“You’ll get what I want, Koda.” His hand slid around to the inside of my thighs as he roughly thrust the rest of himself into me, shoving me further into the mattress, a soft growl coming from him as he let go of my wrist. Another muffled whimper escaped my lips at the pain but I was not about to ask him to stop.
My head swam as he moved in me, hard rough thrusts followed by agonizingly slow withdraws, his breath already ragged. I pushed myself up onto my forearms, pushing back against him as he thrust. Even though it had been years, Rhen still knew every move that sent me closer to the edge. I wondered for a moment if he missed this as much as I had as I felt the orgasm building with every stroke.
I threw my head back to get the hair out of my face as I drew in a deep breath, a moan came from behind me. I wanted to meet his eyes, but I didn't dare look over my shoulder as he pounded away. A few more strokes and I was ready to combust, the heady rush coming quickly.
He thrust once more and froze. I could feel his muscles trembling as he held himself steady. I balled the quilt up in my hands as I listened to him purposely steady breathing as he ran his hand over my lower back. He wanted to draw this out but he was close to going over the edge but so was I. And I wasn’t going to wait for him.
I pushed back and tried to grind against him. I heard him suck in a breath before he slapped my ass.
“No, no, no. You’re not getting what you want that easily.” he growled.
The hand on the small of my back slid up my spine and balled in my hair at the nape of my neck. His other hand grabbed my upper arm. With a swift yank he pulled me up on my knees. The pain from the sharp pull on my hair drawing a nasty curse from my lips as his chest crashed into my back. My head swam from the pain and the change of position.
“You know what I want to hear,” he said, his breath as labored as my own. “Say it, Kodiak.”
“I’m not saying it.” I managed after my second try.
“Liar.” He had trouble forming words. “You’ll say it. I’ll make you say it.”
He spread his knees wider, pushing my legs open further, throwing me off balance. My breath came out as a whimper as I was impaled further on him. His hand grazed down my body and over my stomach. I bit my lip to stifle a satisfied whimper as his other hand made it’s way between my spread legs. My back arched involuntarily at his touch and I couldn't deny that I missed this.
“Gods, I miss the feel of you” he whispered in my ear as he continued his gentle strokes on that sweet spot he knew too well. My breath hitched in my throat as he hit just the right rhythm. He wrapped his strong arm around my upper body, hand resting on my shoulder, and pulled me tighter against his chest, his face nuzzling my neck.
I held onto his arm with both of my hands, my nails digging in. I heard a moan escape his lips. He couldn't keep this up much longer.
Rhen licked the side of my neck, his body trembled against mine as he slowly started to rock into me.
Somewhere in our movements we went from hate sex to the sex that satisfies the soul, leaves you stripped bare. I quit fighting myself for control. I leaned into him, relishing the weight of his arm across my chest as he held me tight. I heard a satisfied breath rush out of him and he kissed my cheek.
“Come on, Baby,” he whispered, voice soft and pleading in my ear. His breath was as labored as my own. “I need you to say it, Kodabear.”
Any other man would want to hear their name, demand you call them master, or want you to beg. I knew exactly what he wanted, those two words engraved in the ring he wore.
And before I could fight myself the words slipped from my lips.
“Make me.”
He bit down hard on the side of my neck as the headiness washed over my body and we both were lost in the moment.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Kodiak
That bite was going to leave a mark for sure and I wasn't sure if I cared at the moment. The sex sure was good but now that my head was cleared I had was beginning to think I should have listened to him when he had said no instead of pushing the issue.
“Damn it, Koda, I shouldn't have - fuck, I shouldn’t have bit you. Fuck. I’m sorry.” He lay beside me, hands covering his face, where we had fallen in a pile on the mattress. “We’ve gotta talk about this thing with Rory.”
“No.” I said as I reached to wrap the quilt around myself. I really didn’t care for what he had to say. Seven years I’d waited for the breakup sex. I knew my mind was probably about to betray me again, the conflicted emotions already rolling in.
