“Yeah, take it, take it all,” I hissed, trying to hold myself under control when I wanted to rut in her hard and fast.
“Aahhh,” she said, eyes big and dark. She rolled her lips under, bit them. Her hands rested on my chest and she started to rock on me, moving my shaft inside her, hitting all those places that made her squirm.
I could tell she liked the control, got off a little on setting the pace even though it was killing me. She rolled her hips, her beautiful breasts rising and falling with every stroke. She panted as it got harder to breathe. I stroked her breasts, her thighs and hips, tried to keep it as leisurely as I could, but I was on the edge. I flexed my hips up to meet her down stroke and filled her all the way. That earned me a moan from her kiss-swollen lips. Softly, I reminded myself, because she was sore, and because she needed intimacy from me sometimes, not just wild passion. I pushed myself up until I was sitting with her in my lap. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close and rocking with her, kissing behind her ear, down her neck.
“I love you, Lexi,” I whispered.
“I love you, and I love it when you whisper, when you touch me like this. It’s—it’s too much,” she said, turning her face. I saw a tear track down her cheek, and I kissed it.
“Don’t cry, baby. This is what you have now, and what you deserve. I’m not letting you go. Neither of us ever would. I want you to stay forever,” I said, my voice ragged as I moved inside the hot satin of her passage.
“Oh!” she said, burying her face in my neck and rocking harder against me, my cock trapped inside her.
I flattened my palm on her back, cupped her head with the other hand and kissed her hair as she came in long clenching rolls around me. I gritted my teeth against it. As the last flutters of her orgasm subsided, Lexi started kissing my neck, grazing my throat with her teeth lightly, giving me an edge to the pleasure that wound me up like she knew it would. Until I rolled her onto her back and stroked into her, getting the friction I needed from her tightness, the pleasure of her nipples rubbing my chest as I lay above her. I climaxed, shoulders shaking as I held myself up. I kissed her forehead after I came, then leaned my forehead against hers. When I rolled onto my side, I held her in my arms. We napped together, wrapped up in each other.
When I woke, she was shaking me, “Are you okay?” she said.
“Yeah, yeah. Why?”
“You were making some noise in your sleep, acting like something was wrong.”
“It was just a dream,” I said dismissively, rubbing my hands over my face.
It had been another dream about Watts, a dream where we didn’t get to her in time. It was good to have her arms around me, reminding me she was fine, that she was healthy and whole, and we hadn’t lost her.
“I wish I’d been there,” I said finally. “When Leo confronted Watts at the store. I would’ve beaten the hell out of him. I wouldn’t have let up either, not until he was dead. He never could’ve hurt you again.”
“Don’t. Don’t say that. You’d be in jail, and I would’ve lost my job.”
“Let’s have a shower and go spar for a little bit, since it got cut short last time.”
“I don’t know if I have the strength. I’ve got two sex gods putting me through my paces in the bedroom, Rafe. I may not be up to sparring.”
“You’ve got to build up your endurance. You’ve got two men to satisfy now. We’ll let you rest—a little—but we both crave you too much. Go take a bath, get dressed,” I said.
“Okay, but you’re a total slave driver. I don’t want abs, I told you that. I just want to be able to defend myself if I have to.”
“So we’ll practice that. Although I want some stakes to fight for. If I get you in a hold you can’t escape using techniques I’ve taught you, then you’ll have to give me something.”
“Are we talking breakfast in bed or like fifty push-ups?” she said dubiously.
“I’d consider a kiss as payment.”
“So what about you? When I get away and prove that I’m a badass, what do I get?”
“Bragging rights. And maybe I’ll do push-ups with my shirt off. I know you like that.”
“That’s a deal,” she said, shaking my hand.
At the gym, I couldn’t believe how much she’d improved. Since the first time I’d worked with her when she was shy and anxious, she’d changed so much, gained such confidence, both in and out of the sparring ring. In and out of bed, as well. She escaped hold after hold, ducking under my elbow, striking at my nose and my ears. I was proud, but I mainly loved the flush of pride on her face, knowing she got away from me whenever I tried to attack.
