“Who’s Penny?” Lexi said around a mouthful of noodles. “Do I need to set a place for her tomorrow night?”
“Nah. I told her we were making dinner. It was our Thursday thing.”
“Since when do we have a Thursday thing? Is it like our family tradition?” Leo teased.
“It’s my week to cook. You’re in charge of salad, Lexi’s doing dessert. Remember?”
“I remember she cooked for us the first week she lived here. God almighty, I haven’t had a roast like that since my abuela passed away. Where’d you learn to cook like that anyway?”
“Group home,” Lexi said. “We cooked on a rotating schedule. I had read in some magazine that one of the workers left there about a traditional family Sunday dinner. I figured none of us ever had that, so I always made Yankee pot roast. It was a nice change from the casserole with chips on top that most of them cooked. I liked to save recipes from the magazines I ran across.
“How long did you live in a group home?” I asked her.
“Six years. People only want to foster little cute kids. It’s hard to convince somebody that they should take in a teenager, especially when we’ve all had to struggle to survive and that creates some habits that are—not adorable,” she rolled her eyes. “So being a social worker, it’s a good fit for me because I can sort of coach up the kids on expected behaviors and explain to the families what they may be dealing with. I think of it like being a translator almost. Helping them understand each other.”
I hated to think of her feeling unwanted, of her combing through old magazines for some kind of food that would make them all feel like they had a family for one night. I scooped her up into a hug, noodles and all and she laughed.
“Wait till you taste the dessert I’ve got planned for tomorrow night. There’d be plenty for Penny if you want to invite her. I’m going to do this chocolate pudding with layers of Oreos and whipped cream in it. Girls love that stuff. You might get lucky,” she teased.
“Oh, with Penny, getting lucky is a sure thing,” Leo said. “Those two have been on and off for about a year. Mostly off, but she shows up here for breakfast every once in a while.”
“Shut up,” I muttered. I didn’t want Lexi thinking about me with Penny. Not that I thought Lexi had sexual thoughts about me or Leo. Just because I didn’t want her to have to consider finding some strange woman in the house one morning.
“Come to think of it, she hasn’t been around for a few months. Are you giving up on casual sex, bro?” Leo asked.
“Penny and I had fun for a while,” I said. “But it was never going to be long term.” I hoped that would explain enough of it, enough of the fact that when I was given the choice, I’d rather eat pot roast with my roommates than hook up with Penny again. I had a woman in my life, even if it was platonic, and it would feel weird to go out with some girl, have sex with some girl with Lexi in the next room.
“Don’t tell me you dumped her because of me. I do not want to cock-block either of you. Just say the word and I’ll go to the library or stay in my room or something,” Lexi said.
She was cool about it. That just made it harder. Harder was a word that gave me problems—as in the more she draped her legs across my lap or hid her face in my shoulder during a scary movie, the harder I got.
Lexi was my friend, and this was the closest to a home she’d ever had. I was determined not to mess that up for her. Even if it meant bolting suddenly to the bathroom and staying there to calm down. Even if it meant rubbing one out in the shower during a commercial break so I could settle in for cozy night with her. I liked her, and I wanted her to feel comfortable at home with us. She was here so we could keep her safe. That meant I could never make a move on her.
I’d just pass on any plans that came my way. Evenings were our time. We binge-watched dumb singing contests and one about some rich ladies who all had Botox and drinking problems. Leo was with us most nights too, trash talking the bad singers and the women who passed out in their chicken salad.
Lexi made me laugh. All the time. The more time I spent with her, the deeper my feelings for her grew. I hid them pretty well, even from Leo, who prided himself on knowing when I was even slightly interested in a member of the opposite sex. I was careful not to stare at her too long, not to let my eyes roll back in my head and my mouth drop open with lust when she rubbed my shoulders after a long day. If I spent way more time at home since she moved in, I told myself that was just a coincidence. Or if I hurried home after teaching a class because I knew she was there waiting for me, that was just the novelty of it. It would wear off. I’d go back to hanging out at the bar with the other trainers eventually. If it ever sounded the least bit appealing again.
