would like to know you. I would like you to know me. Do you think that’s something you’d consider?
I’ve always loved you, my angel baby, and will continue to do so even if you prefer not to have me in your life.
Love, your mother, Penelope
I wipe away a tear, and my heart races as I consider what I’m holding. I want to yell at the letter. You’re not my mother! Annie was my mother! But then it hits me. I have a mother. A real blood mother. Why has my father been keeping her away?
I read the letter again. Her contact information shows a Fort Lee, New Jersey address. She’s been right across the river my whole life.
Maggie’s voice moves down the hallway. I quickly use the back of my hand to clean my face, and then fold the letter into the envelope and shove it in the drawer.
She flings open the door. “I’m so excited to get dressed up tonight!” She bounds in, beautiful and happy in her robe with a towel wrapped around her head.
When she sees me, she stops, and her smile turns to a look of concern. “Are you okay, Meg? What’s wrong?”
I squeeze my lips together. “Nothing. I’m okay.”
“You know you can talk to me, right? About anything. I won’t blab like Juliet.”
“I know. Thanks, Mags.” I offer a weak smile.
***
Despite my best efforts to shake off my mother’s words and enjoy the night, I can’t. During the walk to The Study, Juliet, Chase, Maggie, and Ben chat, but I lag behind. I think about feigning illness and turning around, but I don’t want to draw attention to myself.
I pull my jacket tighter around my chest as Ben falls back to walk next to me. “Sweet Meg, what’s wrong?”
Besides questioning my entire life? “I’m cold.”
While the rest of us scrunch our shoulders and shiver, Ben doesn’t seem to notice the cold. He struts casually, like he’s walking the strip in South Beach.
His confidence and casualness piss me off. Maybe it’s all the hair that keeps him warm. He’s also wearing a thermal under a flannel and a hoodie. His nose and lips are pink. Looking at him usually warms me from the inside out, but tonight he’s so amazing and confident that I want to barf. I can’t imagine growing up like he did, in a perfect family that fostered independence and somehow managed to stay so close. A mom. A dad. Brothers. Even a damn dog. I don’t know for sure whether his house had a white picket fence, but I’d put money on it that it did.
He leans in to whisper to me. “I’ll warm you up later.”
It’s the perfect thing for him to say. He is perfect, and his whole entire world is goddamn perfect. I’m not really in the mood for perfect. I snap my head toward him. “Aren’t we sticking to the contract?” It co
mes out snottier than I intend. Or maybe not.
Ben shakes his head and jogs away from me, catching up with the others. God I suck.
The line at The Study snakes out the door, which does nothing to help my mood. Thankfully, Dave put us on a list so we’re able to walk right in.
“Dave’s so cool.” Juliet croons as we cut through the line. “He has people with lists.”
“Maybe someday you will too, gorgeous.” Chase. Ick. The two of them are nothing but a giant display of PDA, groping each other and moving together like a tall beautiful unit of gorgeousness. Blech. Inside, they move into the crowd toward the stage and heads turn to watch. They’re so freaking happy. It’s hard not to look at them in all of their glorious perfection.
I grimace and head to the bar. Not in the mood.
Ben and Maggie follow me. The Study is loud and dark, so I can hide and sulk and be anti-social in the middle of the crowd. The Randoms cover a punk rock song, and the floor is jumping. Dave leans over the mic, shirtless, long and lean as he sings to the crowd. A line of girls borders the edge of the stage. College girl groupies, probably. I can’t blame them. Dave’s amazing looking, and his voice is strong and clear. He totally knows how to play to the crowd.
Maggie watches with me, and Ben disappears to get us drinks. The Randoms play three songs that Maggie and I sing along to before she stands on her tiptoes, looking over the crowd. “Ben’s coming back,” she yells. “I’m going to go up to the stage and see if I can find Juliet and Chase.”
I nod, and she disappears. I wonder if her sudden escape means she knows the extent of my relationship with Ben.
When Ben sees I’m alone, he places the pitcher and cups on an unoccupied corner of the bar and stands behind me, his front to my back. I want to object. I want to tell him the contact violates our contract and reiterate that I can’t be with him. I want to tell him I have a mother I don’t even know. That it’s entirely possible my father has been lying to me from the day I was born. I want to tell him I’m not perfect like him; my family isn’t perfect like his. I want to tell him I’m a mess.
She Runs Away (The Sheridan Hall Series Book 2) Page 11
