by Liz Gavin
Keira didn’t grasp the intensity of her emotions until that first wave hit her. She had climaxed before but only when she had played with herself. The sensations Declan brought to her nerve endings were a million times stronger, more fulfilling. She wanted to keep looking into his gorgeous eyes, but the waves were too intense for her to keep her eyes open. She closed them and let her body rock in rhythm with the waves of pleasure he had created only for her.
That was why she didn’t see him move down her body and almost jumped out of her skin when he kissed her there. She tried to sit up but he held her in place with a hand on her navel.
“Declan! What are you doing?” she screeched. “You can’t – you shouldn’t do that.”
“I can and I will. You relax and enjoy the ride.”
He smiled at her before disappearing from her sight. She was too weak to resist and the sensations were too damn good to argue with him. She let her head fall back on the pillows and enjoyed the pleasure he gave her. Each time the tide of feelings ebbed away and she thought it was over, Declan sucked harder or pushed his tongue further inside her and the waves came crashing down on her again. She moaned and thrust and heaved but he was relentless.
Declan rejoiced in her ecstasy. Every time she sobbed or sighed in wonder, each time she whispered his name, he felt a correspondent rush of pleasure coursing through his veins. His problem was all that blood was rushing down his body, as it naturally would, and concentrating in his groin, but he couldn’t allow his body to find its release under those circumstances. So, he slowed down his rhythm, letting Keira’s body come down from the heights he had taken her to, as he pressed a hand against himself, over his pants, to calm his body. He plopped himself on the bed beside her, out of breath, watching Keira as her moans turned to soft sighs. She opened her eyes to stare into his, a deep crease formed between her eyebrows.
“What happened? Why did you stop?”
“You know why I stopped, Keira. I couldn’t take you. Not like this,” he kissed the tip of her nose to take away the sting of his words. He knew he was hurting her, but the alternative would have been much worse, much more painful. “Your first time shouldn’t be in a hotel room, with a stranger, one day before you leave town. It wouldn’t be fair to you. You deserve much more than this, bright eyes.”
She closed her eyes and swallowed her tears.
“How can I argue with your logic or be mad at you when you’re so sweet? Why did have to be so sweet and noble, Declan? I wanted you. No, I want you. Doesn’t that count?”
“Tonight, that doesn’t count at all. You are vulnerable and lonely. You were drunk as a skunk up to a couple of hours ago. I can’t trust your judgment,” he laughed and rubbed his nose against hers before kissing her swollen lips.
“You were willing to go all the way when you didn’t know I was a virgin.”
“If you weren’t a virgin, and you were to regret our little adventure tomorrow, that would be the only thing you would regret.”
“Meaning?”
“You would regret a drunken one-night stand with a stranger, not losing your virginity to an asshole you don’t really know. I can be quite an ass, don’t get me wrong, Keira, but I try to keep some boundaries. Taking advantage of a naïve tourist is one I never cross.”
Rejection stung her deeply, bringing burning tears to her eyes. She didn’t want to give Declan the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Not again. Not over him. She decided pretending to be angry at him, instead of hurt, would be better. It would make him leave and help her with her pride.
“If that’s how you feel, why don’t you just leave already? I’m a stranger, right? A crazy, dumb American. So go away! Leave!”
She sat on the bed, grabbed the sheets in front of her naked body and pointed to the door. She was holding her emotions in check by a very thin thread. She needed him to leave immediately before she lost it. He seemed to call her bluff because he only stared back at her.
“Go!”
“I won’t leave you like that, Keira. I’m not the bad guy, here. I won’t leave you feeling miserable like that.”
“I’m not feeling miserable. I’m pissed off, that’s what I am, you asshole,” she punched him weakly in the chest and tried to free herself of his arms when he embraced her but he was much stronger. “Get your hands off of me! Haven’t you done enough?”
“You don’t fool me with this little act. I know you are hurt. Your eyes tell me so. I refuse to leave you alone like that. I need you to understand I did what was best for both of us.”
His voice was so gentle, and the concern in his eyes so deep, she caved in, burying her face in his smooth chest. She cried and sobbed until she couldn’t cry anymore. He held her close, running a soothing hand up and down her back, until her crying subsided. He pushed her away and lifted her chin until their eyes met.
“I didn’t want to stop. I forced myself to stop because it was the right thing to do, hon. You have no idea how hard it was for me. I don’t want you to leave Dublin, either. But, I think you should. Too much has happened, too fast. I’m not in the habit of picking up customers at the bar. Believe me!” he said more forcefully when a shadow crossed her eyes. “I haven’t felt attracted to a woman so fast in a long time. Hell, I think I’ve never felt anything so strong so fast. You obviously haven’t, either.”
He paused and waited for her reply.
“I haven’t,” she admitted and tried to look down but he held her chin. She felt exposed and helpless, under his piercing eyes. It was an uncomfortable feeling.
“Then, you must agree with me this is all too new and confusing for both of us, right?” She nodded and he went on. “I suggest you take your vacation through Ireland as you had planned it. Go visit your great-grandparents’ hometown. See as much of the country as you can, meet as many new people as you can. But leave off the last week to me, to us.”