I wasn’t as callous as I thought when it came to Rhen even though I wanted to be. I wasn't ready for what he wanted to talk about even after toying with him to get what I wanted. I missed him more than I cared to admit, and if he hadn’t left, I would have forgiven him. I knew that, stupid or crazy as it was. I had always known that. But the leaving is what had broken me. And I’d just set myself up to experience it again.
He rolled me over as our breathing settled. Rhen gently tipped my face towards his with those rough hands so he could look in my eyes. The lost look on his face was painful as he searched my eyes for something. He’d always said I was magic with my mismatched eyes, and I’d hidden the magic after he left.
“We’re talking about this, Koda,” his thumb playing across my cheek. Was that the tiniest bit of hope dancing in those golden eyes?
I couldn’t do this.
“No.” I pulled away from him. “We’re not. And it's daylight, we’ve got work to do.”
“Koda.” He barked at me as I got out of bed, tossing all the quilts over him. I didn't bother to look back as I reached for my shirt. I pulled on my jeans and was reaching for my boots as he finally made his way out from under the layers of the quilt and I let him have it.
“You broke my heart, Rhen. All I wanted was for you to fix it, but it's too late for that.” I wanted to leave it at that, I wanted to believe my words, but I felt it all bubbling up behind my well controlled voice.
His golden sad puppy eyes, his sweaty skin, and after sex tousled hair made me want to walk the few steps, pin him back to the bed, and kiss that bruised mouth of his till I lost myself again. But I didn’t. I focused on lacing up my boots.
“Koda-”
“No. You don't have a say in this. You’re gonna sit there and listen.” I snapped, pointing a finger at him. Everything I’d been holding back began to pour out. “You left me. I don't care why. You. Left. Me. You promised you wouldn't. And you stayed gone, like everyone else. But they died. You came back and that is fucking with my head. And yeah, I wanted you this morning. I’ve wanted you so many nights even after you left. So right now you don't get to talk about what you want. I don't even want to hear about it. Do you understand that? You lost that when you walked away.“
“Do you know how many sleepless nights I had? How many nights I cried myself to sleep because you weren’t there? I didn’t know which way was up, and I didn’t care. Nothing mattered but pain from the choices I had to make when you left. All that pain Rhen, I couldn’t do it. I snapped. Ken did too. You left your best friend, hell he considered you his brother, or did you forget about him too? That you didn’t leave just me. You left everyone here that cared about you.”
“For two years Kenai and Dez couldn't stop me. I was taking hunts out from under them. I wanted to die, Rhen. I wanted to go out on the fishing boat and go over the rail. Join Pops. You did that. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it because of the anger I felt towards you, knowing you were out there and that you had ripped my heart out. You pulled me back from the edge the first time only to leave me further over the edge than the day I actually jumped off the glacier trying to kill myself. You made me into this, Rhen. This shattered mess. And I let you. So yeah, the only thing that has kept me stable was my hate for you. I just screwed myself over. I can't even hold onto the hate anymore.”
He just stared at me, taking in the long overdue rant. He deserved this, I kept telling myself, he’d hurt me and left.
I needed to get this out. I caught his eyes drift to my wrist, eyeing the raised twisted scar. I heard our phones sound with notifications again. I let out my own strangled, frustrated groan. Fuck whoever was sending those damn messages.
“Ravens can't be trusted in any form. You're all tricksters, you and your fucking sister. So if you want to leave again, leave. Don’t pretend to care what I think now because you didn’t then, and I had to find my own way. I’ll find my own way again. Just don't be the asshole you were last time, at least tell me good-bye so I can be done with you. Those that care about you deserve to know.”
I turned to open the door, but a strong tattooed arm appeared by my head and held it shut. I didn't bother turning back to face him. The silence that stretched between us was as quiet and as deadly as the eye of a storm, but I was not about to break it first. I’d said what I needed to say and wanted to be done. I tried to yank the door open against his strength, but I barely moved it.
