by Jane Slate
“I love you.”
Landon hesitated.
He collapsed beside her on the mattress with a sigh, unable to bring himself to say it. Grace rolled over on her side and pressed an arm beneath her head.
“You don’t have to say it you know,” she whispered, tracing a finger across the jagged scar on his collarbone.
There were things he could have told her to quantify his love for her. He could have told her that she had become his only motivation to wake up every morning. That seeing her ruin herself hurt more than any bullet he ever took. That he was sorry that he didn’t protect her better when he had the chance. Instead, he buried his face in the crook of her neck and said nothing.
She felt like home after being gone for way too long.
It was the first time she had ever told him that she loved him, but what good were candid words in explaining such lucid desires? What they had was carnal in nature. He fought for her when she needed it and they slept together when they were lonely.
It wasn’t anything more than that.
Right?
Of course, there were times when Grace would find herself imagining them together. She’d bask in the way his hand felt when he would stroke her cheek. The way her body would mold to his when they would come together. Like two frenzied parasites who fed on each other to survive.
All those times when he would hold her, naked and sex after their bodies had tangled, Grace would imagine they were something more than lovers. And when he would undress her, slowly and with purpose, she would tell herself that it was for reasons other than debauchery.
Lying to herself became her greatest comfort.
She told herself that she wasn’t an addict. That she didn’t have a problem with the daylight and the way it brought out the dark circles beneath her eyes and made her feel exposed. But the biggest lie she told herself was that she could let go of Landon if she needed to.
When Grace awoke the following morning, every part of her body ached. It was an all too familiar feeling. The stench of stale liquor and cologne filled her nostrils. Landon laid beside her, shirtless and snoring.
For a few moments, Grace remained perfectly still in his bed and studied him. He had recently shaved but a few wiry whiskers covered his chin. She ran her fingers along his jaw and sighed. At fifteen, if someone would have told Grace that she’d one day find herself lying in bed naked beside Landon Everett, she wouldn’t have believed them.
His honeyed voice pulled her back to reality.
“Good morning,” he groaned, stretching his arms above his head with a yawn.
His dark eyes fluttered opened and he looked at her. He skimmed a hand beneath the covers and touched Grace’s bare thighs as goose bumps surfaced on her skin. She could read so much in his expression. It was all there. Lust, anger, confusion. But most of all, she liked to pretend that he loved her the way she loved him.
“Good morning,” she said with a slight smile, but her voice was void of any pleasantries.
She caught a glimpse of her down trodden appearance in the small mirror across from his bed and groaned in disapproval. She looked awful. It would take days for her to heal. She wouldn’t have any other choice but to miss more work and she was already on thin ice with Sue Ellen.
Landon brought his lips to Grace’s temple and she relaxed beneath him. He wrapped her porcelain arms around his body and pushed her hair away from her face to study her.
The affect Landon had on Grace was instantaneous and more intoxicating than any drug but she had grown accustomed to their lifestyle a long time ago.
Moments like these were all they had. Fleeting, brief encounters that never went anywhere once daylight struck and the early morning gloom tore him away from her.
And yet, here he was.
Lying beside her, covered in bruises from the events that had unfolded the night before.
Grace knew that at any moment, Landon would get up and leave her. But she savored his presence while she still could.
Sometimes she wished she could trap him and make him stay. But he was flighty and stubborn and loyal and she was incapable of holding him back.
Nothing would ever come of them.
They thought they were each other’s dirty little secret but there wasn’t a single member or affiliate of the Sons who didn’t know they had feelings for each other. Even so, Landon was unwilling to break his loyalty to the club by publicly courting the wife of a man he had considered a brother.
She was the reason he drank himself into a stupor and he was the reason she drugged herself numb. They wanted to forget each other but they were both secretly glad that the other never did.
Grace looked at Landon and willed him not to go this time as he pulled himself out of bed and grabbed his jeans from the floor. He kept his back turned as he got dressed. The sun’s rays seeped through his blinds and pierced his skin. He was nothing more than a ghost now.
Soon he would be gone and then she would leave too. Only to repeat the cycle a few days, weeks, or months later.
Grace got dressed and followed Landon into his kitchen. He opened the blinds and poured two bowls of cereal, setting one down in front of her at the table.
Neither one of them spoke.
He didn’t look up from his Cheerios as he ate and neither did she. She stared at the mushing circles and crushed a few pieces into her milk with the back of her spoon.
Her thoughts strayed as she looked out the window, taking in the dry yellow scenery.
“So,” Landon said, breaking the silence. He lit a cigarette and kicked his feet onto an empty chair.
“What should we do today?” he questioned.
Grace smiled and cocked her head to look at him.
Maybe he could still surprise her.
“I need a shower,” she replied, her eyes never leaving his.
She stood up and turned toward the bathroom.
“Care to join me?” she question softly, preparing for rejection.
