Molly and Lucy watched us with big, round eyes. I really didn’t want to fight in front of them. I left.
“What’s her problem?” I heard Molly ask, but the main door slammed shut before I heard Jodi’s response. I imagined she had a whole list of things to share.
The only place to go was the auditorium. I found Eli already there, oddly the one person who probably felt more out of place than me. He smiled, and his cheeks reddened a touch, as if embarrassed to be caught by himself. I’d always thought Eli looked cutest like this, rather than with his usual cocky demeanor.
“I guess we’re supposed to be in here . . .” He glanced about the vacant room. So typical—without the group, he floundered.
I shrugged. “It seems like that’s what we did freshman year. I can’t really remember.”
“The only thing I remember from that retreat was following you all over the place.” His blush deepened. Wow, he was cute. “I’m pretty sure you’re the only reason I came.” I averted my eyes and walked along the strange particle-board wall. I hoped he couldn’t tell how flattered I felt.
“So.” Eli stuffed his hands deep in his pockets and shuffled alongside me. “How are you and Connor doing?”
I didn’t really want to go into it with him. “Fine.”
He shook his head. “You’re a better person than I am. I couldn’t put up with them for another second.”
“Them?” I made myself take a deep, calming breath. “Jodi and Connor?”
“Yeah.” He chuckled, but not like he thought it was funny. “What’s her deal, anyway? It’s like, make up your mind. When she was with him, she was into me. She gets me, and then she’s into him again. Crazy, right?”
“Crazy,” I murmured.
A gaggle of giggling freshman girls entered on the other side of the room. They seemed so young. How strange to think Abbie had been close to their age when she got pregnant.
Eli glanced at them for only a second before returning his attention to me. “I don’t know how you’re putting up with it. You must really love Connor to let him get away with all that.”
I mulled this over. Letting Connor get away with all of what? As far as Eli knew, all I had supposedly put up with was Connor giving Jodi a safe ride home. Unless Lisa had blabbed about Connor keeping it a secret.
Or maybe there was more to the story.
“So Jodi talks to you about Connor?” I said with a smirk. I hoped to appear amused rather than hungry for information.
“Not willingly, but I really got in her face about this one. I mean, it’s just sick. Pretending to be drunk so he’d come get her?”
I tried to keep my cool but couldn’t help it. “She only pretended?”
Eli let out a low whistle. “Guess Connor doesn’t know either. What a shock that’ll be.”
“But Lisa said you were off with some other girl when Jodi left. How do you know for sure she wasn’t drunk?”
“Lisa said that?” Eli rolled his eyes. “How drunk was she? I went to the bathroom. I was gone about five minutes, and when I came back, Jodi’d already left. Unless she really slammed ’em down, I doubt she was even buzzed when she left.”
My mind whirled with this information. She’d planned it. How could Connor be so stupid to not even notice? But even as I thought it, I knew it wasn’t fair. Jodi had mastered the art of deception years ago.
“I can’t believe she admitted it to you,” I said.
“Well, I really got in her face. It’s obvious she’s doing all this to get back at you. I feel kinda responsible.”
At some point I’d leaned closer to him. I didn’t know when it had happened, but now I had to tilt my head back pretty far to look into his eyes. “You shouldn’t feel responsible. You’re not the one doing all the pretending.”
His mouth curled into a humorless smile. “Bet that changes everything. I mean, if she’d been drunk when she kissed him—”
“She kissed him?” So much for cool and collected.
Eli blinked rapidly. “I thought you knew.”
I spotted Connor and Chris entering across the room. “No,” I said through gritted teeth. “He left that out.”
23
“Skylar?” Connor called as I fled through the other set of doors. “Skylar, wait up!”
I marched down the slippery hill, toward the pond. I’d been stupid enough to leave my jacket in the dorm room, although right then my anger kept me plenty warm.
Connor finally caught up. “What’d he say to you?” He grabbed my elbow and made me stand there with him. “What’d he say?”
