“Kit, if you’re lying to me…”
“Listen, Mom, I don’t have time to get into it with you right now because I’m on my way to class. But, can we talk about this when we’re both free?...Hello?” The only answer I receive is the sound of my mother's phone hanging up.
JAYSON
“I think I failed a final exam today,” she says solemnly. Tears she’s been holding back crest and fall. I hate to see her so upset. Kit buries her face in her hands and cries it out while I rub her back and make soothing, sympathetic sounds, but there’s nothing I can really say. I don’t know why she failed the exam. I know she studied. I wonder if the pressure she’s been under lately, pressures she’s only hinted at to me, are the reason.
She has a project she has to complete by the end of the year. She has these finals to take. She had an incident on the job that required her to go through retraining today. When Kit called me over at close to midnight, I knew something was up. I ease closer to her on the sectional that finally got cleaned over the past weekend, and I put my arms around her to hold her tightly. “I think you need a long soak and some hot tea,” I determine.
“I’m sorry I called you over. I know it’s late. I know you have to work tomorrow.”
“Don’t you worry about that. Let’s get you upstairs.” Minutes later, I leave her in the tub filled to the brim with steamy water scented with the jasmine bath beads I bought her while she was staying at the hotel. The aroma fills the air with a refreshing floral scent certain to uplift the worst of moods. I run back downstairs to fix her a cup of chamomile tea like my momma used to make with honey and a squeeze of lemon. When I return to the bathroom, I see Kit up to her neck in bubbles, and I hand her the teacup. She thanks me softly, sets it on the ledge of the tub and closes her eyes.
“I’m tired,” she says. “Endlessly tired. I saw this saying on a t-shirt once that describes it completely. It’s like the hurrier I go, the behinder I get.”
I chuckle softly, skimming my fingers along the surface of the bathwater. “You need a break. The semester will be over soon, right?” I reply softly.
She nods. “I can’t wait for school to be out.”
I swallow thickly because I don’t want to say what I have to say. I’ve been thinking about it for days as I watched her struggle to balance the different elements of her life. I know it’s my presence making everything harder for her. “You need a break from school, and you need a break from me.” Tense silence meets my announcement.
Kit slowly sits up in the tub, a movement that sloshes water all over the floor. A wave hits the teacup, and it falls to the tile, shattering into tiny pieces. The dark brown tea mixes with the bathwater and bleeds across the puddle. I grab a towel to clean it up. When I glance back at Kitrina, she’s looking at me with red-rimmed eyes, shaking her head. “How could you say that? After everything I’ve been through to keep us together.”
Ignoring the water wetting my jeans, I ease to my knees at the tub side and cup her face in my hands. “Sweetie, I’m not ungrateful. I see the sacrifices you’ve made for our relationship. I don’t want you to have to choose between me and your life, Kitrina. It’s not fair to you. It makes it where you can’t give me one hundred percent; you can’t give your goals one hundred percent. You can’t give anything your all, because you’re trying to give everything something. I care about you. Enough to make this easier for you, even if it hurts. And don’t think it doesn’t hurt me to suggest this, Kit. At least until you get school out of the way. Who knows? Maybe we’ll be better off together in the summer.”
The very idea of not spending any time with her until May is painful. This is the only woman who knows how to make me smile at my lowest point, who knows how to turn the worst day into the best. We’ve shared laughter, tender words and mind-blowing sex. The kind of sex that brings meaning to the phrase “making love.” I have to fight my own instincts to tell her I’m willing to give that up, even temporarily, for her sake. I’m scared that she’ll forget me, meet someone else. She may have been a virgin, but she’s a beautiful girl—beautiful woman—and becoming more so all the time. But I don’t want to be the one to mess up her life. “Just try to understand,” I try again. “You have things you need to do, and your affection for me is making it impossible for you to devote your attention to those things. Maybe it’s time to pull back for a little while.”
“You can’t ask me to do that,” she says tearfully. “Jayson, you’re the only one keeping me sane. My life is filled with obligations and things I have to do. What you’re asking is for me to give up the one aspect that gives as much as it takes from me.”
