“The real trouble is”—Connor tossed his feet onto my dashboard—“I’m mad at you now.”
“You’re mad at me?” I laughed. “What’d I do?”
“Instead of talking about whatever it is that’s bothering you, you’re pretending it’s all okay.”
When I looked at him, I saw that he was very, very serious.
I swallowed. “Maybe I’m just not ready to talk about it yet. Isn’t that allowed?”
“Sure. But tell me that.”
I accelerated into the Rosses’ driveway and jabbed the brake, giving everyone a little whiplash.
“Hey, unborn child back here, if you don’t mind,” Abbie said as she rubbed her belly.
I glared at Connor. “Bye.”
He showed no signs of exiting. “Why do you have to make everything so hard?”
“Let’s give them privacy,” Chris said to Abbie. They unfastened their seat belts and left us there in the car.
“Do you always have to bring stuff up in front of them?” I asked. “It makes me uncomfortable.”
“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just want to sort this out.” Connor reached for my hand. “I hate it when you’re mad at me. I’d like to get it over with as soon as possible.”
I turned off the ignition and took a deep breath. “Why didn’t you tell me about the winter retreat?”
He blinked rapidly. “Are you serious? That’s what you’re mad about?”
I shifted in my seat. “Well . . . Eli said that Jodi said you’re going, and I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me about it.” I cringed and buried my head in my hands. “I can’t believe I just said that. That’s how far I’ve sunk? To a ‘he said, she said’ fight?”
Connor’s fingers grazed my cheek. “Skylar . . .” I forced myself to peek at him. “What’s really going on?”
“I don’t know,” I murmured.
“Why are you so worried about Jodi and me? It’s like you said—I’m not Eli.”
“I know you’re not—”
“Do you? Because you say you trust me, but you’re not really acting like it.”
“Look at my life,” I said, louder than intended. I lowered my voice to a normal volume. “Look at my friends, what happened with John and Lisa. Then me and Eli. And now this thing with my parents.” I fiddled with the tassels of my scarf. “And did you know only 4 percent of people marry their high school sweethearts?”
Connor sighed. “Skylar, your mom said that to manipulate you into doing what she wants. For all we know, she made up that number.”
I shook my head. “I looked it up. Four percent get married. Two percent stay that way.”
“Okay, I’m confused.” Connor raked his hands through his hair. “Are we arguing about me and Jodi or the odds of us working out?”
I didn’t know anymore. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Yeah, it does. I need to know the best way to answer you.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said again. I reached to turn the ignition. “I’m being stupid. Let’s just drop it.”
His hand covered mine, preventing me from starting the car. “I don’t know how this is going to work out, Skylar. You’re my best friend and I love you, but I think we’re both smart enough to know a lot could happen between now and when we’re ready to get married.”
I cringed. “Please don’t think I’m trying to get a promise ring out of you or something—”
“I’m not done.” He gave me a searing look. “I need to make sure you know I’m never, ever going to cheat on you. Even if I was given the opportunity. Even if I knew for sure you’d never find out about it. Tell me you know that.”
“I know that. But—”
“Are you just saying you know that, or do you really know that?”
I sighed. “I’m not sure.”
He fit his arm around my shoulders, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Well, at least you’re being honest.” “I’m acting crazy and I know it.” I leaned against him, ignoring how the emergency brake wedged into my ribs. “I’ve never felt this way about anybody. I guess it’s messing with my head.”
“I honestly forgot to mention the winter retreat. Since you go to church there—”
I covered his mouth with my hand. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
The car grew cold as we lingered. I opened my mouth to suggest moving inside—the brake was really uncomfortable— when Connor said, “I’ve got a confession that might make you feel better.”
I pulled back so I could see his face. “Yeah?”
“I felt a little jealous when I heard Eli came to Abbie’s rescue.” His ears pinked. “I wished I’d been there to help.” “It’s more like he came to Lance’s rescue.”