Instead, Landon stood to his feet and hunched his shoulders. He followed Grace into the bathroom and she turned on the shower. They stripped of their clothing and Landon stepped in first, soaking his face with water.
Grace couldn’t help but stare at him as he began to lather himself with soap. She perched against the sink and smiled, biting down on her bottom lip. His shoulder muscles flexed as a deep groan escaped his throat.
“That good huh?” Grace laughed, stepping into the stream of water behind him.
She wrapped her arms around his body and pressed her face against the flesh of his back. He grabbed her hands and held them.
“I don’t want you to be with anyone else,” he said over the water.
Grace’s eyebrows creased.
“What?” she asked.
Landon turned around, still holding her hands in his much larger ones.
“Never again,” he continued. “Only me. And I don’t want you touching any of that shit ever again Grace. I’ll help you detox, but I want your word. Promise me that you’ll try.”
Grace’s eyes began to water. She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded.
“Okay,” she whispered, holding his gaze.
She ran her hands over his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Only you.”
Chapter Twenty-one
A few hours later, Grace called Angie to let her know she was picking up her kids. It wasn’t a request.
“I’m their mother,” she insisted, shooting Landon a glare. He smiled at her softly.
They arrived at Angie’s shortly before dinner. Landon parked his bike beside Grace’s car and removed his helmet, hanging it on a silver handlebar.
“Aunt Angie!” Henry called out, running onto to the porch. “Mommy is here! And she brought Uncle Landon!”
He ran into his mother’s arms and Grace embraced him, bending down to press a kiss against his face.
“Hey buddy,” Landon said, ruffling the boy’s hair.
&nb
sp; He reached down to give him a high five.
“Have you been being a good boy for your Auntie Angie?”
Henry grinned up at him and nodded.
“Yup!” he said.
Angie stepped out onto the porch and crossed her arms over her chest. Lily and Ella followed her out and ran into the yard.
“Well if it ain’t the three beauties,” Landon said, spreading his arms. He nodded at Angie, who gave him a frigid look in return.
“That means you too Ang.”
Angie rolled her eyes. Both girls ran towards Landon, their long red hair flying behind them. Grace smiled.
“Uncle Landon!” Lily exclaimed, smiling up at him as she pressed her face against his cut.
“What are you doing here?” Ella asked.
Landon pressed a kiss against the younger girl’s temple.
“Your momma and I are here to pick y’all up. How does that sound?”
“Good!” all three kids said in usion.
“Give your mommy some love to!” Grace called out, spreading her arms.
The girls ran towards Grace and she embraced them. They had grown so much since the last time she had seen them.
Angie didn’t appear amused. She tore her gaze from Landon’s and squinted at her younger sister.
“Grace,” she said, stepping off the porch. “You didn’t tell me you were bringing him.”
Angie eyed Landon with thinly-veiled distaste and clenched her teeth. Things hadn’t been too hot between them since their shortly lived fling in high school. Even so, Grace never fully understood her sister’s hatred for Landon. She sighed and rolled her eyes before speaking.
“Give it a rest Ang,” Grace said, standing up. She crossed in front of her and took a seat on the front steps as her children followed her.
“Whatever,” Angie retorted
“I have a potpie in the oven. I better head back in.
She kissed each one of the children on the forehead and shot Grace a look that said ‘we’ll be talking later,’ ignoring Landon as she stomped inside her house and slammed the front door shut behind herself.
Grace definitely wasn’t looking forward to that conversation.
Landon snickered and loosened up.
“Jesus,” he said, exhaling a deep breath. “I guess it’s good to know she still hates me.”
“Yeah,” Grace said with a laugh.
The children became distracted and ran into the yard to play.
“Angie sure knows how to hold a grudge,” Grace continued. “What did you ever do to her anyway?”
Landon thought it over for a second and shrugged.
“I broke up with her.
Grace furrowed her brows.
“You what?” she whispered, looking over her shoulder.
Angie was nowhere in earshot.
“Why?”
Landon nodded and took a seat beside her on the porch, stretching his legs out in front of himself.
“Yeah,” he said, reaching for Grace’s hand. “She wasn’t much my type.”
“Oh?” Grace countered, biting down on her bottom lip as she fidgeted.
“Yeah,” Landon answered with a nod.
“She wasn’t you."
Chapter Twenty-two
When dinner was finally ready, Angie called everyone inside. Landon saw to it that the children washed their hands and Grace helped her sister set the table.
“Where is Steven?” she questioned, setting down each plate.
Angie shrugged.
“On business. You know, he’s had to pick up a lot of extra hours to support your kids.”
Ouch.
Grace could hear the passive aggressiveness thick in Angie’s tone and said nothing. She had learned to pick her battles with her sister a long time ago.
“Well,” Grace said, taking a seat at the table. “I’m sorry about that. Really Ang, I am. I’m really grateful for your help. The last few months have been tough.”