I listen to her words, and I want to argue the point. I want to tell her that, all in all, I take more than I give. We both sacrifice time, but it’s not like I have a degree to work for after I clock out, and she does. What’s in my head makes perfect, rational sense…and it doesn’t jibe with what I want or what she wants. Her abject misery is readily apparent.
I don’t want to be the one to break her heart, either. I sigh, shaking my head. “At the very least, I think we need to reorganize how we do things. You need more time to do what you have to do.”
“What do you propose?” she asks, reaching for me. Kit tugs at the collar of my shirt, starts unbuttoning the buttons. I collect her fingers in mine and do the job for her. Peeling it from my arms, I stand and take off my wet pants. With a tired grunt, I climb into the tub with her, and she makes room for me, sliding her legs over mine. We settle comfortably face to face. Yeah, this feels like home. It’s all I can do not to bury my face in her breasts.
“I propose you let me know when you have work to do. Homework, reading, projects, any kind of assignment. When you have work, I don’t come over.”
“What about our study sessions?” she complains.
I smile mischievously. “Maybe every once in a while, but I think it’d be prudent for you to focus on these finals first. You won’t be so stressed if you get that out of the way first. Then, after all the important stuff is finished, you can chill with me at leisure. How about that?”
She smiles radiantly and my cock twitches. I want to be inside, but more than that I want to make sure she’s happy. I touch the tip of her nose. She’s so beautiful, even though she looks distressed by what I’m saying. She needs to hear it. The only way she’ll figure out how to balance the scales is if she figures out what’s more important. I know she thinks it’s me. But the truth is, it’s her. Her life and her goals are most important.
Chapter 23
JAYSON
“Let’s all agree to be on our best behavior for company, guys!” I stress the words “best behavior.”
Castiel looks up innocently from the sweet potato pie he’s drawing a penis shape onto with whipped cream. “Why would you even have to say that, Jayson? I am always on my absolute best behavior, and I’m appalled that you would suggest otherwise.” Devon snorts at the blatant lie, and Ashby nods obliviously, ever the sweet kid.
Momma shuffles out of her bedroom and walks across the open front room to my kitchen with difficulty. I rush to give her a chair so she can sit down off her bad back, as Cast hurriedly sprays cream all over his artwork to hide it. Chuckling, I shake my head at him.
“You know why. You damn hooligans would scare off the devil, himself, if he showed up.”
“What time did you say she’ll get here, Jay?” Momma asks.
I consult my phone for the last text from Kit. “In about another thirty minutes.”
It’s the week before Christmas. I invited Kitrina over to my place so she can meet my family. After that, we plan to go Christmas shopping together. I survey the house one last time to make sure everything is in place, feeling nervous about having her over. If push comes to shove and the boys—namely Castiel—act up too badly, we can cut the meet-n-greet short and hit the shops.
My brothers clear out of the kitchen and get engrossed in a video game, but I’m too antsy to play. I sit at the table w
ith Momma. “You’re getting serious about this girl, aren’t you?” she says with a grin.
I hesitate to answer. Am I serious about Kit? I like her a lot. Maybe I even love her. But I get the feeling Momma means a hike down the aisle kind of serious, and I’m not even close to that. “We’re still getting to know each other. She’s a sweetheart, though. Just don’t get any ideas. You can’t marry me off that easily.”
Momma chuckles softly. “I’m only asking ‘cause you’ve never brought a lady friend over for me to meet like this. I figure it must be something special.” It occurs to me she’s right. None of my exes had the privilege.
“Eh, you probably wouldn’t have liked any of the other girls anyway,” I reply.
“What about this one? You think I’ll like her?”
I can answer that with certainty. “You’ll love her.”
When Kit knocks at the door a half hour later, Momma sees for herself. Kitrina walks into my apartment, greeted by the pack of wolves known as the Zephyr brothers. Ashby pushes to the forefront. “I’ve been just dying to meet you, Ms. Schneider!” He pumps her hand up and down excitedly, and Kit laughs, overwhelmed.
