“I need to know why you are upset with me and what I can do to fix it. I’m trying to understand why, given our history, you would align yourself with someone like Candace Schneider, apparently just to bring me down. What did I ever do to you, Lamont?”
He chortles in amusement at the bluntness of my questions. “Have a seat, old friend. You look tired. You want a drink? Bourbon or vodka? I don’t remember what we used to sip on back when we were stealing from my old man.”
“You mean our old man,” I correct him with a half-smile. “I only recently discovered, but I’d prefer we not mince words. Be straight with me, Monty. Is this about what happened between my mother and our dad? I realize now how that must’ve affected you…the way your family deteriorated…”
Lamont cringes. “Now, see, that’s the rub,” he murmurs.
I walk over to his desk and gaze down at him as he crosses his leg and sloshes amber liquid around in a tumbler. For the first time, I see the family resemblance. We have the same eye shape and eye color. There’s something around the mouth and chin that’s similar, too. But, for the most part, Lamont’s slight build creates enough of a contrast for the likeness to be easily missed. All those years, I never even suspected. “You’re my brother,” I reply with awe.
He chuckles, tipping the glass back to his lips. “You think that’s why I told Candace about you? Pfft, no. I was only doing what was right. Jayson, Jayson, Jayson. I can’t believe you were dumb enough to take up with a girl like Kitrina Schneider. She’s completely out of your league.”
“This has nothing to do with Kitrina. Candace got what she wanted. This is about me and you.”
“Ha! You two aren’t together anymore? Wow, she caved fast. Humph!”
I scowl reflexively but try to master my expression. I didn’t come here for a fight. Sitting down slowly across the desk from him, I cross my legs and mirror his lackadaisical demeanor. With a finger to the side of my face, elbow rested on the armrest of the chair, I study him and feel the barely checked rage rolling off him in waves. I’m no closer to understanding what’s going on behind his light brown eyes than I was when I walked into the room, but at least I’ve got him talking now, engaged.
“What happened to my friend?” I ask softly.
“You wouldn’t really understand, Jayson. Everything was always so black and white with you, no room for greyscale. Besides, you were gone for the worst of it. My mother didn’t find out my father was running around on her until you were off at juvie. Got the shock of my life the night that argument went down. You know, for the longest time after that I figured you knew.”
“How could I? You think I would’ve kept that from you? Monty, we were best buds.”
“No, we weren’t. I was your adoring fan, and you made it a point to put me in my place any time you had the chance, right down to almost getting us both killed with that little driving stunt. It was like no matter what I did to prove myself, you had to go one step further, like showing me I wasn’t as much of a man as you. Well, look at me now, Jayson. See all this? I did it.”
I nod my head, finally understanding. “I was a kid and I thought like a kid and behaved like a kid, but I’m a grown man, Lamont. It’s time we put that behind us. I teased and bullied after being teased and bullied. Anything I did to hurt you, let me apologize from the bottom of my heart. It was never my intention to cause you that hurt. Monty, you were the only real friend I had back then. What do you remember from the years we ran together?”
“You dragging me into dangerous shit then swaggering around like it made you some kind of a man. Humph! Kind of like what you’re doing now. ‘I’m a grown man, Lamont. Let’s forget about that kid stuff,’” he says mockingly.
“Well, see, I remember all the fun we had together, all the trouble we got into together. I remember the lonely kids nobody else wanted to hang with, the both of us outcasts, so me and you banded together. We were a team. That night…that night I wasn’t trying to get you killed or prove my manhood. That night I was at the end of my ropes, in a sea of despair. I was giving up, Monty.”
I swallow thinking, remembering.
The rock music blaring from the stereo clashes with the sound of sirens and Lamont’s hysterical laughter, and when I look at his face he looks just as scared as me. We’re two people on a rollercoaster who know the next bunch of loops will be the worst flip-flop we’ve ever experienced in life. But, this isn’t an amusement park, and there’s no getting off this ride when we’re ready.
“Monty,” I say over the cacophony of my life out of control. “You ever…think about just saying fuck this?”
My vision clears. “I want my friend back,” I reply softly.
I realize after I say it that I’m really not just trying to be the bigger man. I mean it. For so long, it’s been my brothers and me. It turns out Lamont was always my brother, too. I can’t exclude him any more than I could Dev or Ash or Cast. Monty and I have as much history. I wish I had learned the truth about our parentage sooner. Maybe I would’ve taken the necessary steps to find him rather than merely accepting that he and his mom moved away from Tenderloin. So many wasted, lost years. I’ve always had brothers. He hasn’t.
I reach across the desk for a handshake. Lamont eyes my hand as if he can’t comprehend what’s going on.
“Don’t patronize me, Jayson,” he sneers.
“I’m not,” I say firmly, keeping my hand extended.
“You know you’ll hold against me for the rest of my life for what happened between you and Kitrina Schneider. It’s obvious you were smitten with her. If you think cozying back up to me will get you in Candace’s good graces, you can think again. That old hag dropped me as soon as she was done with me, but I guess she served her purpose. No love lost.”
His words send a frisson of distaste through me, especially the callous way he discusses it as if it’s natural to use and discard people.