“Koda, I’m not asking for forgiveness, I don’t deserve it,” he finally managed, his voice the quiet rumble of thunder in a snowstorm, “but I am not letting you walk out that door without you knowing the entire truth.”
“What do you have to tell me, Rhen? That she didn't mean anything? You called Dezi and had me come home early. You wanted me to find you.” My voice echoed off the thick wooden door, the tremor in my voice apparent. I was barely keeping it together. I could feel the presence of his other hand hovering behind me, he wanted to touch my hair, it was always his go to when he was upset.
He took a breath behind me, his exhale so close to my ear that my hair moved. I watched his knuckles turn white from the pressure he was putting on them to hold himself up and the door closed. He was right to think I’d bolt if given the chance. Hell, I’d take his vehicle, too.
“I know what you saw that day, things never should have ended up that way. Yes, I called Dez. I called him to tell him to send you home,” his voice was just as strained as mine had been. In that pause he stroked the ends of my hair for a brief moment. I heard him swallow hard forcing down whatever he was feeling as he let my hair slip through his fingers. I tried to fight the tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't want to hear what I’d been avoiding for so long.
“I needed you. The dive went bad when I was making the repair on that ship. Some idiot tugged on the wrong line while I was using the torch and yanked it from me, it cut my oxygen line. I ended up getting tangled in the lines and the chain I had been cutting through. I was barely conscious till I got free and to the surface. Medical checked me out, gave me the all clear, but I was too shaken up. I couldn't deal with it once I got home. My thoughts were everywhere: how I couldn’t keep up the job, that you’d almost lost me, that I never got to ask you to --- I called Dez, then started drinking. I just couldn’t keep up with what was going through my head.
“Rory showed up, I thought she was just there for a visit like always and was waiting on you to get back. I wanted to get rid of her, but I was glad to have someone to talk to keep my mind from focusing on what happened. She started drinking with me. I’d already had half the bottle of Cognac, she’s two drinks in and confronts me. Tells me she knows my family's secret, that she’s going to tell your brothers if I don’t do what she wants. Tells me I’d be lucky to get out of town alive once the Sesi boys know what’s been going on. I was fucked up, pissed off, and drunk. I gave in to what she wanted to keep my family secret. It's not an excuse, it's just what happened. And I never should have--”
“What secret, Rhen?” I said as I turned to face him. Seven years of envisioning how this fight would go, those words were never what I expected. “Damn it all to hell, you’ve got me where you want me, you’re forcing me to listen, give me answers.”
“Koda, I couldn’t - she - gods, Koda I'm a seal.” He blurted out.
“You’re a SEAL?” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Nice lie. Dezi told me that you spent the last six years in the Yukon mining gold. You have no military experience. You're not a SEAL.”
His chest shook as he drew a deep breath.
“Koda, Will and I, we’re selkies. We’re seals, like harbor seals.”
“Bullshit.” I just blinked at him. “You’ll say anything at this point to get out of this.”
He raked his hands back through his hair. This was frustrating him, I could see his jaw set in anger. He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath, trying to focus on something. Then he spoke again, eyes still closed. “No, Koda, I’m not lying to you. Not anymore. We’re shifters. We’re Others.”
When he opened his eyes they were black as night, his glittering golden eyes gone, the tiniest glint of silver rippled over his skin.
I felt my knees buckle but I managed to stay upright with the door at my back. I had really seen his eyes go black after I had slapped him.
“S-s-say that again,” I managed. He was still mere inches from me, those depthless eyes not flinching away from mine, the silver was the sheen on his skin morphing into the fine slick fur of a seal.
“I’m a selkie.” With another long blink his golden eyes were there, clouded with pain as my realization set in. Just as quickly the fur was gone. My stomach was sick, shifters were powerful, but to have the control to just partially shift took skill very few possessed in any species.