“Nothing of interest, really. He just filled me in on a few tidbits you left out when you told me about that ride home.” The sleet had turned into damp snow. It stuck to our hair and eyelashes and lined the bare trees. A perfect backdrop for a romantic moment.
“I don’t know exactly what he said, Skylar, but it’s not like it sounds.”
“You kissed her!”
“I . . .” Connor faltered. “She kissed me.”
I put on a smile. “Ohhh. She kissed you. Well, that’s much better.” I stalked away as best I could on the slick grass.
“Skylar, wait.” Connor trotted alongside me.
I glared at him. “Get real, Connor. You guys kissed and you didn’t tell me.”
“I know, I—”
“You said you just drove her home.”
“That’s true. What—”
“How’s that true? You guys kissed. That’s a lot more than ‘just’ a drive home. Don’t you think?”
“Skylar, please don’t—”
“What happened to your rules about getting all the cards out on the table? About talking to each other about things?” I shook my head, furious with myself. “I should’ve known there was more to the story when you didn’t tell me yourself.”
“Skylar, if you’d listen for just a second—”
“No!” I yanked away as he tried to touch me. “You’ve had almost a whole week to tell me, to talk to me, and I had to hear about this from Eli. Why don’t you just admit that you like her?”
“I don’t like her. I told you that,” Connor said through a clenched jaw.
I squeezed my eyes shut, holding in tears. “You don’t want to like her, but you do. Otherwise you’d have told me about giving her a ride, about kissing her—”
“She started to kiss me, but I pushed her away before anything happened,” Connor snapped. “I don’t cheat.”
“You know, it doesn’t even matter,” I said, looking away from him, into the wind so he couldn’t tell I was crying. “We’ve already broken up.”
“We don’t need to break up. That’s not going to fix anything.”
“Nothing in this is fixable. There’s no winding back the clock to last Saturday.”
“That isn’t the real problem and you know it.”
I laughed. “Well, I don’t know what you’re talking about, because that’s exactly the problem.”
Connor gave me a hard look. “What about how you’re suddenly going into nursing? What about these weird clothes you’ve got on?”
I folded my arms over my chest. “There’s nothing wrong with what I’m wearing. Or with nursing.”
“It’s not you,” Connor said. “You’re trying to be someone you’re not.”
“Whatever. You’re the one stupid enough to fall for Jodi just because she’s throwing herself at you, so I don’t want to hear it.”
Connor’s gaze roamed my face as if searching. For what? “I still think we can make it, Skylar. But we both have to want it.”
I turned to the pond. I didn’t want him seeing how badly I wanted it. “I went through this Jodi thing with Eli. I’m not doing it again.”
“I’m not going to do that to you.” His hands warmed my back. I wanted to let go, to fall against him. I remained rigid. “Doesn’t it mean anything that I love you?”
“Eli said he loved me. My dad vowed in front of everyone, including God, that he’d love m
y mom forever, and look what happened.”
“So I’m being punished for the actions of the other guys in your life?”
“She kissed you, and you didn’t tell me,” I said in a quiet voice. “What am I supposed to think?”
“That I’m an idiot.” Connor took my hands in his. “Maybe you’re right, okay? Maybe Jodi was after me this whole time, maybe she did just want to break us up. But when I told you all I did was give her a ride home, it’s because to me that’s all it was. I don’t want to be with her, I want to be with you.”
If he hadn’t said the word maybe about fifty times in his speech, maybe I’d have been tempted.
The jingling of my cell phone kept me from having to respond. “The baby,” I said as I reached for my back pocket. “Hello?”
Hello?”
“We’re leaving for the hospital,” Dad said.
My heart raced. This was it. “How long have her contractions been going?”
“She’s having them every ten minutes.”
Ugh. This wasn’t it. “She needs to be having them every four. The book says every four minutes, a minute long, for an hour.”
“Your sister says it’s time. I’m sure she knows better than the book.”