“You might be a self-made man, Lamont, but you need people. You need good friends and folks around you who aren’t there to gas you up to go nowhere with ‘em. The person I remember you to be is a good person at heart. You can drop the act with me.” I keep my hand out.
“While you were getting three state-sponsored meals a day and playing video games with parolees, I was out there getting beat on by my dad for not being you. How do you think that made me feel, Jayson?” he damn near shouts.
“I’m trying. To make. This right.”
“He blamed me for you going to jail,” he says.
“Shit, Lamont—.” I don’t know what to say. It hurts to know my real dad really was an asshole, but I don’t think it would help Lamont for me to say this.
Lamont looks down and shuffles his papers together, sets them aside, finally looks back up with me with a shake of his head and a tiny laugh. “You can’t make it right. Have a good day, Mr. Zephyr. I have clients waiting on me. There’s the door.”
A heaviness settles over my shoulders. I came to get answers, and I got them, but I can’t help wishing I could’ve mended some bridges too. I drop my hand and rise to my feet with a gusty sigh. Reaching in my pocket, I pull out a business card.
“If you need me, here’s how to find me. Lamont, there’s nothing we can do to change the past, and we certainly can’t fix the broken shit that our parents dropped into our laps. But, what we can do is move forward and act like brothers towards each other, because that’s what we are. In case you don’t know, I put a lot of stock in family. So…don’t be a stranger.”
I walk out of his office and back to my truck, each step feeling like a battle won but a war still raging. As I climb into the driver’s seat and crank up, my cellphone buzzes insistently and I glance down to see Castiel’s number. I tiredly connect the call. “I’m on my way.”
“Uh, we might have a problem.”
“Wassup? Something with the client?”
“Kit Schneider stopped by. According to Grace, she’s back staying at her mom’s house. She saw our truck in
the neighborhood on her way there.”
My heart thunders in my chest. My mouth goes dry. Was she looking for me? “Did she—did she need something?”
“Don’t kill me, okay? I kind of maybe mentioned she might want to talk to her mom about why you and her hit Splitsville.”
“You did what?! Castiel, my personal life has nothing to do with you. I would appreciate it if you do your damned job and leave my business to me. You’re supposed to be overseeing the crew. Fuck!” I slam a hand down on the steering wheel and crank up my truck, speeding out of the parking lot for Pacific Heights.
“Look, I was only trying to help. You can’t let her go through the rest of her life not knowing the truth. That’s what got you into this problem in the first place! And, don’t tell me what job I have to do. I handle my responsibilities. But, unlike you, this damn job isn’t my life, Jayson.”
“No, you ungrateful kid! You have the luxury of having a life outside of work, but I don’t. I have to take care of you, Dev, Ash, Momma—“
“Well, since we’re such a goddamned burden, Jayson, how about I take one of the names off the list for you, huh? I quit! Now, you don’t have to take care of me, worry about me. You can worry about yourself and figure out why the hell you’re giving Zephyr Brothers Construction your heart and soul. Maybe you’ll figure out it’s not us you’re doing it for. It’s your own damn ego and pride!”
“Wha—you quit?” The breath squeezes from my lungs in a panic. “Wait, Castiel, let’s talk about this.”
“Nothing to talk about.”
The line goes dead and I stare at the cell phone in disbelief.
“Fuck it all, Cast!” I shout angrily. The world speeds past me as I fly to the job site to try to catch my foolhardy brother before he leaves. My eyes dance to the clock on the dashboard, and I realize it’s almost quitting time. The discussion that needs to be had with my younger brother needs to happen behind closed doors anyway, not on the job site. I suddenly realize I’m flying for no reason, yet I keep driving, knowing where the road leads. Because more than talking to Castiel right now, I need to see Kitrina.
Chapter 40
KITRINA
“Just tell me what you did,” I plead softly, tearfully. I inhale on a broken sob as I stare my mother down.
Candace takes a step towards me, but I put my hands up defensively. I dash the tears from my face and square my shoulders. Her gaze drops guiltily. “I told you I wasn’t proud of it. I apologized.”
“What did you do?” I say louder.
“Oh, for goodness sake!” Candace shouts back angrily. She yanks open her desk drawer and pulls out a folder. “There! That’s what I did. I found out what he didn’t want you to know.”
“And you used this against him,” I accuse without even looking at the contents of the folder. The doorbell chimes through the house.
“Kitrina, I was doing it for your own good,” my mother insists. I shake my head vehemently, refusing to accept that line this time.
“I want to know everything! Every detail,” I command, arms crossed. The doorbell rings again.
“Kit, let me get the door. We can discuss this some other time. We were doing so well, weren’t we, darling? Why the need to fuss and fight?” she purrs.
“No, I’ll get the door. You figure out how to say what you need to say because I am not backing down until I find out the truth.”
I scoop up the folder from Mom’s desk and march out of her office to give her time to get her story together while I see who’s at the door. I fully anticipate I’ll get half-truths and white lies from her, but it’s better than nothing. All this time I was thinking Jayson had someone else. Suddenly the missing pieces of the puzzle came together after talking with Castiel. Who was the one woman who would insist he break up with me? Not a mistress. Not another girlfriend. No, my very own mother. How could she do this to me?