Leo got called in to cover the night shift one evening, so he’d sleep at the station. When he left, Lexi sprawled out on the couch full length. “At last, room to stretch out,” she giggled.
“You take up a lot of room for a tiny person,” I said.
“Hey, I keep all my makeup and girlie crap in a basket, I don’t leave it in your bathroom,” she laughed.
“I don’t mind your girlie crap half as much as you think I do,” I said honestly. “I like having you here.”
“I like being here. In fact, I love it. I love you. Both of you,” she said quickly. I saw the flush creep up her neck and fan over her cheeks. I wanted to kiss her mouth so much that I clawed at my chest a little where it ached. I cleared my throat, took a swallow of my beer.
“I better clean this up,” I said gruffly, picking up containers and napkins. She jumped to her feet, eager to help. She leaned across me and grabbed a stray napkin crumpled on the floor. When she did, she bumped up against me, my upper arm brushing the side of her breast. I felt like I’d been burned, branded. I jerked back, “Sorry,” I said, taking a step back and colliding with the couch.
“Didn’t mean to cause a traffic jam,” she said, slipping past me to throw away the napkins she’d picked up. “I’ve got a date with a library book. I’m almost through with their entire cozy mystery section. Lots of old ladies with bakeries who solve murders.”
“Okay, good night,” I called to her as she went into her room.
She didn’t shut the door all the way. I knew she’d be changing into her pajamas. I could shut my eyes and imagine the lift of her breasts as she drew her shirt over her head, the curve of her ass when she shucked off her jeans. I shook myself, grabbed my phone and cruised Instagram for a while. When I was sure she’d be asleep, I went and took a cold shower, toweled off to get ready for bed.
I was brushing my teeth when I heard her. It was soft to start with, like a moan, but then there were faster whimpers, a short cry. I dropped my toothbrush in the sink and headed for her room.
Lexi was asleep, twisted up in the white sheets, curled in on herself, hands clutched in the tangle of her own hair. She whimpered and moaned, crying out in a short scream. I was on her then, no more hesitating in the doorway. I pulled her up into my arms, whispered to her.
“It’s okay, Lexi. I’m right here. It’s okay,” I said into her damp, tangled hair. She fought against me weakly, pushing, shaking her head.
“Wake up!” I said, “Lexi!” I put her away from me for a second to look in her face. She was flushed and sweaty, tears on her cheeks. It wrenched something in my chest to see her frightened.
She blinked, rubbed her eyes, sniffed bravely, “I—I—Rafe—” she broke off saying my name. She buried her face in my neck, hot tears falling on my skin. I wrapped her in my arms, told her over and over that I had her, that she was safe. I felt the tension go out of her when her sobs subsided.
Lexi clung to me still, one hand on my bare back, one on my chest. I wished briefly that I’d put some clothes after my shower and not just the towel. Something, anything between us would have been safer. She was in a white t-shirt, her strong thighs naked below it. I swallowed hard, rubbed her back in what I hoped was a friendly, comforting way.
She looked up at me, her eyes bright with tea
rs as they met mine. She leaned up and kissed my cheek or tried to. She brushed her lips at the corner of my mouth, probably by accident, but I was lost. I covered her mouth with mine, my lips nipping at hers, my tongue sliding inside her mouth, soft and welcoming. She gasped into my mouth, her tongue stroking along mine as I explored her slowly and sensuously. Her hands tangled in my wet hair and I growled with satisfaction, I couldn’t help myself, when she nipped at my lower lip with her teeth, sending a bolt of sensation straight to my cock. I wanted her so fiercely that I had to stop at nothing to contain it, had to content myself to stroke my tongue into her mouth deep and slow, making her tremble under my hands.
Slanting my mouth over hers, I slid my palm along her rib cage, my thumb brushing the underside of her breast. I stroked higher, felt her nipple harden into a tight bud under the slightest rub of thumb. She gave a small moan into my mouth, so I gave her more. I laid her back on the bed, working her sensitive nipple between my finger and thumb, making it into a hard, aching peak. Lexi wrapped both arms around me, whispered into my mouth, “Rafe, I’ve wanted you for so long.” Her words undid me. I had meant to comfort her with a kiss, but she had set me ablaze.