“Abbie also said it was time a week ago. Do you see a baby?”
In the background, I heard Abbie whining, “Let’s go. Let’s go now.”
“Can you meet us there?” Dad asked, sounding out of breath.
“She needs to be having them every four minutes. Every four minutes.” Connor reached for my hand, but I brushed him away.
“We’re going to the hospital,” Dad said in a firm voice. “If it’s false labor, they’ll just tell us to turn around.”
“Dad—”
“Do you have a ride back?”
I thought of the Rosses’ van and looked at Connor. He must have heard my dad because he nodded. “Connor can bring me.”
Again, I heard Abbie. “Let’s go now.”
“Hurry, Skylar,” Dad said, then the line went dead.
I closed my phone, heart still racing. “They’re taking her to the hospital.”
“Go get your stuff. I’ll tell everyone what’s going on. We’ll meet at the car.”
“It’s probably pointless.” I ran my fingers through my wet, icy hair. “The doctor said it could still be weeks. They need to distract her.”
His hands warmed my shoulders. “You need to be there for your sister even if this isn’t the real thing. Now hurry. We’re leaving as soon as possible.”
If Connor hadn’t yanked me the whole way back, I probably never would’ve moved. Even the slight possibility of this being it, not just Abbie overreacting, paralyzed me. A baby. A baby girl. Abbie’s baby girl.
We were about to meet her.
The room darkened as someone loitered in the doorway. “Connor said Abbie’s getting ready to have the baby.”
I rerolled my unused sleeping bag. “Yeah, I’m sure you were the first person he told. Now that I’m out of the picture.”
Jodi swallowed. “Skylar—”
I halted her with a hand. “I just want to know what’s wrong with you that you can’t leave my boyfriend alone. Is this about getting back at me? Is this still about Eli?”
She sank onto the bottom bunk across the room, onto Molly’s coat. “In the beginning it was. I just thought it’d be kind of funny to mess with you. But now . . .” Jodi wrung her hands. “I really do care about him, Skylar.”
“That’s nice.” I threw my bag onto my shoulder. “Now if you’ll excuse me—”
“I felt guilty.”
Those words stopped me in my tracks. She continued speaking even though I didn’t face her.
“I can’t remember ever feeling guilty before.” She took a deep breath. “I want you to know I’m not gonna go after Connor anymore, okay? This weird vendetta thing between us—it’s over.”
I turned to her. “I’d have to be an idiot to believe you,” I said. “And you can have him.”
She didn’t say anything else as I left the room.
Connor already had the van idling. When I rolled open the side door to toss in my stuff, I jumped at the sight of Chris. “You’re coming too?”
“You’re coming He nodded.
“This is stupid. She’s not even having the baby. It’s too soon.”
“Just get in,” Connor said.
I opened the passenger door but stared at him. “Let me drive. You guys stay here.”
“We’re coming with you.” He released the parking brake. “Get in and buckle up.”
“I don’t want you coming with me. Stay. Be with Jodi.” Connor glared at me. “Don’t turn this into something it’s not.”
“Skylar, get in the car,” Chris pleaded. He seemed so panicked about getting back in time, I didn’t think twice about doing what he asked.
“So words do occasionally mean something to you,” Connor said as he put the van in reverse. “Just not words that I say.”
I plastered a sweet smile on my face. “Did you know Jodi wasn’t actually drunk the other night?”
His mouth pressed into a line. “What are you talking about?”
“She did the whole weepy, confessional bit, didn’t she? I can’t believe you fell for her drunk-girl routine. It’s, like, one of her oldest tricks.”
Chris leaned between us. “Do I want to know what’s going on?”
“No,” Connor snapped. “Skylar, put on your seat belt.”
“When Jodi’s actually drunk, she gets all high-pitched and giggly. Just a little tip for the future.”
“Okay, fine.” Connor turned onto the surprisingly dry road. “Be unsafe. I don’t care.”