“How so?”
“Come back to Dublin for a whole week. We’ll go out together, as a proper couple should do. I’ll show you the town and you’ll have a chance to know me better. I’ll have a chance to know you, too. Then, we’ll see where it takes us. How does that sound?”
Keira thought about it for a while and it sounded surprisingly sane, “I don’t think a week will be enough for us to know each other. Maybe I should stay here for the whole vacation.”
“That is absolutely out of the question, missy. Family always comes first. You owe this trip to your grandfather and to yourself.”
She looked at him and her heart warmed up. She wondered if it would be possible for her to be falling in love with him in such a short time.
Only if you had fallen on your head as a baby! He’s a total stranger, who lives thousands of miles away from you. He could be a crook or a murderer, for all you know. What are you thinking? the annoying voice in her head returned.
For once, Keira decided to ignore her inner self, “You are right, Declan. But, I’ll go away tomorrow instead of the following day as I had planned. I’ll come back as soon as I can.”
“Don’t rush anything, Keira. If we are meant to be, we’ll find our way back to each other. You’ll see.”
“Do you trust the luck of the Irish that much?” she asked playfully.
Deep inside she worried because she had never had much of that fabled luck. Maybe an original Irishman like Declan might have some.
“On the contrary, my sweet thing. I never had much luck. But I think you might be my lucky charm,” he said, then kissed her gently and stood up.
She watched him grab his torn shirt and put it on.
“I’m not so sure about that. Look at what I’ve done to your clothes.”
“It was worth every button and then some,” he leaned to kiss her and things got very hot very fast again. He broke the kiss, sighed and rested his forehead against hers. “I’ve got to go now or I’ll never leave you. See you in two weeks.”
“See you,” she replied in a thin voice.
Keira’s eyes fol
lowed Declan until he left and closed the door. She buried her head under the pillows and tried to sleep but it took her a long while to do that.
On the next day, Declan got up earlier than usual, before six, feeling more energetic than he had in a long time. Putting on his running gear, he went out of his house towards nearby St. Anne’s Park. He loved jogging and the park gave him an excellent opportunity to relax and enjoy another rare beautiful day in Dublin.
He had a lot to sort out and running had always given him a chance for thinking clearer. The earphones blasted classic rock songs inside his head as the early morning cold air beat against his face. He picked up speed when he entered the park and let his thoughts and feelings run wild as well. Thoughts collided inside his head as the trees flew by him. He was falling fast for Keira, which was something very foolish to do. She had her life established in another country, across the ocean. She had a family who supported and encouraged her. She was young, naïve and innocent.
While he was a struggling working-class man with a horrible family history. His personal history had left Declan with invisible, deep scars. Life had made him cynical and distrustful. That was why the strong attraction he felt for her innocence had caught him off-guard. He usually fell for more experienced, hardened women. Women who knew exactly what they should expect from a man like him. Keira was too sweet and wide-eyed.
So, why the heck couldn’t he keep his wits about him, when she was around? He was aware how badly his past relationships had ended, most of the times, which just added to his cynical views on women, relationships and marriage. He didn’t believe Keira could change that in the short run. Besides, he was probably on the rebound from his recent breakup with Jennifer. That should account for those strange feelings!
Checking the watch, Declan found out he had exercised for more than an hour. It was time to go back, so he turned towards the park exit but his inner self decided to make a guest appearance. It was bothering him more and more since he had met Keira.
Jennifer broke up with you over a year ago. That is no excuse.
He ignored the warning and sped up the street. He was having second thoughts about the whole thing. He’d better keep his distance from Keira. There was no future for them together, only more pain for him and bitter memories for her. It wouldn’t be fair for either of them.
He got home, took a quick shower and sat on his sofa. All that reminiscing left him with a bad taste in his mouth. He felt weak for wanting to talk to her again, but he couldn’t avoid it. It was complicated. Regardless of all that had happened between them, she was still his best friend.
It’s screwed-up but I can’t help it. It’s going to be bad for me, I know, he told himself as he got his cell phone from his pocket and dialed her number.
She picked up fast, but sounded sleepy, “Hello?”
“Hey, Jen. It’s me. Can I buy you breakfast?”
“Do you really think we should, Declan?”
“No, but I need my friend right now, Jen, not my ex. Can you be there for me?”
He heard muffled voices. She wasn’t alone. He braced himself for the usual painful bang in his chest but nothing happened.
“Give me an hour. I’ll meet you downtown,” she sighed. “Text me the address.”
Jennifer was totally over him. Not only did she have a new boyfriend, but she didn’t remember their usual place. Declan refused to be hurt by that. He had told her he needed a friend. He had suffered enough over Jen. It was about time he set things straight, for his own peace of mind.
He took the train downtown and was halfway there when he remembered something. He just needed to do one more thing before he met with Jen. He picked his cell phone and scrolled the address book for Keira’s number.
Declan got to the coffee shop a little before Jennifer and chose a table for them and they ordered as soon as she arrived. When the waiter left them alone and an awkward silence fell between them, Jen decided to break it first.