I pulled back from her, trying not to let my gaze linger on her swollen lips, the drugged look in her eyes. I wanted to slide her shirt up and put my mouth between her legs. She’d let me, I knew from the look on her face. But she was too vulnerable, staying with us for safety and friendship, crying out in the night from a bad dream. It would have been dishonorable to take advantage of her. I helped her to her feet.
“You were crying in your sleep,” I said gruffly. “I came in to wake you. I didn’t come in here to—”
“I know,” she said, “Thank you for waking me. It was an awful dream. I think that’s why I—held on to you. It won’t happen again. I don’t want to lose your friendship. Yours or Leo’s.”
“What we have is too special to risk,” I said, hoping she understood what I meant—that I was attracted to her, but I didn’t want to lose the ease and closeness the three of us had.
“Good night, Rafe,” she said. She wouldn’t lift her face to look at me. “And for what it’s worth, no one’s ever kissed me like that. Not ever.”
I swallowed hard. I couldn’t think of anything to say to that, and I sure as hell couldn’t let myself touch her again. I tightened the towel around my hips and walked out. Back to another cold shower.
7
Leo
At the diner, she blushed when Rafe took a drink of her Diet Coke. And again, when he reached for one of her fries. She seemed bashful around him all of a sudden, after weeks of sprawling out over both of us on the couch or shoving him over to take a bite of his hamburger in the booth at the diner. She was acting weird around him.
I would’ve thought it was nothing, but he wasn’t exactly his normal too-serious self around her anymore either. Mostly he looked at her like he was a starving man and she was a ten-course banquet. The rest of the time he looked like he’d been whipped and didn’t dare look up. When she’d yanked her plate away from him after he reached for a fry, he’d had the look of a misbehaving puppy who’d been left outside in the snow.
It was hard enough for me to be her friend and nothing else. But watching Rafe struggle not to flirt with her, watching her avoid touching him at all costs was exhausting. I told them about the fire call we went on the day before when some idiot dumped a whole can of lighter fluid on the grill before dropping a match in there just to try and dispel some of the awkwardness.
“Dumbass was lucky he only lost his eyebrows and burned his forehead. He could’ve been nothing but a pile of teeth after a fireball rolled over him,” I said.
“Pile of teeth? Mmm. Great dinner convo, Leo,” Lexi said.
“People do a lot of stupid crap that gets them killed. It’s like the unofficial motto of the fire department: Rescuing dumbasses who do stupid shit.”
“Aww, you should cross stitch that on a pillow for the couch,” she teased, “My job would be ‘Convincing drunks to try and get their kids back’. How about you, Rafe? ‘Making lazy people fit?’”
“Empowering people to get stronger,” he said.
“Ugh, so sincere all the time,” I groaned, “Why do we even hang out with him?”
“He makes good chili?” Lexi suggested with a shrug. Then she looked at him shyly and blushed when he met her eyes.
I wanted to throw my glass of ice water on them both. They were making googly eyes at each other, and it was ruining my chicken sandwich experience. I eased out of the booth, saying I was tired and going to head into the station a little early for my night shift.
“I’ll go too,” Rafe said, jumping up to follow me, which was weird. “I should get to bed.”
“Well, I’m going to stay here and finish my milkshake. I’ll see you when I get home,” Lexi said with an eye roll.
When we got to the house, I turned to Rafe, “What’s the deal with following me out? It looked like you two needed to be alone.”
He shook his head and rubbed at the back of his neck in exasperation. “That’s the last thing we need. Last week when you had to cover Glen’s shift, she had a nightmare. Woke up screaming, the whole thing. I went in there to wake her up and comfort her. But I got carried away and I kissed her. So, go ahead and punch me. I deserve it. She moved in here so we could protect her and take care of her, and I put the moves on her.”