Gracie was right. I pass her as she's pacing in the informal living room, looking nervous and uncomfortable.
“Grace, why don’t you take my car and get home. I don’t want to keep you here.”
“Had I known any of this would happen, I never would’ve told you to stop and talk to Castiel. You have to believe me.”
“I know. I know, friend. Here are my keys. I’ll call you later tonight to come pick me up. I can’t stay another day in this house. It’s built of lies, deceit and grudges, and my mother seriously needs help.”
We hug briefly and stroll together to the door where the insistent doorbell pusher chimes the bell again. I throw the door wide with irritation. “What is it?” I growl.
“Jayson,” Grace gasps.
My eyes widen. He stands there in a bomber jacket and a pair of jeans and flannel shirt, a thermal cap covering his crew cut. Nothing, no one, has ever looked so good to me. His amber eyes melt me on the spot, despite the nipping March wind gusting in through the open door. My first instinct is to run into his arms. I hear a strangled sound behind me and whip around to see my mother coming down the stairs.
“You! What are you doing in my house?” she asks coldly.
“I came here to talk to Kitrina,” Jayson dauntlessly states. A surge of protectiveness moves through me and I step between the two of them.
“Are you ready to tell me what you did?” I confront Candace. She puts her hands on her slender hips and saunters forward. The diamond choker on her swan-like neck catches the light.
“I think I’ll leave now,” Grace whispers. I nod imperceptibly, and she dashes out the door, closing it behind her. Now, there’s no one here but the essentials. It’s time to know the truth.
Mother stares at Jayson as if he has the plague, and he squares his jaw. I glance down at the folder in my hand, curious. “Everything you need to know is right there,” Mother intones ominously upon seeing the direction of my gaze. I hesitantly flip the folder open and quickly glance over the paperwork. It doesn’t take long to realize it’s a legal document of some sort. Getting to the meat of it, I discover crimes attributed to Jayson when he was in his teens. A knife fight, I think I remember him mentioning.
A charge for reckless endangerment and driving under the influence. My eyes narrow, and I suddenly know exactly why mother thought she could leverage this against him. Memories of the agony following the death of my father resurface. The anger and grief come back as fresh as the day we found out he had been killed by a drunk driver. There’s no getting over that kind of loss. Not for her, not for me. It makes me sad to learn that Jayson would do something so careless as getting behind the wheel of a car while intoxicated.
But it doesn’t affect me the way my mother must’ve believed it would. He was a kid. He doesn’t behave like that now and I very much doubt he ever did it again. He learned. I look up at Jayson. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know how.”
“We talked about everything. Everything.”
“Everything but what really mattered, apparently,” Mom quips smugly.
I close the folder and calmly hand it over to her. “Yet, as much as you think it mattered, you didn’t tell me either. You preferred, Mother, to use this information to manipulate, to bend me to your will…and now you expect me to thank you for it?” I ask incredulously. I look into her blue eyes, trying to find some semblance of the woman I used to know.
I see hurt, paranoia, distrust. I see love. Misguided love.
“Let me tell you once and for all, Mother. I cannot be controlled.”
“I wasn’t trying to control you, but I knew you needed a firm hand to guide you,” she insists. “Be reasonable, Kit. Would you have left him otherwise? Look how wonderful things have turned out since you did.”
“I cannot be controlled. I will not be controlled. You will not control me. I love you. I’m not going to say I never want to see you again. We both know that wouldn’t be true,” I reply resolutely. “But, it is going to take me a while to desire to be in your presence after this, and you’re just going to have to resp
ect that. Goodbye, Mother. Come on, Jayson.”
“Kit! What are you saying? You-you saw the records for yourself! You know what kind of man he is now!”
“No, Mother, I knew what kind of man he was well before I saw the dirt you dug up on him. He’s a good man, a responsible one. He’s a hard worker and a fierce lover, and he doesn’t deserve your disdain. In fact, he has more integrity in his little finger than you’ve been showing me lately. I sincerely hope you seek psychiatric help to work through your problems. I wish you the best.”
Jayson’s amber eyes swing from me to my mother, then back to me. This time he doesn’t try to make me stay. There’s nothing left to linger for. I walk out the door without a backwards glance. “Let’s go home,” he murmurs.
Chapter 41
KITRINA
I walk up the steps and cross the porch to the front door, producing the keys from my pocket. It feels good to slide it into the lock and hear the satisfying click of my house opening its doors to me. Stepping inside, I inhale the familiar smell of my home.
“Let’s get some heat going,” Jayson replies. He walks in as if he owns the place, and he goes straight to the furnace to turn up the heat in the house I’ve only visited a time or two in the months since I lost my job at Devil in the Details. I was able to keep up with the bills with help from my mom. I expect that’s over and done with now.
“Are you hungry?”
“There’s nothing in the fridge. The place is nearly empty. Matter of fact, I don’t even have any clothes here. Was that hasty or what? Back to the daily grind of being independent,” I sigh.
Jayson: A New Adult / Coming of Age Romance Page 30