“Long time no see you, Declan. What have you been up to?”
He looked at her for a moment and studied her face. She was as beautiful as always but he didn’t feel anything at all when he looked into her brown eyes. That was good. He smiled and took her hand in his.
“It’s funny, Jen. I thought I’d be sad, or even regretful, when I saw you again. I feel neither. In fact, I don’t feel anything.”
“That’s good, Declan. I don’t want to see you suffer. I like you too much for that,” she replied, smiling, as she gently pulled her hand away. “Now, you said you needed a friend. What’s going on with you?”
The waiter returned with their order and while Declan waited for him to finish serving it, he told himself that since Jen was his oldest friend, she would understand his hesitations better than anyone. He hoped it wouldn’t be too uncomfortable talking about his love life with her. Before they became lovers, Jen and Declan had been friends for a long time, since they were children. She had left Cork and moved to Dublin first and had welcomed him when he had decided to live in the capital. Jennifer had offered a haven to the frightened seventeen-year-old country boy he was then. He was a runaway trying to leave his past behind and hide away from his demons. He had crashed on her couch for almost six months until he found a decent place to live and a job to pay the rent.
During all those years of friendship, Jen had witnessed him at his worst and had never judged or condemned him. She could be tough with him whenever she thought he was wrong and she would tell him so without hesitation. That was why he had thought she would be the perfect girlfriend. That was also why he had been devastated when it hadn’t work out because he valued her friendship too much. Since it had taken them more than a year to have a normal conversation again, he hadn’t been so wrong to fear the consequences of their breakup.
When the waiter left them alone, he asked, “Is it weird, Jen, that now I feel like we have never gone through that painful breakup? Is it only me, or do you feel that way too?”
“I feel it, too. When we broke up, there was much more at stake than our romantic relationship - there was our friendship. Neither wanted to lose that yet neither knew how to keep it.”
“You’re right. I guess we needed time apart to sort it out.”
“Anyway, I love having my best friend back,” she smiled and squeezed his hand. “So, why do you need your old buddy Jen?”
“I met this gorgeous American the other day,” he interrupted his story when Jen rolled her eyes. “Don’t do that. I’m serious!”
“You’re always serious when you meet a beautiful woman. Then, you’re excited, and finally, you get depressed when she takes your heart and tears it to pieces. I’ve seen it so many times, sweetie.”
“This time it’s different. I mean it. It feels different, Jen. But, your assessment is right – I’ve been down this road many times. That’s why I wanted your input.”
“Fair enough. I won’t say another word until your finish telling me your story.”
“Refrain from making faces as I tell it, too.”
“That I can’t promise you,” she winked and he had to laugh.
It felt great having his best friend back. Declan told Jen about how he had met Keira, about the sudden and strong feelings he felt for her; and about his doubts and his fears since any long-distance relationship can become quite complicated.
“She’s leaving town today and will return in two weeks. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t felt this way in a long time.”
After a long pause, when Jennifer played with her cup and didn’t look at him, Declan felt uncomfortable.
“I’m not sure how can I help you with this Keira situation, Declan. It sounds pretty serious to me. I know you’ve just met her; but I don’t remember you talking so enthusiastically about a woman you had just met. Granted, I said you do that often but, the truth is, it seems different this time.”
“I know! I think so, too. But, don’t you think I’m heading for disaster? I mean, we are literally an ocea
n apart.”
“Well, that’s something you’ll have to work on together, when the time comes. It’s too soon to say anything now. You need to know each other better. She’s travelling for the next two weeks, you said? So, why the rush? Why did you want to talk to me today?”
Declan blushed and looked down at his hands on the table, not knowing how to explain himself to Jennifer.
“Hey! What’s the matter?” she put her hand on his arm. “What happened? I can’t believe you’re blushing. You’re so adorable sometimes,” she laughed.
His color got deeper and he made an effort to lift his eyes to hers, “I’m sorry. I’m an ass! I went jogging this morning, wanting to think this whole situation over. Naturally, when I did, I started having second thoughts. You know me.”
She nodded and he continued, “Then, I convinced myself I was still on the rebound from our breakup, that I shouldn’t start a new relationship under these circumstances.”
“Oh, come on, Declan. We broke up more than a year ago. That’s just an excuse, you coward!” she laughed louder, slapping his arm playfully.
“That’s what my conscience told me. And, that’s why I decided it was about time we had a little chat, you and I. I wanted to be certain if I was over you or not.”
When he stopped talking, she just looked at him and raised an eyebrow, “Well, when you got here you said you didn’t feel anything. That’s a good thing, right?”
“Yes, it is. I’m relieved and I’m very happy we had this conversation,” he sighed and winked at her. “I just hope I can talk to Keira as easily as I talk to you.”
“I doubt that. You’ve always had communication issues,” she smiled back.
Although Declan knew she was right, he didn’t want to go into that particular subject, “I noticed you weren’t alone when I called this morning. Is it serious?”
She sighed and a dreamy expression came over her face while she talked about her boyfriend. They had met at work and had been going out for a little over six months.