He grinned back at me, then his smile faltered. “Well, all the same. Eli’s been hanging around you a lot recently, and you guys have a history.”
Hmm. In the last couple hours, two people had commented on Eli hanging around. Had he been? We’d eaten lunch together for the last week—he’d sat by me twice—but of course everyone had been there. Including Connor and Jodi. And maybe once or twice we’d been headed the same direction and walked together, but all that didn’t amount to anything, did it?
Even if it did, I wasn’t interested.
I ruffled Connor’s coarse hair. “You don’t need to be worried.”
“Neither do you,” he said, and it surprised me how much I trusted him.
13
“See, it’s not as bad as you remembered, is it?” Connor asked, poking me.
I helped myself to a couple fluffy sugar cookies. “Please stay at least three feet from me at all times. You smell like you just ran ten miles.”
Connor took an exaggerated whiff of me. “You smell purdy.”
“Ew. I think you just dripped sweat on me.” I wiped at my shoulder. “I’m serious. Three feet.”
I turned from the snack table to find a seat. Across the church auditorium, Jodi waved wildly, beckoning to the table where she and Eli already sat. Super.
“Go on,” Connor said, filling two cups with Dr Pepper. “I’m right behind you.”
What option did I have? We were the only seniors who’d shown at youth group. It would look a little weird if I plopped down with Chris and his friends. Maybe I could get away with it if Abbie had come, but she’d dropped out of youth group stuff back when she started showing.
“So. Are you too cool to play Ultimate Frisbee with us?” Eli asked. He also shimmered with sweat.
I popped a bite of cookie into my mouth. “Pretty much.”
Too unathletic was more like it. Simple Frisbee tossing was too much for me. That made running, catching, and that weird two-step rule out of the question. I didn’t need to humiliate myself in front of a room full of underclassmen, thank you very much.
“You should’ve played, Skylar,” Jodi said. Oddly, she looked shower fresh. “It was fun.”
“It’s a losing battle, guys,” Connor said as he joined us. He left a seat between us, respecting my three-foot rule. When I’d insisted on that, I hadn’t expected Eli’s and Jodi’s surprised expressions.
“You can sit next to me,” I said.
“No, no, no.” Connor held up his hands, palms out. “You said three feet.”
Jodi giggled. “Why?”
“Apparently I smell.”
“I don’t think you smell.”
Oh, come on!
Connor glanced at me. “I probably smell a little.” The way he smiled at me, reassuring and loving, made my heart soar.
A pair of pinking shears clattered in front of me, and I looked up to see Heather grinning. “Probably kinda hard to work without those, huh?”
I hadn’t even noticed they’d been missing. “Yeah, thanks.”
“Heather, I love your necklace,” Jodi said, her voice sugary.
Heather beamed as she fingered the beads. “Thanks.”
Heather beamed as she fingered “Did you make
it yourself?”
“I made the strand, but my dad bought the pendant on a business trip in India.”
“I’d love to know how to make my own jewelry.”
I could see it coming but had no way to stop it.
“Why don’t you come over on Saturday?” Heather asked, her voice pure sunshine. “Skylar and I get together to sew. We could do jewelry too.”
“That sounds great.” Jodi gave me a cautious smile. “Unless Skylar minds.”
So she wasn’t content just to take Connor from me. She wanted everything I’d come to value. And my mind worked too blasted slow to think of a way to derail her.
I matched her phony smile for phony smile. “Why would I mind?”
I hurried toward my locker on a mission to retrieve Wuthering Heights. I’d totally spaced bringing it to study hall and needed every free second if I wanted to ace my test the next day.
When I rounded the hallway, I found Jodi already standing at her locker. Great.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
Neither of us smiled. No need to pretend.
“I forgot a book,” I said. Like I needed to explain myself to her.
“I’m ditching.”
“Ah.” I spun in my combination. The silence made me uneasy. “So. You think you’ll keep coming to youth group?”