“Push-ups!” she commanded, pointing at the mat.
I yanked my shirt over my head as Leo came in. “Ooh, are we doing it here now? Should I go tell the people in the locker rooms to leave?”
“Nah,” she said. “I bested him at sparring finally. So he owes me shirtless push-ups. We have a deal.”
“Want me to give you a shoulder rub or anything while you enjoy the show?” Leo said, “Or I can rub anything else you’d like.”
“Maybe not right now,” Lexi said. “I have push-ups to count. I have a feeling he’d try to cheat me out of some reps.”
“Hey, I’m a personal trainer. You’re insulting my professional integrity,” I said as I positioned my palms on the mat.
“Whatever get to work,” Leo chuckled, his arm slung around Lexi’s shoulders.
They kept roasting my form and miscounting on purpose until I finally doubled over laughing and gave up. The three of us went out for dinner, burgers and shakes, to offset all that healthy exercise according to Lexi.
13
Leo
We settled into a routine easily. We hung a dry-erase calendar in the kitchen to keep track of my shifts, Rafe’s classes, and which nights we had to be together. Some evenings Lexi and I went out to hear some jazz or find the best empanadas within walking distance of the house. Other nights when I worked, she and Rafe went to the movies or made lemon pancakes from one of their cooking shows. But the best nights were the ones we all spent together. We’d order takeout, catch up on our worst and funniest work stories and then fall in bed together after a bottle or three of wine.
After three months of that, of everything beautiful in a life I hadn’t known I needed to feel whole, I decided to take them out to a salsa club on our Saturday night. I even popped into a shop near the station and bought a ruffled turquoise mini-dress for Lexi—perfect for dancing and for showing off those gorgeous legs. I surprised her with it after work.
“I have the perfect shoes. I bought them at Goodwill two years ago, probably somebody’s prom shoes, but they’re these silver strappy heels that look like something a really coordinated hooker would wear. I had no idea when I’d ever need them, but tonight’s the night. I’ll have two big strong men who can carry me if my feet start to hurt,” she said.
“Great, go try it on.”
“This is a four and I’m a six,” she protested.
“Good, I’ll be able to see some boob and some ass,” I said.
“You may see the seam rip up the side if I try to shake my ass,” she shot back with a laugh.
She came out in the dress and the sky-high sparkly heels. I ogled her shamelessly while Rafe wolf whistled.
“Damn, woman,” he said, “I won’t be able to keep it in my pants at this rate.”
“We’re dancing first,” she reminded him. “And I don’t know anything about salsa moves so someone will have to teach me.”
“I’m a natural,” I boasted.
“Yeah, and when he sprains his ass, I can teach you something worth learning,” Rafe said.
“I don’t think asses can be sprained,” I told him, “and you insult my moves. I’m an excellent dancer.”
“You’ll have to prove it,” Lexi said with a grin.
“Leave in half an hour? I have to go find my leather pants and ruffled shirt so I can dress the part,” Rafe joked.
“You can’t salsa in leather. You have to move the hips more than they’ll allow. You need something with stretchy material,” I said seriously and Rafe burst out laughing.
“He’s gonna come out wearing my yoga pants now,” Lexi accused.
After some more joking around, we went to the club. I taught her a few moves, did some showing off on the dance floor because I did, in fact, salsa like a beast. Rafe tried to learn a few steps, but for an athletic guy, he couldn’t dance worth shit and I told him so.
“You got no rhythm,” I said with an eye roll.
“Oh, I have rhythm, it just belongs in the bedroom, not on the dance floor. They can’t handle my rhythm,” Rafe said.
“I’m pretty sure that kind of rhythm would get you arrested here. So keep it to yourself,” I told him, spinning Lexi back out onto the floor.
We danced until we were sweaty and tired, and she took off her shoes and set them on the table.