“You must be Ashby,” she deduces. “Pleased to meet you.” I help her out of her coat. She’s dressed in a red sweater, snow-white leggings and knee-high black leather boots. She looks like a Christmas angel. Her white blond hair falls around her smiling face in loose curls. Devon whistles appreciatively.
“Knock it off,” I say out of the corner of my mouth.
“You lucky bastard,” he whispers with a grin.
As expected, my mother takes to her immediately. “Hi, I’m Sabine,” she introduces, shaking Kit’s hand. “And, you’re even prettier than everybody said! My, if I were a day or two younger, you might be a little competition.” Kit chortles.
“Why, Sabine, there’d never be any competition. Clearly, you’re the winner,” she responds in kind. I fall in love with her a little bit for the indulgence. Momma rarely gets to entertain the gentler sex, surrounded by all boys as she is. “Pleased to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you, Sabine. Jayson thinks the world of you,” Kit replies softly.
“Don’t tell the rest,” Momma says in a stage whisper that everyone can hear, “but he’s my favorite eldest son.”
“I thought I was the favorite,” Dev feigns heartbreak.
Momma laughs teasingly. “Oh, you are! You’re my favorite third son. Cast is my favorite second born, and Ashby is my favorite youngest.” Kit giggles in amusement. I stand back and try not to get in the way. There’s a lot going on, with Devon going back to the game, Ashby hovering around mother’s recliner and Castiel wiggling around by the Christmas tree like a two-year-old.
“What in the world are you doing, boy?” I ask.
“Waiting my turn to have an audience with the duchess.” He holds up a wrapped box. “Hey, Kit, I got you something to remember us by.” I quirk a brow. He didn’t say anything to me about giving Kit a gift. A chill of possessiveness tries to unfurl, but I push it aside. It’s only Castiel. It’s probably a gag gift anyway.
Kit excuses herself from talking to my mom. “I’m afraid to see what it is,” Kit says wisely. Castiel plops down on the sofa next to her and gleefully helps her unwrap the box. I lean forward to get a peak. Kit’s laughter fills the room. “A power drill?” she shrieks.
“Open it up,” Cast rubs his hands together. Still laughing, Kit opens the box. Instead of a drill, she pulls out a company t-shirt, one of our Zephyr Brother’s baseball caps and a framed photograph of all the guys who worked on her house. I smile in surprise. I had no idea Cast was taking that picture just to give it to Kit.
“Oh, Castiel!” she coos in sincere appreciation. She spontaneously reaches for him and hugs him. I give them five seconds hugging before I playfully tap him on the shoulder.
“Alright, time’s up,” I tell him. Castiel pulls back, chuckling at me marking my territory.
“Wait a minute. While I have you here, Cast, I need a favor,” Kit says.
“Is it anything I can help you with?” I interject. She waves me away.
“No, only Castiel can do it. It’s about a Christmas gift for someone very special to me,” she says. I back away, realizing she’s probably planning some sort of surprise for me. Castiel leans in, all ears. Kit laughs as I sullenly walk a short distance away. It’s fun and games. I’d trust Castiel with my life.
The rest of the afternoon is spent with everyone trying to talk over each other as we dig into the food my brothers and I prepared. The perfect hostess, Momma plays her part keeping my unruly brothers in line. Ashby is at Kit’s every beck and call, keeping her glass full and making sure she doesn’t need anything. I envisioned a melee—something catching on fire or somebody getting their eyeball poked out—one never knows what will happen when the four of us boys get together. Instead, it turns out to be a lively, enjoyable family dinner.
Kit doesn’t want to leave when it’s time to go. “Can’t we stay a few hours more?” she whispers to me as I usher her to the door. I smile in pleasure at the thought of her taking to my family the same way they took to her. It’s readily apparent she fits in here. The uncomfortable thought of marriage crops up, but I ignore the outlandish idea. Just then Castiel accidentally spills a glass of soda all over the floor right beside her. I pull Kit away just in time to keep her from getting splashed.
“There is a such thing as too much of a good thing,” I say with a laugh.