I felt her watching me. “Why?”
“Just curious.” I focused on my row of textbooks. “I think it’s good. That you’re coming, I mean.”
“Huh.” She filled in her lips with a peach-colored gloss. “I kinda got the feeling you didn’t want me there.”
“That’s not true,” I lied.
“Don’t worry about it. I get it.” Jodi pressed her lips together, then wiped away the gloss that dared to stray outside her lip line.
“You get what?”
“Why you’re nervous. You think I’m after Connor.”
“No I don’t.”
Why couldn’t I confront her? Just say that I didn’t think she was after Connor, I knew she was?
Jodi leaned against her locker and smirked. “How’d it feel when Eli and I got back together?”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t care about you and Eli.”
“I think you do. Or did, anyway.” She crossed her arms. “I think you felt jealous. Why else would you have purposefully ignored him the first day back at school?”
I looked away. If only I’d said hi to Eli that day. If I’d foreseen the triumphant sheen in Jodi’s eyes, I’d have tried harder. “It just surprised me, is all. But I wasn’t jealous.”
“Sure.” She examined me. “Just like I’m sure you won’t feel a little twinge of happiness when I tell you I’m breaking up with him.”
I did feel a twinge of happiness, of victory. How dare she know those ugly parts of me so well. “But I just talked to Eli on Monday. It sounded like everything is going really well.”
“I guess it is. He’s a nice enough guy and all, but I’m just . . .” She shrugged. “Well, I’m into someone else.”
My left eye twitched like crazy. She didn’t possibly mean . . .
Jodi’s mouth quirked in a half smile. “Sound familiar?” “He’s not interested in you,” I said through gritted teeth. “He told me so.”
“Funny.” She floated past me, on her way back to wherever she came from. “When I was dating Connor, he told me the same thing about you.”
Jodi’s words pounded in my brain as I rushed to Connor’s English class. Why had she told me she liked him? Surely she knew the first thing I’d do was tell him, and then both of us would be on our guards against her flirtatious ploys.
Unless she knew I’d tell him and it was all part of her plan . . .
My ballet flats skidded against the linoleum as I stopped. Should I not tell Connor? Would telling him somehow force him closer to Jodi in a way I couldn’t predict?
I paced the width of the hall several times. It seemed to me that telling Connor could only help our situation. At least he’d know I wasn’t being paranoid, that Jodi really was after him. And if I didn’t tell him now, it would likely come out later in some heated argument.
Maybe that’s what Jodi had anticipated—me losing my cool and blowing up about it. Well, I’d show her. I’d explain everything to Connor in a perfectly calm, rational way.
I hunted down his English class, fibbed him out of there, and waited for him to join me in the hall.
“What’s going on?” he asked, forehead creased with concern.
“C’mon.” I dragged him around the corner so his teacher wouldn’t notice our loitering.
“I have a test tomorrow,” Connor said, “so if this isn’t important, I need to get back in there.”
“Why would I pull you out of class if it wasn’t important?” I asked, then unloaded my entire conversation with Jodi. He frowned all the way through it.
“Now do you believe me that she’s after you?” I asked.
“It just doesn’t make sense.” He tugged at the drawstrings of his hoodie. “At youth group last night she said—”
“Don’t you see that everything she’s saying is just to get to you? You can’t trust her.” So much for sounding calm and rational.
Connor sighed. “As I was saying, last night she told me she’s thinking about breaking up with Eli, but because she thinks he’s wrong for her.”
“She must’ve told you that just to gauge your reaction.” I thought of Jodi studying me, searching for signs of happiness.
He considered this. “Or maybe when she said she’s into someone else, she didn’t mean me.”
I rolled my eyes. “Who then? Jesus?”
I rolled my eyes. “Who He shrugged. “Maybe.”
“No, because she said you’d told her you weren’t interested in me.”