Angie was silent as Landon and the kids entered the dining room.
“Smells great,” Landon said. He took a seat beside Grace and nodded cordially at Angie, who avoided making eye contact with him.
An awkward silence fell over the room. Even the kids seemed to notice it.
Landon remained chivalrous and did what he could to lighten the mood. He joked with the kids and told them stories about the war that would fascinate them instead of give them nightmares.
Stories like the ones his father had told him.
And all the while, Angie remained quiet. In fact, she barley said two words the entire meal.
After Grace helped her clear off the table, she turned on the TV for the kids and stepped out onto the front porch beside Landon. He was having a smoke and drinking a beer.
“I just got off the phone with Nash,” he announced as Grace approached him from behind.
He turned around to face her and squared his shoulders.
“I have some club business to handle. Nothing serious, but even so...”
Grace nodded.
“That’s alright,” she responded.
His departure made her sad, but she understood. She ran a hand over his back and smiled.
“Why don’t you just meet me back at my place? I have my car. I can take the kids home.”
Landon hesitated.
“You sure you’re capable of tearing them away from the ice queen on your own?” he questioned jokingly, raising an eyebrow and nodding at the door.
Grace rolled her eyes and laughed, giving him a playful nudge.
“They’re my kids,” she said with a nod. “I’ll be fine. Really.”
Landon shifted on his feet and took a final drag of his smoke.
“Well alright then,” he said, stepping off the porch.
Grace watched as he straddled the seat of his bike and turned to head back inside but Landon called out to her and stopped her in her tracks.
“You know what,” he said, walking back over to her.
“Forget it. It can wait.”
Grace smiled as he extended a hand to her.
“Let’s go for a walk.”
“Alright,” she replied.
She stepped off of the porch and pulled her sweater tighter around herself. She called out to Angie that she would be right back and followed Landon down the walkway. They walked alongside each other in the darkness, neither one of them speaking.
They made a pretty picture.
Grace with her long red hair which clashed beautifully against her pale skin in the moonlight and Landon with his dark eyes and angular features. They were every bit as fresh and attractive as they had been as teenagers. But looks could be deceiving.
Grace was relaxed, but she could sense a tension in Landon. He lit another smoke and took a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking.
“Grace,” he started, turning to look at her.
He gave her a perplexed look.
“Look, I know this might seem like it’s coming from leftfield. And I know the timing might be all wrong. But...here’s the thing.”
He took a deep breath.
Grace shivered and willed him to continue.
“I love you,” he finally admitted, choking on his voice. “A hell of a lot, actually.”
His smoke fell to the ground but he didn’t bend to pick it up. Grace’s blue eyes never left his face.
Landon reached in his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. He handed it to Grace and she opened it with shaking hands, sucking in a deep breath.
A beautiful silver ring stared back at her, adorned with a glimmering ruby in the center.
“That was my momma’s wedding ring,” Landon said, swallowing hard as he rubbed a hand through his hair.
“I’m not much good at all this...” he faltered, shaking his head.
Grace’s eyes began to water. She ran her pointer finger over the ring and met eyes with him.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispered.
“Grace,” L
andon continued, closing the distance between them. He lifted her chin and stared deep into her eyes. “I want to marry you. I want to be able to call you my old lady. I want to do you and those kids better than Miller ever did.”
Happy tears spilled down Grace’s cheeks as her heart thumped heavy in her chest. Landon’s words wrapped their way around her heart.
“You’re exactly what I need,” he finished as his deep voice cracked.
Grace searched for the right words to respond but her tongue felt heavy in her mouth. She pressed her face against Landon’s chest and he pulled her into his arms, resting his chin above her head.
“You don’t have to answer me now,” he whispered, running a hand through her hair. “You take your time. But just know, the offer is never going to go away.”
Grace looked up at him and smiled. They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity.
“Do me a favor though,” Landon finally spoke up. “When you do make your decision, don’t think about Miller, or Angie, or even the kids. Think about yourself.”
He reached for Grace’s hand and squeezed it.
“You deserve to be happy.”
Chapter Twenty-three
A group of teenage girls shuffled out of a high school in the distance, walking past a group of leather clad Columbian men outside a bar in broad daylight.
Peligros.
Landon squinted at Joaquín and lit a smoke. He was bullshitting with his men and didn’t seem to notice the SOW crew parked across the street in a white cargo van.
“You sure about this?” Kade questioned.
Landon spit out the window and nodded as a grim smile spread across his face. This ran deeper than the club, there was no way Joaquín was getting away with what he did to Grace.
“Damn sure,” Landon replied evenly.
“Alright,” Nash said from the backseat with a nod. “Pull around the block. There are way too many eyes here.”
Landon powered up the van and made the turn just as Joaquín took off down the road on his bike without the aid of his men.