He hung his head, clearly ashamed. “Bro, it’s nothing I haven’t wanted to do. Living with Lexi has its own set of hardships. Like when she goes to reach for something on a high shelf and her shirt rides up and you see that little sliver of stomach, damn,” I said in full commiseration.
“Yeah. It’s that or when we’re on the couch and she leans back against me or drapes her feet in my lap—God. It’s a miracle our water bill hasn’t quadrupled with the amount of cold showers I’ve been taking,” Rafe said.
“I know,” I told him. “It’s rough. But she’s worth the trouble. And if she kissed you it’s because she wanted to. I know Lexi well enough to know she doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to.”
“True. We just have to believe it’ll get easier, once we’re more used to living with her. It’s only been, what, a month or so?”
“Yeah, and we’ll make a pact. We don’t make any moves on her. If she wants you—which by the way she’s stealing looks at you, she does—we let her make the first move. No harm, no jealousy. Priority one is protecting her and making her feel safe with us.”
“She has to be able to trust us. No matter how painful it is to live with that temptation,” Rafe said.
“We should both try going out, getting laid. Maybe if we weren’t both sitting her with blue balls it wouldn’t be so bad.”
“I don’t want to go out with some woman who isn’t Lexi,” Rafe said.
“I know, bro. Well, I’m going to head into the station. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
My shift was almost done. It was six in the morning when the call came in. I was in the fire and rescue vehicle in less than a minute, and Donny scrambled in behind me. He had been asleep while I was eating an egg sandwich and thinking it would be nice to get some rest at home. I’d even wondered if Lexi would still be there when I arrived. I thought about picking her up a latte on the way.
It wasn’t a dumbass playing with lighter fluid that time. It was a car wreck, a couple of teenagers taking a curve too fast after being out all night doing God knows what. A woman in a bathrobe was spraying at the flames from a distance with a little kitchen fire extinguisher. We waved her off and tried to fight the blaze but it was too late. After half an hour it was obvious there was no way to save them.
I filed reports while Donny talked with the cops and waited around to speak to the family. My shift had been over for an hour and a half when I left the scene. I knew by that time it was a couple of sixteen-year-old girls, that they’d left a sleepover early to get to track practice, that they had been running
late. Instead of showering at the station like I normally would, I just dropped off my bunker gear and headed home. I needed my own shower and my own bed.
My eyes burned, and my head ached as I unlocked the door and stumbled inside. Lexi should have been long gone like Rafe was, but she was home.
“Hey, are you okay?” she said, rounding the kitchen counter and coming to me. I tried to come up with a joke or a shrug, but I didn’t have it in me.
“Tough call right at the end of my shift,” I told her, my voice sounding like gravel.
“Oh, no, I’m sorry,” she said, pulling me into her arms.
“No, I’ll get you dirty,” I said, lamely trying to push her away.
“I don’t care about that. You look like you could use a friend,” she protested. Lexi was trying to hug me. I was trying not to hug her back. The next thing I knew, I had my arms around her, crushing her to me like I was trying to hold onto everything that was still pure and good in the universe. I choked out a sob, “They were just sixteen,” I managed.
She was kissing my smoky hair, my filthy, blackened face. I turned my head, captured her mouth with mine. She didn’t pull away. She responded to me hungrily, taking my tongue in her mouth, opening for me, her hands greedy on my shoulders and neck. Her hands roamed down my chest, pulled my t-shirt out of my jeans and dragged it off of me, breaking the kiss only long enough to strip me bare.
“Why are you home?” I said against her soft, sweet lips.
“Waiting for you. I was going to make you breakfast and tuck you in before I went to the office, but when you were late, I called in for half a day. I thought you might need me.”
“I do need you,” I said roughly. “I need you in every way right now.”
“Then you can have me in every way, Leo,” she said. She smiled at me knowingly.
“You’re kidding,” I said stupidly.
“No, I’m not. I want to take the pain away, Leo. I want to make you feel like the hero you are. Show me how.”
Double Dirty Page 5