“When did I say that? Of course I’m interested in you.” “Not now. When you and Jodi were dating.”
“Oh.” A crease formed on the bridge of his nose as he thought. “Right, I’d forgotten about that. She was jealous that Cameron and Curtis liked you better than her. Who, by the way, miss you and want you to come by the house.”
So not the time. I tapped my foot, impatient. “What are we gonna do about this?”
“About Jodi?” He shrugged. “What’s there to do? The absolute worst-case scenario is she likes me. That doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
Relief flooded me. When he put it like that, it sounded so sensible. This wasn’t junior high. Jodi’s liking him didn’t have to affect his feelings.
I sagged against the wall, against the large painting of our school creed. “I guess you’re right.”
“I’m always right,” he teased, taking my hand and squeezing it.
I fixed him with a serious look. “Please promise me you’ll be careful.”
He pressed a kiss onto my hand as a smile crept onto his face. “Sorry, girl. You can’t get rid of me so easy.”
14
Observing our lunch table dynamics, I wondered why people seemed to want whatever they couldn’t have. Even when they’d had and rejected it, oh, a million times before.
Case in point: John practically salivated as he leaned toward Lisa. “So I went to P.F. Chang’s last night, Lisa. Remember that time I ordered the Kung Pao and you didn’t know how hot those peppers were?”
Lisa smiled politely. “Mm-hmm.”
“I hadn’t been there since then.”
“Yeah, me neither.” Lisa turned to Connor. “Hey, you lived in Vegas, right?”
As the two fell into a discussion about best and worst casino buffets, I watched John fidget with the remains of his pizza. He couldn’t keep his eyes off Lisa. Even before he and Alexis broke up last week, there’d been indications that he liked Lisa again. Now he appeared incapable of hiding it, even with Alexis sitting at the table.
Alexis seemed to be doing her best not to pay attention to John. She turned her back to him and spoke to Jodi, who appeared grateful for an excuse to
ignore Eli’s sulking. He’d been acting like this all week, ever since she broke up with him. Yeah, we’d clearly crossed the line into incestuous. Time to move on to college, to find new friends.
“How’s the pizza?” I asked Eli, who sat beside me. Not the cleverest of conversation starters, but I wanted to say something.
“Fine.”
“Doesn’t look like it’s swimming in grease, you know?” “Yep.”
Okay, fine. We didn’t need to talk. I’d just been trying to do him a favor.
I returned my attention to eating rather than distracting him. My gaze involuntarily flickered Jodi’s direction. She smirked and turned back to Alexis. In Jodi’s twisted world of revenge, she probably interpreted my talking to Eli as flirting in hopes of making her jealous. And Eli being tight-lipped looked like a rebuff.
Oh, if I wanted to make her jealous, I could. In five minutes I could have him wrapped back around my finger, vanquishing any desire he had for Jodi.
I grinned at Eli, warm and inviting. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
He raised his eyebrows. “What?”
I swallowed my baiting words and turned back to my sandwich. “Never mind,” I whispered.
“You sure?”
I nodded, careful to keep my gaze averted. Tears burned my eyes, and I didn’t want to risk him seeing them.
My desire to pay Jodi back lingered beneath the surface, as if waiting for the moment I let my guard down. When would this be over, the battle of the new me against old habits? Would I ever feel like I was making headway?
“In all likelihood, no.” Amy lowered the laundry basket of clean linens to the couch. “But someday you’ll face a difficult situation and realize that not so long ago, you might have handled it poorly, yet you’re no longer tempted to act that way. Then you’ll know you’ve made progress.”
I helped myself to a washcloth and folded it. “I wish it could be more like this. You can see ahead of time how much work there is to do, you know you’re finished when the basket’s empty, and you know you did a good job if it all stacks neatly in the closet.”
Amy smiled. “Ah, but of course if we really knew how much work it’d be to change ourselves, we’d be too overwhelmed to get started.”
Out with the In Crowd Page 10