“They were beautiful, and they were fun, but they hurt like hell. I don’t know whether to donate them back to Goodwill for some other poor idiot to buy and suffer in or if I should just give them a decent burial in the bathroom trash,” she said.
“Oh, you should keep those,” Rafe said, “They’re dead sexy. Here’s a deal: You keep those shoes, wear them once in a while, and I’ll carry you anywhere you want to go while you have them on.”
“I’ll agree on one condition. You have to carry me to the car now. Because I’m not putting those back on tonight!” she said.
Rafe rounded the table and scooped her up right off the chair. She laughed, kicking her bare feet. I picked up her shoes and paid the tab. Once we were in the car, I joked that I got the shitty end of that deal.
“You got the girl, and I got the bill.”
“Yeah, but you got to dance with her all night and I had to drink water and be your designated driver,” Rafe said.
“Fine, fair enough,” I said, “but I want to talk to you both when we get home.”
“Is this a serious talk?” Lexi said, “Cause those make me nervous.”
“You have nothing to worry about. It’s nothing bad. I just want everyone’s full attention when we discuss it.”
“Okay, not making me less nervous here, pal,” she said a little shakily. I took her hand and kissed it.
Once we were in the house, I sat them down on the couch to talk.
“Here’s the thing,” I said.
“Uh oh, he’s announcing the thing. There’s going to be a thing,” Rafe said.
“Guys, this is serious,” I said.
They both snapped to attention, sat quietly and listened.
“Thank you. Now, Lexi, Rafe and I have been like brothers for most of our lives. We both make enough money that we don’t have to share a house if we didn’t want to. We chose to live together, split the bills, because we like hanging out. And that friendship, that brotherhood is strong. He knows I’m not going to bail on him and vice versa. There’s no way he could ever piss me off enough that I’d give up on him, and he’s put up with me for years. We know we have each other’s backs. And we grew up with families, I mean, we’ve had that kind of support growing up and now from each other, too. You didn’t have that. So this is like your first real family.”
“Yeah,” Lexi said softly, nodding. “And I never want to be something that comes between you two.”
“We know that, baby,” Rafe said. “And I think that may be what he’s getting around to. The connection we have, that we all have with each other, is a lot more durable than what you’re used to. It’s permanent.”
“That’s exactly it,” I said, “I think we should do something, some kind of formal pledge that we’re in this together. That we’re your family now. That we’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”
She was crying. She didn’t even try to hide it. She just let tears roll down her cheeks before sniffing once bravely and reaching for our hands.
“I know from being in social work that families come in all shapes and sizes, but I never really, in my heart, thought I’d be part of one myself. So it’s amazing that you’d think of this and want to reassure me. It’s very sweet and romantic, and I love you both for it. But you don’t have to do this. There’s nothing we can really do to formalize it the way that monogamous couples do.”
“Now, I have this friend down at the station, Pedro, he does some metalwork in his free time. He even sells it at craft fairs. And I wondered if the two of you would want to wear rings. Like the three of us, with matching rings. I mentioned it to him, about maybe making us three rings and he had the idea to make them each out of three strands of silver twisted together. Like us,” I finished, waiting expectantly.
“I’d like that,” Rafe said finally.
“I want to wear your ring. I like the idea,” she said, and hugged me.
I wanted to see peace in her eyes, assurance that we loved her not just for today or this week, but for life. I wanted to give her that kind of commitment. It was a deep thrill to see her accept that, to let herself believe it was something she could have. I kissed the top of her head. She leaned against my shoulder, still holding both our hands, and the three of us sat in silence for a while, just letting it sink in. This was our life, the one we’d chosen and built with our own rules. And it was even more beautiful than I could have imagined.
14
Lexi
Growing up, I never thought of myself as lucky. In fact, I felt pretty sorry for myself a lot of the time—no family or real home, no best friends, not even a guarantee that I’d have a winter coat or rain boots when I needed them. Now it seemed like the universe had decided to settle up with me. That all the years I spent uncertain and lonely were the dues I paid to get to where I was now. It sounded dismissive of my unhappy childhood to say it all seemed worth it from where I was standing, but it was the truth.