“You're a shifter?” I tried to keep the anger out of my voice. Deep in my soul I knew the answer, but I needed to hear it. “How long?”
He didn’t fidget. He didn’t talk. He just stared at me as if what he had already said was more than he could force himself to say at once. He was a blank slate.
“How long, Rhen!” I shoved him away from me but he went no where.
“Since we were born,” he managed between his grit teeth.
My head swam. That is why Czar freaked out on him. That is why Dad’s dog bit him all those years ago. Its why he never hung out with Ken at the house and our dogs. I had been in love with a shifter. Shifter. An Other. My world was not what I thought it had been.
Every instinct I’d be raised with concerning Others said I should have slit his throat before he could hurt me again. My hand went instinctively for my knife, but I realized it was on the other side of the room strapped to the bed frame.
“Koda, this is not how I wanted to tell you, you have to believe me.” I heard the pain in his voice. I wanted to feel for him but right now I didn't have it in me.
“Do my brothers know?”
“Yes.”
So Dez was keeping more than just that Rhen had been back from me. Kenai, too. I really was on my own then.
“So this is what all of you have been keeping from me?” I screeched not able to control my own voice.
“Koda, this is not how I ever meant for you to find out.”
“Damn it, Rhen, you keep fucking saying that! Just once why can’t you be upfront with me. Clue me in? I’m not as fragile as you think I am.”
He wasn’t my Rhen that left. My Rhen that left never really existed.
My fingers tapped against the door behind me of their own volition. I had to get a grip.
“So you’re telling me that Rory’s options were what? Be her bitch or she sends my brothers on a hunt after you? Did you really think that my brothers would just drop everything to hunt you and your sister down after how close we’d all been?”
“I don't know what you want me to say, Koda. You hunt shifters. You hunt us. Why do you think I didn't tell you? I wanted to so bad. Why do you think Will and I fought all the time? She knew that your family knowing what we were put her and I both in danger. So what was I supposed to do? Choose between my blood and my girlfriend?”
He wasn't lying.
Shit.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Rhen
Every word I said made the situation worse. What the hell had I done? I should have just lied to her about Rory and let it at that. Between last night outside Broken Tusk and the damn good romp in the bed, I had somehow fooled myself into thinking that s
he’d secretly be ok with it since she’d admitted to being with another shifter.
“You didn’t think at any point that you’d have a need to tell me you’re a damn seal? That there was no possibility of me ever waking up next to you covered in fur?”
Hell, after yesterday and waking up mid shift, she was right. She could have been right there beside me in bed, saw me shift and slit my throat before I’d ever know she had found out my secret. But I was still fighting for this. Whatever this was.
“You really think I could have convinced a nineteen year old headstrong Kodiak Sesi that it was ok that her boyfriend was a shifter? I had to stop you from running out to get you to listen just now.”
Crossing her arms she glared at me. She couldn’t argue with me and she knew it.
“Bad dives my ass, why not just shift?”
I shook my head. “Koda, it doesn’t work like that. Seals aren’t fish, I still need air, unlike your damn blonde merman.”
I hated how bitter those words tasted. I’d caused this entire situation, it was my fault that damn fish was even in the picture. She’d obviously moved on with him, and had his initials tattooed on her hip.
“You leave him out of this. This isn't about him,” she hissed at me.
“You’re right, it's not, it's about us. But what I don’t get is you’ll accept him for what he is but you question me?” There was that growl in my voice again. Damn it.
I needed control of myself. Sex with Koda should have been enough to take the edge off my need to shift. But between the ever growing jealousy I felt towards that damn fish shifter and the anger at myself, I was right back to square one and pushing myself to the limit again. The partial shift I had done to prove my point to her had my skin itching again, and her scent on my skin was not doing me any favors.
I should have just shifted the whole way and warmed myself by the fire. At least then I couldn't continue to open my mouth and screw things up like I was.
Steal the Sun: (Book 1) Page 11