I waited until Connor accelerated onto the interstate before quietly fastening my seat belt. I wouldn’t be much good to Abbie if I was dead.
“Thank you,” Connor said.
It made me want to unbuckle it. Which made me realize how little I’d changed.
We walked up the ramp of Shawnee Mission Hospital’s maternity ward as Mom, Dad, and Abbie walked down.
“What happened?” Chris asked before I could say anything snarky.
“False labor,” Mom said.
I smiled wryly at Dad. “Hmm. Really.”
He just shrugged.
“Sorry to make you all drive out here for nothing.” Abbie frowned at me. “I’m barely even dilated.”
“No worries,” I said. “I’d had enough of the retreat anyway.”
“You couldn’t have been there more than an hour.”
“Well, you know Skylar,” Connor jumped in. “Quick to judge.”
I cocked my head. “Just being honest about what happened. Do I need to explain that concept to you?”
Abbie gave Chris a questioning look, and he shrugged. My parents seemed clueless, as always.
“You guys should get back,” Mom said. “You don’t want to miss anything.”
“I’m not going back. I just need to get my things out of the van.” I turned to walk back to the parking spot before either of my parents could argue.
Connor fell into step with me. “There’s no reason why the whole weekend has to be ruined. Or the whole relationship.”
I said it because I wanted to say something shocking. Something that might throw him off like I’d been thrown off. “I’m going to Hawaii with Mom.”
“You’re what?” He grabbed my arm and tried to keep me there with him, but I pulled away and kept walking. He jogged after me. “Skylar, that’s crazy.”
“I was mostly staying for you.” And suddenly—with the bitterly cold wind and my frozen fingertips—it made so much sense to go. “Who in their right mind would turn down time in Hawaii?”
“What about Abbie?”
“She can come too.”
“She decided to stay. You helped talk her into it.”
“I’m tired of arranging my life around other people. What’s so wrong about me spending a summer in Hawaii with
my mother? Or maybe I’ll go to college there too. My options are pretty open now.”
We’d reached the van. Connor turned to me. “You know if you go, it really will be the end of us.”
I thought of that black-and-white bathing suit. Of starting a new adventure. Of meeting all new people. Of creating a new life for myself. It would be the same thing I’d be doing if I went away to college. Leaving behind high school and moving on to my real life. The only reason it had gotten complicated was Connor. And surely it couldn’t be too hard to leave behind Connor Ross. To let him fade into someone who had helped me onto the right path, who had meant a lot.
Key word: had.
“Please don’t do it, Skylar,” Connor said, his voice quiet but strong.
I steeled myself. “I can’t forgive what you let happen Saturday night.”
I expected another round of begging, pleading, and rationalizing. Instead, Connor nodded. He opened the car, handed me my stuff, and moved toward the driver’s seat. “Want a ride back to the entrance?”
I shook my head. “I’ll walk.”
By the time I met up with my family, he and Chris had left.
24
Lucky for me, Abbie had a closet full of distractions.
Nobody in my family appeared to notice how I holed up in my room all weekend. In fact, each of us seemed intent on isolating ourselves. Abbie to Baby No-Name’s room, waiting and arranging. Dad to his office to do office stuff. Mom to her closet, where she threw out winter clothes, even though another six to eight weeks of cold weather lay ahead.
I hibernated in my room with my sewing machine, a stack of Abbie’s clothes, and her permission to do whatever I liked. I changed out buttons. I ripped out linings. I threw away that polo.
Then, surveying my handiwork, I wept and wept.
Why had God made me so good at things that didn’t matter? When it came to important stuff—relationships, expressing feelings—I always blew it.
My sister’s voice reached me in my deep, dreamless sleep. “Skylar—the baby.”
I opened my eyes to the sight of Abbie holding her stomach, her eyes large saucers. She grabbed my hand and pressed it to her belly—rock hard. She drew several ragged breaths, and finally her stomach relaxed.
Out with the In Crowd Page 17