Sometimes, you appreciated things more because you never dreamed you could have them. I figured it’s like if you grew up really poor and finally saved enough from your first job to make the down payment on a car. Like, you grew up riding the bus or walking and a car wasn’t something you were used to having—it was something that your richer, luckier friends had. But then you get one, and it’s not just a convenience, it’s like your own personal miracle.
That’s what Rafe and Leo were to me, my miracle.
So when Leo suggested we exchange rings, I thought it was sweet. A nice gesture, but one I didn’t really need. Still, when he said Pedro had the rings ready, I picked up a cake from the grocery store, and a bottle of sparkling wine just so we could celebrate, make it an occasion.
I kind of hoped no one read a poem or anything. Because I loved the idea of the commitment, but I felt a little bit like Leo was making a big deal out of this for my benefit, like I needed a ceremony or a secret handshake to make me feel like I was part of the family. I knew it deep down already. They’d kept vigil at my bedside. They’d taken me to depositions and doctor’s appointments and taught me what it was to be supported and nurtured and wanted, really, deeply wanted. The acceptance they’d shown me was unlike anything I’d ever known. It came with a bone-deep trust I had in Leo and Rafe. I could be vulnerable with them and silly with them and cuss a blue streak over Call of Duty with them. So the rings were kind of an afterthought for me, a formality on top of all the more meaningful parts of the relationship we’d formed together.
When I got home, I showered and changed. I felt the need to put on a dress. Not a wedding gown or something stupid, but a sundress with little yellow flowers on it. I put the cake out on a nice plate and set the table with it in the middle. I wondered whether I should put a candle on it, or three candles like one for each of us. I decided candles were overkill. I wondered if I was fussing too much, but Rafe came in with flowers. They were pink roses, a dozen of them.
“Wow. Here, I’ll get a vase,” I said.
“I had the stems wrapped. I didn’t know if you wanted to, I don�
�t know, hold them or something.”
He shrugged, looking a little sheepish that he’d tried to buy me a bridal bouquet. I smiled, touched by the thought, and kissed his cheek. Then I got a jar to put them in and set to work cutting the ends off the stems. When I was done, I went to find him. He came out of his room in jeans and a button-down white shirt, looking as dressed up as I’d ever seen him and handsome.
I held out a pink rosebud to him, “I trimmed it so you could wear it. Like, you know, a boutonniere,” I said shyly. He took it and thanked me. Then we both looked around and couldn’t find a pin or anything to stick it on his shirt with.
“Do you have a jacket? Like a suit jacket? That would have a buttonhole for it.”
“Nope. But I can find some way to stick it on here. Do you have one for Leo?”
“Yeah, I think the flowers are beautiful. I guess I’m getting excited. Is that dumb?”
“Excited to spend your life with us? No, I think that’s how you’re supposed to feel. It’s how I feel about it,” Rafe said.
I felt myself relax a little. It wasn’t weird to them that I was so happy, so enthusiastic about it. The flowers weren’t too much. My feelings and my hope weren’t too much for Rafe and Leo. I wasn’t going to be rejected or met with scorn. No one was going to laugh into their sleeve because I wanted them to wear a flower or that I put on a dress or made a big deal out of things. It was humbling to feel so accepted, to know deep down that they were never going to reject me or send me away when I’d had a life of nothing but that, a life of trying so hard to be perfect just to win approval, just to persuade someone, anyone to let me stay.
Leo came out of his room in a full-on suit like he was going to Sunday school. His hair was slicked back. He looked so dressed up and so handsome. I couldn’t help but smile.
“I didn’t even know you were home!” I said.
“Hell yeah. I took off half a day so I could get ready,” Leo said, “I ain’t half-assing this. You’re getting the whole ass.”
Double Dirty Page 11