We take my truck downtown where the best of the holiday lights are on display, and I listen in quiet contentment as Kit relays to me how her finals week went. It’s been days since I saw her last. I pulled away to give her enough space to focus her attention on school. “So, all in all, my grades were a fraction lower than usual, but I passed everything with no less than a C. And, I only got a C on that first test that I actually thought I had failed. Normally I’d pitch a fit about a C, but I was happy as hell to get it this time. The rest were A’s and B’s.”
“So, you’re completely done with everything, right?”
“Almost. I still have to finish a mock-up to submit with my internship application.”
“Oh, right. I forgot about that.”
“Well, the good news is that I didn’t forget about it. Not this time. I’ve been working my butt off to get back on top of things, and I’m hoping for a better spring semester. But, tonight, darling…” She leans across the seat and rests her head on my shoulder. “I want it to be about me and you.”
“Let’s go walk off that meal, shall we?” I park the truck and go around to her side to gallantly open her door. Hand in hand, we drift from store to store picking up gifts for friends and family. We pass carolers, and Kitrina makes me pause to hear her favorite, and then we get hot cocoa from a street vendor. We watch the dusk fade into night. We do a lot of talking. We do nothing out of the ordinary. It just feels different, good to have someone like Kit at my side. It occurs to me that even if we weren’t dating, we’d have a pretty solid friendship.
“Okay, don’t laugh, but I used to be terrified of Santa Claus,” she confesses as we walk past another Santa ringing a bell. I laugh softly. “Don’t laugh!” she reiterates, giggling.
“I can’t help it. Scared of Jolly Ole St. Nick?” I chuckle and shake my head. Kit grabs my hand again and swings our hands to the sky. “Alright, alright. Tell me another secret. I promise I won’t laugh.”
Kit dips into silence, contemplating. I glance over at her, marvel at the lights glinting off her hair. The cold makes her cheeks rosy. I put my arm around her for good measure, and she rests her head against my shoulder. “I enjoyed spending time around your family today. I wish my family were more like yours…Another secret? I haven’t seen my grandparents on my mom’s side but once in my life.”
“Why is that?” I ask. The conversation takes a turn for the serious.
“Because my mother’s holding a grudge. She does it very well, by the way. She’s still mad at
me for keeping the house. Anyway, her parents were wealthy, busy people. She felt neglected by them. She was raised by nannies.”
Suddenly it makes a little more sense why Mrs. Schneider takes such an active role in Kitrina’s life. “That had to be hard for her,” I murmur understandingly.
“I used to wonder why she didn’t just talk to them about what happened in the past. I felt like she was making the situation worse by shutting them out of our lives. As I got older, I realized my mom was too proud to do that.” Kit shakes her head. “People who love each other shouldn’t keep secrets like that. Pride is hardly a good reason for it. I feel like I can talk about anything with you, and I’ve only known you a few months. She’s known them a lifetime.”
I swallow uncomfortably and gaze ahead. Though the situations aren’t parallel, I’m keeping a secret from Kit and damn near for the same reason. I haven’t told her about my past because of my pride. I want her to continue to think the best of me. It would tear me apart if she learned the truth and didn’t think as highly of me.
“Maybe someday she’ll tell them,” I reply.
As the night deepens, I take her back to the truck so I can drive her over to my place and get her home. It’s late.
“You following me home?” she asks when we arrive at my apartment.
I reluctantly respond, “I want to, but you still have that project to work on.”
“Not tonight,” she says as she climbs into the Fiat. She stares at me suggestively. “I told you tonight is about me and you.”
Giving in to her seduction, I climb back into my truck and follow her home. But my fears follow me, too. What will happen if Kitrina learns the truth about me? After hearing how she feels about keeping secrets, how she feels she can talk to me about anything, I wonder if a belated confession will damn me. I change my mind about waiting until she can accept my past. I resolve not to tell her anything about it at all. There’s no other way for her to find out. The secret is buried in a criminal record nearly a decade old. Pushing the thought from my mind, I zip down the highway in pursuit of her Fiat.
Jayson: A New Adult / Coming of Age Romance Page 18
